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“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Jun 26, 2014
DEAR AMY: My seventh-grade daughterís female gym teacher is openly gay. None of the parents or kids has a problem with this.

The issue is that she observes the girls changing into and out of their gym clothes, and my daughter and many of her peers feel very uncomfortable having a lesbian watch them walk around in their underwear.

Iím afraid to say anything because I worry that my daughter will be given a ďspecial areaĒ to change, and it will make her feel awkward.

I understand that seventh-graders need supervision in the locker room, but it seems to me the school should know that it may not be appropriate to have a lesbian in the locker room with young girls!

By the way, the teacher has never behaved unprofessionally ó nor is anyone worried that she might ó it is simply an issue of discomfort.

Whatís the right answer that respects everyone involved?-- Concerned Mom

DEAR CONCERNED: You might start this conversation by letting your daughter know that there is a likelihood some of her fellow students at school or on sports teams are also lesbians, and that in this environment, along with trusting her instincts, she also has to trust other people (gay and straight) to have integrity.

You seem to think that because this teacher is a lesbian, she may also be attracted to girls or be an unhealthy presence for them. Judging by the preponderance of recent alarming news reports of improper sexual relationships between teachers and students, a student is much more likely to be hit on by a heterosexual teacher than a gay one.

If your daughter feels vulnerable (or if this teacher has acted inappropriately), then you should definitely take this issue to the school. However, you say this is not the case, so if your daughter feels self-conscious, she should change her clothes in a bathroom stall.(I assume the locker room has stalls.)

DEAR AMY: I have been married for almost 22 years, and while I know he looks at dirty magazines and movies I was recently stunned that he was also looking online.

A couple of months ago I also found that he had a second phone that he hid from me. He was talking to other women and telling them he is divorced. I confronted him and he said he would get rid of it. However, I know that he continues to look online and belongs to a pornography Web site.

I feel betrayed and like I donít even know him anymore. He said it wasnít cheating because he was never actually with these women, only looking at them.

He said he didnít want to leave and didnít want a divorce.

I canít talk to anyone about it because Iím embarrassed to let anyone know what he is doing. Iím afraid he will freak out because I know about his secret. Do you have any advice for me?-- Canít Talk to Anyone in N.J.

DEAR CANíT TALK: You have put yourself in a powerless position by declaring that you canít talk to anyone ó not even your husband ó about his behavior and its effect on you.

You need to reclaim your power. Your husband doesnít want to stop doing what he is doing, leave the marriage or even talk about it.

Is this what you want your marriage to be? If he already tells people heís divorced, then maybe you should help make this a reality.

You must talk about it. Find a trustworthy and wise friend, or (preferably) a skilled counselor. At some point you will be asked,ďWhat do you want to do about this?Ē You need to come up with an answer.

DEAR AMY:ďStressed OutĒ complained about her husband, who had started an extensive home renovation several years earlier but never finished it. He also mistreated their son.

She wondered if she should use her inheritance to complete the renovation. I was relieved when you said no. That inheritance is her lifeline. She should use it to start a new life with her son.-- Worried

DEAR WORRIED: I agree. Thank you.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#2 Jun 26, 2014
1 Use the bathroom stall. Good answer.

It is possible to remain modest and stay relatively covered in a locker room although it takes a bit of effort.

7th grade girls are just beginning to develop and have body image issues that have nothing to do with the gym teacher. Walking hunched over and wearing huge shirts to hide budding breasts or conversely stuffing socks or kleenex in a training bra to show you have some.

Someone taught her that sexual preference contains danger. Wonder who? Mom?

Seriously, get your daughter to watch the Dick Van Dyke version of the movie Bye Bye Birdie. Ann Margaret completely changes clothes on screen and never shows a thing, and as I recall, she does it while talking on the phone..

2. Secret phone calls are bad. Anything interactive with a live person is bad.(although I could argue that a phone sex line is still okay) Just watching porn on line is no different than dirty movies and magazines.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#3 Jun 26, 2014
1- yay, more gay. Would we allow a straight, male teacher to do the same? There's your answer. So she hasn't done anything inappropriate YET, should we wait until she does? Or maybe she just likes to watch 11 and 12 yr olds undress. Changing in the stall is a good idea. And Amy, way to assume her school and team are crawling with lesbians. Gay isn't as common as society would make us believe. They only make up 1.7% of the overall population. And there was a case recently of a female teacher getting busted for sex acts with a female student, so it can and does happen

2- "You need to come up with an answer."

