Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#41 Oct 12, 2012
I do agree with Moon and others that her husband and friends are being insensitive jerks to tease her about it.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#42 Oct 12, 2012
I dont believe that she has not reached acceptance.
I wear my fathers wedding ring around my neck. I had it enlarged and had my service cross mounted inside of it. I wear it all day every day, it never comes off unless I am cleaning it. As a piece of jewelry it is kinda ugly. Are you saying that I have never reached acceptance with my fathers death?

As for keeping the mummified corpse, I dont see anything wrong with a person doing that it they want. What about the cremated remains? Is that wrong too? I believe some folks have even mentioned taking the remains and having them compressed into a diamond that could be mounded and worn.
I see no difference (and maybe a blanket is less goulish that a diamond made out of your mother) between any of these things.

If the person was unable to function because of the death of their mother, that is not accepting their death.
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
Do folks bring blankets to football games and keep them in a purse?
Again, let me ask, why stop at blankets? What if encasing her mom’s body in glass and keeping it in her attic where no one could see it brought her comfort? Is that okay? If not; why? C’mon, it’s all about comfort … anything goes in Kumbaya land as long as it brings you comfort and no one knows, right?
I never said one can't have an emotional attachment to a blanket, but to have to take it everywhere with you is not healthy.
The last stage of a healthy grieving process is acceptance. "At some point, you will be able to integrate what has happened, and all the feelings and reactions attached to it, into your “life-story,” allowing it to take its appropriate place alongside other significant experiences. This does not usually mean that you're “done” with this loss, and can move on as if it never happened. It simply means that it no longer dominates the mental and emotional landscape so much."
She's never reached acceptance.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#43 Oct 12, 2012
j_m_w wrote:
I do agree with Moon and others that her husband and friends are being insensitive jerks to tease her about it.
Thanks. I think that's putting it lightly, but yeah. Jerks.

I just think that if it is so small she can wad/fold it up small enough that nobody ever even knew it was there, then WTF? Who the hell is it hurting?
I have a small medicine bag in my purse that my SIL made me. Has a few treasured objects in it that make me feel safer, and if I'm out and start having anxiety, I can reach in and just knowing it's there helps me calm myself. Doesn't hurt anyone, and neither does her tiny blanket in her purse.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#44 Oct 12, 2012
j_m_w wrote:
I do agree with Moon and others that her husband and friends are being insensitive jerks to tease her about it.
Some tokens are socially acceptable and others carry connotations that make them suspect. A ring, a service cross, some piece of jewelry, a small token are accepted.

A blanket is larger, has infantile implications. Its not just a remembrance of mom, it is a tangible link to being a young child.

I think those diamonds made of human remains are weird. Ashes in an urn are accepted. Mummified remains are generally addressed in the criminal code ( And how are you doing toady Mrs Bates? Norman is such a fine boy...)

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#45 Oct 12, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>yes. You're right. Carrying a small baby size blanket concealed privately in your purse is almost identical to carrying a mummified corpse around. Thanks for clearing things up.
Your contention is that, so long as no one knows and it comforts her, it's okay.

I said, fine, so long as no one knows she has a corpse in her attic and it comforts her, it's okay' right.

Now you seem to be back tracking and saying that it's not all about comfort and no one knowing.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#46 Oct 12, 2012
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>Some tokens are socially acceptable and others carry connotations that make them suspect. A ring, a service cross, some piece of jewelry, a small token are accepted.
A blanket is larger, has infantile implications. Its not just a remembrance of mom, it is a tangible link to being a young child.
I think those diamonds made of human remains are weird. Ashes in an urn are accepted. Mummified remains are generally addressed in the criminal code ( And how are you doing toady Mrs Bates? Norman is such a fine boy...)
So the issue then is not whether or not she's gotten over the death or handling it in a healthy way, but whether or not what she is doing is socially acceptable. I readily admit that the blanket is an odd thing to carry around, but if the reason she's carrying it is the same reason Race wears his big medallion or someone else wears an heirloom ring, or someone else wears their dad's watch, then whether or not they are handling the death in a healthy manner is not really a question. WHY you do things are more telling that WHAT you do.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#47 Oct 12, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
Your contention is that, so long as no one knows and it comforts her, it's okay.
I said, fine, so long as no one knows she has a corpse in her attic and it comforts her, it's okay' right.
Now you seem to be back tracking and saying that it's not all about comfort and no one knowing.
Sorry, but you're going to have to come up with something better than a corpse if you want me to take you seriously.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#48 Oct 12, 2012
RACE wrote:
As for keeping the mummified corpse, I dont see anything wrong with a person doing that it they want.<quoted text>
Nooooo, nothing wrong with that!!! Not at all.

Whatever, dude, people are strange. People have the right to be strange, but it's a bit much when they act all indignant when folks think them strange for being strange.

Should her husband have called her a weirdo or whatever; no, that's his wife, but her behavior is odd. The same can't be said about wearing a ring on a necklace.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#49 Oct 12, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Sorry, but you're going to have to come up with something better than a corpse if you want me to take you seriously.
Why? Is it because a corpse is too weird? If you feel that way, you are now admitting that weirdness factors in to the equation and we are not in Kumbaya land where anything goes so long as it makes you feel comfort and no one knows about it. In which case I can say carrying around a blanket in your purse is kinda weird too.

