“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Jul 10, 2014
DEAR ABBY: My best friend is getting married and asked me to be her maid of honor. She has also asked me to buy an expensive dress, host a lavish shower I'm afraid I can't afford and plan a destination bachelorette party. The cost will be exorbitant.

On top of this, she has asked me to be her "cover" when she lies to her fiance about where she is. She has admitted to me that she has cheated on him, and I think she's doing it again.

I know it's not my place to question her or tell her what to do, but this has made me hesitant to commit financially to her wedding. Should I talk to her about this? I don't want to lose my best friend, but I also don't want to put my money on the line for someone who isn't being honest.-- DRAGGING MY HEELS IN NEW YORK

DEAR DRAGGING YOUR HEELS: Do not question your friend or tell her what to do, but do convey to her that you can't function as her maid of honor because you can't afford the cost. And the next time she asks you to cover for her, tell her you no longer want to be a party to deceiving her fiance because you're having trouble looking him in the eye.

Your best friend sounds like a piece of work, and if it costs you the friendship you won't have lost much. This girl lacks both judgment and character, and you'll be better off to distance yourself. Both of you should mingle with people with whom you have more in common.

DEAR ABBY: I don't know where to start so I will just plunge in: I have five kids by five different men. I am not a terrible person. I have a job, take care of my babies and am working toward a degree. But sometimes I feel like the ultimate loser. I get judged all the time. I'm so ashamed of the choices I have made in life. Will it ever be better?-- 5 KIDS, 5 DADS IN OREGON

DEAR 5-5: You will see an improvement as soon as you stop beating yourself up over the choices you have made. No one can change the past. All we can do is learn from our mistakes and make a conscious decision not to repeat them. And as to those who judge you, they should judge not, lest they, too, be judged.

DEAR ABBY: My husband thinks we should snuggle up and sleep together even when we're sick. I think it's common courtesy to keep a respectable distance from loved ones and to clean up after yourself when you have a "bug" that is communicable. I need to stay as healthy as possible to keep up with the needs of our child, the housework and my job while my husband is sick. Your thoughts?-- MARRIED TO A MAN-CHILD WHO NEEDS A MOMMY

DEAR MARRIED TO A MAN-CHILD: Your husband may think I'm heartless, but I agree with you. While he may "need" you emotionally, his rational self should accept that with a child in the house and the demands of your job, you need to stay well and functional.

His tissues, meds and a pitcher of water should be by the bed. There should be a wastebasket for his tissues. He should wash his hands before touching anything, and you should use hand sanitizer liberally. You should sleep elsewhere. The "cuddling" can wait until he's no longer contagious.

P.S. And don't forget to sympathize.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#2 Jul 10, 2014

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 Jul 10, 2014
1. Decline the maid of honor offer. Under teh circumstances I wouldn't cite the cost, I'd just decline. It can be hard to be candid but at least in this circumstance silence may be best.
Be prepared for her to be in a snit and not invite you to the wedding. Consider the cost of the gift saved. Or, you can be "modern" and send the wedding gift to the groom instead of the bride. Think of it as a consolation prize..
With any luck, Bridezilla's victim ,aka the fiance, will get wind of her character and call off the engagement.
2. Actions have consequences. You are bearing the consequences of your actions. Own up to it.
Five kids? Learn about birth control- have your tubes tied so you don't "forget".
When you make new friends, don't announce the laundry list of men you have schtupped.
Even irresponsible, morally deficient people can redeem themselves.
OTOH, there is an article in the Chicago papers today about a 25 year old woman who was shot and killed in the middle of the major Dan Ryan expressway. She has 5 kids, was pregnant with her 6th, no father/fathers mentioned in the article, and was out driving around at 4 a.m. on the day she was supposed to start a new job.
Don't be that woman.
3. Didn't you know this about him before you got pregnant?

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#4 Jul 10, 2014
PEllen wrote:
1. Decline the maid of honor offer. Under teh circumstances I wouldn't cite the cost, I'd just decline. It can be hard to be candid but at least in this circumstance silence may be best.
Be prepared for her to be in a snit and not invite you to the wedding. Consider the cost of the gift saved. Or, you can be "modern" and send the wedding gift to the groom instead of the bride. Think of it as a consolation prize..
With any luck, Bridezilla's victim ,aka the fiance, will get wind of her character and call off the engagement.
2. Actions have consequences. You are bearing the consequences of your actions. Own up to it.
Five kids? Learn about birth control- have your tubes tied so you don't "forget".
When you make new friends, don't announce the laundry list of men you have schtupped.
Even irresponsible, morally deficient people can redeem themselves.
OTOH, there is an article in the Chicago papers today about a 25 year old woman who was shot and killed in the middle of the major Dan Ryan expressway. She has 5 kids, was pregnant with her 6th, no father/fathers mentioned in the article, and was out driving around at 4 a.m. on the day she was supposed to start a new job.
Don't be that woman.
3. Didn't you know this about him before you got pregnant?
How many "Oops-es" does it take to learn???
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#5 Jul 10, 2014
LW1: You know what you need to do. Team Abby. When I was in my early 20's, I met a woman like your friend at work. She'd been engaged several times and finally made it to the altar with another co-worker. I don't know if she'd been cheating on him, but I do know that she was a pot head party girl and he was a straight-as-an-arrow health and fitness nut.(Not that there is anything "nuts" about health and fitness.) She was hiding her party side from him and he was crazy for her and blind to her faults. They had a big, beautiful Catholic wedding; two of my friends and I did the music/singing along with the church organist. The marriage lasted 9 months. I predict the same outcome for LW's friend.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#6 Jul 10, 2014
LW2: I'm not going to pile on. LW knows that she has made some poor choices. I do agree with PEllen; you have 5 kids, please consider a tubal ligation. I'm sure that raising 5 kids as a single mother is not easy. The next thing that you need to do is focus on your children and be the best mom that you can be. Your children will love you more unconditionally than those who feel the need to judge you. Find one or two good friends who love and accept you. And don't share your personal business with casual acquaintances or work colleagues.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#7 Jul 10, 2014
LW3: Or you can wear a face mask that filters out the germs. Probably not the most comfortable solution...
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#8 Jul 10, 2014
LW1 - Why are you friends with such an immoral and utterly over-entitled person? Decline the "honor" of being a bridesmaid. As PEllen said, with any luck, Bridezilla will drop you from her friend list.

LW2 -(A) Stop sleeping around; in fact, stop dating at all for the time being - like, the next 18 years (B) get your tubes tied; (C) Own up to the poor choices you've made; (D) If any people harp on those choices and keep shaming you, feel free to tell them to shut up and to remove yourself and your kids from their presence.

LW3 - Get sick and make your husband do his job, all the housework, and all the child care while you are recovering. I believe after going through a couple of flus on your part, your husband will start reconsidering the close snuggling.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#9 Jul 10, 2014
L1: This sounds fake to me. Too much stuff happening. If it isn't fake, why the heck is this woman friends with the witch?

L2: Wow. Your family involves a lot of people. Who asks if the kids have the same father? That's a weird question.

L3: This should have been an easy to resolve once your husband saw that you were serious. If you can't come to an understanding about this, how do you come to an understanding about the bigger stuff?
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#10 Jul 10, 2014
Toj wrote:
L2: Wow. Your family involves a lot of people. Who asks if the kids have the same father? That's a weird question.
Rude (extremely) and stupid (extremely), but not particularly weird if the kids look very different.
Nigbama

Wilkes Barre, PA

#11 Jul 10, 2014
Yeah buddy!
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#12 Jul 11, 2014
These look like another three fake letters in a row.

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