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Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#21 Nov 13, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
I was thinking that it could be that she let some aspects of housekeeping go when the kids were younger and really needed more time and attention, and now that they're older and able to play on their own for periods of time, she's still stuck in that old way.
You can't leave a 3 year old alone for a long period of time. They are almost worse than 1 year olds. They'll go into the medicine cabinet or, if that's all locked up, the fridge. They know how to create havoc. They get outdoors without you knowing about it, etc. You have to watch them like a hawk.

I had more time when my child was bewteen the ages of 0-2. They sleep more. Then when they're about 4 they're better. Then, they hit the teen years and all hell breaks loose.:)
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#23 Nov 13, 2012
LW1's wife is so lazy! There is no reason he should be coming home to all of that. How did he not know this before he married her? Now she is going to pass on her bad habit to her kids.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#24 Nov 13, 2012
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
You can't leave a 3 year old alone for a long period of time. They are almost worse than 1 year olds. They'll go into the medicine cabinet or, if that's all locked up, the fridge. They know how to create havoc. They get outdoors without you knowing about it, etc. You have to watch them like a hawk.
I had more time when my child was bewteen the ages of 0-2. They sleep more. Then when they're about 4 they're better. Then, they hit the teen years and all hell breaks loose.:)
Sure, but do you have to leave them *alone* per se to get things done around the house? Maybe it's just my non-parental naivete, but if you need to get the dishes done or dinner prepped, plop the kid at the kitchen table with some crayons. Hell, even 20 minutes of a TV show. Obviously, it depends on the kid, too, but I fail to believe the majority of people with 3 year olds don't get anything done around the house, ever, and literally watch the kid every second they're awake.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#25 Nov 13, 2012
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
Sure, but do you have to leave them *alone* per se to get things done around the house? Maybe it's just my non-parental naivete, but if you need to get the dishes done or dinner prepped, plop the kid at the kitchen table with some crayons. Hell, even 20 minutes of a TV show. Obviously, it depends on the kid, too, but I fail to believe the majority of people with 3 year olds don't get anything done around the house, ever, and literally watch the kid every second they're awake.
This. Just because you have to get tesk A done, does not mean you send the kids to the East wing of the house. There's always th almighty tv to keep them occupied, but if that ain't your thing....gotta cook diner? Wash dishes? Empty the dishwasher? Put them at the kitchen table to draw/color/play with the GI Joe with the kung fu grip. Gotta fold laundry? Have them pull stuff out of the dryer for you. Or take the whole basket up to wherever you want them to play and fold there while they are playing and you are close by. Do things take longer to get done when you have to watch them while you work? Sure. But that's better than doing nothing, and that's what I see from her. If he's doing dishes, laundry, & cooking, wtf is she doing during the day?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#26 Nov 13, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>This. Just because you have to get tesk A done, does not mean you send the kids to the East wing of the house. There's always th almighty tv to keep them occupied, but if that ain't your thing....gotta cook diner? Wash dishes? Empty the dishwasher? Put them at the kitchen table to draw/color/play with the GI Joe with the kung fu grip. Gotta fold laundry? Have them pull stuff out of the dryer for you. Or take the whole basket up to wherever you want them to play and fold there while they are playing and you are close by. Do things take longer to get done when you have to watch them while you work? Sure. But that's better than doing nothing, and that's what I see from her. If he's doing dishes, laundry, & cooking, wtf is she doing during the day?
I believe she's interacting with her kids. Someone in another forum suspects this woman believes she has to be doing stuff with her kids all the time -- isn't that the point in staying home? But she's likely overdoing it and not leaving them alone *enough*.

