“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#21 Feb 12, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Glad he's an ex.
heh me too! Can't believe I put up with his sh*t for five years. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#22 Feb 12, 2013
If your man had four illegitimate children out there, world you want to know? If he spent two years in a Turkish prison, would you want to know that? Dude obviously has a strong opinion about abortion. There are some things that should be revealed in dating. Thus guy has every right to feel betrayed.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#23 Feb 12, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>
Agreed. There is no lie since it wasn't her obligation to tell him.
Who's obligation was it? Now he found out by accident four years after the fact and is wondering why he wasn't told sooner. Isn't that the exact type of thing couples should avoid?

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#24 Feb 12, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>
Agreed. There is no lie since it wasn't her obligation to tell him. Now that he knows it, it's his right to decide if he can live with it (silently, she has no obligation to explain or justify it) or needs to move on.
My (bad) ex thought he had the right to know every damn thing I ever did in my life and would "pass judgement" ex post facto even though it might have happened 20 years before I ever met him.
Additionally, god help me if I forgot something because then that would be a "lie by omission" because you know, everyone remembers every damn second of their lives and every minute detail of EVERYTHING they ever did. <smdh>
To experience that type of guy is so empowering when you tell him to get lost forever.
Sam I Am

Knoxville, TN

#25 Feb 12, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
If your man had four illegitimate children out there, world you want to know? If he spent two years in a Turkish prison, would you want to know that? Dude obviously has a strong opinion about abortion. There are some things that should be revealed in dating. Thus guy has every right to feel betrayed.
There you go again with your woman-hating. Why are you such a woman-hater?

And there you go again, comparing apples to turds. A woman has an abortion several years ago. A private experience. One that left nothing residual for him to deal with. And you are going to try to compare that to a man with 4 children who are all out there who could contemporaneously affect the man and woman? You are going to try to compare the abortion to someone serving years in prison, which means that they likely caused harm to someone else? Which would affect their employability and would otherwise have ongoing implications?

Maybe your new nickname should be Silly Putty, because that's how solid and entertaining your logic is.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#26 Feb 12, 2013
Sam I Am wrote:
<quoted text>
There you go again with your woman-hating. Why are you such a woman-hater?
Why don't you blow my fking c*ck, you worthless, used up, cuntwhore?

If you think keeping secrets in a relationship is a good thing, that might explain why you can't keep a man.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#27 Feb 12, 2013
Shari23 wrote:
<quoted text>
To experience that type of guy is so empowering when you tell him to get lost forever.
Yay for women empowerment. But if you were *really* smart, you wouldn't get involved with someone like that in the first place....

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#28 Feb 12, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Why don't you blow my fking c*ck, you worthless, used up, cuntwhore?
If you think keeping secrets in a relationship is a good thing, that might explain why you can't keep a man.
Wow. Don't you think this reaction is over the top?

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#29 Feb 12, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Yay for women empowerment. But if you were *really* smart, you wouldn't get involved with someone like that in the first place....
What the heck did you have for breakfast that has you all grumpy?

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#30 Feb 12, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Yay for women empowerment. But if you were *really* smart, you wouldn't get involved with someone like that in the first place....
Seriously. If you're stupid enough to get into a relationship like that, you end up throwing chairs, having problems getting rid of 'em and their kid and stuff like that, right? ;)

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#31 Feb 12, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Wow. Don't you think this reaction is over the top?
Don't you think Sam's was?

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#32 Feb 12, 2013
LW1: I think the guy is entitled to whatever feelings he has.

Most women I know and most men I know, support the right to an abortion, but itís not something they would ever want to do, themselves. In that regard, I feel it does indicate a personís morals and is indicative of compatibility.

For every woman who chooses an abortion, there is a woman who could have chosen an adoption, which between the two choices I find to be the more moral of the two. Iím not even a religious person and I feel this way. Iíve always felt this way, but I still support the right to choice. That doesnít mean I canít judge.

