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dahgts

Chicago, IL

#1 Mar 4, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I always knew high blood pressure ran in my family, but I never realized it could cause kidney disease. Then I attended one of the National Kidney Foundation's free kidney health screenings and was shocked to learn that my lab results showed a decline in my kidney function. Because I felt healthy, I hadn't worried about my "borderline" hypertension. Turns out, my kidneys were silently being damaged.

I have since made lifestyle changes to control my blood pressure and prevent further damage. These include daily exercise and cutting back on salt, sweets and fast food.

Kidney disease and its leading causes -- high blood pressure and diabetes -- run in families, and one in three American adults are at risk. Many people don't realize that early detection can make a critical difference, protecting the kidneys and preventing damage.

March is National Kidney Month, and March 14 is World Kidney Day. The National Kidney Foundation is urging Americans to learn their risk factors for kidney disease and to get their kidneys checked with a simple urine and blood test. They will offer more advice on protecting these vital organs and staying healthy. For a schedule of free kidney health screenings across the country, not only during March but throughout the year, visit the National Kidney Foundation website at kidney.org .-- JEFF CARTER, BUFFALO, N.Y.

DEAR JEFF: I'm glad you wrote because I was taken aback to learn that more than 26 million American adults and thousands of children have chronic kidney disease.
Readers, it's important to be checked because millions of people with diabetes, hypertension and other diseases do not realize they're at risk for developing kidney disease. Could this include you or someone you love?

DEAR ABBY: I married into a shopaholic family. My husband and I live in a small home with our two young daughters. My biggest problem is my mother-in-law. She has only two interests: eating and shopping. Good manners dictate that I graciously accept all her gifts, but I am sick to my stomach over the gross excess.

I think she has an addiction. She has stolen from me the joy of buying baby clothes for my children. My Christmas tree is decked with all the ornaments from my husband's youth, and a massive dusty doll collection is coming our way.

Although my husband himself struggles with buying and collecting stuff, he agrees with me that less is better for our family. I would like to keep things simple, but it's impossible with my in-laws.-- OVERLOADED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR OVERLOADED: People make purchases beyond that which is needed for various reasons. Sometimes it's an attempt to buy love. Other times it can be to ease anxiety or depression.

If you don't draw the line and make your wishes clear, your mother-in-law will not stop what she's doing. Explain that you are grateful for her generosity, but your house is full and therefore one or two gifts per child is all you will accept. Period.

Leave some of the Christmas decorations in storage next December so there will be room on your tree for some of your own. And when the doll collection is delivered, if your girls can't use it, consider selling or donating it.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#2 Mar 4, 2013
LW2: Sure. Accept her gifts. Then do what you want with them. How could she steal the joy of buying baby clothes? Her purchases don't preclude you from buying stuff. Don't like the ornaments from his yourth? Give thm to goodwill and buy ones you like. Old dusty doll collection? Get rid of them. Her shopping is not the problem, its you just taking whatever she gives you, without question, and feeling like you are obligated to use them. Additionally, you claim she's a shopaholic, but the examples you give, old dusty stuff, indicates to me she is a pack rat. or is it that she goes out and buys new stuff for herself and givesyou the old crap that you feel obligated to use?

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#3 Mar 4, 2013
LW2: Tell her no thanks.

That was easy. My work is done here.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#4 Mar 4, 2013
1 I read this and could not even fashion a response and wound up leaving the thread.

2 welcome to doormatville, population "You".,

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#5 Mar 4, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
Her purchases don't preclude you from buying stuff.
Yes they can, you freakin brain-doner liberal. If she shows up with 15 onsies, you gonna run to the store and buy another onsie? No, you're not.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#6 Mar 4, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Yes they can, you freakin brain-doner liberal. If she shows up with 15 onsies, you gonna run to the store and buy another onsie? No, you're not.
??? If she finds joy in buying baby clothes, then she can go buy baby clothes. She does not HAVE to use what grandma gave her.*I* would use grandma's stuff cause I get no joy shopping for that stuff, and it would save me money.

I'm a tech guy. If grandma bought me some tech item that failed to meet my standards and it was something I was planning on getting at some point, her gift would not stop me from going out and getting what *I* wanted.

I like darts. My mom once bought me a dart board. She bought me soft tip. I don't play soft tip. I play steel tip. I thanked her. But then I told her I'd never use it. Better for her to get her money back than have it sitting in my closet. You are not obligated to use something because someone gives it to you.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#7 Mar 4, 2013
LW2: "...and a massive dusty doll collection is coming our way."

This is what ebay is for. And when she asks you where the dolls are, you tell her frankly that you asked not to get them, but since she insisted, you had to sell them. You could even offer her the money if you felt that bad about it.

Just make sure the stuff isn't real heirlooms first. You husband should be able to help with that.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#8 Mar 4, 2013
I have one of those electronic dart boards. Not as nice as a real board with slate scoring board etc, but it works ok and has a zillion games.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>??? If she finds joy in buying baby clothes, then she can go buy baby clothes. She does not HAVE to use what grandma gave her.*I* would use grandma's stuff cause I get no joy shopping for that stuff, and it would save me money.
I'm a tech guy. If grandma bought me some tech item that failed to meet my standards and it was something I was planning on getting at some point, her gift would not stop me from going out and getting what *I* wanted.
I like darts. My mom once bought me a dart board. She bought me soft tip. I don't play soft tip. I play steel tip. I thanked her. But then I told her I'd never use it. Better for her to get her money back than have it sitting in my closet. You are not obligated to use something because someone gives it to you.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#9 Mar 4, 2013
L1: PSA

L2: Once again I agree iwth the mutt. I can understand not wanting to buy MORE when grandma is over=purchasing. It doesn't stop her physically, but if you don't want to be wasteful, it does theoretically.