Great advice, Amy, that's exactly what she was asking from you. After 22 years of marriage, he's likely just gotten bored. Spice things up a little. Get freaky. Act out some of his porn fantasies

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#4 Jun 26, 2014
1 Would amy's answer have been the same if it was a gay male? Me thinks not. Or am I just whining because its a "What if" question.

Personally, I dont think being gay means your are prone to pedophilia, but late teens are another thing.
pde

Bothell, WA

#5 Jun 26, 2014
RACE wrote:
1 Would amy's answer have been the same if it was a gay male? Me thinks not. Or am I just whining because its a "What if" question.
Personally, I dont think being gay means your are prone to pedophilia, but late teens are another thing.
7th graders are ~12 years old. Not late teens.
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#6 Jun 26, 2014
Isn't LW2 teaching her husband that it is okay to treat her this way by
"being too embarrassed to talk about what he's doing"? A little light
can change a picture....

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#7 Jun 26, 2014
RACE wrote:
Personally, I dont think being gay means your are prone to pedophilia, but late teens are another thing.
Statistically, they are three times more likely

Since: Jan 14

Location hidden

#8 Jun 26, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Statistically, they are three times more likely
Statiscally, boneheads such as yourself are 500 times more likely to be wrong.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#9 Jun 26, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Statistically, they are three times more likely
What's your source Dog?
If you can , don't use tabloid stuff

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#10 Jun 26, 2014
PEllen wrote:
What's your source Dog?
If you can , don't use tabloid stuff
I already posted those links, this isn't the first time we've had this conversation. If you didn't listen then, why should I think you'll listen now?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#11 Jun 26, 2014
greenwichvillage wrote:
<quoted text>
Statiscally, boneheads such as yourself are 500 times more likely to be wrong.
Statistically, you can bite me

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#12 Jun 26, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I already posted those links, this isn't the first time we've had this conversation. If you didn't listen then, why should I think you'll listen now?
Get off your "the world revolves around me" high horse.
I don't pay attention to every single thing you post here.
It was a reasonable request, respectfully made.
.
I would expect you to day, "You must have missed it, here you go..."
Care to try again?
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#13 Jun 26, 2014
LW1: We had not-so-openly lesbian gym teachers in my schools back in the day. We didn't like them watching us change then, either. As far as I know, they all behaved like professionals. So I would tell your daughter that the gym teacher is there to do her job and that she should just change and not worry about it.

LW2: Seriously? Don't be a doormat! Insist on marriage counseling and transparency.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#14 Jun 26, 2014
LW3: I said that she should separate, and insist that her husband attend anger management if he wanted to reconcile. I also pointed out that in the event of a divorce, it is not impossible to sell a house in the middle of a remodel, although it may be more challenging.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#15 Jun 26, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
If you didn't listen then, why should I think you'll listen now?
Then why are you still talking?

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#16 Jun 26, 2014
Thats why I separated pedo from let teens. Late teens are more fully developed, even if still illegal in some states
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
7th graders are ~12 years old. Not late teens.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#17 Jun 26, 2014
<Snerk!>
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Then why are you still talking?
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#18 Jun 26, 2014
Unless LW1's daughter goes to a very different school, shouldn't
she be home from school during the summer? And aren't there classes, such as band, Jr ROTC, culinary arts, etc., where the daughter won't have to bother with that PE teacher?
liner

Bellport, NY

#19 Jun 26, 2014
boundary painter wrote:
Unless LW1's daughter goes to a very different school, shouldn't
she be home from school during the summer? And aren't there classes, such as band, Jr ROTC, culinary arts, etc., where the daughter won't have to bother with that PE teacher?
She probably will be home for the summer, but then comes September, right? And most schools require PE, don't they?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#20 Jun 26, 2014
PEllen wrote:
I would expect you to day, "You must have missed it, here you go..."
Care to try again?
I apologize you seem to have missed the last time I posted sources. Here they are

http://www.bpnews.net/printerfriendly.asp...

http://www.frc.org/get.cfm...

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1556756

Now cue the criticism of their validity

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