First Prev
of 3
Next Last

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Feb 14, 2014
DEAR AMY: I'm a gay man estranged from my two sisters. My family has been supportive, but my sisters married men who are not gay-friendly. Both sisters used to be fairly progressive but since marriage they've become echo chambers for their husbands' opinions. Things came to a head during the last presidential election.

I explained that if they wanted to vote for someone who felt I don't deserve rights, I would at least appreciate not having their vote shoved in my face.

One sister did shove it in my face. There was a short, unpleasant exchange over Facebook and text, and I haven't spoken to either sister since.

My aunt has asked me to send a card to the less obnoxious sister, who is upset about the situation. And that's where I'm stuck.

I love my partner and plan to propose to him this summer. I attended both of my sisters' weddings; I won't be inviting them to mine.

Part of me wants to mend things with my more reasonable sister, but I can't get past the fact that she has adopted religious and political views that deny me the right to marry my partner, keep my job and live a life free of violence.

I would never vote for a political candidate who voted against women's rights. I would never date or marry a misogynist.

Am I being completely unreasonable? Should I attempt to contact her? What can I say to her to explain the situation without acrimony?-- With Friends Like This

DEAR FRIENDS: Why isn't your more reasonable and upset sister sending a card to you? Perhaps you had the last word in this nasty exchange and the ball is more or less in your court.

You should do what makes you feel best about yourself and what makes you feel like the person (and brother) you want to be.

Many of us are members of families that are held together by little more than shared experiences (good and bad) and forgiveness. You should at least consider experiencing forgiveness at its most challenging level -- when your forgiving someone does nothing to change the outcome but does everything to change how you feel. You don't announce your forgiveness; you just do it and feel the change within.

DEAR AMY: My mother-in-law is demanding we attend a family reunion at a very expensive resort, requiring a 16-hour drive or costly flights.

For 20 years, I have had to pick up all costs related to my ungrateful in-laws (including my wife's mother, her two brothers and their families).

They are freeloaders. "Mom" is effectively using the guilt card on my wife by calling this her 75th birthday celebration (although her birthday is in a different month).

She has chosen the date of my parents' 50th wedding anniversary for this family reunion. Everyone knows we are planning a party for my parents.

I have bit my tongue for years. I want to discuss this directly with my mother-in-law and tell her that a planned 50th anniversary takes precedence and we will show up for a portion of her trip but will only be paying for my family. What do you think of this approach?-- Fed Up

DEAR FED UP: I'm with you -- but what took you so long? Keep your statement short, neutral, calm and clear; and do not budge for manipulations.

DEAR AMY: Our school had a situation similar to "Disabled and Distressed," that involved the same two parents always parking in our handicap parking spots.

We had asked both of them on many occasions to park in the regular parking spots. Neither did. We finally called our police department and they gave us a simple solution: Take pictures of the vehicles parked in the spots and email the pictures to the officer assigned. One picture showed the full vehicle in the spot with the sign and the other of the license plate.

We did. We received an email saying their tickets had been mailed to them and we haven't had this problem since.-- Happy Teacher

DEAR TEACHER: It is maddening to think that these parents have so little respect, for the law or for you. But your response was perfect. Thank you.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#2 Feb 14, 2014
1 Another example of how obamma has divided this country. Destroying the economy was not enough, now he has families tearing each other apart.
Oh wait! Is that Kumbuya I hear coming from the white house?

2 I think your wife should be the one saying this, but as long as it gets said, great.

3 Peeps who park in the handicap spots is a personal peeve of mine. I think ti shows the character of the person doing it.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#3 Feb 14, 2014
1- Waaahhh! I'm gay and there are those who don't approve of my lifestyle choices! And the Republicans are out to get me! Waaahhh!

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#4 Feb 14, 2014
L1.There is a difference between holding diametrically opposed political views and voting for your candidate as opposed to having those views shoved in someone's face.

