Abby 9-9

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“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Sep 9, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: Our nanny, who is 58, was diagnosed with breast cancer just before I delivered baby No. 2. The boys are now 15 months and 4 weeks old.

"Nora" has started chemotherapy after having surgery. I completely understand that she has to attend to her needs right now and focus on her health, but she wanted to continue working without it being an issue. Nora has had to take off several days already in addition to being -- as I expected -- tired and unable to keep up with my active toddler.

I start back to work soon and my job is a demanding one. My husband and I have discussed options and feel it would be best to mandate that Nora take this time off. We will have to make other arrangements for child care, and I can't guarantee Nora's job when she feels better.

She has taken such good care of our first son it kills me to have to let her go, especially while she's dealing with cancer. But I must return to work and do what's best for my kids. Any advice?-- MOMMY OF TWO IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR MOMMY: Have a meeting with Nora and explain your concerns. Ask if she knows someone reliable who could watch the children on those days when she is too weak to do so. Or contact a household staffing agency about getting a temporary fill-in. It would be far more humane than firing her.

For Nora's sake, please try it. If my suggestions don't work, revisit letting her go at a later time.

DEAR ABBY: My 61-year-old father was arrested recently for 30 counts of possession of child pornography. He has had a rough past -- he cheated on my mother and has had multiple stints in rehab for alcohol abuse. During my teenage years he verbally abused me. My mother is in denial about the entire situation and the fact that he is facing time in prison for his actions.

Nine months ago, my husband and I were blessed with the birth of our beautiful baby girl. I feel I must protect her from my parents and my father in particular. Some of my family agree with my decision, others disagree because I am my parents' only child. Am I wrong for not wanting my father and possibly my mother any longer in my life?-- TOUGH LOVE IN FLORIDA

DEAR TOUGH LOVE: No. And as for the reaction of your relatives, remember that you can't please everyone, and the well-being of your child must come first.

DEAR ABBY: How do I keep a co-worker from borrowing money from me? I have my paycheck direct-deposited, which means the money is available a day earlier than "Anita's."

She asked me yesterday if I would lend her money for cigarettes, and I told her I didn't have any cash on me. When I went on break to buy lunch with my ATM card, Anita came waltzing over and immediately told the cashier to ring up the cigarettes on my ATM card! She said she'd pay me back more than the amount charged to my card.

In the future, how can I handle this if it happens again? I needed the money for my own use, and now I must wait until next week for her to pay me back.-- BUCK STOPS HERE IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR BUCK: One way to handle it would be to be proactive and tell Anita that what she did was rude and you didn't like it. Another would be to inform the cashier that what Anita wanted was not OK with you, and to never do it again. Whichever you decide, don't be afraid of hurting Anita's feelings because she has a hide of steel.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

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#2
Sep 9, 2013
 

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L1. Mandate? You are a very cold woman.
In all honesty, that sounds like something my sister-in-law would say.
You'll get yours someday.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

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#3
Sep 9, 2013
 
L1. I am sitting here doing a slow brew, Carrie.
You have the money and the means to help your nanny out. In other words, you need to stop being such a selfish snot.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#4
Sep 9, 2013
 

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1 It would be far more humane than firing her.
WTF, sounds like your putting a dog down.

2 Tell your relatives to go screw themselves and leave THEIR kids with them.

3 Or you could have grabbed the smokes for yourself.
Srsly, tell that beitch to get her checks direct deposited also.

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#5
Sep 9, 2013
 

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1- The nanny isn't being reasonable. Fire her @zz

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#6
Sep 9, 2013
 
Thats inhumane!
edogxxx wrote:
1- The nanny isn't being reasonable. Fire her @zz

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#7
Sep 9, 2013
 

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L1: I understand having to have coverage for work but this LW seems like a cold person. There are so many ways to work this. I would hire a helper -- one that can actually do the job but perhaps doesn't have the experience as cancer nannie. The new one can learn from the old one and your kids get consistency.

L2: Some of your family is in huge denial -- more than just your mother. Let them live in their denial and you do what you need to do -- keep your baby and future babies safe and away.

L3: This LW is a pushover! I would have took those cigarettes off to the side, looked at the cashier and said, "Um, No!" And that would be that.

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#8
Sep 9, 2013
 

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Lw1: other than the dog, are you people nuts? It sounds like you are suggesting they pay the nanny and pay someone else to actualy watch their kids.

