Since: Jun 09

Verona, WI

#21 Aug 9, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>???Are you serious? We went to lunch for a co-worker's birthday and his wife was there. She called him "Boo Boo" a couple times. Around the office, he was Boo Boo for the next month. It don't take much.
How's that humiliating, though?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#22 Aug 9, 2012
cycle003 wrote:
<quoted text>
How's that humiliating, though?
The point is, it doesn't take much for co-workers to grab onto something and needle a guy. So I could easily see co-workers razzing a guy about his snoring whereas you wondered what co-workers would make a big deal out of that?

Without knowing what was said and how sensitive he is, it could be something as silly as snoring, in which case, he's a big baby.

Since: Nov 10

Ardsley, NY

#23 Aug 9, 2012
LW1- So, what was the joke?

LW2- maybe the sister didn't have a good paying job when you got married.

Since: Feb 10

Location hidden

#24 Aug 9, 2012
cycle003 wrote:
L1: I find it interesting that you are all calling him a big baby. Being intentionally publicly humiliated by your spouse is a big effin' deal. I suspect if a woman wrote in saying her husband humiliated her in front of her friends, people would be suggesting she's abused.
"Did it innocently," my asz. You were trying to get attention and went too far. I bet you're used to cracking jokes about people to feel better about yourself. I would be extremely pizsed too.
Just for clarification...prior to your post, ONE person called him a big baby, and even that had a qualifying "if" attached to it. The majority of us said it could go either way, depending on their history. And personally, I stand by my initial post, whatever the genders may be.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#25 Aug 9, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>The point is, it doesn't take much for co-workers to grab onto something and needle a guy. So I could easily see co-workers razzing a guy about his snoring whereas you wondered what co-workers would make a big deal out of that?
Without knowing what was said and how sensitive he is, it could be something as silly as snoring, in which case, he's a big baby.
The key is that the LW's husband is all bothered about this, which means that the guys at work will pour it on until hr grows a thicker hide. If he doesn't show that something gets under his skin, there's no fun in kidding the guy.

Since: Feb 10

Location hidden

#26 Aug 9, 2012
I stand corrected...Angela said it as well as Stina. But that was also qualified with an "if".

Since: Feb 10

Location hidden

#27 Aug 9, 2012
Dang it!!! I missed Saluki! CRAP!!!

Well, anyhow, we didn't ALL say it!
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#28 Aug 9, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>???Are you serious? We went to lunch for a co-worker's birthday and his wife was there. She called him "Boo Boo" a couple times. Around the office, he was Boo Boo for the next month. It don't take much.
Holy cow! I'm with you on this! I work on a trading floor - the slightest thing will get you harrassed FOREVER! Gotta thicken up the skin!

Since: Jun 09

Verona, WI

#29 Aug 9, 2012
itser wrote:
Dang it!!! I missed Saluki! CRAP!!!
Well, anyhow, we didn't ALL say it!
<chuckle> I used it as an expression and didn't mean to say that EVERYONE said the same.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#30 Aug 9, 2012
squishymama wrote:
It's up to your husband to talk to his sister and I'm surprised it didn't happen right after *your* wedding if they are as close as you say.
I disagree. Nothing should be said by anyone. How do you ask someone why they didn't give you a gift without sounding greedy? No matter how you look at it or how close they are, that is completely rude, I think. They need to let it go. And I still think it's likely the sister doesn't like/approve of the LW. Not that I think it's right, but that makes some sense.

Since: Jun 09

Verona, WI

#32 Aug 9, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>The point is, it doesn't take much for co-workers to grab onto something and needle a guy. So I could easily see co-workers razzing a guy about his snoring whereas you wondered what co-workers would make a big deal out of that?
Without knowing what was said and how sensitive he is, it could be something as silly as snoring, in which case, he's a big baby.
I get what you're saying, and I admit that it's possible. But I'm playing the odds game. It seems way more likely to me that she said something humiliating. Sure, people will tease about small, innocent things, but I think it's not as likely that some guy is going to be all upset that his friends at work are calling him a lumber jack for snoring or something equally boring.

Odds are, IMO, she actually did say something humiliating, ridiculing, and disrespectful. In the letter, she really only states that she had innocent intentions and doesn't suggest that he shouldn't be hurt.

So IF she did say something humiliating, then I think it's a much bigger deal than most people here seem to believe.

