Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#21 Oct 2, 2012
cycle003 wrote:
1: Really, Abby? Voting will be the most important thing you do all year? As much contempt as I have for the right-wing, I really don't think it's gonna matter for much of anything. The corrupt political machine will keep turning to benefit the wealthy and powerful regardless of whom we elect.
I totally agree. The corporations run this country, not the politicians they have bought. I vote for the issues on the ballot and for whichever politician I think will do the least damage.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#22 Oct 2, 2012
Ha! I just found out that I'm not registered to vote.

I sent my change of address in months ago but they have no record of me AT ALL in the system.

I'm feeling disenfranchised.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#23 Oct 2, 2012
squishymama wrote:
Ha! I just found out that I'm not registered to vote.
I sent my change of address in months ago but they have no record of me AT ALL in the system.
I'm feeling disenfranchised.
You just reminded me to go check, because I've been mysteriously lost in the past as well.

Online voter registration confirmation is currently not available. SERIOUSLY? It's been there for years. I check before every election.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#24 Oct 2, 2012
squishymama wrote:
Ha! I just found out that I'm not registered to vote.
I sent my change of address in months ago but they have no record of me AT ALL in the system.
I'm feeling disenfranchised.
So register. I think you still can

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#25 Oct 2, 2012
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>So register. I think you still can
I printed the form and Dickie has been in touch with the Evanston registrar who seems like a helpful dude.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#26 Oct 2, 2012
LW1 - thanks for the PSA. also, in cook county, juries don't get pulled from voter registration lists. i didn't really believe it, and got proof a year ago...

LW2 - you may not have the "right" to know how many, but you do have hte "right" to know if she's clean. set a date for both of you to get tested.

LW3 - so glad i missed the original after seeing the rehash i wonder what nuanced flavor spiders add to rehash, or if we'll still need some salt & pepper.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#27 Oct 2, 2012
Aisle Sitter wrote:
LW1 - thanks for the PSA. also, in cook county, juries don't get pulled from voter registration lists. i didn't really believe it, and got proof a year ago...
They pull from driver's licenses here in CA. They don't want people to not register to vote just to avoid getting called for jury duty.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#28 Oct 2, 2012
LW2: No good will come from forcing an answer to that question. And NO, you don't have a "right to know."

A few years ago, my friend was telling me a story about a friend of hers who had gone through a promiscuous phase and was very honest about it. Her new boyfriend asked her how many partners she'd had and she replied, "Oh, somewhere between 100 and 125, I lost count." He was horrified...

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#29 Oct 2, 2012
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
They pull from driver's licenses here in CA. They don't want people to not register to vote just to avoid getting called for jury duty.
that's what tehy do here too... i used to live one county over, so wehen we moved to Cook County (the one Chicago adn the inner suburbs is in), and i cahnged my DL, they asked if i wanted to register. Sure why not... Hubby said no, because he didn't want to get called for jury duty. i thoguth to myself at the time, i'll laugh my ASS off should he get called first.

sure enough, he gets called first of teh two of us! and he got seated. about 6 weeks later, i got called for standby for hte week of thanksgiving. luckily it was the "call the night before" standby and not hte "show up and hang out until we fill up" standby.

a year later and i still laugh at hubby....

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#30 Oct 2, 2012
Oh come on now -- the spider is "Eensy-Weensy!"

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#31 Oct 2, 2012
Kuuipo wrote:
LW2: No good will come from forcing an answer to that question. And NO, you don't have a "right to know."

A few years ago, my friend was telling me a story about a friend of hers who had gone through a promiscuous phase and was very honest about it. Her new boyfriend asked her how many partners she'd had and she replied, "Oh, somewhere between 100 and 125, I lost count." He was horrified...
You don't think some guy has the right to know if his gf has slept with hundreds of guys? Huh? Maybe that's important to him. Why can't he decide what is important to him and what he wants in a woman? Does anyone tell you what you can or cannot look for in a man.

