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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Aug 5, 2013
DEAR AMY: Do you believe a person can be asexual? I am a 40-year-old male who has never dated or had a girlfriend. I just don't have the desire or feel the need to be sexual.

Being this way has ruined my life. I have very little self-esteem/self-confidence. I am so jealous of everyone else. I have accomplished very little in 40 years.

I have tried therapy over the years and it really doesn't help. I want to know if you think I would be a good candidate for testosterone therapy. My testosterone has always been on the low end of normal.

The therapist I am currently seeing said it is odd that my testosterone has never fluctuated.

Do you have any advice?-- Asexual

DEAR ASEXUAL: Your physician is the best person to give you informed advice, medical therapy or refer you to a specialist. Your therapist should offer you support and strategies to deal with your feelings concerning your asexuality.

According to one study published by the National Institutes of Health, approximately 1 percent of the population studied identified as "asexual," or not experiencing sexual attraction. This is an emerging identification as people become more comfortable describing their sexuality along a broader spectrum. You can peruse the website asexuality.org for information.

I personally know more than one person who identifies as asexual. Being asexual does not mean that you cannot have healthy and happy, intimate emotional relationships and friendships. If you have underlying depression, it will interfere with your ability to live an integrated, happy life more than asexuality would. This is something to pursue in therapy.

Our job as human beings is to live our best possible life. I hope that you will find ways to balance your particular challenges with your gifts and talents, and realize that there is a special kind of perfection in you -- just as you are. Accepting your authentic self, without feeling you are deeply flawed or need to be changed, will give you a new, more affirmative perspective. This is the very essence of self-esteem.

However, if you continue to feel inadequate or incomplete, if you desire to be a sexual person and medical intervention can help you get there, then it is definitely worth pursuing.

DEAR AMY: A relative recently asked to stay with us. She arrived two hours late and didn't call. I skipped a meeting to be home when she arrived, as that seemed like the appropriate thing to do.

After she arrived, she immediately sat down and started texting shortly after she put her bags down. After 20 minutes of watching her do this, I said I was going to bed because it was so late.

We had to wake her up the next morning at 10:30 for breakfast. She left to visit friends and came back two days later -- same thing. No thank-you when she left -- nothing.

Should I have said something or just tell her the guest room is booked next time?-- Furious

DEAR FURIOUS: Great houseguests realize that behaving well (being on time, attentive, low-impact and grateful) is the best way to ensure they'll be welcomed back. Your relative had her chance and she blew it. Now that her visit has (thankfully) ended, I don't think there is any reason for you to educate her after the fact. If she asks to stay with you again, you should respond, "We don't feel your visit went well last time, so we're going to take a pass."

DEAR AMY: Responding to the letter from "Grandma," whose grandson blamed the umpire when he struck out, when my son was young he couldn't hit a baseball no matter how hard he tried.

A wise coach on his Little League team took him aside and taught him to bunt, which is somewhat easier to do than swinging away. He never hit a home run, but he didn't embarrass himself anymore either. Baseball actually wasn't his "game" -- but soccer was.-- Proud Dad

DEAR PROUD: If this boy's coach had been as thoughtful as your son's, he wouldn't be blaming the umpire for his strikeouts.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#2 Aug 5, 2013
L1: Yeah, ask Amy for medical advice. Seems like a good idea.

L2: How old is this relative?

L3: Are you even allowed to bunt in the lower levels? Plus, everyone is going to know what he's going to do if that's *all* he can do.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#3 Aug 5, 2013
1: Why have you waited so long if it's bugged you??

2: I.hate.phones. They are making nice people rude and rude people ruder.
I might've said somrthing during the visit, but I try to eschew any family staying over anyway. It's such a obnoxious burden.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#4 Aug 5, 2013
1 Instead of blaming all your failures on your asexuality, how about you just admit that your asexuality is just another one of your failures?
Bridge,rope,rock.

2 I dunno, at least she was quiet.

3 I still think it was the umpires fault.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#5 Aug 5, 2013
cheluzal wrote:
2: I.hate.phones. They are making nice people rude and rude people ruder.
This

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#6 Aug 5, 2013
LW1: Talk to a doctor, not Amy.