I agree with Squishy, sell all that stuff on ebay and put it in the college fund.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#10 Mar 4, 2013
RACE wrote:
1 I read this and could not even fashion a response and wound up leaving the thread.
2 welcome to doormatville, population "You".,
If your beer consumption and your waistline are as they have been described around here, it might not be a bad idea to pay a little closer attention. Dialysis sucks.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#11 Mar 4, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>If your beer consumption and your waistline are as they have been described around here, it might not be a bad idea to pay a little closer attention. Dialysis sucks.
Oooh, snap!

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#12 Mar 4, 2013
Toj wrote:
L2: Once again I agree iwth the mutt. I can understand not wanting to buy MORE when grandma is over=purchasing. It doesn't stop her physically, but if you don't want to be wasteful, it does theoretically.
Yeah... I can understand both sides of this argument logically, but I think a lot of people would have trouble with the "waste" factor. And Tonka, comparing it to electronics isn't really fair since you're talking about items that vary in function. Onesies do not.
:)

In any case, LW needs to put her foot down before her MIL turns her into a hoarder.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#13 Mar 4, 2013
We nust told my MIL that we were going to have to start donating some of the stuff to Goodwill. It eased her up a little bit.

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Knoxville, TN

#14 Mar 4, 2013
1. Yes, the kidneys are just one of the many parts of the human body that should be tended to.

2. Good grief, what is with the abundance of people who cannot stand up for themselves in the clearest of circumstances?

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#15 Mar 4, 2013
LW2 - Use all the gifts as a shopping experience yourself. Sort through and pick what you like. Then give the rest to Goodwill. They give you a receipt to estimate the value of the donation. Then take it off your income tax. Take what you save in income tax and go shopping for the baby. Win, win, win, win.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#16 Mar 4, 2013
My in-laws give us piles of dollar store junk because "oh, you can just throw it out when it breaks" (which most of it does after about two uses).

Then months later, they ask the kid about some random dollar store junk they gave him way back when, which most likely broke and got tossed way back when. If he doesn't remember it and say something positive about it, they sulk.

I have piles of junk I can't toss or give away because my MIL will sulk. And my husband is unwilling to engage her, so he won't throw it away either and he gets grumpy with me when I do.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#17 Mar 4, 2013
pde wrote:
My in-laws give us piles of dollar store junk because "oh, you can just throw it out when it breaks" (which most of it does after about two uses).
Then months later, they ask the kid about some random dollar store junk they gave him way back when, which most likely broke and got tossed way back when. If he doesn't remember it and say something positive about it, they sulk.
I have piles of junk I can't toss or give away because my MIL will sulk. And my husband is unwilling to engage her, so he won't throw it away either and he gets grumpy with me when I do.
I'm sorry you have to deal with so many grumpy people. What is the worst that could happen if you just let them be grumpy? You be honest with them and reject the junk and they will stay grumpy for the rest of their lives? I doubt it.

I read "Toxic Parents" many years ago and the one thing that stuck with me is that you can't change people's behavior but you can change your own behavior which may cause them to change.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#18 Mar 4, 2013
Shari23 wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm sorry you have to deal with so many grumpy people. What is the worst that could happen if you just let them be grumpy? You be honest with them and reject the junk and they will stay grumpy for the rest of their lives? I doubt it.
Oh, eventually I do toss it. Nowadays they sneak junk into our house. I've talked about the magically multiplying stacks of boxes in our basement around here before ...

There was a chance we were going to have to move cross-country this year (still a chance we may have to move). I told the husband that if we end up needing to move, I get a dumpster first.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#19 Mar 4, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>??? If she finds joy in buying baby clothes, then she can go buy baby clothes. She does not HAVE to use what grandma gave her.*I* would use grandma's stuff cause I get no joy shopping for that stuff, and it would save me money.
I'm a tech guy. If grandma bought me some tech item that failed to meet my standards and it was something I was planning on getting at some point, her gift would not stop me from going out and getting what *I* wanted.
I like darts. My mom once bought me a dart board. She bought me soft tip. I don't play soft tip. I play steel tip. I thanked her. But then I told her I'd never use it. Better for her to get her money back than have it sitting in my closet. You are not obligated to use something because someone gives it to you.
Tech items and darts aren't the same as onesies, are they, you America-hating nazi liberal?!

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#20 Mar 4, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
Yeah... I can understand both sides of this argument logically, but I think a lot of people would have trouble with the "waste" factor.
I understand this too. But the point is, if she feels cheated out of the "joy" of shopping for baby clothes, nothing is stopping her. If not wanting to buy more of some item she got for free is the only thing stopping her, she's probably not losing out on a whole lotta joy.
j_m_w wrote:
And Tonka, comparing it to electronics isn't really fair since you're talking about items that vary in function. Onesies do not.
Vary in function? In what way? In that one has bells and whistles and works better and that another is a piece of crap, yet they both perform the same basic function? She could look at it the same way with onsies. "This one is ugly and only has one clasp in the crotch whereas this one has 4. I don't like it and won't use it, therefore I will go buy ones that I like." I don't see how its any different. Her problem is that she will not assert herself on the issues that are bothering her. She has the mentality that "MIL gave this to me, therefore I have to use it, even if I don't like it." F that.

My mom has given us old Xmas stuff. The stuff we didn't like is up in th attic. My grandmother gave me some decorative put it on the shelf crap that she got overseas. Its in the closet. My MIL(or one of her friends) gave us some little figurines depicting family. Ugly. In a closet.

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