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1 - 14 of 14 Comments Last updated Apr 11, 2013

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#1
Apr 11, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: I would like to know what the fascination is with putting plugs in one's earlobes. I have seen some as large as half dollar coins. What does the person do if he regrets having done this to his ears? Can the holes be surgically closed?-- UNPIERCED IN SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR UNPIERCED: I spoke to James Wisniewski of the Body Electric Tattoo piercing studio in Los Angeles. He told me that, as with any type of body modification, the ear plugs are a matter of personal taste.

The process is referred to as "stretching," and James has had his earlobes this way for the past 14 years. He says he is asked about the procedure on a daily basis. He is attracted to it for the aesthetics. The modification is a gradual process, with larger jewelry being inserted as the hole becomes larger.

James recommends consulting a plastic surgeon if someone decides to have the hole closed because new tissue is grown as a result of the earlobe stretching. The extra skin may have to be removed in the same way as after a major weight loss.

DEAR ABBY: I am 17 and I want to start writing a book about things I have been through in my life. My family is all for it, but my friends are against it. I am torn about what I should do. I feel if I write this book it will help kids my age who may have been through some of the same things I have.

Should I go through with it or not because my friends think it's a stupid idea? I know I'm not exactly the smartest person and getting a publisher is difficult, but does that make it a stupid idea to try? What should I do?-- CONFLICTED IN INDIANA

DEAR CONFLICTED: Your reason for wanting to write a book is a valid one and you should proceed with it regardless of what your friends think. It will help you organize your thoughts, and if you show your chapters to your English teacher, you can effectively sharpen your writing skills.

Worrying about a publisher now is putting the cart before the horse. While it might be helpful for other teens to read, I promise you that even if the book isn't published, it will become a treasured time capsule containing the thoughts that were important to you during this formative period of your life. Some people your age start writing in diaries or journals and continue doing it throughout their lives.

DEAR ABBY: What is the correct response when asked at a doctor's office or hospital if you drink? I drink socially, maybe once a month. Should I say yes? If I do, I'm afraid it will imply that I drink more often.

I always end up feeling awkward and like I need to explain myself. I'm pretty proud telling them I don't smoke or do drugs, but the alcohol question always gets me. What do other people who drink on occasion usually say?-- FILLING OUT THE FORMS IN OHIO

DEAR FILLING: In my doctor's office I was asked that question, and my response was, "Yes, occasionally." At that point, the follow-up question was, "How many drinks do you have a week?" Because this particular question makes you uncomfortable, mention to your physician that you indulge in alcohol only about once a month -- which is practically negligible.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#2
Apr 11, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with the man of my dreams for five years. Everything is great between us except for one huge thing -- we are no longer intimate.

I have recently come to the realization that this isn't the first time I have had this problem. I always thought it was an issue with the relationship, but now I suspect it may be linked to molestation I suffered when I was a child. At that time I was told "people who love you don't touch you like that." Logically I know this is different, but my partner tells me I just freeze up when we are together.

I think I need professional help, but I'm embarrassed and don't know where to start. Do I need a therapist? How do I locate a good one in my area?-- REACHING OUT IN CLEVELAND

DEAR REACHING OUT: Please accept my sympathy. Considering your history, what you're experiencing is understandable, and yes, you need to talk to a therapist. The therapy should have started at the time you were molested. To find a "good one," ask your physician to refer you to several so you can find a person you feel comfortable talking with.

Please do not be embarrassed to be frank, because most therapists have heard everything. It isn't their job to judge you, only to help you. None of this was your fault, and your problem is fixable.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, kids and I moved out of state seven years ago, leaving behind our extended families. Now, whenever we plan a vacation in our home state, we encounter the same issues. The first is trying to accommodate everyone's schedule into our own. The second is dividing our time between my family and my husband's.(His family is smaller than mine.)