LW2: Unless it was a relative I was very close to and by virtue of this expected they’d want to hang with me, I wouldn’t particularly care if they just used my house as a place to crash.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#7 Aug 5, 2013
L1: Get to your doctor and have your blood and hormone levels checked.

L2: I'm trying to get the timeline here. The hostess of the relative had a meeting she cancelled so she could be there. The ungrateful houseguest was 2 hours late. 20 minutes later it was late and the hostess had to go to bed. What time was the meeting? What time do you go to bed? Yes the guest was rude but I'm still wondering about these things.

L3: Okay

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#8 Aug 5, 2013
1- Meh, I'm nearing 40 and have accomplished practically nothing in life either. And I'm ok with that.

2- By all means, next time post a list of rules for how you expect houseguests to behave when they visit you.

3- So what, the kid gets a trophy just for showing up anyway

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#9 Aug 5, 2013
LW1: Morrissey seems to have done just fine. I think if you could just accept this is the way you are, you'd find you were much happier.

LW2: Unless you gave her a key, she had to communicate with at some point about getting back in the house. You didn't say anything at this point? And if you gave her a key, you might as well just charge her like a hotel would, because that is how she is treating the situation.

Just tell her you turned the guest room into a dungeon and the bed is not suitable for sleeping on anymore.

LW3: You're OUT!
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#10 Aug 5, 2013
squishymama wrote:
LW1: Morrissey seems to have done just fine. I think if you could just accept this is the way you are, you'd find you were much happier.
LW2: Unless you gave her a key, she had to communicate with at some point about getting back in the house. You didn't say anything at this point? And if you gave her a key, you might as well just charge her like a hotel would, because that is how she is treating the situation.
Just tell her you turned the guest room into a dungeon and the bed is not suitable for sleeping on anymore.
LW3: You're OUT!
Morrissey.... <swoon>

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#11 Aug 5, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
LW1: Talk to a doctor, not Amy.
LW2: Unless it was a relative I was very close to and by virtue of this expected they’d want to hang with me, I wouldn’t particularly care if they just used my house as a place to crash.
I'm with you on lw2. I wonder if the guest even knew she was rearranging her schedule to greet her. When we have guests come to town, if they don't already have a key, I give them the garage door opener key. No reason to take time off. And what's this shit about waking them for breakfast. Wtf? Let people sleep as long as they want.

My sister often comes to visit and I never know or care what time she is arriving. She'll get there when she gets there. Many times well past misnight while we are asleep.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#12 Aug 5, 2013
L1: "Do you have any advice?" FOR A QUESTION YOU NEVER ASKED?

L2: I don't see the problem. THe relative used your house in lieu of spending $100+ per night on a hotel. I'd be fine with that. If you want her to spend time with you to chit chat, then say something or stop letting her stay at your place. I have zero problem with a relative using my place as a place to sleep and hold all her stuff. Also, spineless passive people annoy me and you sound all passive aggressive huffy.

“We don’t feel your visit went well last time, so we’re going to take a pass.” Right. Enjoy your reputation as the family crabashes.

L3: Oh please. Kids learn to bunt after a certain age (certainly not in the first 2-3 years of tball and coach pitch). This wasn't a huge deal or some magical coaching.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#13 Aug 5, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>I'm with you on lw2. I wonder if the guest even knew she was rearranging her schedule to greet her. When we have guests come to town, if they don't already have a key, I give them the garage door opener key. No reason to take time off. And what's this shit about waking them for breakfast. Wtf? Let people sleep as long as they want.
My sister often comes to visit and I never know or care what time she is arriving. She'll get there when she gets there. Many times well past misnight while we are asleep.
I agree. I think it's pretty clear who the f'd up party in this who thing is.

Clearly, the LW thought she was coming to visit her, rather than just asking for a place to stay. The LW is also a bit controlling with the waking up b.s. Since when the hell does a courteous host dictate when guests should wake up?

The only thing I'll really fault the guest for is not saying thanks and showing gratitude; however, given the attitude of the LW, when it comes to a lack of appreciation, I sort of take what she says with a grain of salt. She's probably a thank you note Nazi and probably got pis$ed cause she didn't get a thank you note and equates that to no gratitude.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#14 Aug 5, 2013
LW1: You know those letters from men complaining that they haven't had sex with their wives in years? You need to find those couples, take the husbands aside, and offer to take their wives off their hands.

