“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 Jul 10, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old girl who has been in a relationship for a year and a half with "Richard." I love him with everything in me, but he is mentally and physically abusive. He is also addicted to cough medicine.

I knew I should have stopped talking to him before we started dating, but he was such a mess I thought I could help him -- and I did. He's no longer an alcoholic. He went to jail for seven months because of our age difference, but I refused to testify, so he got out. While he was in there I thought he had changed and wouldn't hit me anymore, but he still does.

Anyone in their right mind would get up and leave, but the one time I did, he pretended he didn't care and I attempted suicide. I don't know what to do. I love him, but I know I shouldn't.-- ABUSED TEEN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TEEN: I'm glad you wrote. Richard may no longer be drinking liquor, but cough medicines contain alcohol, which means he's still an alcoholic. His violence toward women will probably never stop unless he is incarcerated for it, and even then there is no guarantee.

Regardless of how much love you give him, you can't fix what's wrong with him or make him love you back because he isn't capable of it.

Because you are so emotionally fragile, you should seek refuge with relatives who can help you heal physically and emotionally from this experience. If that's not possible, then contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Its website is www[dot]the hotline [dot]org, and the toll-free phone number is eight hundred-seven nine nine-seven two three three. Ask for a referral to a women's shelter where you can receive counseling and support.

Help is available for you if you are open to it. Staying where you are is not an option because if you do, this man could kill you.

DEAR ABBY: While riding with my new boss to a sales appointment, he needed some information from his company-issued iPad. He asked me to turn it on and gave me the passcode. When I did, up popped a p*orn site. He almost wrecked the car grabbing the iPad from me.

Not another word was said until we arrived at the appointment and he looked up the item prior to going in. Nothing has been said about this incident since.

Every time I think about my boss having gone to that p*orn site before I touched the iPad, I get sick to my stomach. He makes me sick. Do I resign or stay?-- GROSSED OUT IN OHIO

DEAR GROSSED OUT: If the nausea is affecting your ability to perform your job, you should quit. But before you do, be sure you have another one lined up. And when you interview, as tempting as it may be, refrain from saying anything negative about your boss because to do otherwise will reflect poorly on you.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend wants to open the door for me when I am the one driving. I'm thrilled that he wants to be a gentleman, and I love when he opens the door for me when I am in the passenger seat or in front of any other door, as he always does. I am just not comfortable with it when I'm the one who's driving. It seems awkward to me. Your thoughts?-- AT A LOSS IN COLORADO

DEAR AT A LOSS: Your boyfriend may do this because he wants to please you, or he was raised this way. Personally, I think what he's doing is endearing. However, because it makes you uncomfortable, explain that it "isn't necessary" and you would prefer he not do it when you are the driver.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#4 Jul 10, 2013
L1: I don't have the energy for this today.

L2: What a shocker, dudes look at pron. Go get a job at a convent.

L3: Your boyfriend is trying to be chivalrous, what a douche!
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#5 Jul 10, 2013
LW1 needs safer friends. Has Richard isolated her
from them?

LW2 can either accept that she is not responsible
for her boss' choices that she does not agree with
9and, therefore, just do her job and not judge him)
or she can throw away a source of employment when jobs are not easy to find.

LW3 should just thank him. He sounds all right.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#6 Jul 10, 2013
1 What? Your already 17 and you have not had a child with this man yet? Are you sterile?

2 No pleasing a woman! Maybe you should read LW1 and count your lucky stars

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Jul 10, 2013
LW1: First, you need to move out of his trailer. Then...

LW2: I think you are making a big deal about nothing.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#8 Jul 10, 2013
L2:'Every time I think about my boss having gone to that p*orn site before I touched the iPad, I get sick to my stomach." Oh grow the hell up.

And I disagree with Abby. HOw can complaining about this guy affect LW? It's not like she's had the job long enough to need it as more than a passing reference.(I don't think she should say anything, I just don't think it matters either way as far as her job prospects are concerned.)

L3: I'd find that annoying. I can open my own door, tyvm.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#9 Jul 10, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L2:'Every time I think about my boss having gone to that p*orn site before I touched the iPad, I get sick to my stomach." Oh grow the hell up.
And I disagree with Abby. HOw can complaining about this guy affect LW?
I am inclined to agree with you except that I think it matters what kind of p*orn popped up. On a sliding scale from Playboy Centerfold to, I dunno, Fat Granny's snatches getting action, some would skeeve me out and some would not.