"You have the money" ???
How the f do you know what they have. From discussions I've had with friends who used a nanny, the cost was comparable to daycare. Quit assuming hese people are loaded like daddy warbucks cause they have a nanny. They have a very real dilemma. She had ro head back to work and their normal childcare is not going to be available. She needs a solution. It woukd be great if she coukd come up wirh a solution that does not screw the current nanny, but she is responsible for HER family first and foremost.

“Walt Frazier for POTUS”

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

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#9
Sep 9, 2013
 

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1. For Pete's sake, use your head and come up with a good solution, and refrain from writing to an advice columnist to attempt to get approval to fire someone fighting cancer! You're a despicable piece of work.

2. Your kids' safety comes first. If your father is guilty of possessing child porn he deserves to be shunned.

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#10
Sep 9, 2013
 
Toj wrote:
L1: I understand having to have coverage for work but this LW seems like a cold person. There are so many ways to work this. I would hire a helper -- one that can actually do the job but perhaps doesn't have the experience as cancer nannie. The new one can learn from the old one and your kids get consistency.
So they should hire two nannies? That your advice? Two nannies?
tiredofit

Los Angeles, CA

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#11
Sep 9, 2013
 
Tonka, I agree with your comments.

My suggestion might be that if they can afford a severance pkg (however small) may help the nanny for a few weeks. Also, doesn't she qualify under SSI disability benefits (if she pays into SS, which she would have been wise to do).

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#12
Sep 9, 2013
 

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1 I interpret the suggestion as having 2 part time care givers until they know whether eh regular nanny can come back to work

Otherwise, I agree with Toj on 1, 2 and 3.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#13
Sep 9, 2013
 

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edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
So they should hire two nannies? That your advice? Two nannies?
The cancer nanny may or may not get better. She has a long road. Nannies with not much experience are easier to get than a nanny with experience. The cancer nanny knows the kids. Her pay would be reduced with her reduction of workload/hours. The new nanny would be cheaper but with the old nanny in place who, I believe it is safe to assume, the parents feel comfortable with, would be able to train and be a good introduction to the toddler instead of so many changes for the kids and parents.

So, yes. But not at a full rate for each individual.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#14
Sep 9, 2013
 
PEllen wrote:
1 I interpret the suggestion as having 2 part time care givers until they know whether eh regular nanny can come back to work
Otherwise, I agree with Toj on 1, 2 and 3.
Yes.

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#15
Sep 9, 2013
 
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
The cancer nanny may or may not get better. She has a long road. Nannies with not much experience are easier to get than a nanny with experience. The cancer nanny knows the kids. Her pay would be reduced with her reduction of workload/hours. The new nanny would be cheaper but with the old nanny in place who, I believe it is safe to assume, the parents feel comfortable with, would be able to train and be a good introduction to the toddler instead of so many changes for the kids and parents.
So, yes. But not at a full rate for each individual.
if such a solution could be worked out, great. But lets not place too much value on he nanny "knowing" the kids. One is just over a year old. The other is an infant.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#17
Sep 9, 2013
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>if such a solution could be worked out, great. But lets not place too much value on he nanny "knowing" the kids. One is just over a year old. The other is an infant.
Oh, by all means. Let's not. ;)
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#18
Sep 9, 2013
 
LW1: Two of my co-workers have advanced breast cancer and have had chemotherapy and surgeries. Both are currently recuperating. The one that helps me the most has stage 4 cancer and has taken several months off in the past 18 months or so. She will be back to work in 3 weeks. Their companies and co-workers have been very compassionate about allowing them to continue working so that they can receive the health benefits that they need for their treatments. I assume that LW's nanny needs the income. However, she also needs the time off. The compassionate thing to do, if you can afford it, is to pay sick leave for Nora and hire a temporary nanny until she is able to return to work.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#19
Sep 9, 2013
 
LW2: Your dad is a mess and your mom is a wimp. If your dad is going to jail, there's no reason that your mom cannot be involved in your child's life. But I would not let her within 10 feet of your pervy dad.

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#20
Sep 9, 2013
 
Yeah, I'm sure the former nanny and the kids will deal just fine.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#21
Sep 9, 2013
 
LW1: Good suggestion. let nanny find a fill-in that they find acceptable.

LW2: Your child's safety comes first. Heck with everyone else!

LW3: I would NOT have paid for the smokes! Tell Anita to direct deposit her OWN check!

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