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Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#1 May 1, 2013
Dear Amy: My mother is planning to move to a state far from the one in which we have lived since I was a preteen. She is moving with my younger brother, "Barney." He is 12, and I am 21.

I want to go with them so my brother and I don't grow apart as my other brother and I did.(I have another half-brother who is my age. My father also has a son and daughter with another woman who are both younger than 10, whom I have only met once).

I've lived with Barney since he was born, minus a few times I've lived in different areas of the state, so we've grown up together and are close. It breaks my heart knowing he is going to be so far away.

I know I can't go with them because I have an apartment and am finally starting my college education. Do you have any creative ideas aside from cellphones, snail mail, email, etc., that we can use to stay in touch and not grow apart?

I still want to be his "big sis," not the distant sister who lives in another state. He has other big sisters from his dad's previous marriage who are at least a decade older than I am, but he doesn't really know them.

Big Sis

Dear Sis: Your thoughtful concern about your brother's welfare touches me. I wish there were an alternative to your mother's choice to move your brother to a new place. He is at a tender age, and this sort of transition can be tough on an adolescent boy.

You will have to offer him ongoing assurances that your relationship will always be a soft and tender refuge for him. Maintain a positive attitude about this change but listen and commiserate during those times when he feels alone.

Maintain a presence with him on Facebook, where you can post photos back and forth and comment on each other's doings. See if he is willing to Skype with you regularly. Ask him to describe his new room, his school and friends. If you can, engage him in an online game like "Words With Friends" you two can play together every day. And send him things through the mail; there is nothing like a care package to keep a connection strong and to remind your brother that he is loved and appreciated.

Also plan a visit now that you can both look forward to.

Dear Amy: I am an 18-year-old high school girl about to graduate in less than a month.

My problem is that my sophomore friends are having issues with a girl in their group.

This particular girl can be mean and insensitive to her friends and to me. These younger friends want me to try to talk to this girl to help her realize that she's being mean and hurtful.

The problem is that this girl is sensitive herself and blows things out of proportion a lot. How should I confront her, and what should I say on this subject without her freaking out?

Senior Friend

Dear Friend: You are in a great position to try to influence this younger girl, but beware you should mainly speak on your own behalf. Acting like the designated "fixer" for the group could backfire.

When you see this person being mean to other people, you should react honestly by saying, "I don't like it when you are mean and disrespectful to me and to our friends. We deserve to be treated better. You have the capacity to be a good friend, and I wish you would work harder to treat people better. If you don't, I'm going to keep my distance."

Dear Amy: The letter from "Frustrated Mother-in-Law" touched me. She described her (otherwise "wonderful") introverted daughter-in-law as having a "limited personality."

Thank you, Amy, for standing up for introverts. You said, "People who are quiet offer a wonderful balance against the noise of the rest of the world." That describes me to a T, and I am grateful.

Another Introvert

Dear Introvert: Many, many quiet people have responded to echo your statement. Thank you, all.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#2 May 1, 2013
LW1: I got too distracted by this gal's family tree!!!

LW2: Find friends your own age.

LW3: Sigh

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#3 May 1, 2013
L1: Use Skype.

L2: Don't say what Amy said. When the girl says something mean tell her flat out "That was mean." Don't get into it about friends and all that. Just call her out flatly.

L3: I'm an introvert so I get how some people view introverts. That said, there are introverts who do have a limited personality just as there are introverts with a wonderful personality.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#4 May 1, 2013
L1: You mentioned ways to stay in touch. What else are you looking for? Especially from Amy?

L2: I stopped caring after the second or third sentence.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#5 May 1, 2013
L1 given the complicated family tree, the fact that LW has only met her half sibs once, I don't blam her for wanting to hold on to some family stability. The mom does not seem to be giving it.

This is not a non sequitur: the plot of The Scarlet Pimpernel turns on this issue

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#6 May 1, 2013
1- I'm wondering why your older brother moved away from you, your mother is moving away from you, and your father and half siblings have very little to do with you....

2- Tell your sophomore friends to deal with their own problems.

3- Dam anti-social people-haters.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#7 May 1, 2013
1 I gave up somewhere around the half brother...

2 Girl stuff, don't care

3 A real introvert would not have bothered to write in on a rehash
liner

Brooklyn, NY

#8 May 1, 2013
L1: I gave up trying to keep track of all this. Too complicated.
L2: Not your business. Concentrate on graduating and your life to come.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#9 May 1, 2013
L1: Too much, Amy. Daily contact? No. That's too much of an expectation. And this LW? Really? You're not much of a problem solver, are you?