I just think she's stuck in the same rut she found herself in when she was home with a 2yo and a newborn.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#27 Nov 13, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
I believe she's interacting with her kids. Someone in another forum suspects this woman believes she has to be doing stuff with her kids all the time -- isn't that the point in staying home? But she's likely overdoing it and not leaving them alone *enough*.
I just think she's stuck in the same rut she found herself in when she was home with a 2yo and a newborn.
When my child was young, I had a girlfriend who flat asked me if I spent any time with my child b/c my home was clean for the most part. When I mentioned there were times he was good playing with his toys or whatnot by himself she got all self-righteous about it. I shrugged it off b/c while I spent tons of time with my kid, I also had to deal with the daily stuff. And I worked.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#28 Nov 13, 2012
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
When my child was young, I had a girlfriend who flat asked me if I spent any time with my child b/c my home was clean for the most part. When I mentioned there were times he was good playing with his toys or whatnot by himself she got all self-righteous about it. I shrugged it off b/c while I spent tons of time with my kid, I also had to deal with the daily stuff. And I worked.
i would have given her a boot to her self righteous ass.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#29 Nov 13, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Well, the way you phrased it, you suggested the one time major clean up, and then if that did not work, do a twice a year spring cleaning maid routine.
To me, that would be worse. Its bad enough that she is unable to clean up the current mess, but if they hired someone to to a major spring cleaning and she was unable to maintain the newfound cleanliness moving forward and let it fell back to shit requiring a maid to come in and clean every few months, I would be extremely pissed. I am very unsymathetic to a stay at home spouse who can't be bothered with routine cleaning and cooking.
I don't understand why a twice per year cleaning service would irritate you so much. As I mentioned, my friend (single at the time with a 3 bedroom house and good-sized yard) used to hire someone that often. Her house was always clean in between services. She did have a full-time job and a long commute.

I realize that I am making assumptions, but let's say, for the sake of argument, that over the course of time, LW's wife has let the housework slide. Let's say that she was not a complete slob before they had children. Maybe she just needs some occasional outside help to stay on track. It is easier to keep a place clean and organized than to do the top-down, let's get rid of half of our stuff cleaning which I assume needs to be done. So LW can continue to complain about who is right or he can try something different that might cost him a few dollars but improve his quality of life. If it doesn't work and the place is a dump again in a week, then he can go to plan B or whine harder.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#30 Nov 13, 2012
Kuuipo wrote:
I don't understand why a twice per year cleaning service would irritate you so much...my friend used to hire someone that often. Her house was always clean in between services. She did have a full-time job and a long commute.
You don't see the difference between someone who works full time outside of the house wanting to hire a maid vs someone who IS HOME ALL DAY?

But even at that, if her house remained clean in between services, I don't see why your friend felt the need to hire a maid.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#31 Nov 13, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
You don't see the difference between someone who works full time outside of the house wanting to hire a maid vs someone who IS HOME ALL DAY?
But even at that, if her house remained clean in between services, I don't see why your friend felt the need to hire a maid.
there is a difference between hiring a maid and getting the cleaning service guys to come over.

A maid sounds indulgent. The cleaning guys do teh heavy work.

I am a lousy housekeepr but gave up feeling guilty about it 40 years ago when I could not please a white glove grandmother in law who I otherwise liked.

My housekeeping did not get any better wen I was unemployed for4 months in the beginning of 09 r when I was on so called maternity leave 26 years ago

My husband learned to deal with it

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#32 Nov 13, 2012
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't understand why a twice per year cleaning service would irritate you so much. As I mentioned, my friend (single at the time with a 3 bedroom house and good-sized yard) used to hire someone that often. Her house was always clean in between services. She did have a full-time job and a long commute.
I realize that I am making assumptions, but let's say, for the sake of argument, that over the course of time, LW's wife has let the housework slide. Let's say that she was not a complete slob before they had children. Maybe she just needs some occasional outside help to stay on track. It is easier to keep a place clean and organized than to do the top-down, let's get rid of half of our stuff cleaning which I assume needs to be done. So LW can continue to complain about who is right or he can try something different that might cost him a few dollars but improve his quality of life. If it doesn't work and the place is a dump again in a week, then he can go to plan B or whine harder.
And as far as why it would irritate me, I 'm the kind of person the does not like hiring people to do things I am perfectly capable of doing. I'm not a car guy. Don't know jack about cars. So I will pay someone to fix my car when needed. I AM able to dip a brush into a paint can and spread it on the wall, so I would never hire a painter. AC unit stops working, call the AC guy. Computer problem? Step aside, let me look at it.

So from that perspective, it would really piss me off to have to hire a maid, not because my stay at home wife was incapable of cleaning the place, but because she was lazy. But lets step back a moment. This letter is not even about the house being a gigantic mess in need of spring cleaning. Its about regular upkeep. Its about him having to do daily housework after his long day at work. He comes home and does dishes, laundry, and cooks dinner. re you F'n kidding me? 12 hour work day PLUS commute time and he's got to cook dinner?!?

