Great Chicago nightlife alert! Tavern on LaGrange!

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Club goer

Cicero, IL

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#1
Sep 16, 2012
 

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Fellow club goers, socializers, people who love to meet new people and have a great time, may I have your attention please.

Are you tired of coming out at the end of your night to find your car vandalized? Are you tired of finding windows smashed out, bullet holes in your car doors, items missing from your glove compartment, dents caused by baseball bats, rocks, golf clubs, and such in your car when it is time to return home? And worse, are you tired of being robbed at gunpoint by a scary, demonic-looking person in the black ski mask, dark clothing, wielding a Colt-45 or even a TEC-9 or AK-47? Tired of being brutally gunned down in the parking lot, robbed, and left for dead? Tired of getting caught in the middle of all those drunken gang fights/brawls inside the club, even on the dance floor?

Stop putting your lives and property in grave danger when you go dancing at a club! Instead, come and party at the Tavern on LaGrange, where there are no shootings, no gang fights, no armed robberies, and no vandalism. The Tavern on LaGrange is a wonderful place to be. Every Saturday night from 9 pm to whenever, there is a band that plays there, and it is a different band every week, plus there is also, apparently, a DJ that plays there every Friday night. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday of every week, however, is very quiet; no music playing in the tavern, only people relaxing, watching the television screens, having dinner, and such. Friday and Saturday of every week, however, is when the music rings through the tavern. There is also a dance floor at the Tavern on LaGrange, and it is the Only public-use dance floor that sits in a safe neighborhood! Other dance floors, such as at, for instance, 115 Bourbon Street, Excalibur, the Sound-Bar, the Funky Buddha Lounge, the Transit Nightclub, and such, sit in horrible, dangerous, crime and gang ridden neighborhoods! Literally, they all sit in the hood. And that is a HUGE hood we're talking about, too! We're talking, literally, the entire area bordered by, on the north, Lawrence Avenue, on the west, Austin Boulevard south to Ogden Avenue, and then Cicero Avenue from Ogden south to the Cook/Will county border, the east-west latitude of the Cook/Will county border east to Interstate 65, the longitude of I-65 north to the shores of Lake Michigan, and the shores of Lake Michigan all the way back up to Lawrence Avenue. Everywhere within that entire border is all endless, nonstop ghetto. And sorry to say, but it includes Downtown Chicago and the Chicago Loop. Within the border, whatever has not been covered by street gangs has been covered by the highly dangerous Flash Mobs, which in fact are more dangerous to civilians than the Latin Kings!

So, people, stop getting gunned down in the parking lot on the way to and from your club of choice! And stop heading out to find a vandalized, burglarized, or stolen car! Come and party at the Tavern on LaGrange! I do have to tell everyone of course that the Tavern on LaGrange has a policy that every individual customer must purchase at least $15 in food and drinks, otherwise they ask you to leave. But be warned very seriously!$15 minimum in food and drinks is Nothing compared to $1,500+ in repairs to your car, and even $15,000+ in emergency room/ambulance fees!
CIA King

AOL

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#2
Sep 16, 2012
 

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It has apparently been discovered that there is a new common customer to the Tavern on LaGrange. According to intelligence, he is a white male, roughly 6 feet 2 inches tall, roughly 230-260 pounds, dark brown to almost black hair, wire rim glasses with a pea sized scratch mark on the right lens, no beard and no mustache, and intelligence also reports that he may be autistic and is single. Additionally, it is reported by intelligence that the gentleman tends to be rather shy around women, especially physically attractive women, however, once engaged in a conversation, he tends to be very sociable, literally like jump-starting a lawnmower. Also, according to intelligence, this new customer apparently preferrs slow dancing, although he does have a history of occasional fast dances, and preferrs to slow dance with slim to average build females, although slightly chubby women have been danced with by this gentleman before. He is, however, not known to dance with women who are morbidly obese. It should also be noted that, according to intelligence, the new customer is likely moving out of state shortly and therefore is not currently looking to hook up with anyone at this time.
Club goer