I suspect this was an argument over gay marriage and candidates who did not support it.LW is looking for acceptance of his views and is not acknowledging theirs..

I also suspect LW is being the drama queen for a couple of reasons.He is taking the tit for tat position on his upcoming wedding. Under the circumstances as described, there is no reason to believe his sisters would attend a gay wedding.

The civil union/gay marriage laws haven't been around that long. It is a relatively new right and it sounds histrionic to have a family breach caused by that alone.

Admittedly some (decreasing number) people still think gays shouldn't be in certain jobs, but LW did not indicate he worked in the usual fields where that comes up.

It has been a while since anyone openly advocated violence against gays. The instances where it occurs are usually more young hooligans rather than soldiers for a movement.

So yeah, I think LW needs to lighten up, acknowledge that people hold different views and to make an overture to his sister when he can be sincere about it.He also might consider whether his own actions mirror the ones he objects to from his sisters: militantly shoving his views in their and their husband's faces

Two pints: their candidate lost and hey LW what position would you have taken on the ERA when it was women's rights at issue?

L2. Grow a pair. Tell you wife to tell her mother and brothers the answer is No.Tell your wife she needs to be at your parent's 50th anniversary party.

FWIW, maybe it is just my family, but for milestones like the 50th where there was a special celebration, the in laws were invited. Mine didn't attend due to age issues, but they were invited.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#5 Feb 14, 2014
L1: "Both sisters used to be fairly progressive but since marriage they've become echo chambers for their husbands' opinions. Things came to a head during the last presidential election."

Well quit talking politics with them and make tha subject off limits. Now there's a start.

L2: You never HAD to pay for all of them. No one can MAKE you pay for it all. You could have said no many times before. Say it now.

L3: Leave the handicapped spots for the handicapped.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#6 Feb 14, 2014
LW1: Oh, the drama!

Try taking the high road, would ya? Reach out to your one sister, who you know wants to reconcile, and try and patch that relationship up. Invite them to the wedding and let them make the choice not to attend.

And forgodssake, stop talking politics with your family.

LW2: I don't understand this need to get the approval of a complete stranger to do what is right for you.

LW3: OK, this school drop-off thing must be completely different from the one that takes place at my kids' school. We drive up, the kids open the doors and exit the car, maybe mom/dad gets out too to give a kiss, then it's right back in the car and we pull away. One or two minutes max. There's a place for the handicapped bus to pull up that I have never seen occupied by the handicapped bus, so parents do this drop off procedure in that space all the time. I don't think we could NOT do that; there are so many cars that if we didn't, the children would not get to school on time because we'd be backed up down the street for blocks.

These people must actually turn off the car and exit the vehicle for more than two minutes for this to really be a problem. If that is the case, then they deserve the ticket. If they are doing more like what I describe above, then I think the panty-bunching is uncalled for.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Feb 14, 2014
LW1: How about you donít discuss politics so much if you canít do so without getting so upset with others who hold views that differ from yours.

LW2: At the outset, I would have had your wife tell them that it sounds fine, but you arenít paying for anyone else.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#8 Feb 14, 2014
Toj wrote:
Well quit talking politics with them and make tha subject off limits. Now there's a start.
no sht. Such a simple solution. I just don't understand people compelled to make every conversation about politics.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#9 Feb 14, 2014
Heh, You liberals will say anything to make yourself look like the voice of reason.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>no sht. Such a simple solution. I just don't understand people compelled to make every conversation about politics.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#10 Feb 14, 2014
1 How can the handicap bus park there if everybody else is using it?
2 Sure, just dropping the kids off, but what if you have to go inside and talk to the teacher? Or what if your kid forgets their science project, and you have to schlep it in? How long is too long? At what point do you go from dropping your kids off to law breaker?

I can almost see your point, the spot is dedicated to a bus, not cars, and if the bus is not there, then sure, swoop in drop the darlings off and swoop out. As long as you stay with the car, no biggie. But if it was a handicap spot for parents, then I take issue.

