“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 May 9, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who I believe is having an affair. I have no concrete evidence, only a slew of circumstantial evidence such as odd work hours, blocks of mystery time set aside at night in his cellphone's day planner, and evading questions about texts from females.

I have no idea how to approach him, or if I even should. I wouldn't know how to begin the conversation with him because I have no solid proof. I always considered him to be a decent individual, but in the back of my mind now I'm thinking, "He's cheating on his wife!" What makes me uneasy is that it's all based on my hunch. I'm usually pretty good with my hunches, though.

Any words of wisdom would be welcome.-- NICK IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR NICK: What are you doing going through your friend's cellphone day planner and reading his texts? He doesn't have to account to you for his time. For all you know the man may be in a 12-step program or a therapy group. If he wanted you to know what he's doing, he would tell you. Right now the "friendliest" thing you can do is mind your own business.

DEAR ABBY: I have worked at my job almost 10 years. Most of the owners are nice, and the staff is great. I like my job most days.

I had a really bad week recently. I felt like I couldn't do anything right. The week ended with a really angry text from my boss. He was right. I was in the wrong, and I apologized. He sent me another text, still angry, and my whole weekend was ruined by it. I kept thinking how mad he was, and how in a few days, I'd start my week in the doghouse.

I can't figure out how not to take work home with me. Also, I can't help but think he was wrong using a text as a means of discussing the issue. I don't want to make him angrier. How do I confront this issue?-- STILL UPSET IN OREGON

DEAR STILL UPSET: It would have been much better management if your boss had talked with you face to face about what was wrong with your performance. By now, your boss should have cooled off, and I suggest that you have a private chat with him and say that if he has a bone to pick with you, you would prefer to hear it from his lips rather than have it communicated in a text, which was hurtful.

DEAR ABBY: After my best friend of more than 20 years, I'll call him Tim, told me his wife had cheated on him, I confessed that I am in love with him. His response floored me. Tim announced that he has been in love with me all this time and can imagine growing old with only me.

A friend told me I'm committing adultery with Tim because he is now in the process of leaving his cheating wife for me. Am I? We haven't been intimate, nor do we plan to sleep with each other until the divorce is final.

I have loved Tim far longer than she has been in the picture, and I feel this is a chance for happiness that fate has offered us and we are meant to grow old together. Are we wrong to pursue a relationship?-- CONFLICTED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFLICTED: If Tim has been in love with you all these years, he couldn't have had much of a marriage. His wife's infidelity was his "get out of jail" ticket and he took it. I don't know what your "friend's" definition of adultery is, but according to Webster's dictionary, you're not committing it.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 May 9, 2013
1 The intern nailed it. You are creepy.

2 Oh, the drama! After 10 yrs you should be able to talk to your boss.

3 Gay sex, dont care.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 May 9, 2013
L1: butt out. butt out. butt out.

L2: Your boss was wrong to chastize you via text. Talk to him about this and tell him that if he has criticism for you, you want to hear it directly.

L3: No sex? No adultery. By definition. "Adultery (also called philandery, anglicised from Latin adulterium) is sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than their spouse or spouses. Religious and legal interpretations of what constitutes adultery vary widely."
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#4 May 9, 2013
LW1: How in the heck would he know what is in his friend's phone calendar??? There is something very strange going on there!

LW2: Very unprofessional of the boss. Definitely talk to him. That would ruin my weekend, too.

LW3: No, not adultery. And RACE is lying. He LOVES gay sex.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#5 May 9, 2013
Adultery is when a married person has sex with someone other than his/her spouse. Until the divorce is final , its still adultery no matter how you try to spin it.

Whether you condemn something like the Kardashian/ Kanye West set up is something else.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#6 May 9, 2013
I am so gonna spank you next time I see you!
Stina wrote:
LW1: How in the heck would he know what is in his friend's phone calendar??? There is something very strange going on there!
LW2: Very unprofessional of the boss. Definitely talk to him. That would ruin my weekend, too.
LW3: No, not adultery. And RACE is lying. He LOVES gay sex.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#7 May 9, 2013
RACE wrote:
I am so gonna spank you next time I see you!
<quoted text>
I'm not a guy.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#8 May 9, 2013
Ha! I know!
Stina wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm not a guy.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#9 May 9, 2013
LW1: What, are you pissed he's not having an affair with you?

