“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#22 May 24, 2013
My dad used to take me to the IBM country club and drop me off at the pool, then he would go golfing. Had to fend for myself all afternoon.
Sheesh, I could never have done that with my kid. But I was a boy, and the 5th child, so my dad probably had an entirely different view.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#23 May 24, 2013
squishymama wrote:
HA! The link that PE had to leave off so the thing would post was to Free Range Kids!
I love it when I'm right.
I wonder if Amy recently read the book or something.

I seem to recall her giving definitely less "free-range" advice at points in the past.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#24 May 24, 2013
Thanks for all of your input, guys! LOL - I guess I *AM* more protective than I thought!!! I know I was foot loose and fancy free at 10, but I guess we hear so many horror stories. I think I'd feel better if she had a friend with her and if I got her a prepaid phone to call me if she needed it (her dad doesn't use a cell and doesn't answer the phone at home). Maybe part of me is irritated, too, because he complains he doesn't have her enough and then dumps her off whenever he does and that grates on me. I guess I will consider it if she has friends with her. Funny, I think I'd feel safer about it if we were in NY than here in FL.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#25 May 24, 2013
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
Why don't you try it in baby steps? The first time only let her stay for an hour. If that goes well, you can extend the time as you see fit.
I realize this would be your ex doing this; would he agree to something like this if it would eventually lead to her staying the full 4 hours?
I like this idea, too. She IS an independent kid, but I guess still more sheltered than a lot of kids (Christian school, never rode a school bus to school, etc). He is the one that wants to drop her off for a 4 hour stretch, not me. Which is odd, because this is the same guy that, last year, didn't want her to do acting camp because "all actors are gay and he doesn't want her hanging out with THEM all day". He pretty much lives under a rock and isn't always playign with a full deck.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#27 May 24, 2013
Stina wrote:
<quoted text>
I like this idea, too. She IS an independent kid, but I guess still more sheltered than a lot of kids (Christian school, never rode a school bus to school, etc). He is the one that wants to drop her off for a 4 hour stretch, not me. Which is odd, because this is the same guy that, last year, didn't want her to do acting camp because "all actors are gay and he doesn't want her hanging out with THEM all day". He pretty much lives under a rock and isn't always playign with a full deck.
Is there some sort of sports camp you could enroll her in, instead?

I do think a 10-year-old should be able to be dropped off at a pool (particularly with a friend) and self-supervise for 4 hours. But it sounds like he wants to do this regularly, even perhaps daily. There's a difference between 4 hours now-and-then, and 4 hours daily. Particularly if she's dependent on him to drop her off and pick her up ... it means she is regularly stuck at that pool, self-entertaining for 4 hours.

I'd be more worried about what a kid with that type of "freedom" getting bored with it, and thus getting into trouble due to boredom.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#28 May 24, 2013
And I say all the above as a former lifeguard. I never minded the kids who came, who swam, and who could then leave of their own accord when they wanted to move onto another activity. It was the kids who were stuck there regularly, who didn't have the freedom to decide they were done and go somewhere else, who then started expending their boredom and energy via more destructive and annoying behavior.

I don't understand how parents worry more about the small chance of strangers doing something bad to their kid, versus the very large chance of their bored/trapped kid doing something bad. And that's not helicopter versus free range either--helicoptered kids are in some ways even more likely to have this issue because they are not being given the independent freedoms appropriate to their age and maturity.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#29 May 24, 2013
Do free range kids taste like free range chicken?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#30 May 24, 2013
Stina wrote:
<quoted text>
I like it, too.
My ex yesterday suggested that he wants to drop our 10yo off at the pool this summer to swim (there are 4 hour swim sessions). It's not a camp where there are camp counselors or anything, just your normal community pool with a lifeguard. I think she is too young to go unsupervised and I am pretty uncomfortable about it. She is a pretty independent kid, but I still think she's too young. What do you guys think? Am I being too overprotective?
10? 5th grade? By then i was free as a bird. Bike to school. After school, bike home. Or a friend's. Or the park. Or the convenience store to play video games. No cell phone to check in with parents. Just be home arond when they got home.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#31 May 24, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
Do free range kids taste like free range chicken?
You're the one who has regularly complained that today's 18-year-olds are stupider and more incompetent than 18-year-olds of generations past.

The free range kid movement is an attempt to reverse that trend, you know.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#32 May 24, 2013
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
I got my library card at age 6, and I think that was the last time my parents walked me over to the library (it was about 1/2 mile from our house, southwest side of Chicago). I spent plenty of time in that library from age 6 until we moved away when I was 10 ... they had all sorts of free, cool kid's classes, a gigantic kids and young adults section, reading hours, movie hours, etc.
At our local library recently, I left my 6-year-old happily reading on a couch in the kid's area and ran into the bathroom right next to it. The librarian didn't say anything, but she did give me the stink-eye. He didn't even MOVE in the couple minutes I was in the bathroom.
Just took my kids to see iron man. Left my 6 yr old to hold our seats and took the 3 yr old wirh me to get popcorn and soda. I've also let him go to rhe fame section of best buy by himself while i take carw of other stuff.Wife not so sure he's old enough for me to do that. But we've had no problems.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#33 May 24, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> Just took my kids to see iron man. Left my 6 yr old to hold our seats and took the 3 yr old wirh me to get popcorn and soda. I've also let him go to rhe fame section of best buy by himself while i take carw of other stuff.Wife not so sure he's old enough for me to do that. But we've had no problems.
My kid is turning 7 this summer. Since it's gotten warm, he's been all over our half of the subdivision with a couple of his friends, playing Star Wars in the woods behind the houses. No adult supervision, although you can HEAR them from any of the houses.