Also, if it was a work-issued computer I will guaranty there are rules against certain usage, p*or being high on the list.

Boss could and probably should get his hand slapped, but LW also needs to learn that there are skeevy things in this world and sometimes you get random exposure.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#10 Jul 10, 2013
LW1: "I love him with everything in me,..."

Clearly this does not include self-esteem.

LW2: I'm with Red; grow the hell up.

LW3: Yeah, I'd get annoyed by that too. You're perfectly capable of driving the car but not to open the door?

Since: May 13

Marina, CA

#11 Jul 10, 2013
LW1: You have an opportunity to learn a great lesson early in life. You can't fix Richard (or anyone else) with love. Make that two great lessons. Your greatest love needs to be self-love, which means that you need to get out now and figure out how to be a whole person on your own. Then you can get into a healthy relationship with someone who is not an abusive addict.

LW2: At my company, this kind of activity could get you fired, but I think LW is overreacting. All she had to do was go to the home page or favorites and find another page real quick. Dudette... this is your new BOSS. I have a new boss, too. When he says "frog" I jump.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#12 Jul 10, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
I am inclined to agree with you except that I think it matters what kind of p*orn popped up. On a sliding scale from Playboy Centerfold to, I dunno, Fat Granny's snatches getting action, some would skeeve me out and some would not.
Also, if it was a work-issued computer I will guaranty there are rules against certain usage, p*or being high on the list.
Boss could and probably should get his hand slapped, but LW also needs to learn that there are skeevy things in this world and sometimes you get random exposure.
She gets sick to her stomach just THINKING about it.

She's a prude who needs to grow up. She doesn't have to watch or like porn, but she does need to grow up about it.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#13 Jul 10, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
She gets sick to her stomach just THINKING about it.
She's a prude who needs to grow up. She doesn't have to watch or like porn, but she does need to grow up about it.
My comment stands. there are somethings that would make me sick to my stomach and in the course of 63+ years I have seen a lot.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#14 Jul 10, 2013
1: Get out.

2: First grow up. Second, I wonder if he did it on purpose. He knew he'd been looking at porn but he asked her to use his iPad to check something...why couldn't she use her own iPad, phone, other tablet, whatever?

3: Yeah this would annoy me too. Not enough to write to an advice columnist, because I'm not crash, but enough to say "cut it out dude."

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#15 Jul 10, 2013
Look, she didn't see a porn movie on the laptop. She saw a porn SITE. It wouldn't be a movie playing (the way ipads work, movies don't just start playing even after you've chosen them -- you have to specifically tell it to play). Even if he had turned it off in the middle of a porn movie, it would not resume playing when he turned the ipad back on.

So LW2 DOES need to get a grip on life. She couldn't have seen much (if it were particularly freaky porn, she likely would have said so -- most likley, she saw some nudity and maybe even stills of sex acts at the most).

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Itasca, IL

#16 Jul 10, 2013
LW3 - it's irritating until he stops doing it, then it will become endearing...

if only the same could be said aobut farting...
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#19 Jul 10, 2013
I hope LW1 gets away from this guy and gets some kidn of help. And I hope she avoids anyone like this ever again in her future. But I have a feeling thing smay go the other direction.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#20 Jul 10, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
...why couldn't she use her own iPad, phone, other tablet, whatever?
Who says she had an ipad of her own? Everyone does not necessarily get issue the same toys. At my last company, there was a handful of people in management that had ipads. Mainly management is who had laptops too.

And if she did have her own, who says it was readily available? Perhaps his was more easily accessible.

Or maybe there was an email or file with information they would need the minute hey got to their destination.

There's a million legitimate reasons that she would use his.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#21 Jul 10, 2013
LW1: Some people just can't be "fixed." And I'm *not* talking about your abusive boyfriend.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#22 Jul 11, 2013
mostly though I would say it was because he's the boss and thats what he said to do.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
Who says she had an ipad of her own? Everyone does not necessarily get issue the same toys. At my last company, there was a handful of people in management that had ipads. Mainly management is who had laptops too.
And if she did have her own, who says it was readily available? Perhaps his was more easily accessible.
Or maybe there was an email or file with information they would need the minute hey got to their destination.
There's a million legitimate reasons that she would use his.

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