“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Nov 4, 2012
DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Dick," who wears veteran hats -- "Vietnam Vet," "Proud to Be a Marine," etc.-- that imply he was in the service. The problem is, Dick was never in any branch of the military at any time.

Dick claims he's "honoring" them by wearing the hats. But when he goes into a restaurant or other place that offers military discounts, he always inquires about them. And he has never refused the offer of one or admitted he wears the slogans only to honor others and was never actually in the service himself.

I come in contact with real military service people who deserve to wear these hats. I asked a couple of them about what to do with Dick, but you can't print their responses. Abby, what's your take?-- VALUES HONESTY IN OHIO

DEAR VALUES HONESTY: The fact that I can't print the reaction of legitimate veterans to what Dick is doing indicates how offensive and wrong it is. It appears your friend is a small-time, chiseling con man who takes advantage of people's patriotism. Why you would call someone like this a "friend" is puzzling, because you seem to have a well-developed sense of right and wrong.

A word of advice: Sooner or later, people like Dick are discovered. When that happens, it would be better if you weren't around, because people are judged by the company they keep.

DEAR ABBY: I am dating a wonderful man, "Andrew," who has two sons, ages 10 and 12. Both of them have horrible table manners. Eating with them is like watching pigs at a trough. I have discussed this with Andrew, who agrees but has done nothing to correct them.

I don't know how to instill proper eating manners in the boys without coming across as though I'm better than they are. Do you have any suggestions?-- THE NAPKIN GOES ON THE LAP

DEAR NAPKIN: You can't blame the boys for not knowing something they were never taught. However, lecturing them at this point would be counterproductive and could cause a rift between you and your boyfriend.

Enlist Andrew's help and discuss with his sons the difference between "casual" table manners and those that are expected when people dine in public or at a friend's house. You and Andrew should also "mention" how good the food is at some of the local restaurants. This will give the boys an incentive when you both offer to take them if they learn what's expected in public.

Tell them you're willing to teach them, explain the rules, model the behavior and help them practice. Then reward them by taking them to the restaurants and praising them if they do well.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 56-year-old man who made some bad decisions when I was 16. I stole items from a close family member to pay for a drug habit. After 30 years of sobriety, what I did continues to cause me grief and torment.

I am torn over confessing to this family member because I know that when I do, any relationship between us will end. Do I confess to clear my conscience, or do I remain silent and tormented by what I did?-- DISTRAUGHT IN TEXAS

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: I think, deep down, you already know the answer to that question, so I'll give you the final push you're asking for to do the right thing. One of the 12 steps in AA is to make amends to the people you have hurt. You are no longer the person you were at 16, so apologize and show you are willing to take responsibility for what you did. It will end your torment -- and you may find that the revelation is nowhere near as shocking as you think it will be.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#2 Nov 4, 2012
LW3 - How did you manage to get 30 years of sobriety and not know the answer to that? BTW, Step 9 is "Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." And no, YOU are not counted among "others"!

LW1 - Yeah, he's gonna get found out! Take Abby's advice; DON'T be around when that happens. So says the girl who got drunk and forgot to show up for the Air Force in 1981!

And yes, I DID make amends to my recruiting sergeant 5 years later -- when she showed up in my Xray department needing a barium enema! She remembered me well, accepted my apology, and said, "Well, at least now no one can tell me I'm full of $#!+!"

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#3 Nov 4, 2012
BTW, it's 11-4, not 11-3! We were supposed to fall back the CLOCK, not the calendar ;-)

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#4 Nov 4, 2012
I was hoping you would weigh in on this one.

On the manners letter: we took the girls to some very nice restaurants when they were young. I found that coaching in advance, not at meal time and offering a reward for mastering the skill worked well

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#5 Nov 4, 2012
L1: I'd tell that guy to get that hat off his head and call him on on his behavior. If he didn't change, he wouldn't be my friend.

L2: When my kid was young he had some friends that ate like pigs, I told them straight out you don't talk with your mouth full, you say please and thank you and I always corrected them directly but kindly. A few years later they told my kid they appreciated it and was grateful for someone to teach them things. But I also taught them kid games, organized pick up games (yannow -- gave them instructions, gear and sent them off to a field and they had fun). So it's probably b/c I didn't just pick on them.

L3: I'm with VA and Abby. You know what you have to do, now do it.

As for the date, PEllen, that is funny and true (what VA said).

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#6 Nov 4, 2012
Toj wrote:
L3: I'm with VA and Abby. You know what you have to do, now do it.
As for the date, PEllen, that is funny and true (what VA said).
I must have been seeing too many age defying ads lately

Since: Jul 10

Location hidden

#7 Nov 4, 2012
Dick is extremely well-named.

If you insist on hanging out with him, then tell people, EVERY time he takes credit for military service, that he is full of crap.

I am certainly not honored to see someone pretending to have given this country the years of dedication that I really have given, in order to suck up some undeserved praise and an occassional free meal.

What a slime.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#8 Nov 4, 2012
L1. That is an outrage!
My immediate reaction was 'stolen valor'.
***
Incredibly, according to wikipedia, the Stolen Valor Act of 2005, and signed into law by George W. Bush, was struck down as unconstitutional by the Supreme Court in July of 2012 under the 1st Amendment's provision of Freedom of Speech.
A 6-3 ruling with Justices Thomas, Alito, and Scalia dissenting.

fyi

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#9 Nov 4, 2012
LW1: This is a fluckin advice column. Do you have a question asking advice? YOu obviously don't like what he's doing. You asked some vets. They don't like it either. Why the F do you care what Abby's opinion is?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#10 Nov 4, 2012
Toj wrote:
L1: I'd tell that guy to get that hat off his head and call him on on his behavior. If he didn't change, he wouldn't be my friend.
You think he does not know its cheesy? You call him on it, he'd just refrain from doing it whil you were around. You can't change people.

Since: Jul 10

Location hidden

#11 Nov 5, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
You think he does not know its cheesy? You call him on it, he'd just refrain from doing it whil you were around. You can't change people.
Can't change 'em, but you can give them a chance to change their own behavior before you cut them loose.
And if calling him out only stopped him from doing it around me...at least I wouldn't be associated with his sleazy behavior. Personally, I wouldn't give him the opportunity to change before I cut him out of my life, but I know that is my personal bias talking.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
Once slow-moving threat, global warming speeds ... (Dec '08) 8 min LessHypeMoreFact 46,667
BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 9 min LRS 178,053
Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 11 min USAsince1680 1,110,356
Ill. House Approves Legalizing Same-Sex Civil U... (Dec '10) 14 min Scott 49,839
Amy 9-18 23 min pde 25
Word (Dec '08) 26 min andet1987 4,713
A short math question. I will reply with answer... 3 hr MalignantNarcissi... 5
Amy 9-16 3 hr ralph 58
Topix Chitown Regulars (Aug '09) 4 hr billyh 98,228
•••
•••

Chicago Jobs

•••
•••
•••

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

•••

Chicago News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Chicago
•••

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]
•••