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Since: Jan 10

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#41 Jul 23, 2013
Sure, but if you're going to let your sister live with you, then at least drop the snide comments and resentment. Either do it in a way that you can all get alone and have some respect for one another, or tell her to move out. The way R is doing it now, the sibling relationship could be permanently damaged.

Since: Aug 08

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#42 Jul 23, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Sure, but if you're going to let your sister live with you, then at least drop the snide comments and resentment. Either do it in a way that you can all get alone and have some respect for one another, or tell her to move out. The way R is doing it now, the sibling relationship could be permanently damaged.
I agree with what you say. Sounds to me like R is a little bit envious that she didn't have the opportunities H has when she went to college. Envy really has no place in a sibling relationship, IMO. You should be happy for each other.

Since: Aug 08

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#43 Jul 23, 2013
I should say has no place in an ADULT sibling relationship. Sibling rivalry is not uncommon for children, but you should grow out of it.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

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#44 Jul 23, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
I should say has no place in an ADULT sibling relationship. Sibling rivalry is not uncommon for children, but you should grow out of it.
"Should" being the keyword. Unfortunately, some people do not.

Since: Aug 08

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#45 Jul 23, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
"Should" being the keyword. Unfortunately, some people do not.
I know. That's the only thing I'll fault R for.

I don't fault her for not being terribly enthused with her sister living with her and her husband. Neither my wife nor me would be happy with such an arrangement.

I think H should just be happy she was even allowed to live with R considering H could very easily do what R did and live with her parents and go to a school that is close to where her parents live if she chose to do so.

AS sees things the complete opposite way as I do. She thinks R should feel sorry for H and help support her, in part since R was so lucky (when really it wasn't lucky, but a choice she made and the same one H could make) to live at home while she went to school. I find that especially odd since most folks would see going to college near home and living at home as being less preferable than going away to college. So I don't understand why R should feel sorry for H, at all. If H feels she has it so bad living with R, she can go live with her folks and go to school by them, like R did.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#46 Jul 23, 2013
Sub & Red, you got it... hubby said recently "the jealousy is strong with those two..." i amended it to "the jealousy is strong with R..." She's always kept score, down to who sat in the front seat the last time in the car...

They really are two different personalities. R says she's polite & plays nice to keep teh peace, but H has ALWAYS been outspoken and independent. both of them have their traits almost to a fault.

H is looking into grad school, and from what she's said, it may wind up being way out of state... that kid can't wait to get out on her own.

never thoguth i'd be teh sane, rational, stable one in the family! but then, my family is just kooky-disfunctional, not like the ILs! There are days that we wished we lived more than an hour away...

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#47 Jul 23, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
I know. That's the only thing I'll fault R for.
I don't fault her for not being terribly enthused with her sister living with her and her husband. Neither my wife nor me would be happy with such an arrangement.
I think H should just be happy she was even allowed to live with R considering H could very easily do what R did and live with her parents and go to a school that is close to where her parents live if she chose to do so.
AS sees things the complete opposite way as I do. She thinks R should feel sorry for H and help support her, in part since R was so lucky (when really it wasn't lucky, but a choice she made and the same one H could make) to live at home while she went to school. I find that especially odd since most folks would see going to college near home and living at home as being less preferable than going away to college. So I don't understand why R should feel sorry for H, at all. If H feels she has it so bad living with R, she can go live with her folks and go to school by them, like R did.
Actually, Sub, there is no "live with her folks" option right now... the marriage has fallen apart, so both parents are living in small apartments separate from each ohter. Their father is becoming a bigger & bigger jerk (flaunts his new GF when the girls have repeatedly told him they don't want to meet her yet, then gets nasty about it), and my SIL is scraping by to scratch out an existence.

Not that R needs to feel sorry for H, but R could be less unpleasant. R is acting like she's saving the universe by "allowing" H to stay with her, but then is charging rent, putting all sorts of stipulations on H (you have to be up by this time, you have to make your bed before you shower, you can't use more than 6 squares of TP, you have to put hte blinds a certain way, etc). H is trying. She does work, part time as a cater-waiter and i think part time for some sports club as a trainer. she's not hanging on the couch all summer keeping it from floating off into space.

It's all about teh attitudes, really. It's a case of "do or do not, there is not try to do and put on airs wehn you do". This is a way different family now than they were when i married in... not that people stay the same over 10-15 years, but they used to be more supportive of each other...

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#48 Jul 23, 2013
Aisle Sitter wrote:
<quoted text>
Actually, Sub, there is no "live with her folks" option right now... the marriage has fallen apart, so both parents are living in small apartments separate from each ohter. Their father is becoming a bigger & bigger jerk (flaunts his new GF when the girls have repeatedly told him they don't want to meet her yet, then gets nasty about it), and my SIL is scraping by to scratch out an existence.
Not that R needs to feel sorry for H, but R could be less unpleasant. R is acting like she's saving the universe by "allowing" H to stay with her, but then is charging rent, putting all sorts of stipulations on H (you have to be up by this time, you have to make your bed before you shower, you can't use more than 6 squares of TP, you have to put hte blinds a certain way, etc). H is trying. She does work, part time as a cater-waiter and i think part time for some sports club as a trainer. she's not hanging on the couch all summer keeping it from floating off into space.
It's all about teh attitudes, really. It's a case of "do or do not, there is not try to do and put on airs wehn you do". This is a way different family now than they were when i married in... not that people stay the same over 10-15 years, but they used to be more supportive of each other...
Ugh. Yeah, I wondered how unpleasant R is making it. She's ensuring that H will want little to nothing to do with her once she's done needing R.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#49 Jul 23, 2013
Aisle Sitter wrote:
<quoted text>
Actually, Sub, there is no "live with her folks" option right now... the marriage has fallen apart, so both parents are living in small apartments separate from each ohter. Their father is becoming a bigger & bigger jerk (flaunts his new GF when the girls have repeatedly told him they don't want to meet her yet, then gets nasty about it), and my SIL is scraping by to scratch out an existence.
Not that R needs to feel sorry for H, but R could be less unpleasant. R is acting like she's saving the universe by "allowing" H to stay with her, but then is charging rent, putting all sorts of stipulations on H (you have to be up by this time, you have to make your bed before you shower, you can't use more than 6 squares of TP, you have to put hte blinds a certain way, etc). H is trying. She does work, part time as a cater-waiter and i think part time for some sports club as a trainer. she's not hanging on the couch all summer keeping it from floating off into space.
It's all about teh attitudes, really. It's a case of "do or do not, there is not try to do and put on airs wehn you do". This is a way different family now than they were when i married in... not that people stay the same over 10-15 years, but they used to be more supportive of each other...
In view of this extra info, R sounds like a complete b1tch.

When I lived with my sister in her condo in Chicago, her only rule was no smoking pot and I was still like whatever, sis. I was discrete about it (put bounce drier sheets in a toilet paper roll and exhale through that out a window that was barely cracked open ... makes it smell downy fresh), but she would complain to my dad sometimes and yell at me.

My dad was paying her rent for me, but that's because she normally had a roommate to help cover her costs.

Other than that (and even that wasn't a huge deal ... more of an annoyance to her), we got a long great. She'd make me food all the time and we'd go out together sometimes. I have fond memories and she does too.

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