“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Nov 10, 2012
DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Renee," is 25 and is an intelligent and independent woman with a good job. She has been in a relationship with her boyfriend, "Bryan," for 6 1/2 years. They have been living together for the past two years.

Bryan is nice and has a decent job, and I like him. However, there is virtually no conversation between them about what their future together holds. Renee would like to get engaged, but she refuses to bring anything up to Bryan for fear that he will feel "pushed." She wants it to happen with no prodding. I maintain that it's perfectly acceptable to ask where he sees their relationship going.

At this point, I'd like to take Bryan aside and say that I love my daughter and would like to know what his intentions are. Is that totally inappropriate in this day and age? I worry she may be throwing away her best years on a dead-end relationship.

I know Renee would not be happy if I approached Bryan with this. Should I just keep my mouth shut and let her handle it?-- MAMA ON A MISSION

DEAR MAMA: You are well-meaning, but this is one mission your daughter must complete for herself. Please tell her that after a relationship of six years -- and living together for two of them -- having a rational discussion with Bryan would not be "pushy." In fact, it's the intelligent thing to do. He may have commitment issues. Or he may need the "nudge." And frankly, if the romance is leading nowhere, Renee needs to know that an engagement to him is not in her future before she invests any more time.

DEAR ABBY: My niece is engaged to a really nice guy who is obviously gay and in denial because of his religion. My brother and his wife ignore it because, according to them, being gay is a "sin." This couple has been out of high school for two years. They are also both virgins, which is unusual.

I had a gathering at my home, and some gay friends attended. They noticed that he was gay and mentioned it to me. Should I just stand by and keep my mouth shut?-- UNSURE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR UNSURE: Yes, you should. Unless you are 100 percent sure the man is, in fact, gay, you should keep your feelings to yourself. Your niece's fiance may be an effeminate straight man. And your gay friends' "gaydar" may have given them a false reading at your gathering.

DEAR ABBY: I have developed a horrible crush on my kids' tennis instructor. I am very happily married and would never, ever cheat on my husband, but this man makes my heart race. My kids and I spend a fair amount of time with him, and I'm afraid it's starting to show.

By the way, I'm pretty sure my feelings are reciprocated. What to do?-- CRUSHING MOM IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CRUSHING MOM: It's not a question of what you should do, but rather what you should not do. Do not act on your feelings, do not spend time alone with him and do not tell anyone about it. Enjoy feeling like you are 16, and take your kids home after their lesson. In time, the feeling will fade -- particularly if they develop an interest in another sport.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#2 Nov 10, 2012
1.MYOB
2.MYOB

3.To him, you are old, out of shape, not self supporting or you wouldn't have all this time to hang at your kids tennis lessons and would be just another notch on his tennis racquet handle if they were still made of wood
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#3 Nov 10, 2012
LW1: She is 25 and you are worried about her "throwing away her best years on a dead-end relationship?" Really? Hopefully, she has a lot of good years left! She is still young and does not have to choose a life partner tomorrow. However, I agree with Amy that having a discussion about where Bryan sees the relationship going is not pushy. They should have had that discussion prior to moving in together. But it is not your place to intervene.

LW2: I've met 3 straight guys that people thought were gay, mostly because they like art and culture instead of sports. But for the most part, the people that I've met that people thought were gay were indeed gay. Coming out is hard, especially for people from strict religious backgrounds. But trust me, if you TELL your niece that her fiance is gay, it will not go well.

LW3: Crushes are fun, but stick with "I would never cheat on my husband." You already know that isn't a good idea.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#4 Nov 10, 2012
1- Butt out, mom!

2- Butt out, auntie! And see? Gays can get married, so why all the hub bub?

3- Good observations, pe, but she thinks he likes her, too. It's possible the kids have tennis practice in the evenings and weekends, what with school and all, so maybe the lw has a job, too.
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#5 Nov 10, 2012
PEllen wrote:
1.MYOB
2.MYOB
3.To him, you are old, out of shape, not self supporting or you wouldn't have all this time to hang at your kids tennis lessons and would be just another notch on his tennis racquet handle if they were still made of wood
This is perfect.

Why does that "mommy" think she knows what's best for Renee and Bryan, anyway?

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#6 Nov 10, 2012
L1: I agree with Kuuipo.

L2: There's not a way you can ever say "I believe your fiance is gay" and have that go well. To anyone. You can, however, make support comments about gay and lesbians when appropriate. Maybe, if he is gay, he'd see there are supportive people in the world. And whether or not he's gay, it wouldn't be bad for them to hear a different point of view.

L3: If it's so bad she's writing an advice columnist, she's probably already done him before Abby's ink was dry. She knows what she has to do, she just doesn't want to do it (concentrate on her marriage).

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#7 Nov 10, 2012
"They are also both virgins, which is unusual."

??
How do you know this? More to the point, WHY do you know this?!

You seem way more involved in your niece's love/sex life than you have any business being! Are you some kinda Funny Uncle or what?

Since: Mar 09

Boynton Beach, FL

#8 Nov 10, 2012
What Pellen said all the way.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
News Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 8 min Grey Ghost 1,231,927
Another chilly, gloomy summer predicted for Chi... 32 min Civil Blotter XIV 1
Amy 5-22-15 37 min Julie 8
News BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 52 min Pookie Bear 189,596
last post wins! (Apr '13) 1 hr Concerned_American 520
{keep A word drop A word} (Oct '11) 2 hr Doug77 5,988
Last word + 2 (Mar '12) 2 hr Red_Forman 894
Topix Chitown Regulars (Aug '09) 7 hr editor 99,531
More from around the web

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]