Is it fair to divide the time in half -- half for his family and half for mine -- even though I have so many more relatives on my list? Or should we divide our time by the number of households we need to see? These issues cause my husband and me to argue, and it makes what is supposed to be a vacation very unpleasant. I already feel like canceling the trip.-- VACATION ISSUES

DEAR VACATION ISSUES: A solution would be to have two large family get-togethers -- one for your family and another for his -- during your visit. Then, if you want to visit with the relatives from the two branches of the families individually, you can "divide and conquer." He can spend as much time as he wishes with his relatives, and you can spend time with yours.

DEAR ABBY: Every year my workplace sponsors a community blood drive. I am invariably asked by co-workers if I am going to donate. Because I am HIV-positive, I answer no. Then the person asks me why.

Abby, it is no one's business. There could be many reasons -- ranging from health to religious to personal. Or a person may simply not want to donate.

I would give if I could. Please ask your readers not to question others about whether they will donate blood. Have you any suggestions about how I should respond?-- ON THE JOB IN IDAHO

DEAR ON THE JOB: A polite deflection would be to make light of it by saying, "I just don't."

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#4
Apr 11, 2013
 

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LW1: What's the fascination with small stud ear rings? What's the fascination with tattoos. What's the fascination with big floppy red hats? Are you really this dumb to not understand that different people have widely differing tastes on what they think looks good?

LW2: Who gives a crap what your friends think? You don't have to tell them. And if you really think you could get this book published, just change the names of all the characters.

LW3: Are you afraid to give more than one word answers? Additionally, you sound more concerned about appearances than giving the doctor the information he needs for medical purposes

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#5
Apr 11, 2013
 

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PEllen wrote:
DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with the man of my dreams for five years. Everything is great between us except for one huge thing -- we are no longer intimate.
I have recently come to the realization that this isn't the first time I have had this problem. I always thought it was an issue with the relationship, but now I suspect it may be linked to molestation I suffered when I was a child. At that time I was told "people who love you don't touch you like that." Logically I know this is different, but my partner tells me I just freeze up when we are together.
I think I need professional help, but I'm embarrassed and don't know where to start. Do I need a therapist? How do I locate a good one in my area?-- REACHING OUT IN CLEVELAND
DEAR REACHING OUT: Please accept my sympathy. Considering your history, what you're experiencing is understandable, and yes, you need to talk to a therapist. The therapy should have started at the time you were molested. To find a "good one," ask your physician to refer you to several so you can find a person you feel comfortable talking with.
Please do not be embarrassed to be frank, because most therapists have heard everything. It isn't their job to judge you, only to help you. None of this was your fault, and your problem is fixable.
DEAR ABBY: My husband, kids and I moved out of state seven years ago, leaving behind our extended families. Now, whenever we plan a vacation in our home state, we encounter the same issues. The first is trying to accommodate everyone's schedule into our own. The second is dividing our time between my family and my husband's.(His family is smaller than mine.)
Is it fair to divide the time in half -- half for his family and half for mine -- even though I have so many more relatives on my list? Or should we divide our time by the number of households we need to see? These issues cause my husband and me to argue, and it makes what is supposed to be a vacation very unpleasant. I already feel like canceling the trip.-- VACATION ISSUES
DEAR VACATION ISSUES: A solution would be to have two large family get-togethers -- one for your family and another for his -- during your visit. Then, if you want to visit with the relatives from the two branches of the families individually, you can "divide and conquer." He can spend as much time as he wishes with his relatives, and you can spend time with yours.
DEAR ABBY: Every year my workplace sponsors a community blood drive. I am invariably asked by co-workers if I am going to donate. Because I am HIV-positive, I answer no. Then the person asks me why.
Abby, it is no one's business. There could be many reasons -- ranging from health to religious to personal. Or a person may simply not want to donate.
I would give if I could. Please ask your readers not to question others about whether they will donate blood. Have you any suggestions about how I should respond?-- ON THE JOB IN IDAHO
DEAR ON THE JOB: A polite deflection would be to make light of it by saying, "I just don't."
We did this column already

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

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#6
Apr 11, 2013
 
The second post is yesterday's column, so my responses apply to today's:

L1: "...the ear plugs are a matter of personal taste."
No sh1t, Sherlock. Abby, you had to ask a professional if this is the case? And LW, you're asking Abby about this?

