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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#2 May 24, 2013
1- Why not, he's old enough for sex and the truth about transgenders.

2- Nice, Amy. Your only advice is for her to dump him

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 May 24, 2013
DEAR AMY: My wife and I think it might be a good idea to let our 10-year-old son explore the city in which we live. What do you think of this? Is it even legal? If it is, how far can he stray?-- Daring Dad

DEAR DAD: It depends on where you live. When you ask how far your son can stray, the answer is, he can stray very, very far. And that presents challenges.

Many 10-year-olds and their classmates take public transportation to and from school. They confidently ride the subway; walk home from the bus stop; run out to the corner store to get a loaf of bread.

But should you let your 10-year-old “explore the city”?

No, certainly, if he has no experience navigating short distances on his own.

This is best handled in stages. First you send him on a little errand down the block. Tell him you’ll meet him in an hour at a predetermined place.

Run various scenarios with him as you walk with him through town. Let him take you on an exploratory trip during which he makes all of the choices and handles all of the transactions without your help.

When my daughter was young and we lived in Washington, D.C., we got to know many of the shopkeepers on our block. By the time she was 10, she could go on her own down the block. This is a great way to build confidence and problem-solving skills. By age 12, she was riding public transportation on her own.

Raising an adventurous, confident and savvy child can be nerve-wracking at times, but parents should foster independence. I wish more parents would let their children off the leash earlier in life
.[web site link left off]

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#4 May 24, 2013
DEAR AMY: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years. He moved into my home two years ago. His two grown children still do not greet me when we meet or include me in conversations. I have had them to my home countless times, but they still leave me in the kitchen by myself. I understand they want to visit with their dad, but there is no small talk with me unless I initiate it, and then I get one-word answers.

I have given his two grandchildren gifts for birthdays and holidays, and I have never received even a verbal thank-you from the parents.

His closest buddy does the same thing to me. We see him fairly frequently — not once has he greeted me. I always say “hello” and use his name. He will pointedly ignore me. He has also been to my home for dinner and treats me the same there. It’s not because he is shy with women; he has quite a number of female friends.

When this happens, I start seething inside, wondering why my boyfriend doesn’t see this and try to include me.

Are these people just rude? I can’t speak to my boyfriend about this because he will become angry and defend his family and good friend, saying that I am just imagining it.-- Alone in a Group

DEAR ALONE: These people are rude. And your boyfriend is the leader of the pack. No one who loved you would stand by while others ignored you or basically negated your very existence. No one who loved you would intimidate you into staying silent about something that bothered you.

It’s a good thing that your guy has so many loyal friends and family members — perhaps they will take him in when you ask him to move on.

DEAR AMY: I am responding to the letter from “Wanting to Move On.” The writer’s mother tried to insert herself into their decision to terminate a pregnancy for medical reasons.

You said that the mother’s position was a “matter of conscience.” Using one’s religious or moral beliefs to guide one’s own decisions is a matter of conscience. Using one’s religious or moral beliefs to try to make someone else’s decisions is just bullying.-- Zero Tolerance for Bullies

DEAR ZERO: I agree.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#5 May 24, 2013
1 Sure, send the little scamp off to explore. Let him hitchhike too, best way to see the country yanno.

But, I was roaming the neighborhood way before I was 10. In fact by the time I was 10 I was probably venturing 2-3 miles from home.

2 What edog said. You have a mouth, use it for something else besides... Anyway speak up to your BF, and make a scene next time it happens.

3 So, another facet of the letter I did not read...
Hmmm, so mom was trying to use religion to say that someone should risk their own life in order to bring a fetus to term.
Wonder how she would view the scene in Sofies choices where she had to choose which kid died?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#6 May 24, 2013
L1: I pretty much agree with Amy's take on it. Also, someone in this forum or in the CH forum said something the other day about how her kids aren't "free range," but rather, "sustainable." I like that distinction.

L2: The problem isn't them. THe problem is your boyfriend who allows his children and best friend to treat you this way. DTMFA.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#7 May 24, 2013
L1: Alone? The idea of that makes me uncomfortable. But I'm not a parent, so....

Having said that, the fact that you're asking Amy this makes me question YOUR parenting.

L2: Heh, Amy nailed this one.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#8 May 24, 2013
Actually Zero nailed it, amy just agreed.
j_m_w wrote:
L2: Heh, Amy nailed this one.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#9 May 24, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L2: The problem isn't them. THe problem is your boyfriend who allows his children and best friend to treat you this way. DTMFA.
That's certainly better than suggesting she, I dunno, speak up and SAY SOMETHING. Maybe that's just how these people behave, maybe they're just clueless. Smetimes people are rude without even realizing it and need someone to point it out to them.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#10 May 24, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1: I pretty much agree with Amy's take on it. Also, someone in this forum or in the CH forum said something the other day about how her kids aren't "free range," but rather, "sustainable." I like that distinction.
I like it, too.

My ex yesterday suggested that he wants to drop our 10yo off at the pool this summer to swim (there are 4 hour swim sessions). It's not a camp where there are camp counselors or anything, just your normal community pool with a lifeguard. I think she is too young to go unsupervised and I am pretty uncomfortable about it. She is a pretty independent kid, but I still think she's too young. What do you guys think? Am I being too overprotective?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#11 May 24, 2013
Stina wrote:
<quoted text>
I like it, too.
My ex yesterday suggested that he wants to drop our 10yo off at the pool this summer to swim (there are 4 hour swim sessions). It's not a camp where there are camp counselors or anything, just your normal community pool with a lifeguard. I think she is too young to go unsupervised and I am pretty uncomfortable about it. She is a pretty independent kid, but I still think she's too young. What do you guys think? Am I being too overprotective?
You can't say "10" is too young, because COUNTLESS kids that age do a lot of things independently. 10 year olds in NYC take the subway to school with no adults with them (or no older sibling).