LW2: You had an expectation that your relative expected you to entertain her. She had an expectation that you would allow her to stay at your place rather than a hotel, and expected only to sleep there while she was in town. I think the next visit will go better if you discuss expectations ahead of time or assume that she is not expecting you to entertain her.

LW3: I'm sure that good coaching would improve the child's skills, but LW makes a good point. Maybe baseball isn't his sport. Maybe he likes the social interaction more than the game.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#15 Aug 5, 2013
1: So you're asexual....big deal. I'm struggling with caring about your acceptance of a crap life.

2: Close the Doormat Hotel if that's how you really feel.

: SalukiSon played 1 year of baseball at age 5 and immediately declared his hatred for it. He is a soccer stud, and we're happy that an hour and a half game is the time commitment.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#16 Aug 5, 2013
Stina wrote:
<quoted text> This
I just got a new phone/plan this week since mine never got service in my house...I spent 2 hours in the bloody store and still could not bring myself to get texting. I now have a plan with home reception and it's about $8/month cheaper!

I just rarely use a phone...I get white-hot rage when I see people walking with them in their hands 24/7 and can't look up or unplug. So unhealthy--I fear it's ruining communication. I want to punch it out of their hands, especially if they are on it in a restaurant and ignoring each other!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#17 Aug 5, 2013
Dont hold back, Tell us how you really feel.
cheluzal wrote:
<quoted text>
I just got a new phone/plan this week since mine never got service in my house...I spent 2 hours in the bloody store and still could not bring myself to get texting. I now have a plan with home reception and it's about $8/month cheaper!
I just rarely use a phone...I get white-hot rage when I see people walking with them in their hands 24/7 and can't look up or unplug. So unhealthy--I fear it's ruining communication. I want to punch it out of their hands, especially if they are on it in a restaurant and ignoring each other!
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#18 Aug 5, 2013
cheluzal wrote:
<quoted text>
I just got a new phone/plan this week since mine never got service in my house...I spent 2 hours in the bloody store and still could not bring myself to get texting. I now have a plan with home reception and it's about $8/month cheaper!
I just rarely use a phone...I get white-hot rage when I see people walking with them in their hands 24/7 and can't look up or unplug. So unhealthy--I fear it's ruining communication. I want to punch it out of their hands, especially if they are on it in a restaurant and ignoring each other!
I do like texting, but I don't do it alot and I don't do it to have a conversation. It's good for sending a quick message like "Hey, I'll meet you at 6:30" or something.

I was at Universal last week and I was in the bathroom washing my hands. A mom and her 4 or 5 yo son come up to the sink and the mom is standing there staring at her phone. never looked up to see what her kid was doing. Son is trying to get her attention and again she never looked up once even for a split second. Kid goes and gets some soap and starts rubbing it all over his hands, but can't reach the water. He is trying to get her attention, but she won't look. I finally said, "Excuse me, he can't reach the water." She finally looked up and was like, "Oh, thanks". This is the kind of behavior that I hate when it comes to some (too many) people and cell phones. They ignore what REALLY matters.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#19 Aug 5, 2013
"According to one study published by the National Institutes of Health, approximately 1 percent of the population studied identified as "asexual," or not experiencing sexual attraction.

I personally know more than one person who identifies as asexual."

Based on these stats, either it's an amazing coincidence or Amy knows a crapton of people. Or she's full of poop.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#20 Aug 5, 2013
cheluzal wrote:
<quoted text>
I just got a new phone/plan this week since mine never got service in my house...I spent 2 hours in the bloody store and still could not bring myself to get texting. I now have a plan with home reception and it's about $8/month cheaper!
I just rarely use a phone...I get white-hot rage when I see people walking with them in their hands 24/7 and can't look up or unplug. So unhealthy--I fear it's ruining communication. I want to punch it out of their hands, especially if they are on it in a restaurant and ignoring each other!
I get what you're saying and I would probably feel likewise if I actually wanted to communicate with people. As it is though, everyone's so busy with their phones that they don't notice me which means I don't have to interact with the world at large, so for me, it's a win.:D

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