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21 - 40 of 96 Comments Last updated Oct 15, 2012

Since: Mar 09

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#21
Oct 12, 2012
 
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
She calls it a security blanket. If she wanted to keep it just as a keepsake she would keep it at home.
Egg-zackly.

I maintain that it's unhealthy, what she's doing. It's been 20 friggin years, you have to move on at some point.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

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#22
Oct 12, 2012
 

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Matilda77 wrote:
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Ooh, I like. Then make her paint over or replace everything of yours that gets damaged.
My thought exactly

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#23
Oct 12, 2012
 

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Sublime1 wrote:
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She calls it a security blanket. If she wanted to keep it just as a keepsake she would keep it at home.
what if she had a ring from her mother that she would not take off for the same reason? Seems to me like everyone has a problem because the item is unorthodox, but no one would have known about it if she had not mentioned it. If it brings her comfort and no one even sees it, where ia the problem?

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#24
Oct 12, 2012
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>what if she had a ring from her mother that she would not take off for the same reason? Seems to me like everyone has a problem because the item is unorthodox, but no one would have known about it if she had not mentioned it. If it brings her comfort and no one even sees it, where ia the problem?
We are not talking about a ring that is intended to be worn as jewelry. We are talking about a blanket that she carries in her purse. Blankets arenít intended to be carried around in purses. If she wanted to use the blanket at home and it brought her comfort, Iíd have no problems with it, and I don't think anyone else would, either.

What if she had her mummified momís body encased in glass in her attic and went to visit it alone? Would you say if it brings her comfort and no one sees it, where is the problem? Iíd say thatís highly abnormal and the sign of someone who has issues.

This is captain obvious territory.

Since: Feb 08

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#25
Oct 12, 2012
 

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Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>what if she had a ring from her mother that she would not take off for the same reason? Seems to me like everyone has a problem because the item is unorthodox, but no one would have known about it if she had not mentioned it. If it brings her comfort and no one even sees it, where ia the problem?
There is no problem except in the others' eyes. They didn't even know it was there until she mistakenly thought that she could confide some private things to her "friends" and husband. Obviously she's misjudged them.
Husband is an azzhat for joining in and deriding her with the friends, too.
She needs to just tell them it's no longer a topic they can discuss, not mention it again and just keep it wherever she feels best about keeping it.
I'm not about to rip the crutches out from under anyone unless they're something destructive to others. It's a small thing to just leave her alone about it.
But I'll bet it's going to be some time before she trusts her friends or husband with anything personal again.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Brooklyn, NY

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#26
Oct 12, 2012
 

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Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>what if she had a ring from her mother that she would not take off for the same reason? Seems to me like everyone has a problem because the item is unorthodox, but no one would have known about it if she had not mentioned it. If it brings her comfort and no one even sees it, where ia the problem?
I wear a diaper in public because it brings me comfort and no one can see it. Do I have a problem?

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

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#27
Oct 12, 2012
 
LW2 - 2 things - work with a therapist to move beyond this. find an expert knitter who can take a bit of it so that you can keep a small piece of it wiht yuo and keep the rest at home. maybe look for a piece of jewlery that you can wear to keep mom even closer...?

LW3 - husband should say something to his mohther, but since he apparently isn't, LW should remove the temptation for MIL. whoever said to move as much correspondence and billing to on-line is right, and did someone mention moving the desk (or at least the function it's serving now) to antoerh room, maybe the master, so that MIL can't get to it?
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#28
Oct 12, 2012
 
LW1: She sounds like my good friend's son-in-law's mother, except that this LW appears to have some sense of guilt. Abby's answer was good, but I am surprised that she didn't suggest counseling to figure out why she dates married men with families and creates or attracts drama.

LW2: Losing your mother at any age is horrible, but to lose her at 10 must be particularly traumatic. LW will stop carrying it when SHE is ready, and until then she doesn't owe anyone an explanation. Maybe if her husband and friends were more supportive, she wouldn't feel the need for the comfort the blanket provides.