I used to get so annoyed at the folks who would park in the handicap spot to drop their videos in the drop box. They would say "I'll only be a minute" as if that excused their actions. I dont believe it does because as soon as you put your car there, the real handicap person right behind you now has to go find another spot.
squishymama wrote:
LW3: OK, this school drop-off thing must be completely different from the one that takes place at my kids' school. We drive up, the kids open the doors and exit the car, maybe mom/dad gets out too to give a kiss, then it's right back in the car and we pull away. One or two minutes max. There's a place for the handicapped bus to pull up that I have never seen occupied by the handicapped bus, so parents do this drop off procedure in that space all the time. I don't think we could NOT do that; there are so many cars that if we didn't, the children would not get to school on time because we'd be backed up down the street for blocks.
These people must actually turn off the car and exit the vehicle for more than two minutes for this to really be a problem. If that is the case, then they deserve the ticket. If they are doing more like what I describe above, then I think the panty-bunching is uncalled for.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#11 Feb 14, 2014
PEllen wrote:
L1.There is a difference between holding diametrically opposed political views and voting for your candidate as opposed to having those views shoved in someone's face.
I suspect this was an argument over gay marriage and candidates who did not support it.LW is looking for acceptance of his views and is not acknowledging theirs..
I also suspect LW is being the drama queen for a couple of reasons.He is taking the tit for tat position on his upcoming wedding. Under the circumstances as described, there is no reason to believe his sisters would attend a gay wedding.
The civil union/gay marriage laws haven't been around that long. It is a relatively new right and it sounds histrionic to have a family breach caused by that alone.
Admittedly some (decreasing number) people still think gays shouldn't be in certain jobs, but LW did not indicate he worked in the usual fields where that comes up.
It has been a while since anyone openly advocated violence against gays. The instances where it occurs are usually more young hooligans rather than soldiers for a movement.
So yeah, I think LW needs to lighten up, acknowledge that people hold different views and to make an overture to his sister when he can be sincere about it.He also might consider whether his own actions mirror the ones he objects to from his sisters: militantly shoving his views in their and their husband's faces
Two pints: their candidate lost and hey LW what position would you have taken on the ERA when it was women's rights at issue?
And their candidate lost, so I wonder what exactly they were shoving in his face. Something tells me it was the LW that was shoving it in their faces, kinda like a neener neener neener kind of thing

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#12 Feb 14, 2014
RACE wrote:
Heh, You liberals will say anything to make yourself look like the voice of reason.
<quoted text>
Liberalism: How dare anyone have a different viewpoint than us!
Blunt Advice

Jersey City, NJ

#13 Feb 14, 2014
RACE wrote:
1 How can the handicap bus park there if everybody else is using it?
2 Sure, just dropping the kids off, but what if you have to go inside and talk to the teacher? Or what if your kid forgets their science project, and you have to schlep it in? How long is too long? At what point do you go from dropping your kids off to law breaker?
I can almost see your point, the spot is dedicated to a bus, not cars, and if the bus is not there, then sure, swoop in drop the darlings off and swoop out. As long as you stay with the car, no biggie. But if it was a handicap spot for parents, then I take issue.
I used to get so annoyed at the folks who would park in the handicap spot to drop their videos in the drop box. They would say "I'll only be a minute" as if that excused their actions. I dont believe it does because as soon as you put your car there, the real handicap person right behind you now has to go find another spot.
<quoted text>
I could be wrong, but I remember the original letter being a nursery school in which there would be no buses involved. All parents walk the kids into the building. And the lw had complained about a few sets of parents who would park there run in and run out as if they had entitlement issues. If there is 1 or 2 handicap spots, they are for the handicapped only. Even if its for a minute, a car full of able bodies don't belong there.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#14 Feb 14, 2014
squishymama wrote:
LW3: OK, this school drop-off thing must be completely different from the one that takes place at my kids' school. We drive up, the kids open the doors and exit the car, maybe mom/dad gets out too to give a kiss, then it's right back in the car and we pull away. One or two minutes max. There's a place for the handicapped bus to pull up that I have never seen occupied by the handicapped bus, so parents do this drop off procedure in that space all the time. I don't think we could NOT do that; there are so many cars that if we didn't, the children would not get to school on time because we'd be backed up down the street for blocks.
These people must actually turn off the car and exit the vehicle for more than two minutes for this to really be a problem. If that is the case, then they deserve the ticket. If they are doing more like what I describe above, then I think the panty-bunching is uncalled for.
But wasn't it a DAYCARE, not a school? The original LW had a newborn, who is certainly not getting out of the car and walking into the building! Of course you have to turn off the car and take the kid in.

