“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Jun 22, 2014
Dear Amy: Our adult daughter, married with children, got a tattoo with a scripture reference and a cross on the inside of her wrist.

She sent us a text with pictures explaining her reason for that tattoo and the use of that particular scripture. She was excited about it.

She had previously mentioned getting a tattoo, so we were not surprised. It was her explanation and the placement and content of the tattoo that surprised us, and we were speechless and did not respond. We are all Christians, but we do not like the verse she chose. We also think she should have put it in a more private place.

We do not think she made a wise choice but also know she didn't ask us for approval. And yet we feel she wants our approval.

Do we remain silent? Sooner or later, we think, she will ask us what we think. It can't be undone, so whatever we think is a moot point. What do you suggest we say to her if she does ask us about the tattoo? Are we being petty? Speechless

Dear Speechless: Yes, you are being petty. She is an adult, this is her choice, and she is excitedly telling you about it after the fact. If you don't like it, you can respond, "I wouldn't put that particular text on my wrist, but it's your body, and I hope you are happy with your choice."

Dear Amy: You ran a letter from "Feeling Sad," a woman whose daughter's partner was about to have their child. Sad was upset because the child would not have their surname.

Our son was the sperm donor to a lady who wanted to have a baby in her 40s.

When the child was born, she invited us to be grandparents! It was the best gift we've ever received. Our son had to sign legal papers that he has no rights to this child; however, the two married women who are parents to the child allow our son to be part of her life. We see her every year when we go visit them in San Francisco, they have visited and stayed with us, and it's the best extended family situation you can imagine!

It's not the name, legal rights or anything like that it's the child! We love this little girl with all our hearts, and she loves us. That's the only thing in the world that matters. We've "adopted" other children as grandchildren, and each one is dear and precious to us, and we're so thankful to their parents for sharing them with us.

"Feeling Sad" is missing the whole point. This isn't about her; it's about the gift of a child. I hope she learns to look for the joy in life instead of picking out negatives it will change her life for the better. Feeling Great

Dear Great: Many families don't share DNA or a surname. But sometimes the best family you can be a part of is the one you create for yourself. Well done to all of you.

Dear Amy: "Happy Husband" was facing a unique situation: His wife has a twin and also another sibling who share her birthday. He couldn't figure out how to host a milestone birthday for his wife.

We had a similar issue when planning a 75th birthday party for our mother. We reached out to her twin sister's family when we began planning, asking them if they wanted to help us in planning and throwing a joint family birthday party. They were not interested in helping. So we sent invitations to the families to a party for mom. Her twin and her family were invited guests.

We were blasted by family members for not making it a joint party, and many chose not to attend. In hindsight I would have saved the drama and made it a joint party. It would not have cost more since all the same people were invited. An extra name on the cake ... no additional costs.

My advice to Happy Husband is to stick to tradition and celebrate together. Regrets

Dear Regrets: Your story illustrates that some people never really graduate from cake throwing. Good advice.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#2 Jun 22, 2014
LW1 What did she put on her wrist? Matthew 7:1-3?

All future birthday gifts should be cuff bracelets. She'll get the point. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut.

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#3 Jun 22, 2014
LW1 - You are speechless because you don't like a the biblical verse your daughter chose for her tattoo and because the tattoo is visible? Did she choose a particularly nasty verse from the Old Testament? Like maybe Deuteronomy 7:1-2? Or 1 Samuel 15:3? The New Testament also has some doozies. Did she get 1 Timothy 2:12? Or Romans 1:27? If yes, I can understand your speechlessness, but even then, you don't have a say in what your adult daughter does with her body.

LW2 - Can of worms. I can't understand, though, why the two moms can't hyphenate the kid's last name.

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#4 Jun 22, 2014
PEllen wrote:
LW1 What did she put on her wrist? Matthew 7:1-3?
All future birthday gifts should be cuff bracelets. She'll get the point. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut.
Funny, how you thought of the "do not judge" passage, and I thought of some of the nastiest parts that would make me speechless if a relative of mine tattooed them on his/her body.

Salinas, CA

#5 Jun 22, 2014
LW1: Whatever the scripture is, it must ring true in a big way for your daughter or she would not have had it inked on her wrist. She is excited about it. I say, why rain on her parade just because you're not fond of it? I'd practice a few positive or neutral things to say along the lines of, "That's nice, dear." "I like the font you picked out for the text." "The cross is especially nice." Bite your tongue if you have to, but don't criticize the tattoo. There are people who have worse tattoos; google if you don't believe me.

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