I would not view a woman who has had an abortion as relationship material, myself. Morals are important to me and being me I get to decide what morals are important to me. The fact that even Amy acknowledges that many women are not comfortable sharing that they have had one done, only shows that they know what I just said is true Ö most folks donít view it as positive or desirable.

In terms of the comment,ďmost women feel a sense of relief after an abortion Ö many do not feel that it is something to celebrate and may not be comfortable sharing that they have had one,Ē one could say the same about a guy who frequently visits hookers Ö he feels ďreliefĒ after visiting one, and doesnít feel that it is something to celebrate and may not be comfortable sharing that theyíve done so. Pretty sure most women would want to know if some guy they are dating had a history of that. Pretty sure most women wouldnít buy the line, itís my body Ö I can do what I want and until you have a penis your opinion doesnít count.

Sorry, not buying the double standard womenís movement b.s. that permeates the posters comments today. Yes women have a right to abortions, but potential mates have the right to decide if they want to be with someone who has made that choice.

LW2: He sounds like a doosh. I usually donít want to know what my wife buys, but get to hear about it anyway. Iíve asked her before Ö canít you talk about this with your girlfriends Ö Iím not really into purses and girl clothing or whatever it may be. She doesnít like that Ö so I try to be attentive and show interest Ö itís important to her. I kinda think itís cute that she is that way, but I wonít tell her that.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#33 Feb 12, 2013
Sam I Am wrote:
<quoted text>
There you go again with your woman-hating. Why are you such a woman-hater?
And there you go again, comparing apples to turds. A woman has an abortion several years ago. A private experience. One that left nothing residual for him to deal with. And you are going to try to compare that to a man with 4 children who are all out there who could contemporaneously affect the man and woman? You are going to try to compare the abortion to someone serving years in prison, which means that they likely caused harm to someone else? Which would affect their employability and would otherwise have ongoing implications?
Maybe your new nickname should be Silly Putty, because that's how solid and entertaining your logic is.
What about my hooker example? Let's say he even frequented brothels in Nevada, where it is legal. Would you not care? Would many women not care? Would many women not judge? If you say no to these questions, then let me ask, how many women would be interested in dating a man if on the first date he said he visited brothels regularly? WE really only need to ask that question to know that no isn't the right answer to my questions.

I would never sleep with a hooker. I would never pay for sex. I would never take the increased chance of getting a disease from someone in the sex trade. This I feel indicates certain personality characteristics that I possess that certain women would find preferable over someone who has done otherwise. Is that wrong of them? Do they not have this right to judge? To say that these things, even if done in the past, should not matter at all to a woman is complete hogwash. It does matter ... character matters ... it especially matters when choosing a mate.

An abortion is no different ... most women know it is nothing to be proud of. Most women aren't shouting from the rooftops that they've had an abortion, for good reason.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#34 Feb 12, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>If you think keeping secrets in a relationship is a good thing
There is some truth to this ... if you want to keep a secret that you know would materially affect how your SO feels about you, that is your right, I suppose, but I feel that is wrong. Should the secret come out, it is natural for them to feel betrayed and who are people on here to say they should not feel duped?

On the issue of abortion, most women know an abortion would materially affect how people view them, including SOs, or else they wouldn't be so secretive about them.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#35 Feb 12, 2013
Listen to his Shari, he's had women beat him with chairs, so he knows what he's talking about.
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Yay for women empowerment. But if you were *really* smart, you wouldn't get involved with someone like that in the first place....

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#36 Feb 12, 2013
I see both sides of the "lies by omission" thing.

If there is something in my past, or something about me, and knowing my significant other well enough, I know whether it's something he would want to know (based on things he's said, whatever), I think by keeping that information from him could be seen as a lie.