What is a twice a year maid going to do to remedy that? I don't know about you, but I can't go 6 months without eating dinner and don't have enough clothes to last tht long without getting them cleaned.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#33 Nov 13, 2012
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text> there is a difference between hiring a maid and getting the cleaning service guys to come over.
A maid sounds indulgent. The cleaning guys do teh heavy work.
I am a lousy housekeepr but gave up feeling guilty about it 40 years ago when I could not please a white glove grandmother in law who I otherwise liked.
My housekeeping did not get any better wen I was unemployed for4 months in the beginning of 09 r when I was on so called maternity leave 26 years ago
My husband learned to deal with it
What do you consider "the heavy work"?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#34 Nov 13, 2012
This guy must be getting up EARLY to go to work to work 12 hours days and still be home early enough to prepare dinner that's early enough for two young kids to eat.

Kuippo, I also wonder what the wife's housekeeping habits were like before kids. If they were fine, then I suspect that it's just two very small kids were overwhelming then she let the housework go, and now she's just keepin' on keepin' on.

I think they need marriage counseling before the resentment ruins everything.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#35 Nov 13, 2012
Twice a year cleaning is doing things like removing cobwebs from the high ceiling corners, vacuuming the drapes, cleaning the tops of doors/door jambs, scrubbing the groute in the bathroom, etc.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#36 Nov 13, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Twice a year cleaning is doing things like removing cobwebs from the high ceiling corners, vacuuming the drapes, cleaning the tops of doors/door jambs, scrubbing the groute in the bathroom, etc.
If that's the stuff that the cleaning crew does, then I stand by my contention that none of lw's gripes would be solved by a semi-annual cleaning crew.

I would not want to hire someone to do any of that stuff cause I consider all of that very low priority. You'd never hear me complaining ANY of that stuff not getting done. I've been in this house 11 years and neither of us has ever even thought about cleaning the tops of the doors or door jambs.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#37 Nov 13, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> If that's the stuff that the cleaning crew does, then I stand by my contention that none of lw's gripes would be solved by a semi-annual cleaning crew.
I would not want to hire someone to do any of that stuff cause I consider all of that very low priority. You'd never hear me complaining ANY of that stuff not getting done. I've been in this house 11 years and neither of us has ever even thought about cleaning the tops of the doors or door jambs.
I agree that hiring someone to do that cleaning doesn't solve the problem(s).

I also agree that I wouldn't hire someone to do something I can do myself unless time is a factor (like, I'm moving this weekend, so I'm not preparing food for a football potluck on Sunday -- and I HATE buying prepared food for such gatherings--so like that, only x100).

I also haven't cleaned those areas in the six years I've lived here (although I'm cleaning as pack and get ready to move out). So long as I don't see bugs or evidence of bugs/spiders, I leave spaces alone.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#38 Nov 13, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>And as far as why it would irritate me, I 'm the kind of person the does not like hiring people to do things I am perfectly capable of doing. I'm not a car guy. Don't know jack about cars. So I will pay someone to fix my car when needed. I AM able to dip a brush into a paint can and spread it on the wall, so I would never hire a painter. AC unit stops working, call the AC guy. Computer problem? Step aside, let me look at it.
So from that perspective, it would really piss me off to have to hire a maid, not because my stay at home wife was incapable of cleaning the place, but because she was lazy. But lets step back a moment. This letter is not even about the house being a gigantic mess in need of spring cleaning. Its about regular upkeep. Its about him having to do daily housework after his long day at work. He comes home and does dishes, laundry, and cooks dinner. re you F'n kidding me? 12 hour work day PLUS commute time and he's got to cook dinner?!?
What is a twice a year maid going to do to remedy that? I don't know about you, but I can't go 6 months without eating dinner and don't have enough clothes to last tht long without getting them cleaned.
OK, gotcha. I'm a little different from you. Sometimes I hire people to do things that I am capable of doing. Sometimes I don't.

My situation is a LOT different from LW and wife because I don't have children. But I am not unsympathetic. So I am imagining that LW's wife has had her hands full with two children under age 6 and difficulty managing her time.(I totally agree that she should be able to figure out dinner.) However, let's assume that LW is looking for a solution rather than a place to vent. What if he tries my idea? Maybe the wife will be grateful that he thought of something to do that will relieve BOTH of them of the burden of getting the house in order.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#39 Nov 14, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>i would have given her a boot to her self righteous ass.
I don't keep in contact with her any longer.:)

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