Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#81 Nov 1, 2012
pde wrote:
Like last weekend ... the kid asked me if he could watch a dvred dinosaur train episode at about 7:30am on Saturday. I mumbled yes and went back to sleep. When I went down at about 8:30am, I found the kid AND every stuffed animal formerly located in his bedroom watching dinosaur train.
That's adorable.(But I don't have to pick it up, either.)
pde

Palatine, IL

#82 Nov 1, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Hah! That's when you pause the show and tell him if he wants to watch the rest, all that crap needs to go back to his room.
He managed to lose both tv for the rest of the day and his nexus tablet as a result of the taking-them-back-upstairs process.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#83 Nov 1, 2012
She was screwing around when they were dating, maybe she never stopped?
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
They married 50 years ago, and divorced after 15 years. So, they divorced 35 years ago. If we take those numbers as exact, they married in 1962 and divorced in 1977.
For all we know, he was not a man who had much involvement with his children (whether the oldest or the rest) after the divorce, and his son's adult interactions with his father were simply a continuation of that. He might not have cared or wanted to be proactive.
pde

Palatine, IL

#84 Nov 1, 2012
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
Yes, but this letter is not about me.
The LW divorced the mom when this kid was a teenager, who knows what happened during that time. But I could see the kid just being pissed at the LW because of that and the LW not really fighting that hard to keep a relationship with him.
I've seen that happen in cases where all the parents are biological ones.
I've seen that happen in plenty of cases, even within my own age cohort. Even if the divorce itself is fairly amiable between the spouses, there's no guarantee how the kids will react or feel.

I guess that I don't find that all that odd that an adult would cut one parent or the other out of his adult life, particularly when there's been divorce. I've just seen it actually happen too many times, and often over small or vague issues, not large and horrible ones.
pde

Palatine, IL

#85 Nov 1, 2012
RACE wrote:
She was screwing around when they were dating, maybe she never stopped?
<quoted text>
Maybe. Who knows ...

I personally read the guy as kind of a dispassionate and unemotional man. He married a girl who was possibly screwing around on him and having another man's baby? They got divorced 15 years later but he recalls them as having a nice life? His son didn't include him in family affairs and he doesn't really seem to have cared much? His minimal emotional involvement in everything seems to have a 50 year history.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#86 Nov 1, 2012
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
They married 50 years ago, and divorced after 15 years. So, they divorced 35 years ago. If we take those numbers as exact, they married in 1962 and divorced in 1977.
For all we know, he was not a man who had much involvement with his children (whether the oldest or the rest) after the divorce, and his son's adult interactions with his father were simply a continuation of that. He might not have cared or wanted to be proactive.
That's why I said he sounds emotionally distant. Tonka thinks I'm completely off base and being unfair to him.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#87 Nov 1, 2012
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
Yes, but this letter is not about me.
The LW divorced the mom when this kid was a teenager, who knows what happened during that time. But I could see the kid just being pissed at the LW because of that and the LW not really fighting that hard to keep a relationship with him.
Is that code for emotionally distant?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#88 Nov 1, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
Is that code for emotionally distant?
Yes, in Annoyin' Overlord Land.
:D
pde

Palatine, IL

#89 Nov 1, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
That's why I said he sounds emotionally distant. Tonka thinks I'm completely off base and being unfair to him.
Oh, somehow missed that particular thread of conversation. Emotionally distant, emotionally uninvolved, a possible loner type ... or even a guy who can be regarded as easy-going but sees no reason to exert effort on maintaining relationships with other humans. There are people who are like all the above. Sounds like he is one of those. Calling it isn't being judgy, it's a personality type.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#90 Nov 1, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>>I don't think its that strange. Just cause things didn't work out does not mean they were not living a nice life.
I found that a very odd statement the second I read the letter. It stood out to me. That sounds to me like a man who is not very attuned to the feelings of others. Someone obviously wasn't very happy in that marriage, and from the sounds of it, since he thought it was a nice life, it wasn't him.

Now throw in his kid wanting nothing to do with him, him seemingly just taking it lying down (would you), then making statements about his grandchildren really not being his, and it seems to me he was born with a heart two sizes too small.
pde

Palatine, IL

#91 Nov 1, 2012
Ah, found it the thread. I disagree with you Sublime, in that I wouldn't say that it was a sad life, if it was the life he wanted, based on the personality he has.