Some women don't want a guy who is under 6 feet tall. Some guys don't want a woman who has slept with every guy who has made eye contact with her. What's the difference? Folks want what they want.
Ripper

Richmond, Australia

#32 Oct 2, 2012
Ipsy wipsy spider

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#33 Oct 3, 2012
Thats how I say it when I have been drinking...
Ripper wrote:
Ipsy wipsy spider
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#34 Oct 3, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
You don't think some guy has the right to know if his gf has slept with hundreds of guys? Huh? Maybe that's important to him. Why can't he decide what is important to him and what he wants in a woman? Does anyone tell you what you can or cannot look for in a man.
Some women don't want a guy who is under 6 feet tall. Some guys don't want a woman who has slept with every guy who has made eye contact with her. What's the difference? Folks want what they want.
That's right, I don't think he has a right to know. If she chooses to tell him, fine. But I don't believe that people have to tell each other everything and I don't think knowing that information will help him to sleep better at night. Men are not judged by the number of women they have slept with. And women generally do not ask a man how many women he has slept with.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#35 Oct 3, 2012
I haven't asked my boyfriend because I'm pretty sure the number is under 10.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#36 Oct 4, 2012
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
That's right, I don't think he has a right to know. If she chooses to tell him, fine. But I don't believe that people have to tell each other everything and I don't think knowing that information will help him to sleep better at night. Men are not judged by the number of women they have slept with. And women generally do not ask a man how many women he has slept with.
He may sleep just find at night, because he may decide he does not want to be in a relationship with her because her past conduct suggests a fundamental incompatibility about how each views sex and the role, or lack thereof, relationships play in it.

Itís also not about whether men are judged by society according to how many women they slept with. A relationship between two mature people isnít a group poll. So, the issue doesn't really involve society, how they generally perceive things, and what women generally ask. It is an issue between TWO PEOPLE and what they each want in a relationship and in a partner.

Do you go taking opinion polls about what other folks want in a relationship and factor it in when deciding what you want in a relationship? I highly doubt that. I couldnít care less about what society generally expects or how society generally judges folks. I get to be my own judge in my relationships with folks and get to pick what I want and want to know, for better or worse. If thatís not what someone else has in mind, ohs well, youíre free to go elsewhere and have a relationship with someone else. Iíll sleep just find at night.

Most guys would find the notion of someone they are dating to have slept with hundreds of men or lots of men in a short period of time to be very unattractive and a deal breaker (they may hit it, but relationship material is a different matter Ö you canít turn a hoe into a housewife), just as I am sure many women, not all, but many would find the fact that a guy has slept with 100s of women or a whole lot over a short period of time to be unattractive and indicative of a lack of maturity, valuing women primarily as sex objects who are to be used and cast aside, and an inability to form lasting relationships.

Go ask Cunzel if she would judge a man by how many women he has slept with. Heck, go ask most women.

The simple truth of the matter is that most guys arenít going to want to have a relationship with your friend if they knew the truth about her. I feel if there is something in your past that would cause someone not to date you, you should be honest with them, rather than hide it because you want to deceive them into dating you. Thatís not loving them; thatís loving yourself at their expense. She should also be honest about her past, precisely because of this reason.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#37 Oct 4, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
He may sleep just find at night, because he may decide he does not want to be in a relationship with her because her past conduct suggests a fundamental incompatibility about how each views sex and the role, or lack thereof, relationships play in it.
Itís also not about whether men are judged by society according to how many women they slept with. A relationship between two mature people isnít a group poll. So, the issue doesn't really involve society, how they generally perceive things, and what women generally ask. It is an issue between TWO PEOPLE and what they each want in a relationship and in a partner.
Do you go taking opinion polls about what other folks want in a relationship and factor it in when deciding what you want in a relationship? I highly doubt that. I couldnít care less about what society generally expects or how society generally judges folks. I get to be my own judge in my relationships with folks and get to pick what I want and want to know, for better or worse. If thatís not what someone else has in mind, ohs well, youíre free to go elsewhere and have a relationship with someone else. Iíll sleep just find at night.
Most guys would find the notion of someone they are dating to have slept with hundreds of men or lots of men in a short period of time to be very unattractive and a deal breaker (they may hit it, but relationship material is a different matter Ö you canít turn a hoe into a housewife), just as I am sure many women, not all, but many would find the fact that a guy has slept with 100s of women or a whole lot over a short period of time to be unattractive and indicative of a lack of maturity, valuing women primarily as sex objects who are to be used and cast aside, and an inability to form lasting relationships.
Go ask Cunzel if she would judge a man by how many women he has slept with. Heck, go ask most women.
The simple truth of the matter is that most guys arenít going to want to have a relationship with your friend if they knew the truth about her. I feel if there is something in your past that would cause someone not to date you, you should be honest with them, rather than hide it because you want to deceive them into dating you. Thatís not loving them; thatís loving yourself at their expense. She should also be honest about her past, precisely because of this reason.
Really? So a woman who, like the original LW, went through a phase when she had some casual relationships is doomed to never again be in a serious relationship because her number of sexual partners exceeds what "most guys" are comfortable with? What century is this? I say it's LW's business and she WAS honest without giving details that he doesn't need to be concerned with. He knows the person she is today. They are not youngsters and she is entitled to have a past.(I remember one similar letter where the man was jealous because his wife had more experience than he. Ridiculous.)

