“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Oct 10, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend off and on for nine years. When I moved to San Francisco, we separated for a year, until he decided he wanted to move here.

He has been miserable and depressed since he came. He misses his family and friends. His salary doesn't go as far here, so he's always short of money. He has also had a string of bad luck -- speeding tickets, car repairs, a stolen bike and a back injury. He says he'll move back east soon if things don't get better, and it's making me anxious. He does nothing to turn around his problems.

How can I help him realize it takes time for a new city to feel like home and lessen my anxiety over his problems?-- ANXIOUS IN THE BAY AREA

DEAR ANXIOUS: Your boyfriend does not appear to be anywhere near as adaptable as you are. You didn't mention how long he has been in California, but if it's longer than six months and he's still homesick, you may have a life-changing decision ahead of you. Would you rather live "in his world than live without him in" ... San Francisco? Even if your heart's in San Francisco, his does not appear to be.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of nearly a year and I recently said "I love you" for the first time. Before he said it (he said it first) he told me he doesn't want to start saying it "all the time" -- wherein lies my dilemma. How often is too often? Do I say it every night before bed or only on special occasions?

Please help because I'm confused, and I'm worrying that I'm hurting him because I haven't said it since that night four days ago. I don't want to smother him or make him feel uncomfortable.-- HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH?

DEAR HOW MUCH: Not everyone is comfortable with verbal declarations of love, and your boyfriend may be one of them. Love is spontaneous, it's a feeling -- not a mathematical formula. Only your boyfriend can tell you how often is too often for him.

However, if you are sharing a bed, you should be able to express yourself fully whenever you climb into it -- and his reaction should be positive (if not reciprocal) when you do.

DEAR ABBY: I am far from flat-chested (I'm a happy B-cup), but you wouldn't call me "well-endowed." My question is, why is it that friends and family members who have larger breasts constantly ask me if I would like some of theirs? I think it's rude and, quite frankly, embarrassing. I would never turn the tables and say, "I'm feeling a little skinny. Could I have some of your fat?" What do I say when asked?-- PERFECTLY FINE IN EVANSTON, WYO.

DEAR PERFECTLY FINE: A few responses come to mind; none that I'd print in a family newspaper. My advice is to keep it simple and nonconfrontational. Smile and say, "No thanks, I'm happy just the way I am!"

P.S. In my opinion, a B-cup is well-endowed.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Oct 10, 2013
1 You are an anchor keeping him in SF, and he is drowning. Let him move back, he sounds whiny anyway.

2 If you have to write to abby about this, you are both too immature to be saying it at all. GTFU.

3 Sounds like a cunzel type of problem.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Brooklyn, NY

#3 Oct 10, 2013
1- He sounds like a whiny @zz crybaby. You would think he'd fit right in in a place like San Francisco

2- If you truly love each other, you should say it whenever.

3- Their not dissing your small breasts, they're saying theirs are too big. Don't be so sensitive.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#4 Oct 10, 2013
Lw1: Let him go. He sounds like a PITA.

LW2: Let him go. He sounds like a PITA.

LW3: You sound like a PITA.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#5 Oct 10, 2013
LW1: If you love someone, set them free.

LW2: I bet his last girlfriend told him that she loved him every time she looked at him. It became meaningless to him, so now he's gone to the other extreme. Just tell him when the time seems right, and that is not every time you get off the phone.

LW3: What edog said.

P.S. Your opinion is wrong, Abby.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#6 Oct 10, 2013
LW1: If he really loved you, he would be happy being close to you again. He also wouldn’t want to leave you over such things. No man who is in love with a woman, just says eh, I have had a string of bad incidents in my personal life and if things don’t go better in my personal life, we are finished.

Let him go. Good riddance

LW2: Your boyfriend needs to grow up. There is nothing wrong with telling someone you love them. Why such a silly childish rule?

LW3: That is rude. I’d give them a snarky response.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#7 Oct 10, 2013
1: It doesn't sound like this romance is going anyplace. My daughter moved several hundred miles changing jobs to be in the city where her boyfriend lives. My husband was worried they'd end up living together without marriage. I figured it might be better in the long run because long distance relationships (at least hers) seem to hide problems because the parties choose not to discuss their problems when they do get together. As it turned out, they broke up and there she is in a strange city thousands of miles from her family and all her friends there had been HIS friends to begin with and she really doesn't like them all that much. She's in a new job with a lot of responsibility and she doesn't really like it all that much - certainly not as much as the job she left. But I think she's still better off because she got rid of the 7+ year leach.

So maybe this lw would simply be better off to let her bf leave so she can be free to find someone more compatible.

2: Really? You need to write in about this? Just tell him you love him whenever you feel like. If he loves you, he won't mind. He just feels uncomfortable saying those words himself; so don't expect him to and don't make him feel guilty if he doesn't. Actions speak louder than words and it's how he treats you that counts.

3: OMG! Really? Just tell them that if they're looking to get rid of "some of theirs," that there's a surgery for that. It's called breast reduction. Perhaps they should try it. If that doesn't shut them up the first time, just repeat as often as needed.

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#8 Oct 10, 2013
L1: On and off for 9 years and you're still asking?

L2: It took almost a year to say it at all? Something seems off.

L3: "No thanks." There. Was that difficult?

Since: Feb 10

Location hidden

#9 Oct 10, 2013
L3: Constantly? Women are constantly asking if you want some of their boob-fat? I don't believe you. As a former J-cup, I can tell you that the ONLY time I ever asked anyone that was when she was being a snarky little byotch about my boobs, so I would ask if leveling us off would make her feel better.

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#10 Oct 10, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
L1: On and off for 9 years and you're still asking?

L2: It took almost a year to say it at all? Something seems off.

L3: "No thanks." There. Was that difficult?
Ding ding ding!
boundary painter

Waco, TX

#11 Oct 10, 2013
JMW wins this triple crown.

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#12 Oct 10, 2013
Woohoo!
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#13 Oct 10, 2013
LW1: San Francisco is a beautiful city, built on 7 picturesque hills with water on 3 sides (ocean and bay.) There's always something to do, music, culture, pro sports, etc. However, there are a few drawbacks to living there. Housing is expensive, parking is hard to find, and driving on those 7 beautiful hills is challenging. Also, the panhandlers there are aggressive. But this isn't about San Francisco, it's about you and Mr. On and Off. If he's determined to be miserable and depressed, there's not much you can do for him. I say set him free.

LW2: Team j_m_w.

LW3: In my opinion, B is average. Or it was before implants became all the rage.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#14 Oct 10, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
LW1: If he really loved you, he would be happy being close to you again. He also wouldn’t want to leave you over such things. No man who is in love with a woman, just says eh, I have had a string of bad incidents in my personal life and if things don’t go better in my personal life, we are finished.
Let him go. Good riddance
Good grief. Are you doing screen plays for Chick Flicks on the side?
People are complex.The guy has a life outside of the LW/GF and in SF the life sucks for him. He might be equally unhappy back east without her but there is no reason he has to slavishly immolate himself on the altar of love. Bleccchh.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#15 Oct 10, 2013
L2. Yes, true love's a many splendored thing....
Maybe try saving the most difficult of words for when you're in a warm embrace.

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