He's asked several time to walk down to the park (on the other side of the subdivision) by himself, but since none of the other parents are yet willing to let their kids-of-similiar-age walk down and I don't want him walking alone, I've told him he can't do that. If one of the other kids' parents decides to allow that sometime this summer, I'll be happy to let him go.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#34 May 24, 2013
Stina, it sounds more like her dad just wants a relatively safe place to dump his kid for four hours so he doesn't have to parent for a while. :(
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#35 May 24, 2013
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
Is there some sort of sports camp you could enroll her in, instead?
I do think a 10-year-old should be able to be dropped off at a pool (particularly with a friend) and self-supervise for 4 hours. But it sounds like he wants to do this regularly, even perhaps daily. There's a difference between 4 hours now-and-then, and 4 hours daily. Particularly if she's dependent on him to drop her off and pick her up ... it means she is regularly stuck at that pool, self-entertaining for 4 hours.
I'd be more worried about what a kid with that type of "freedom" getting bored with it, and thus getting into trouble due to boredom.
No, it'd be more of a now and then kind of thing. I have her more frequently and, while I work and he doesn't, she spends a lot of time with her grandparents and does a few camps and such as well. Plus vacations. So she's definitely busy!

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#36 May 24, 2013
RACE wrote:
Red is right, ask your daughter how she feels about it, and have an hourly check in if she does want to do it.
FWIW, I would never have even entertained such a thing with my daughter. I would let her do as she liked, but I would be there shadowing her just the same. Just the way I am wired.
<quoted text>
Pretty much this. Chris might have thought he was alone, but I would have been there...watching. Not so much for his safety regarding swimming (though somewhat) he was an excellent swimmer, much better than me or his dad. It would have been to keep an eye out for him doing dumb things or taking off, and for pedophiles.

I know for a fact that a pedo frequented the community pool in this town I once lived in. I *knew* for certain he was but had never been caught (btw, I *was* right, he finally got caught) and made a point to tell the pool people to keep an eye on him. <shrug>
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#37 May 24, 2013
Stina wrote:
<quoted text>
No, it'd be more of a now and then kind of thing. I have her more frequently and, while I work and he doesn't, she spends a lot of time with her grandparents and does a few camps and such as well. Plus vacations. So she's definitely busy!
Then that's less worrisome. But personally, I'd make sure she has a phone and make the statement that her dad SHOULD be available to come and pick her up if she decides she's done for the day. In the middle of the summer, 2 hours swimming at a pool can be enough to make kids weary and overheated.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#38 May 24, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Stina, it sounds more like her dad just wants a relatively safe place to dump his kid for four hours so he doesn't have to parent for a while.:(
DING DING DING!!! That's EXACTLY it!

She plays in the neighborhood with friends. I am really paranoid or anything. Like Tonka does, she'll hold a seat at the movies, she and her friend went to a store in the mall while the other mom and I finished eating in the food court, she helps me grocery shop by going and getting stuff for me. We go to amusement parks and she'll run to get a pretzel. I don't hover much at all. It's the 4 hours straight without anyone nearby I guess, that made me nervous. And the fact that her dad would be the closest distance-wise, but is basically unreachable (I am across town).
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#39 May 24, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>10? 5th grade? By then i was free as a bird. Bike to school. After school, bike home. Or a friend's. Or the park. Or the convenience store to play video games. No cell phone to check in with parents. Just be home arond when they got home.
Oh, yeah. I grew up in NY and we were all over the place. I guess we are so bombarded with bad stories and his isn't the best area of town and a lot of busy roads and transients. But she does get some freedom. I guess part of me just doesn't feel safe in FL.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#40 May 24, 2013
Stina wrote:
<quoted text>
Oh, yeah. I grew up in NY and we were all over the place. I guess we are so bombarded with bad stories and his isn't the best area of town and a lot of busy roads and transients. But she does get some freedom. I guess part of me just doesn't feel safe in FL.
Why the fear of Florida? I was born in NY,but grew up here. I feel no fear here. Certainly not more than I would feel in NY?
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#41 May 28, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Why the fear of Florida? I was born in NY,but grew up here. I feel no fear here. Certainly not more than I would feel in NY?
Just seems more transient here, I guess. And there are a lot more "bad areas" interspersed throughout the city. There's no one area to avoid. I am not explaining it well.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#42 May 28, 2013
I know what you mean. In NY, there are "good" parts of town and "bad" parts of town. Down here affluence and poverty intersect on a block by block basis, there is no real geographic segregation.

Stina wrote:
<quoted text>
Just seems more transient here, I guess. And there are a lot more "bad areas" interspersed throughout the city. There's no one area to avoid. I am not explaining it well.

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