I still wonder if she has a plate or placard, especially if her disability isn't readily visible. If not, fercryinoutloud GET one! I've had 2 long bouts of needing crutches due to a broken foot & leg in the past 10 years - you better believe I got the temporary placard (good for 6 months) each time and USED it. And I became pretty militant about anyone unauthorized using or blocking the handicapped spaces. At the supermarket I go to, the cart guys had a bad habit of leaving a line of carts blocking the spaces, so the person had to go around them to get to their car. Well, the first time on crutches I had to be non-weight-bearing - and my issue wasn't stairs or curbs, it was DISTANCE! Going around a long line of carts was very difficult. You better believe I complained and they changed that practice.
Blunt Advice

Jersey City, NJ

#16 Feb 14, 2014
1. Ah if we could pick our relatives. Plan a nice wedding with friends and supporters, and leave your homophobe siblings off the guest list. If you don't get along with your sisters then don't hang out with them.
2. Go to your parents anniversary. Its more important. And to the comment about inviting in laws to your famiy events my family and in laws do that too. Although I do have a particular relative who married someone with a family like the lw who has disregarded all of us in favor of his uppity in laws.
3. Good idea to take pictures and send them to cops. Don't park in those spots unless someone in your car is entitled.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#17 Feb 14, 2014
RACE wrote:
1 How can the handicap bus park there if everybody else is using it?
2 Sure, just dropping the kids off, but what if you have to go inside and talk to the teacher? Or what if your kid forgets their science project, and you have to schlep it in? How long is too long? At what point do you go from dropping your kids off to law breaker?
I can almost see your point, the spot is dedicated to a bus, not cars, and if the bus is not there, then sure, swoop in drop the darlings off and swoop out. As long as you stay with the car, no biggie. But if it was a handicap spot for parents, then I take issue.
I used to get so annoyed at the folks who would park in the handicap spot to drop their videos in the drop box. They would say "I'll only be a minute" as if that excused their actions. I dont believe it does because as soon as you put your car there, the real handicap person right behind you now has to go find another spot.
<quoted text>
I believe the bus arrives long before the crush of parents dropping off at 5 minutes before school starts. And if we did see the bus coming, no one would pull into that space.

There is a parking lot if you have to get out of the car to bring something in or talk to the teacher. I'm talking only about dropping off in this space.

And, just being devil's advocate here, in your scenario, wouldn't the person needing the handicapped space see that the person was just dropping off the video in the bin and wait for the space?

