“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Jun 3, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I took care of my grandmother until her death a few years ago, and now my mother is very sick. I feel angry because I'm only 23, and it seems all I have ever done is take care of sick people. I sit at the hospital sometimes just fuming.

Mom was a smoker and now she has cancer. I keep thinking if she hadn't smoked, she wouldn't be in this fix, and neither would I. I always visit her and try to do everything she asks of me, and yet I think I'm starting to hate her. I dread going to the hospital, sitting there and waiting for test results, etc. What kind of daughter has feelings like this?-- WORST DAUGHTER ON EARTH

DEAR DAUGHTER: Please stop beating yourself up. Your feelings are normal. You have a right to be angry that your mother is sick. At 23, you have had an unusual amount of responsibility thrust upon you for someone your age. That her disease has taken over your life is also a reason to be angry.

However, please stop blaming her for her illness. Right now, you need each other. And nonsmokers get cancer, too. The American Cancer Society has support groups where family members can safely share their feelings. Please check them out.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 43 and went back to school the nontraditional way. I will graduate soon with my master of human services degree. I will be the first person in my immediate family to have a degree.

My best friend thinks I'm foolish because I posed for graduation photos and ordered a class ring. She said I am too old to be having graduation pictures and a ring. I was thrilled to have them, but now I'm wondering if I really am being foolish. Am I trying to recapture the "would have/could have/should have" years?-- ED IN LOUISIANA

DEAR ED: Shame on your friend for raining on your parade. With a best friend like this, you should never forget to bring an umbrella.

You're celebrating the fact that as a nontraditional student you have earned your master's degree. That's a laudable accomplishment and deserves to be celebrated in any way you would like. Please accept my sincere congratulations, graduate!

DEAR ABBY: I love to read. I have kept every book I have read, so I probably have close to 600 books in my library, which is actually a small room, overflowing with books and nothing else.

Why do you think I can't let go of them? I lend them out to only a select few, and I always make sure they are returned. I could do lovely things with this room if my books weren't in the way, but I can't seem to part with them.-- BOOKWORM IN NEW YORK

DEAR BOOKWORM: It's probably because your books have become an extension of yourself. Because you would like to do something else with the space they occupy, sort through them and keep only the most precious ones. If there are titles you would like to read again one day, do as many others are doing -- read them on an e-reader.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#2 Jun 3, 2013
1- Quit complaining. I took care of my grandmother and I was 10. You're starting to "hate" your dying mother? How charming.

2- Master of human services?

3- Because you're a hoarder. Seek therapy.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 Jun 3, 2013
L1: Get a smart phone so you can play WOrds with Friends while waiting for test results at the hospital.

P.S. You don't have to do everything your mother asks you, just because she's your mom and she's sick. You do get to set limits and boundaries on what you're willing to do.

L2: I think you need a new best friend.

L3: I would keep only the books I want to read again, and reference books that contain information not easily found online. Get rid of the rest.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#4 Jun 3, 2013
LW3 - Keep your books until you are ready to give them away. Put shelves in other rooms of the house and divide the books up. You will still gain a room without giving up your books.

I have over 2000 books, gathered from my family's libraries and my own reading. They are organized like a library in categories and by author. I can lay my hands on a book on almost any subject. You can do the same thing on the internet but the internet doesn't lend an air of comfort to every room in the house. House guests roam the shelves for something to read before bed. Some library will have to deal with my books when I'm gone.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#5 Jun 3, 2013
Shari23 wrote:
LW3 - Keep your books until you are ready to give them away. Put shelves in other rooms of the house and divide the books up. You will still gain a room without giving up your books.
I have over 2000 books, gathered from my family's libraries and my own reading. They are organized like a library in categories and by author. I can lay my hands on a book on almost any subject. You can do the same thing on the internet but the internet doesn't lend an air of comfort to every room in the house. House guests roam the shelves for something to read before bed. Some library will have to deal with my books when I'm gone.
to each their own. What you call comfort,i call clutter. I don't have any guests looking for books to read before bed. Unless they are gonna take it with them when they leave, why start reading a book? Seems a magazine would be more appropriate
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#6 Jun 3, 2013
LW1 - YOu need some help.. YOu have caregiver burnout. I be there are support groups out there. Look for one and good luck.