I was 10 and went to the pool in town with my 7yo brother, no parents. Tons of kids did that.

It's more about do you think SHE can handle it? Some 10yos can, some can't.

Heh my #s are 6666

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#12 May 24, 2013
Stina wrote:
<quoted text>
I like it, too.
My ex yesterday suggested that he wants to drop our 10yo off at the pool this summer to swim (there are 4 hour swim sessions). It's not a camp where there are camp counselors or anything, just your normal community pool with a lifeguard. I think she is too young to go unsupervised and I am pretty uncomfortable about it. She is a pretty independent kid, but I still think she's too young. What do you guys think? Am I being too overprotective?
Heck, I think you can even ask her what she thinks. Maybe she'd love to try it, with a phone call to mom or dad two hours in just to check in! Or maybe it kidn of freaks her out and she'd rather have a parent there.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#13 May 24, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
That's certainly better than suggesting she, I dunno, speak up and SAY SOMETHING. Maybe that's just how these people behave, maybe they're just clueless. Smetimes people are rude without even realizing it and need someone to point it out to them.
"I can’t speak to my boyfriend about this because he will become angry and defend his family and good friend, saying that I am just imagining it"

She's afraid to speak up because she knows him well enough to know how he is. If she is afraid to say anything, she's in the wrong relationship.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#14 May 24, 2013
LW1: First off, you should ditch Amy and go look up Lenore Skenazy, since Amy basically got her answer from Free Range Kids.

Secondly, since you did ask Amy, I'm going to say the answer is probably no.

LW2: "I can’t speak to my boyfriend about this because he will become angry and defend his family and good friend, saying that I am just imagining it."

This is *really* your problem. Try to talk to him about this and if he continues to behave in this manner, then you should kick him to the curb.

LW3: I have zero tolerance for rehash.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#15 May 24, 2013
Stina wrote:
<quoted text>
I like it, too.
My ex yesterday suggested that he wants to drop our 10yo off at the pool this summer to swim (there are 4 hour swim sessions). It's not a camp where there are camp counselors or anything, just your normal community pool with a lifeguard. I think she is too young to go unsupervised and I am pretty uncomfortable about it. She is a pretty independent kid, but I still think she's too young. What do you guys think? Am I being too overprotective?
Why don't you try it in baby steps? The first time only let her stay for an hour. If that goes well, you can extend the time as you see fit.

I realize this would be your ex doing this; would he agree to something like this if it would eventually lead to her staying the full 4 hours?

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#16 May 24, 2013
Red is right, ask your daughter how she feels about it, and have an hourly check in if she does want to do it.

FWIW, I would never have even entertained such a thing with my daughter. I would let her do as she liked, but I would be there shadowing her just the same. Just the way I am wired.
Stina wrote:
<quoted text>
I like it, too.
My ex yesterday suggested that he wants to drop our 10yo off at the pool this summer to swim (there are 4 hour swim sessions). It's not a camp where there are camp counselors or anything, just your normal community pool with a lifeguard. I think she is too young to go unsupervised and I am pretty uncomfortable about it. She is a pretty independent kid, but I still think she's too young. What do you guys think? Am I being too overprotective?
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#17 May 24, 2013
Stina wrote:
<quoted text>
I like it, too.
My ex yesterday suggested that he wants to drop our 10yo off at the pool this summer to swim (there are 4 hour swim sessions). It's not a camp where there are camp counselors or anything, just your normal community pool with a lifeguard. I think she is too young to go unsupervised and I am pretty uncomfortable about it. She is a pretty independent kid, but I still think she's too young. What do you guys think? Am I being too overprotective?
What are the rules of the pool regarding unsupervised children?

By age 10, I and my friends were taking the bus over to the nearest Chicago Park District pool and swimming the day away. Back then, their rules were something like no unsupervised kids under age 8.

But most pools nowadays have rules that state no unsupervised kids under age 13 or even age 16.

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#18 May 24, 2013
Lw2- your boyfriend and you are not a team. You give presents to the grandchildren instead of having the gifts come from both of you. You are afraid of bringing up issues because he will dismiss them. He is very consistent about not seeing you as a true partner and so others are following his lead. Why are you with him again?

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#19 May 24, 2013
pde wrote:
<quoted text>What are the rules of the pool regarding unsupervised children?

By age 10, I and my friends were taking the bus over to the nearest Chicago Park District pool and swimming the day away. Back then, their rules were something like no unsupervised kids under age 8.

But most pools nowadays have rules that state no unsupervised kids under age 13 or even age 16.
When I was 12, I was taking my brothers to our neighborhood pool (members only - limited number of memberships). Now, children under 12 are not even allowed into our library without a guardian over 17.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#20 May 24, 2013
HA! The link that PE had to leave off so the thing would post was to Free Range Kids!

I love it when I'm right.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#21 May 24, 2013
ScarletandOlive wrote:
<quoted text>
When I was 12, I was taking my brothers to our neighborhood pool (members only - limited number of memberships). Now, children under 12 are not even allowed into our library without a guardian over 17.
I got my library card at age 6, and I think that was the last time my parents walked me over to the library (it was about 1/2 mile from our house, southwest side of Chicago). I spent plenty of time in that library from age 6 until we moved away when I was 10 ... they had all sorts of free, cool kid's classes, a gigantic kids and young adults section, reading hours, movie hours, etc.

At our local library recently, I left my 6-year-old happily reading on a couch in the kid's area and ran into the bathroom right next to it. The librarian didn't say anything, but she did give me the stink-eye. He didn't even MOVE in the couple minutes I was in the bathroom.

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