And it seems to have been the life he wanted, given that he's not jumping at reestablishing relationships here.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#92 Nov 1, 2012
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
Oh, somehow missed that particular thread of conversation. Emotionally distant, emotionally uninvolved, a possible loner type ... or even a guy who can be regarded as easy-going but sees no reason to exert effort on maintaining relationships with other humans. There are people who are like all the above. Sounds like he is one of those. Calling it isn't being judgy, it's a personality type.
Being judgy here isn't bad. It's what we do.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#93 Nov 1, 2012
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
That's adorable.(But I don't have to pick it up, either.)
Neither does pde...if he's old enough to take them out of his room, he's old enough to put them back.
pde

Palatine, IL

#94 Nov 1, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
Now throw in his kid wanting nothing to do with him, him seemingly just taking it lying down (would you), then making statements about his grandchildren really not being his, and it seems to me he was born with a heart two sizes too small.
The Grinch is actively grumpy, not dispassionately uninvolved.
pde

Palatine, IL

#95 Nov 1, 2012
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
Neither does pde...if he's old enough to take them out of his room, he's old enough to put them back.
The stuffed animals did get taken back.

Apparently my husband though, has approved the Lego Hogwarts staying downstairs in the family room until "he gets a shelf built for the lego kits". That BETTER happen before the Lego Millennium Falcon turns up in a few weeks.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#96 Nov 1, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
That's why I said he sounds emotionally distant. Tonka thinks I'm completely off base and being unfair to him.
???
Unfair to him? When did I say anything of the sort? I just don't think you have enough to assess his whole life as sad.

As others have pointed out, its really not that uncommon for a child to be estranged from a parent when there is a divorce involved. While that situation is sad, I don't think it necessarily extends that the person in such a situation is leading a sad life.

Perhaps I find it much easier than you to compartmentalize the many facets of my life. It would really suck if my sons and I ever grew so distant, but that does not mean that the sadness would bleed into other areas of my life. I found happiness in life before I had kids. I'm sure I'd still be able to find it without them. That's all I'm saying.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#97 Nov 1, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
I found that a very odd statement the second I read the letter. It stood out to me. That sounds to me like a man who is not very attuned to the feelings of others. Someone obviously wasn't very happy in that marriage, and from the sounds of it, since he thought it was a nice life, it wasn't him.
Now throw in his kid wanting nothing to do with him, him seemingly just taking it lying down (would you), then making statements about his grandchildren really not being his, and it seems to me he was born with a heart two sizes too small.
So when you say he was emoptionally distant and that it sounds like a sad life, those are not 2 seperate statements based on the rest of the story, but that you feel that being emotionally distant = a sad life? Is that correct?

If so, I completely disagree.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#98 Nov 1, 2012
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
The stuffed animals did get taken back.
Apparently my husband though, has approved the Lego Hogwarts staying downstairs in the family room until "he gets a shelf built for the lego kits". That BETTER happen before the Lego Millennium Falcon turns up in a few weeks.
Oooo, I've been wanting to get hubby one of those!

We don't have that many Legos yet, but I think I'm going to invest in some of the storage bins they have that are just big lego bricks or heads. They are too cute.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#99 Nov 1, 2012
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
The stuffed animals did get taken back.
Apparently my husband though, has approved the Lego Hogwarts staying downstairs in the family room until "he gets a shelf built for the lego kits". That BETTER happen before the Lego Millennium Falcon turns up in a few weeks.
Lego question for anyone who has kids with them:

Do your kids just build the kits and that's it, or do they break them down and combine them in to one big Lego mess and build all kinds of other stuff?

Co-worker (single mom) and her 8 y/o son's bonding is done over Lego kits, which is so cool, but I was kind of shocked when she said he just keeps them that way once they're done. I got a bazillion hours of play out of just giant buckets of random Legos.
pde

Palatine, IL

#100 Nov 1, 2012
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
Oooo, I've been wanting to get hubby one of those!
We don't have that many Legos yet, but I think I'm going to invest in some of the storage bins they have that are just big lego bricks or heads. They are too cute.
Luckily, once one of the kits goes together, the kid wants them to stay together. He's still upset that one of his friends took apart another ship model ... I promised him we'd sort through and find all the pieces so he can put it back together (the kid took it apart then tossed all the pieces into a bin full of other legos.)

He saved up all his allowance and birthday money this year to get the Hogwarts Castle and spent a whole weekend building it. That's why it's staying downstairs for now, it can be put on the mantle when other 6 year olds come over.

He talked his grandparents into buying him the Falcon.

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