LW2 - You need a new friend. The one you have is not one. But what do you do with an MA in human services? Wht is "human services"?

LW3 - YOu are a pack rat. But as long is your house is not like one of those in "Hoarders", you are fine. Dont fret about it too much.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#7 Jun 3, 2013
L1: What Ang said about setting limits. You're burned out and it's not fair for you not to live your own life. Maybe hospice or volunteer groups can help give you some relief?

L2: Your friend is a poopy pants. If you want to celebrate your graduation, do it.

L3: You keep all those books because you think it makes you look smart or well-read or just better than other people in some way. If you're not using them, let them go.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#8 Jun 3, 2013
L1: What Abby said with Red and jmw thrown in.

L2: Some friend!

L3: Ha, yes what edog said -- hoarder! I say that b/c the LW doesn't know why she keeps them.

The LW should get each of her books electronically then donate the paper books to the library, senior facility or hospital (or whatever). Thumb drives and SD cards take up less space.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#9 Jun 3, 2013
LW1: "What kind of daughter has feelings like this?"

ONe that needs some help. I bet there's even some in that same hospital you're waiting in.

And I have to add that this line in Abby's repsonse bothered me: "At 23, you have had an unusual amount of responsibility thrust upon you for someone your age."

Historically speaking, this is not an *unusual* amount of responsiblity. Disproportional maybe, burdensome even, but not unusual. Humans have been dealing with sh!t like this for millennia.

LW2: F*ck 'em.

LW3: I understand keeping lots of books, but this is weird. You must start going through them and weeding out the ones you like the least. Donate them to a hospital or retirement community or park district.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#10 Jun 3, 2013
Books have personalities and a feel that e books lack.Treat them as old friends.There are worse faults.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#11 Jun 3, 2013
1 Team Red and JMW

2 Team Everybody

3 Team Shari with a side of mutt

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#12 Jun 3, 2013
Toj wrote:
The LW should get each of her books electronically then donate the paper books to the library, senior facility or hospital (or whatever).
That seems like a senseless expense. At least wait til you have thw urge to read title before you incur the expense of replacing it. Its an instant download. Not like she'd have the inconvenience of going to the store.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#13 Jun 3, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> That seems like a senseless expense. At least wait til you have thw urge to read title before you incur the expense of replacing it. Its an instant download. Not like she'd have the inconvenience of going to the store.
I agree but she seemed reluctant to let go of any of the books. I was thinking that would be a way to still have them.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#14 Jun 3, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I'm 43 and went back to school the nontraditional way. I will graduate soon with my master of human services degree.

"Master of Human Services" degree? Wow. I have a *really* beautiful bridge in Brooklyn I'd love to sell you!

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#15 Jun 3, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
I agree but she seemed reluctant to let go of any of the books. I was thinking that would be a way to still have them.
But when digital downloads are concerned, the difference between already owning it and buying it now is a matter of seconds.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#16 Jun 3, 2013
PEllen wrote:
Books have personalities and a feel that e books lack.Treat them as old friends.There are worse faults.
That's closer to how I feel about physical music cd's. The difference there is that I can buy a CD and then easily create mp3's whereas you buy a physical book, you're stuck with only 1 medium.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Des Plaines, IL

#17 Jun 3, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> to each their own. What you call comfort,i call clutter. I don't have any guests looking for books to read before bed. Unless they are gonna take it with them when they leave, why start reading a book? Seems a magazine would be more appropriate
i read quickly, so if i'm spending a weekend at a lake cabin, i could go through 2 books easily... hell, i couldn't go to sleep one night in germany and read an entire book before i was drowsy enough at 4 a.m. i do favor lighter reading while on vacation, as i can read for five minutes or five hours...

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