L2: You're 17. Write all you want, but go to college and study writing before you try to get published.

L3: "What is the correct response when asked at a doctor's office or hospital if you drink?" Um, the truth, you dolt. You either drink more than you want to admit or are severely paranoid. Doctors have heard and seen it all, they're not there to judge you but to give you the best medical care for your situation. They can't do that unless you're honest with them.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#7
Apr 11, 2013
 

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PEllen, wrong day, you gave us an entire rehash.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#8
Apr 11, 2013
 

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1 earplugs are like sagging, totally moronic.

2 keep a diary, nobody cares about your teen drama, and no teen is going to look for a book on teen drama.

3 Just say "well, Im not a lush."

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

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#9
Apr 11, 2013
 

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LW1 - Fascination? Do you see it that often that you felt the need to write to Abby? Check out some of the TV shows on Nat Geo about body modification.

LW2 - Write to express yourself, not to become a commercial success. If success happens, then yay, but at this point in your life it is about practice.

Taylor Swift was in 8th grade when she got her first development deal writing songs. She wrote what she knew and didn't worry about what her friends thought. She also asked her parents to help her find out how the industry worked and she worked HARD. It's not about age, it's about determination.

LW3 - Ugh, this is like taking my Grandmother to the Dr. She doesn't understand that the Dr can see the big picture, but he needs all of the information. Some medications can't be taken with alcohol and the doctor would tell the patient that based on the info given. Also, there may be a correlation between the timing of the social drinking events and symptoms that the patient is coming in to talk about.

Don't try to guess what the Dr wants to hear or diagnose yourself. There is a reason that you are paying the professional.

“Colorful Beyond Words”

Since: May 11

"True Love Never Ends "

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#10
Apr 11, 2013
 

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L1 No fascination for me. They have no appeal what so ever and they just make your ears look goofy.

L2 I'm with camp Jess

L3 Just be honest. He is your doctor for goodness sake.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#11
Apr 11, 2013
 

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L1: I dislike that look, but whatever floats your boat. I'm wondering why the LW cares.

L2: Good lesson right now for the LW that you don't need your friends' approval for the things that you do as long a you know that it's right for you.

L3: As everyone said, the truth. One drink a month? What is it, a wine spritzer?:)

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Cedar Grove, TN

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#12
Apr 11, 2013
 

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1. Among the dumbest of the "popular" body modifications.

2. You need your friends' approval to write something? Maybe you should read a book instead of writing one.

3. Um, say "Yes, about once a month." Now here's your "Stupid" sign.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#13
Apr 11, 2013
 

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LW1: Don't you think that if they can transplant an entire face, they could figure out how to fix a floppy earlobe? Dolt.

LW2: My answer from Amy applies here too; f*ck 'em just to see the look on their face.

LW3: Geez, it's not a multiple choice answer form; you can quailify your yes.
Julie

Chicago, IL

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#14
Apr 11, 2013
 

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LW1: Soooooooooooo don't fn care.

LW2: Abby's intern is telling you--very nicely--that you're an IDIOT.

LW3: Tell the truth, you moron.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

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#15
Apr 11, 2013
 

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LW2 - What exactly have you been through that warrants writing a book? If it's something serious and interesting, why do you care what your friends think? If what you've been through is regular teen drama, nobody wants to read that, so write in your journal, blog, or whatever, but don't bother with a publisher.

LW3 - Is it too boring to repeat the same word for the 12 time? Yes? Well, I'll say it anyway: moron.

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