L2: Again, overkill from Amy. Just deal with each individual situation the way friends do. "Wow, that was harsh." "Someone's having a bad day." "No, I'm not going to trash Bridget with you."

L3: Anyone who doesn't understand introverts by now has been living under a rock.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#10 May 1, 2013
Toj wrote:
L2: Don't say what Amy said. When the girl says something mean tell her flat out "That was mean." Don't get into it about friends and all that. Just call her out flatly.
L3: I'm an introvert so I get how some people view introverts. That said, there are introverts who do have a limited personality just as there are introverts with a wonderful personality.
l2: ITA.

L3: Just as there are extroverts who have fun personalities and extroverts who have overbearing, annoying personalities.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#11 May 1, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
l2: ITA.
L3: Just as there are extroverts who have fun personalities and extroverts who have overbearing, annoying personalities.
Exactly. We should be writing these columns. It's much more fun to trash someone else's answers, though!

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#12 May 1, 2013
LW1: Buy him a plant or a guinea pig and name after you? Exchange vials of your blood and wear them around your neck?

Have a regularly scheduled skype session and don't blow him off because you have to go to a frat party.

LW2: Um, no kid is going to spout that kind of drivel Amy. Follow Red's advice instead.

LW3: This rehash is so lame I can't even come up with a witty retort.

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

United States

#13 May 1, 2013
1. It sounds like someone needs to get a life. So ideally you would like to follow your brother around the world for the rest of your life? People move, they have lives, they maintain contact with those important to them. Get over it.

2. She's a bitch AND sensitive? Bad combo for her, and she doesn't sound like much of a friend. Tell your friends to fight their own battles. It's time for them to grow up and learn how to confront situtations themselves.

3. Limited personality? That sounds like a disability.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Itasca, IL

#14 May 1, 2013
LW1 - Text, facebook, try to skype with him. do kids still email? if so, send him a note every now and again. keep up with his favorites - sports, schools, bugs, cars, whatever.

LW2 - Team Red, but high school stuff that i couldn't figure out hten, much less care about now.

LW3 - I still maintain that htere's a huge "but...." when a letter starts out extolling the virtues of someone else, and half the time the issue is iwht teh LW. This was no exception, and we're getting more and more rehash proof of that. The LW is the one who needs "fixing", not hte introvert DIL.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#15 May 1, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L3: Anyone who doesn't understand introverts by now has been living under a rock.
??? Other than the occasional mention here, I don't see introvert/extrovert being talked about anywhere else. Why would you think this is such a hot topic that everyone would be well versed in the intricacies of what is an introvert?

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#16 May 1, 2013
Because its like the nba guy saying he's gay. Its the buzz word of the day. Nobody really gives a crap if some gangely spider looking dude is gay, and nobody cares if he is an introvert. But since its all about what the hot buttons are, he wins.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>??? Other than the occasional mention here, I don't see introvert/extrovert being talked about anywhere else. Why would you think this is such a hot topic that everyone would be well versed in the intricacies of what is an introvert?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#17 May 1, 2013
RACE wrote:
Because its like the nba guy saying he's gay. Its the buzz word of the day. Nobody really gives a crap if some gangely spider looking dude is gay, and nobody cares if he is an introvert. But since its all about what the hot buttons are, he wins.
<quoted text>
How many have you had tonight? Cause that was pointless rambling. Is there some famous person turning "introvert" into a hot button? I know Jason Collins came out as gay, but I don't see how that ties in to introverts.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#18 May 2, 2013
You said you only read about introverts here. That may be true for you, but I have read many articles where the person describes themself as intro/extro. And I notice it more than I used to.
just like peeps talking about their sexual orientation.

TMI
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
How many have you had tonight? Cause that was pointless rambling. Is there some famous person turning "introvert" into a hot button? I know Jason Collins came out as gay, but I don't see how that ties in to introverts.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#19 May 2, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>??? Other than the occasional mention here, I don't see introvert/extrovert being talked about anywhere else. Why would you think this is such a hot topic that everyone would be well versed in the intricacies of what is an introvert?
I should have clarified. ;)

"Women who read" most likely know about extroverts v. introverts. It's been in magazines, online, etc.

Also, "Men who read about relationships" would know.

I understand if you don't fall into either of those two categories.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#20 May 2, 2013
Ummm, I dont fall into either one of those.
I am going to have to start tracking when/where I read this stuff.
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
I should have clarified. ;)
"Women who read" most likely know about extroverts v. introverts. It's been in magazines, online, etc.
Also, "Men who read about relationships" would know.
I understand if you don't fall into either of those two categories.

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