But if I have no idea that it's anything he'd care about, I likely am not even THINKING about that past deed/experience, like Mimi said: I forgot about it.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#37 Feb 12, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
I would not view a woman who has had an abortion as relationship material, myself. Morals are important to me and being me I get to decide what morals are important to me. The fact that even Amy acknowledges that many women are not comfortable sharing that they have had one done, only shows that they know what I just said is true Ö most folks donít view it as positive or desirable.
In terms of the comment,ďmost women feel a sense of relief after an abortion Ö many do not feel that it is something to celebrate and may not be comfortable sharing that they have had one,Ē one could say the same about a guy who frequently visits hookers Ö he feels ďreliefĒ after visiting one, and doesnít feel that it is something to celebrate and may not be comfortable sharing that theyíve done so. Pretty sure most women would want to know if some guy they are dating had a history of that. Pretty sure most women wouldnít buy the line, itís my body Ö I can do what I want and until you have a penis your opinion doesnít count.
Sorry, not buying the double standard womenís movement b.s. that permeates the posters comments today. Yes women have a right to abortions, but potential mates have the right to decide if they want to be with someone who has made that choice.
LW2: He sounds like a doosh. I usually donít want to know what my wife buys, but get to hear about it anyway. Iíve asked her before Ö canít you talk about this with your girlfriends Ö Iím not really into purses and girl clothing or whatever it may be. She doesnít like that Ö so I try to be attentive and show interest Ö itís important to her. I kinda think itís cute that she is that way, but I wonít tell her that.
YOu know women who've had an abortion: They just haven't told you.

And NO woman gets to say "I would never have an abortion" until they've been faced with that choice themselves. IT's great to be all high and mighty about it, but until it's affecting you directly, you really don't know.
plumloco

United States

#38 Feb 12, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
There is some truth to this ... if you want to keep a secret that you know would materially affect how your SO feels about you, that is your right, I suppose, but I feel that is wrong. Should the secret come out, it is natural for them to feel betrayed and who are people on here to say they should not feel duped?
On the issue of abortion, most women know an abortion would materially affect how people view them, including SOs, or else they wouldn't be so secretive about them.
Maybe that's why women keep abortions a secret -- because men like you would judge them based solely on that one chapter of their past. So if a grown woman had an abortion during her teenage years you you deem her un-dateable based on that? I guess I'd rather find out I'm dating a close-minded prick and be able to leave the relationship, so maybe it's good for women to know that about you. But it is my body and my business. Until men can carry babies STFU about my choice.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#39 Feb 12, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
YOu know women who've had an abortion: They just haven't told you.
And NO woman gets to say "I would never have an abortion" until they've been faced with that choice themselves. IT's great to be all high and mighty about it, but until it's affecting you directly, you really don't know.
Any woman who has had an unplanned pregnancy has been faced with that choice. That's a lot of women.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#40 Feb 12, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
YOu know women who've had an abortion: They just haven't told you.
I also never said I never knew any who have. My college roommate got his gf pregnant and she had one.

My freshman year roommate got his gf pregnant and she kept the baby.(thatís so odd because I donít know of anyone else who got their gf knocked up in college, except for two guys who roomed with me, lol)

I also knew a girl in high school that was pregnant from her long time boyfriend (they had dated all through high school until her junior year). She had just broken up with him, and did not know she was pregnant at the time (at least that I know of)Ö we were at a party and were fooling around on a couch at my buddies place (she was chasing me hard Ö went a little fatal attraction on me Ö I wasnít terribly interested in her even before I found out she was prego). Itís a good thing I didnít nail her, lol. She was already pregnant. She gave it up for adoption. I'm facebook friends with her, and she's had a good life and is really pretty (more pretty than she was in h.s., although she wasn't bad ... just not my type and she chased me too hard), actually.

I have more respect for the latter two. Itís my right to decide which course of action I find more moral and itís my right to exclude anyone from the mating pool for whatever reason I wish to. The LW is no different. If women donít like it, they should go find men who find women who have had abortions to be a hot commodity.

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