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1 - 14 of 14 Comments Last updated Aug 28, 2013

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

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#1
Aug 28, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine was a victim of domestic violence. When I asked her why she didn't phone 911 for help, her response was, "They play those 911 calls on the radio all the time." She didn't want her prominent husband's career damaged by adverse publicity.

Today, a group of us discussed the issue over breakfast. Many of the women said that because of the popularity of 911 calls being broadcast on the Internet, radio and TV, they'd be hesitant to phone for help when needed, too.

Abby, someone is going to suffer serious harm out of fear that their call for help will be publicized. Do you know what can be done about this new "drama entertainment"? I wouldn't want my terrified call heard by the public either, so I'd take my chances without calling for help. I just hope I don't wake up dead one day as a result.-- PUBLICITY-SHY IN FLORIDA

DEAR PUBLICITY-SHY: Nothing can be done about "drama entertainment" as long as the public has an appetite for it. The reason for the practice of "if it bleeds, it leads" in the media is that it draws viewers and listeners -- which means advertising revenue.

In the case of domestic violence, calling 911 is the lesser of two evils. Out-of-control abusers have been known to maim and kill the ones they "love." Ask yourself if your friend's husband's career was worth risking her life for. It makes more sense to risk a 911 call being broadcast than to have cameras and TV reporters camped on your lawn while the EMTs or the coroner carry your battered, bloody body out on a gurney.

DEAR ABBY: I'm overweight and have a family history of heart disease and diabetes. An injury to my back severely limits my ability to exercise, so diet is an important part of my health plan.

My problem is people constantly try to get me to eat. I explain my situation, but they still urge me to have "just a taste." If I go to a party and shy away from the buffet, the host feels I'm being rude. Recently, my supervisor at work became insulted because I refused some food she brought to a work meeting.

These people wouldn't be upset if an alcoholic refused a drink, so why are they so hostile to me?(Another thing that upsets me is when somebody dies an early death, these same folks say, "He should have taken better care of himself.")-- UNDER ATTACK IN ARIZONA

DEAR UNDER ATTACK: For many people, food has become something other than fuel for the body. It can symbolize love, caring, acceptance -- and when it is refused it can seem like a personal rejection to the person offering it.(Yes, I know it's crazy.)

Your best defense is to remind your hosts, your supervisor, your co-workers and friends that you have a family history of health problems and are on a doctor-advised restricted diet to manage it. Remind these generous souls that socializing is more about the company than the food, and you are grateful that they understand.

DEAR ABBY: You give so much great advice, I'm wondering if there is a basic principle you abide by in order to help guide you when giving advice.-- CURIOUS READER

DEAR CURIOUS: I hadn't really thought about it, but I suppose it's something like this: Show up for work ready to put forth my best effort. Be honest enough to admit that not everyone agrees with me or that I'm sometimes wrong. Tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Don't pull any punches, don't preach and always try to be succinct.

Since: Jan 10

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#2
Aug 28, 2013
 

Judged:

1

L1: They play FUNNY or UNUSUAL 911 calls. Or stpuid ones ("I'm at McDonald's and they won't give me the free coffee they owe me!"). They're not going to play every day run of the mill 911 calls. Your friend isn't ready to leave, so she's making excuses.

"Out-of-control abusers" Poor wording, Abby. They are very much in control. Their actions are chosen.

L2: I suspect that your words in these situations are not helping your cause. I'm curious as to what you say to these people.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#3
Aug 28, 2013
 
Yeah, I can't turn on the tv or radio without being bombarded with 911 recordings.

2- Have you tried "No thanks, I'm on a diet?"

3- You're an idiot, she doesn't give good advice at all

Since: Aug 08

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#4
Aug 28, 2013
 
LW1: I think that is actually a very important consideration from a public policy standpoint. You can bet your bottom dollar, if you are a prominent person in the community or a celebrity or a sports athlete, especially in a big city with a major news presence, thereís a reasonable chance it is going to make its way onto the news. I can see many women being conflicted about calling, possibly ruining their spouses career, which could adversely affect not only their spouse, but their own financial well being, both if they stay or if they divorce and seek alimony and/or child support.

LW2: Tell them you are following a strict diet and leave it at that. If they get upset, oh well. Iíve never had anyone get upset with me when I am following a strict regimen and say I canít have any drinks or certain types of food.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#5
Aug 28, 2013
 
1 IN ALL PUN, THE REASON YOU DONT CALL IS BECAUSE YOU KNOW HE'S RIGHT.

2 I honestly cant believe that after the first time explaining, they still badger you. I think you're hypersensitive and a dramawhore.