My niece used to have to carry around a little piece of her baby blanket when she was 2 or 3. I would hope my wife would be a little bit more emotionally developed than a 2 or 3 year old. That my wife would act like a 2 or 3 year old because her mother died, doesn't change the fact that she is acting like a 2 or 3 year old. Would I mock and ridicule her for this like the jerk husband; no, but I would encourage her to work on it and grow past it?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#50 Oct 12, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
Nooooo, nothing wrong with that!!! Not at all.
Whatever, dude, people are strange. People have the right to be strange, but it's a bit much when they act all indignant when folks think them strange for being strange.
Should her husband have called her a weirdo or whatever; no, that's his wife, but her behavior is odd. The same can't be said about wearing a ring on a necklace.
Somewhere in between wearing a peice of jewlry and keeping a mummified corpse, there is a line that gets crossed. I don't know where the line is, but keeping a blanket in your purse is on the same side of the line as wearing the jewelry. The corpse is about a mile past the line. Its ridiculous of you to even compare the blanket thing to your little corpse fairy tale.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Brooklyn, NY

#51 Oct 12, 2012
NWmoon wrote:
WTF? Who the hell is it hurting?
No one ever said she was hurting anyone, that's not the issue. The issue is, there's a healthy way to deal with things and there's an unhealthy way.

Saw an episode of Taboo about an adult baby. He'd wear baby clothes, sleep in a crib, and play with baby toys. Nothing sexual, he just said it made him feel secure and brought him comfort. He's not hurting anyone and he's doing it in the privacy of his own home. Now to each his own, but does he sound mentally "healthy?"

This lady isn't carrying around a rabbits foot or a peice of jewlery, she's carrying around a baby's BLANKY. If you need a baby's blanket to feel secure when you're a grown adult, you have a mental issue. Maybe the only thing her husband is doing wrong is teasing her about it when he should be getting her help.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#52 Oct 12, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
Would I mock and ridicule her for this like the jerk husband; no, but I would encourage her to work on it and grow past it?
And if she declined your encouragement and said, "no. I'm fine with handling things my way. Its not a big deal and its not hurting anyone." Then what? Would you then compare what she's doing to having her mother's corpse in the living room? You seem very bothered by this.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#53 Oct 12, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
This lady isn't carrying around a rabbits foot or a peice of jewlery, she's carrying around a baby's BLANKY. If you need a baby's blanket to feel secure when you're a grown adult, you have a mental issue. Maybe the only thing her husband is doing wrong is teasing her about it when he should be getting her help.
She's carrying around a blanket that was made for her, and gifted to her when she was 9 years old, not a blanket she had as a baby. While I still wouldn't consider it much more than slightly odd for an adult to have an attachment to a particular item from his or her infanthood, there's really not even that particular connotation here. She didn't have the blanket as an infant. She received it as a 9-year-old.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#54 Oct 12, 2012
Maybe I really can't work up much emotion about this because we also don't know what she's calling a blanket. There are many knitting patterns that can be a shawl, a small blanket, or an afghan based on the yarn used. For example:

http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/giras...

Knit it in laceweight, and it's a pretty elegant circular shawl. Knit it in fingering or sport, and it's a fancy baby blanket. Knit in aran or worsted doubled and it's a queen-sized afghan.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#55 Oct 12, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I wear a diaper in public because it brings me comfort and no one can see it. Do I have a problem?
Yes you do but it has nothing to do with the diaper.:D

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#56 Oct 12, 2012
Okay -- of the people here who think she needs to "get over it", who has lost at least 3 people close to them?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#57 Oct 12, 2012
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
She's carrying around a blanket that was made for her, and gifted to her when she was 9 years old, not a blanket she had as a baby. While I still wouldn't consider it much more than slightly odd for an adult to have an attachment to a particular item from his or her infanthood, there's really not even that particular connotation here. She didn't have the blanket as an infant. She received it as a 9-year-old.
Whether she got it at 9 or as a baby makes no difference to me. She's a grown woman and needs a keepsake from childhood to feel secure.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#58 Oct 12, 2012
Toj wrote:
Okay -- of the people here who think she needs to "get over it", who has lost at least 3 people close to them?
Me.

And I don't know who's telling her to "get over it," most of the defectors here are saying it's totally okay to hang on to it, it's just unhealthy to not be able to leave the house without it.

Imagine what would happen to this woman if she DID lose her purse? I predict it could very well put her over the deep-end.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#59 Oct 12, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
Somewhere in between wearing a peice of jewlry and keeping a mummified corpse, there is a line that gets crossed. I don't know where the line is, but keeping a blanket in your purse is on the same side of the line as wearing the jewelry. The corpse is about a mile past the line. Its ridiculous of you to even compare the blanket thing to your little corpse fairy tale.
Well my example served its purpose. See, it's not really about comfort and whether anybody sees it, as you first contended. That was a bunch of Kumbaya b.s. That's what I would expect from planet Toj or Jess. I had to use an outlandish example for you to acknowledge this.

So now we get down to the crux of the issue. It really is about weirdness. You are NOW arguing that an adult keeping a "security blanket" in a purse and taking it everywhere they go is not weird. To me that's pretty weird. That keeping a dead corpse may be weirder doesn't change this.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#60 Oct 12, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>And if she declined your encouragement and said, "no. I'm fine with handling things my way. Its not a big deal and its not hurting anyone." Then what? Would you then compare what she's doing to having her mother's corpse in the living room? You seem very bothered by this.
If by bothered, you mean weird and unhealthy, sure.

Again, my corpse analogy was to remove us from Kumbaya land.

I doubt I would ever marry someone with such a lack of coping skills such that they needed to carry a "security blanket" with them everywhere. I have to believe that the underlying cause of this would also manifest itself in other ways that are unappealing.

However, assuming I were attracted to women who were emotionally stunted, and she were my wife, I'd have to be more diplomatic about it (I don't have to do that on here). I am sure I would express that I feel it is unhealthy and encourage her to do something else with it. If she refused, I would accept that it is her choice to make.

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