Cicero, IL

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#3
Sep 30, 2012
 

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I also need to mention, for those who like romance and who especially miss their high school prom, Homecoming, Turnabout/Valentine's day dances, and what not, the Tavern on LaGrange has a highly significant recent history of playing slow songs, especially on band nights. And I mean, real slow songs; 80s and 90s style. The kinds of slow songs a lot of you likely had during, for example, your high school prom.
A female patron

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#4
Nov 1, 2012
 

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CIA King wrote:
It has apparently been discovered that there is a new common customer to the Tavern on LaGrange. According to intelligence, he is a white male, roughly 6 feet 2 inches tall, roughly 230-260 pounds, dark brown to almost black hair, wire rim glasses with a pea sized scratch mark on the right lens, no beard and no mustache, and intelligence also reports that he may be autistic and is single. Additionally, it is reported by intelligence that the gentleman tends to be rather shy around women, especially physically attractive women, however, once engaged in a conversation, he tends to be very sociable, literally like jump-starting a lawnmower. Also, according to intelligence, this new customer apparently preferrs slow dancing, although he does have a history of occasional fast dances, and preferrs to slow dance with slim to average build females, although slightly chubby women have been danced with by this gentleman before. He is, however, not known to dance with women who are morbidly obese. It should also be noted that, according to intelligence, the new customer is likely moving out of state shortly and therefore is not currently looking to hook up with anyone at this time.
Phew, did that guy reak and stink! He was there when I was there with my friends one night a while ago, he was sitting in a corner table right on the edge of the dance floor. His glasses were horrible, full of scratches, looked like he extinguishes his smokes on the middle right part of his right lens, and his looks and appearance were both scary and frightening! He also stank like nothing I ever smelled before, like he was playing in a sewer, and I could smell him from over 50 feet away! And his behaviors; flapping his hands, wiping his face, and the way he walked, and such, was absolutely disgusting and creepy! He was so awful and scary looking and stinky that nobody was even on the dance floor at all!

Somebody better ban that creepy bug from there and all of our bars and clubs. Before he causes every one of them to shut down!
Frost Belt man

Cicero, IL

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#5
Nov 1, 2012
 

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Club goer wrote:
I also need to mention, for those who like romance and who especially miss their high school prom, Homecoming, Turnabout/Valentine's day dances, and what not, the Tavern on LaGrange has a highly significant recent history of playing slow songs, especially on band nights. And I mean, real slow songs; 80s and 90s style. The kinds of slow songs a lot of you likely had during, for example, your high school prom.
Club goer, the Chicagoland area, and in fact the entire northern United States of America in general, is NOT a dancing culture. In general, there is NO dancing at all in the entire northern USA. Only drinking. In numerous northern states, especially including but not limited to Illinois, Wisconsin, Michigan, Indiana, Alaska, New York, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Iowa, Nebraska, Wyoming, Colorado, Utah, Maine, Montana, the Dakotas, Idaho, Washington, and such, the only thing that flies at all in any nightclub and really any type of social gathering is booze, and only the booze. Contrary to popular Northern belief, drunkenness does NOT cause more people to dance. In fact, when it comes to a drunken crowd at a club, bar, wedding reception, or whatever the event is, what you will normally get is fights and brawls breaking out between people instead of people going on the dance floor and dancing. Sometimes, drunkenness even results in shootings, stabbings, and yes, even homicides.

If you really are desparate to dance with someone, do yourself a favor and go to the Sunbelt region. States such as especially Nevada, Texas, Florida, the Carolinas, Louisiana, California, and Georgia are more into the dancing culture than any part of the northern USA.
pjwinning

Chicago, IL

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#6
Jan 10, 2014
 

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check out more on chicago nightlife at www.allyoucandrink.com

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