Since: Jun 09

Verona, WI

#33 Aug 9, 2012
I also don't believe any of you, especially women, would be fine with your spouse saying something you found humiliating. I think you'd also be doubly upset if his reactions was to tell you to get thicker skin.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#34 Aug 9, 2012
cycle003 wrote:
But I'm playing the odds game. It seems way more likely to me that she said something humiliating....
Odds are, IMO, she actually did say something humiliating, ridiculing, and disrespectful.
And where are you getting these odds from? I can play that game. Based on how apologetic she is, odds are she did not realize it would cause so much grief. Odds are he's a big sissy.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#35 Aug 9, 2012
cycle003 wrote:
So IF she did say something humiliating, then I think it's a much bigger deal than most people here seem to believe.
I think most people here are saying we don't have enough info to make a call.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#36 Aug 9, 2012
Husbands and wives raz each other all the time. It's possible to go "too far," but jeez, I don't think that qualifies as abuse of any kind. Maybe the wife's comment was out of line, but hubby should still try to get over it, again, learn to laugh at your own shortcomings, people.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#37 Aug 9, 2012
L1: What did you say? I'm dying to know.

L2: Huh? Like Red said, maybe she did get you something and it got lost. Maybe she didn't. I would never let something like that eat at me. Life is too short. Everyone is right, hubby has to do the talking on this one.

L3: If we balk and sulk will Amy drop this?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#38 Aug 9, 2012
Stina wrote:
<quoted text>
I disagree. Nothing should be said by anyone. How do you ask someone why they didn't give you a gift without sounding greedy? No matter how you look at it or how close they are, that is completely rude, I think. They need to let it go. And I still think it's likely the sister doesn't like/approve of the LW. Not that I think it's right, but that makes some sense.
What I was trying to get at, not very successfully, is that the decision to bring this up to the sister is up to the husband. And from her total lack of comment on what her husband has said, I'm guessing that he didn't think it was a big deal and will NOT be talking to his sister about this.

And I am at a total loss when it comes to knowing what siblings "should" do. I'm an only child who only acquired sibs at the age of 13 when my dad remarried a woman with 3 daughters; we never lived together and until I was an adult they saw me as a spoiled brat that they had to put up with.

But it just seems to me that close sibs wouldn't play this passive-aggressive game with each other. <mimi shrug>

Since: Jun 09

Verona, WI

#39 Aug 9, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>I think most people here are saying we don't have enough info to make a call.
And still, he's being classified as a baby.

I agree with you that the odds are she didn't mean to humiliate her husband. I guess I learned a long time ago to be careful making jokes at other people's expense, especially if it's your s.o. The way I learned this is by seriously hurting someone's feelings and potentially undermining a relationship.

I learned these things before I was married, and this woman is probably learning this now. That still doesn't diminish the damage words can do. The guy is questioning his marriage and his wife's feelings for him. I seriously doubt it was over a harmless joke.

I also agree with the wearing out the knee pads comment.
Sam I Am

Palatine, IL

#40 Aug 9, 2012
1. Everybody caaallllmmmm down. Amy, the LW certainly does not sound hostile. LW's husband, your wife made a joke and apparently crossed the line unintentionally. Or maybe not. Maybe you're just a big insecure wuss. You don't know if you can forgive her? Over a joke? Get over it. And LW, men act all indifferent and callous, but they can be just as insecure as us. Send the kids to a friend's for a night, buy a couple good steaks, put on something slinky, gloss up your lips and loosen up your jaw and give him a night of "This should make the ribbing from your co-workers worth it" sex, and if he's still pouty after that, f' him.

2. Question: Is hearing an answer to this going to change anything? No. You're apparently so caught up in keeping score, whether you are supported or not you are going to feel how you feel. Get over it. The receipt of a wedding gift is not the big picture. You not getting a gift means your husband (her brother) did not get one either, and that's the more important issue. Maybe there is something between them. Maybe they have some things to work out. Maybe you can find a hobby so you have less time to keep track of unimportant stuff.

3. Are you kidding me? This rehash is more persistent than Mutt's gonorrhea.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#41 Aug 9, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>And where are you getting these odds from? I can play that game. Based on how apologetic she is, odds are she did not realize it would cause so much grief. Odds are he's a big sissy.
The hubby needs to grow up. Where I'm from you learn that those closest to you ride you the most. If you aren't teased you most likely have no friends.

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