3 Dear abby, you give great advice, but I think Dear amy gives better advice. Why cant you be more like Joe Madden in your answers?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#6
Aug 28, 2013
 
LW1: Wow.

LW2: Either you are a terrible communicator or you have the biggest bunch of aholes for friends and co-workers. Clearly state you are under strict doctor's orders about your food intake and leave it at that. If they still take offense, well, that's on them.

LW3: I do not believe for one minute that someone wrote this totally self-serving piece of sh!t letter. I mean, other than Abby's intern of course.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#7
Aug 28, 2013
 

Judged:

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1

1

1. This happens to push a button with me. I understand that the police are a public body and that it is often very necessary to know whether they respond appropriately and timely. I also think that an individual has a right to privacy and that the 911 calls should not be aired unless the person calling ( assuming they are the victim) has given express permission or is no longer able to do so.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#8
Aug 28, 2013
 
Red- a question came up in another forum that is right up your alley. This guy said that 24% of women and 1 1/2% will be raped. The 24% number sounds way too high. The context implies it is 24% of US women.He claims it is a CDC number but I couldn't verify that.

Do you know anything about this?

Since: Jan 10

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#9
Aug 28, 2013
 
PEllen wrote:
Red- a question came up in another forum that is right up your alley. This guy said that 24% of women and 1 1/2% will be raped. The 24% number sounds way too high. The context implies it is 24% of US women.He claims it is a CDC number but I couldn't verify that.
Do you know anything about this?
I'm guessing they are using a "loose" definition of rape -- as in, light coercion is involved (because this is a self-reporting thing, so they could get a woman who didn't tell the guy "no," but she didn't want to do it, and she might think of it as rape in her mind, even though the guy did nothing wrong).

But I didn't believe those figures either, until I asked a group of several female friends if they'd had to deal with *unwanted* sexual advances/touches/groping by a man they weren't involved with. I had heard the statistics for that is one in three women, and I didn't believe it.

100% reported they'd been groped/touched sexually against their will by a man they were not involved with, not interested in, not intimate with.

Now, granted, much of that likely happens in a certain age range -- like... maybe 16 to 22. But it's time we raised our sons better than that.

Since: Jan 10

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#10
Aug 28, 2013
 
From the CDC:

nearly 1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men in the United States have been raped at some time in their lives and nearly 1 in 2 women and 1 in 5 men have experienced other forms of sexual violence victimization in their lifetime (e.g., made to penetrate someone, sexual coercion, unwanted sexual contact and non-contact unwanted sexual experiences)

***

I suspect the number of male rape victims is substantially higher. All of those rapes in the military? The vast majority of the victims are male, not female.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#11
Aug 28, 2013
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
From the CDC:
nearly 1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men in the United States have been raped at some time in their lives and nearly 1 in 2 women and 1 in 5 men have experienced other forms of sexual violence victimization in their lifetime (e.g., made to penetrate someone, sexual coercion, unwanted sexual contact and non-contact unwanted sexual experiences)
***
I suspect the number of male rape victims is substantially higher. All of those rapes in the military? The vast majority of the victims are male, not female.
1 in 5 women being raped at some time in their lives doe not sound plausible. I can agree that 1 of 3 women have been groped., but the rape figure is high, even with a broad definition of the term. I may go digging over the weekend.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#12
Aug 28, 2013
 
L1: First off, I agree with PEllen that 911 tapes should not be released without the permission of the victim. Second thing, though -- I think if it wasn't this fear the woman would have some other fear not to call the cops. I think she is not thinking clearly. If you're beign abused, you could be coerced or under so much stress that clear-thinking isn't there.

L2: I could swear a letter like this was run at some point a long while back.

L3: This clearly was written by someone who wants to see her fake words in print.

Since: Jan 10

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#13
Aug 28, 2013
 
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
1 in 5 women being raped at some time in their lives doe not sound plausible. I can agree that 1 of 3 women have been groped., but the rape figure is high, even with a broad definition of the term. I may go digging over the weekend.
The new reports on abuse and control in teenage relationships leads me to believe that the 1 in 5 number could be true.

However, I am not so militant as to ascribe the word "violence" to all acts of unwanted sexual attention/physical contact, as that link I shared did.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#14
Aug 28, 2013
 
lw1: I call bullshit. when someone's getting an ass beating, primary concern is getting it to stop. I don't believe anyone dials 9-1-.....and then hangs up because the thought of the call being on tv jumps into their head.

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