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#38 Oct 4, 2012
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
Really? So a woman who, like the original LW, went through a phase when she had some casual relationships is doomed to never again be in a serious relationship because her number of sexual partners exceeds what "most guys" are comfortable with? What century is this? I say it's LW's business and she WAS honest without giving details that he doesn't need to be concerned with. He knows the person she is today. They are not youngsters and she is entitled to have a past.(I remember one similar letter where the man was jealous because his wife had more experience than he. Ridiculous.)
I donít know how many partners the original letter writer had. What I do know is that her SO sounds like he would be uncomfortable dating someone who had a lot of partners and itís his right to feel that way. It doesnít matter what century this is.

I also never said that such a woman could never have a serious relationship again. Again, I donít even know the figure. I was speaking about your friend, but even in her case:

A) Some folks are more like you and say oh well, that was a phase in her life and thatís not who she is anymore.

B) Some folks may find it to be a plus.

C) Most folks I think are not going to find that to be a plus and a significant number may find it to be a deal breaker, however.

So it seems the solution to me is to find someone who is in the A or B camp, rather than find someone in the C camp and hide it from them or refuse to disclose something that would be material in terms of whether or not theyíd want to be in a relationship with you and tell them itís none of their business, when they are telling you it is something that is relevant to them in terms of whether they want to date you. If that means you have slim pickings, well then you only have yourself to blame, right? You made your choices. No one has to approve of them.

Last I checked it is the 21st century and most folks agree that folks have the right to make their own choices in life. Thatís not a one way street, which is what you fail to realize. That doesnít just mean you can do whatever you want, have sex with just about every guy who has ever made eye contact with you, and guys shouldnít be able to decide on their own whether they find that unappealing and donít want to date you because of this.

I feel that way even though, I've done stuff that some woman probably wouldn't want to date me because of, if I were single. The thing is I own my decisions, I'm not ashamed, and I wouldn't want a woman who wouldn't want me if she knew the truth.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#39 Oct 4, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
I donít know how many partners the original letter writer had. What I do know is that her SO sounds like he would be uncomfortable dating someone who had a lot of partners and itís his right to feel that way. It doesnít matter what century this is.
I also never said that such a woman could never have a serious relationship again. Again, I donít even know the figure. I was speaking about your friend, but even in her case:
A) Some folks are more like you and say oh well, that was a phase in her life and thatís not who she is anymore.
B) Some folks may find it to be a plus.
C) Most folks I think are not going to find that to be a plus and a significant number may find it to be a deal breaker, however.
So it seems the solution to me is to find someone who is in the A or B camp, rather than find someone in the C camp and hide it from them or refuse to disclose something that would be material in terms of whether or not theyíd want to be in a relationship with you and tell them itís none of their business, when they are telling you it is something that is relevant to them in terms of whether they want to date you. If that means you have slim pickings, well then you only have yourself to blame, right? You made your choices. No one has to approve of them.
Last I checked it is the 21st century and most folks agree that folks have the right to make their own choices in life. Thatís not a one way street, which is what you fail to realize. That doesnít just mean you can do whatever you want, have sex with just about every guy who has ever made eye contact with you, and guys shouldnít be able to decide on their own whether they find that unappealing and donít want to date you because of this.
I feel that way even though, I've done stuff that some woman probably wouldn't want to date me because of, if I were single. The thing is I own my decisions, I'm not ashamed, and I wouldn't want a woman who wouldn't want me if she knew the truth.
Your last two paragraphs make sense. I don't think anyone should be ashamed of their past. I also think that the original LW has enough information already. I further think that the number is far less than he is imagining and he needs to chill out. They are engaged already!

The Spanish have a saying - the best husband is a reformed Don Juan. The reasoning is that he has sowed all of his wild oats and is ready to settle down. The double standard being what it is, this line of reasoning is NEVER applied to a woman. Food for thought.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#40 Oct 4, 2012
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>The Spanish have a saying - the best husband is a reformed Don Juan. The reasoning is that he has sowed all of his wild oats and is ready to settle down. The double standard being what it is, this line of reasoning is NEVER applied to a woman. Food for thought.
I think the problem is how do you know if they are reformed. I would wager more often than not, that they aren't.

There are also always going to be folks like Cunzel who would never sign onto that line of thought. It's no secret that I think she is too demanding, but I will be the first to admit that it is her right.

:)

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