Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#21 Jul 29, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
That is a matter of opinion. The parents have a different viewpoint.
They are free to practice their viewpoints and their adult child is free to practice his.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#22 Jul 29, 2013
LW1: I think you need to talk to grandma about this; it is still her house after all. Since it seems like you're too young to actually live there, tell her your concerns and offer to do all the leg work for her re giving away/selling furniture and upkeep of the house.

LW2: "...but aside from that we don't think it's a good idea, although we can't say why."

This really bothers me. If you can't figure out why, then you have no business telling him what to do. Find a valid reason and talk to him about it or shut up.

LW3: Oh, there is no L3.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#23 Jul 29, 2013
For those with the 'my roof' mentality, would you hold the same opinion if it was lw's brother who moved on temporarily(just moved to town, staying there till he gets a few paychecks and can pay a deposit on his own place). You gonna pull that "tou are required to sleep here every night" power trip on him too, or is thst just reserved for your grown kids?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#24 Jul 29, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
And what example would that be? NOt having a girlfriend? DOing what mommy and daddy tell him even though he's an adult paying rent?
Ypu are willfully misunderstanding him.It's Edog. He of the Madonna/Whore analyses. It is an old fashioned notion and not often used IRL any more, but the LW and Edog are expressing objections to overt behavior suggesting extra or pre-marital sex.

It is an unrealistic approach in general, unsupported when the parents are charging rent, but I admit to the impulse/thought when one of my girls talked about spending the night at a BF's apartment. Kept my mouth shut, but I thought it.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#25 Jul 29, 2013
squishymama wrote:
LW1: I think you need to talk to grandma about this; it is still her house after all. Since it seems like you're too young to actually live there, tell her your concerns and offer to do all the leg work for her re giving away/selling furniture and upkeep of the house.
LW2: "...but aside from that we don't think it's a good idea, although we can't say why."
This really bothers me. If you can't figure out why, then you have no business telling him what to do. Find a valid reason and talk to him about it or shut up.
LW3: Oh, there is no L3.
If grandma went into assisted living voluntarily, then maybe take her on a day trip to the house to supervise cleaning and repairs and have HER label which things she wants to go to which relative

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#26 Jul 29, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Me, too but they're doing it. We don't know -- they could be paying other bills of his or whatever.
Seems silly to me to be taking money from a kid who has college looming over his head. I'd think he'd have enough worries starting that phase of his life.
maybe the nomimal rent is to get the kid used tpo paying bills... or could be a transitional thing - he's paying rent now, but mom & dad are still paying cell phone & other stuff?

As long as i was in school and for like 6 months after i graduated, i didn't have to pay rent. after that, it was nominal (as i didn't eat much, had my own phone adn was worknig full time = not there all that much). when i started paying rent, my mom told me it was to get me in the habit of paying bills, budgeting, etc.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#27 Jul 29, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
If grandma went into assisted living voluntarily, then maybe take her on a day trip to the house to supervise cleaning and repairs and have HER label which things she wants to go to which relative
this. get her inclinations on what to do wiht the stuff... and any time she offers anyone anythign, encourage teh recipients to take it, whatever it is, whether or not htey really want it... this will ease the task of clearing hte house later - hopefully. my gramma did this, but there was still so much crap that a couple of knick knacks here & there didn't make much difference when it came to emptying the place.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#28 Jul 29, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
They are free to practice their viewpoints and their adult child is free to practice his.
Not quite. Not if he's living with them. And what about the 13 year old?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#29 Jul 29, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
And what example would that be? NOt having a girlfriend? DOing what mommy and daddy tell him even though he's an adult paying rent?
Don't ask me, ask the lw. But I think they don't wasn't their young daughter thinking it's okay to cohabitate with her boyfriend. There are people who have those views, you know, even if you might not.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#30 Jul 29, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Not quite. Not if he's living with them. And what about the 13 year old?
Does your landlord get to decide where you sleep?