Not that I do this; I need the excersize.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#18 Feb 14, 2014
Sublime1 wrote:
LW1: How about you donít discuss politics so much if you canít do so without getting so upset with others who hold views that differ from yours.
LW2: At the outset, I would have had your wife tell them that it sounds fine, but you arenít paying for anyone else.
I think he should have done that long ago, not just this vacation. However, the problem isn't simply that his in-laws will expect him to pay for the whole thing. It's timed to coincide with his parents' 50th wedding anniversary. Since this is not even the same MONTH as the woman's birthday, it can be seen as an attempt to show her control over her s-i-l. It is an aggressive move against him and his parents. THIS is the important part of why he wrote in. I do agree with the person who said his wife should be the one to tell her mom they won't be attending her party - or paying for it. However, it sounds as though she's even weaker-willed than her husband. He also stated that HE wants to tell his m-i-l that her that he isn't going to fall in with her plans. If she does change the date of the trip, I think he should stick to his guns so to speak and refuse to pay for anyone other than his own family's expenses. Or the m-i-l could simply sit back and see what her family (all her children, not just the lw and his wife) will do to help her celebrate. I don't see why this lw should have to fall in with her plans. She isn't being reasonable. It's time the lw's wife should put him and his family first ahead of her mother. She needs to stiffen her spine a bit in regard to her mother. The lw should have helped her do this a long time ago.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#19 Feb 14, 2014
squishymama wrote:
LW1: Oh, the drama!
Try taking the high road, would ya? Reach out to your one sister, who you know wants to reconcile, and try and patch that relationship up. Invite them to the wedding and let them make the choice not to attend.
And forgodssake, stop talking politics with your family.
LW2: I don't understand this need to get the approval of a complete stranger to do what is right for you.
LW3: OK, this school drop-off thing must be completely different from the one that takes place at my kids' school. We drive up, the kids open the doors and exit the car, maybe mom/dad gets out too to give a kiss, then it's right back in the car and we pull away. One or two minutes max. There's a place for the handicapped bus to pull up that I have never seen occupied by the handicapped bus, so parents do this drop off procedure in that space all the time. I don't think we could NOT do that; there are so many cars that if we didn't, the children would not get to school on time because we'd be backed up down the street for blocks.
These people must actually turn off the car and exit the vehicle for more than two minutes for this to really be a problem. If that is the case, then they deserve the ticket. If they are doing more like what I describe above, then I think the panty-bunching is uncalled for.
Re:#3, IIRC the original letter wasn't a school drop-off, but a day care. Infants and toddlers, not school kids. School drops are different, the kids do just get out and go in on their own when they're in school.
Ohh

Riga, Latvia

#20 Feb 14, 2014
WOW!
pde

Bothell, WA

#21 Feb 14, 2014
NWmoon wrote:
<quoted text>Re:#3, IIRC the original letter wasn't a school drop-off, but a day care. Infants and toddlers, not school kids. School drops are different, the kids do just get out and go in on their own when they're in school.
Right. At our old school which had a kindergarten on site, the 1st graders and up were supposed to use the "kiss-and-go" line unless there was some reason the parent had to go into the school. The kindergartners though, had to be walked in and signed in by their parent.

It was the same at the end of the day: if you were picking up, you were supposed to use the car line, but the kindergartner parents had to go in, get them, sign them out.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker
First Prev
of 3
Next Last

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
My true thoughts about this song. 7 min ThereSheGosWalkin 4
Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 7 min new yawk 1,144,426
Da Mayor Wins...........BIG 12 min SOWhadaYaThink 2
BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 26 min Rogue Scholar 05 180,970
The Wrath of the Saxon 35 min R_Kipling 1
Steve Wilkos : talk show host ? or simple mi... (Feb '08) 37 min calluout 368
Once slow-moving threat, global warming speeds ... (Dec '08) 38 min Earthling-1 48,596
Chicago Dating
Find my Match

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

Chicago News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Chicago

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]

NFL Latest News

Updated 6:07 pm PST

Yahoo! Sports 6:07PM
Lions, Eagles serve up Thanksgiving Day routs
Bleacher Report12:15 AM
Marc Trestman-Jay Cutler Partnership Is Still Failing the Chicago Bears
NBC Sports12:30 AM
Lions begin crucial homestand with win over Bears - NBC Sports
NFL 5:57 AM
Marc Trestman on loss to Lions: 'I'm looking inside'
NBC Sports 7:26 AM
Griffin's departure from starting lineup could be temporary