LW2: Well, in the future, don't open texts from your boss late on a Friday.

LW3: I think I'd start by dumping this judgemental friend who clearly doesn't understand the definition of the word they're using.

“boredom made me do it”

Since: Aug 08

ny, ny

#10 May 9, 2013
LW1, the only way you having access to this much information is that you're his wife and writing in as his friend trying not to expose yourself.

I mean - why else are you even ASKING about texts from females and how do you know they're from females?

Unless you are just generally the nosiest busybody whoever lived. And then my imagination is failing at the concept of how you actually maintain friendships...

LW2 - How old are you? If you're over the age of 30, please see a therapist pronto; because you are having anxiety issues way beyond the norm for the circumstances. If you're under the age of 30, calm down. It sucks, yes. But you solve it by going forward. If this is enough to land you out of a job, your work life with this company was always going to be precarious, because the job environment is too unstable.

LW3 - You're not committing adultery, but I would be careful of the rosy stars in your eyes. Apparently, you and Tim have a lot of relationship stuff to work through if you've both been in love with each other all this time and neither one of you has had the gumption to do anything about to the extent that he actually married someone else. That's not to say that you and Tim are doomed to fail, just that it's not all going to be rose petals and the two of you are going to have to figure out how to communicate when the answers might be scary. Before the point where you're so wound up that the dam breaks and you spit it out.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#11 May 9, 2013
squishymama wrote:
judgemental friend who clearly doesn't understand the definition of the word they're using.
edogg?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#12 May 9, 2013
animaniactoo wrote:
how do you know they're from females?.
if the text is from someone in he contact list, it shows the name, not number

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#13 May 9, 2013
LW1: MYOB.

LW2: Quite wallowing. Accept responsibility for your mistake. Learn from it. Move the f on. End of story.

LW3: Nothing wrong with that situation, IMO.

“boredom made me do it”

Since: Aug 08

ny, ny

#14 May 9, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> if the text is from someone in he contact list, it shows the name, not number
Must depend on the phone, mine doesn't do that. Which I appreciate as it means I can remember wt fark somebody's number is if I'm not dialing on my cell.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Itasca, IL

#15 May 9, 2013
LW1 - Nunya...

LW2 - talk to teh boss, tell him that it bugged you all weekend and you would have liked the opportunity to discuss it face to face, adn better acknowledge teh situation. As for it ruining your weekedn, been there, done that, and still writing the book on it. did you do everything you could? did you "fix" whatever you could as soon as you discovered your error? did anyone get hurt or did your error spawn a huge problem? if the answers are yes, yes, no, then, big picture, you're ok. if htis keeps happening, then look into therapy. it does a world of good...

LW3 = just wait until you're stepping over his grundy undies int eh middle of hte night and you realize it's teh idea of this guy that you're into....

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#16 May 9, 2013
L1: If you don't know what to do, you're not that good of a friend. Stay out of it.

L2: Since when do bosses do everything perfect? No he shouldn' have said it in a text. So what. Put your big boy pants on, walk into the boss' office and ask him how you can make it up to him/team/project whatever the heck it was. Then, don't make the stupid mistake again and grow up.

L3: Race -- gay sex? How do you know they're both male? I reread that letter a number of times.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#17 May 9, 2013
Its a 20yr friendship, that is usually a same sex type of friendship. No mention of the LW being divorced or ever in any relationship. Most women (granted not all) would have either been married or in some type of relationship over that time period.
Toj wrote:
L3: Race -- gay sex? How do you know they're both male? I reread that letter a number of times.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#18 May 9, 2013
L3. It is no wonder to me as to why she cheated.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#19 May 9, 2013
RACE wrote:
Its a 20yr friendship, that is usually a same sex type of friendship. No mention of the LW being divorced or ever in any relationship. Most women (granted not all) would have either been married or in some type of relationship over that time period.
<quoted text>
That was my assumption, too. Also, if it were hetero, I would think it would haev come up WAY before now.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#20 May 9, 2013
LW1: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING GOING THRU YOUR FRIEND'S CELLPHONE DAYPLANNER?
Just admit it, Nick: you desperately want to screw your friend.

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