What about the 13 year old? Is her whole world going to come crashing down if she learns that adults who are dating sometimes spend the night at each others house? It's called reality.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#31 Jul 29, 2013
What good example? He is spending the night with his girlfriend, his sister is not around. Its not like he is clubbing kittens while she watches.
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I think it's more of a setting good examples issue.
EJG

Middletown, CT

#32 Jul 29, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Not quite. Not if he's living with them. And what about the 13 year old?
>>

As long as "Joe" is paying rent, and his parents admit that they can not articulate why else Joe spending the night with his GF bothers them, the 13yo does not matter.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#33 Jul 29, 2013
EJG wrote:
<quoted text>>>
As long as "Joe" is paying rent, and his parents admit that they can not articulate why else Joe spending the night with his GF bothers them, the 13yo does not matter.
Edog is like Mr. Roper. If he were a landlord, he'd let men and women live together who were not married only if one of them were gay.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#34 Jul 29, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Not quite. Not if he's living with them. And what about the 13 year old?
Did you ever see the Tom Hanks movie "Big"? A10 year old kid is transported into the body of a 20 something man. At some point the grown up girlfriend asks if he wast to spend the night. He perks up and goes, A sleepover? Sure!

If you are so concerned, just tell Lil' Sis that Bro gets to have lots of sleepovers because he is grown up.

(walks away , shaking head in skeptical disbelief at cluelessness of mid 30's metro-area hetero male))

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#35 Jul 29, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Not quite. Not if he's living with them. And what about the 13 year old?
That's what my parents would have said when I was living at home and they would have been wrong. They both can think what they like and live as they choose -- you just have to be ready for the consequences. The parents might get disappointed b/c they 19 year old disagrees and goes on to live his life with his girlfriend.

All parties get are adult and can do what they choose.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#36 Jul 29, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Don't ask me, ask the lw. But I think they don't wasn't their young daughter thinking it's okay to cohabitate with her boyfriend. There are people who have those views, you know, even if you might not.
I think you're right that the parents don't want their young daughter getting ideas from the 19 year old son. BUT, they'd do better talking to their daughter while she's young then try to change a 19 year old's mind on something like that.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#37 Jul 29, 2013
RACE wrote:
He pays rent, he is a tenant. Tenants have rights, and the parents cannot dictate where he sleeps. And the parent does not want him to move in with the GF, she expressly said so.
I really dont see this as a parenting issue, but rather a smothering mother issue.
<quoted text>
I get your point, and might even agree slightly with it, but the fact remains, he is their SON. I see an argument for the word "tenant" with tenant rights, but he's realted and has been under the roof since birth.
I just think when the fine-floss line is drawn, the law will be on the side of son versus tenant.*shrug*

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#38 Jul 29, 2013
cheluzal wrote:
<quoted text>
I get your point, and might even agree slightly with it, but the fact remains, he is their SON. I see an argument for the word "tenant" with tenant rights, but he's realted and has been under the roof since birth.
I just think when the fine-floss line is drawn, the law will be on the side of son versus tenant.*shrug*
Actually, no. The law would be on the side of the son being a tenant. It's not that easy to get your adult kids out of the house if they don't want to go.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#39 Jul 29, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>Did you ever see the Tom Hanks movie "Big"? A10 year old kid is transported into the body of a 20 something man. At some point the grown up girlfriend asks if he wast to spend the night. He perks up and goes, A sleepover? Sure!
If you are so concerned, just tell Lil' Sis that Bro gets to have lots of sleepovers because he is grown up.
(walks away , shaking head in skeptical disbelief at cluelessness of mid 30's metro-area hetero male))
And then grown up TOm Hanks tells her "I get to be on top" and she is thinking, "wow, he's excited," not knowing he meant he gets the top bunk.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#40 Jul 29, 2013
Toj wrote:
BUT, they'd do better talking to their daughter while she's young then try to change a 19 year old's mind on something like that.
Therein lies the problem. They're trying to instill a set of "values" on their daughter (whatever that may be) and the son is behaving completely opposite. Can't you see the conflict there?

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