LW3: There's nothing on my desk that I care if anyone sees. I have a little shredder and a locking file drawer. Problem solved.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

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#29
Oct 12, 2012
 

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edogxxx wrote:
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I wear a diaper in public because it brings me comfort and no one can see it. Do I have a problem?
No, you are just being kind to the people who are pooperscoopers
pde

Schaumburg, IL

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#30
Oct 12, 2012
 
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
We are not talking about a ring that is intended to be worn as jewelry. We are talking about a blanket that she carries in her purse. Blankets arenít intended to be carried around in purses. If she wanted to use the blanket at home and it brought her comfort, Iíd have no problems with it, and I don't think anyone else would, either.
I have a knit shawl about the size of a baby blanket that I keep in my purse during the winter. It's not a security object, it's a warmth object, and it's about the size/weight of many knit baby blankets.

The LW stated it was about the size of a baby blanket. If she's willing to carry a purse that accommodates something the size I'm picturing--and many purses will--I don't see a problem. As others have pointed out, the biggest problem I see is the possibility of her losing it via her purse getting stolen or something. I wouldn't lose a sentimental object if my purse got stolen and the shawl went with it.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#31
Oct 12, 2012
 

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edogxxx wrote:
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I wear a diaper in public because it brings me comfort and no one can see it. Do I have a problem?
You've got lots of problems

Since: Jan 10

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#32
Oct 12, 2012
 
NWmoon wrote:
<quoted text>There is no problem except in the others' eyes. They didn't even know it was there until she mistakenly thought that she could confide some private things to her "friends" and husband. Obviously she's misjudged them.
Husband is an azzhat for joining in and deriding her with the friends, too.
She needs to just tell them it's no longer a topic they can discuss, not mention it again and just keep it wherever she feels best about keeping it.
I'm not about to rip the crutches out from under anyone unless they're something destructive to others. It's a small thing to just leave her alone about it.
But I'll bet it's going to be some time before she trusts her friends or husband with anything personal again.
While I don't think carrying around this blanket is the healthiest option, I also don't think she's hurting anyone else, and what's the alternative? Going on anti anxiety meds with side effects?

I agree with your post and others who said something similar.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Brooklyn, NY

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#33
Oct 12, 2012
 

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NWmoon wrote:
<quoted text>There is no problem except in the others' eyes. They didn't even know it was there until she mistakenly thought that she could confide some private things to her "friends" and husband. Obviously she's misjudged them.
Husband is an azzhat for joining in and deriding her with the friends, too.
She needs to just tell them it's no longer a topic they can discuss, not mention it again and just keep it wherever she feels best about keeping it.
I'm not about to rip the crutches out from under anyone unless they're something destructive to others. It's a small thing to just leave her alone about it.
But I'll bet it's going to be some time before she trusts her friends or husband with anything personal again.
Figures you'd defend the nut ball and lay the blame on the people who think her behavior isn't healthy.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#34
Oct 12, 2012
 
I agree with Tonka. She's married and her husband never knew until she told him about it. I dont get the impression she parades it around, and who's flipping business is it anyway?

What about the person who carries a lucky rabbits foot? That seems weirder considering the poor rabbit who lost it.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#35
Oct 12, 2012
 
Yes lots of problems, but wearing a diaper is not one of them.
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I wear a diaper in public because it brings me comfort and no one can see it. Do I have a problem?

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#36
Oct 12, 2012
 
So your stating that any ring can only be worn if it is simply a piece of jewelry? There can be no emotional attachment to the ring at all?

Blankets offer warmth and comfort, why is that warmth and comfort to only be enjoyed in the home? What about all those crackpots who bring blankets to football games?
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
We are not talking about a ring that is intended to be worn as jewelry. We are talking about a blanket that she carries in her purse. Blankets arenít intended to be carried around in purses. If she wanted to use the blanket at home and it brought her comfort, Iíd have no problems with it, and I don't think anyone else would, either.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#37
Oct 12, 2012
 

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RACE wrote:
So your stating that any ring can only be worn if it is simply a piece of jewelry? There can be no emotional attachment to the ring at all?
Blankets offer warmth and comfort, why is that warmth and comfort to only be enjoyed in the home? What about all those crackpots who bring blankets to football games?
<quoted text>
Do folks bring blankets to football games and keep them in a purse?
Again, let me ask, why stop at blankets? What if encasing her momís body in glass and keeping it in her attic where no one could see it brought her comfort? Is that okay? If not; why? Címon, itís all about comfort Ö anything goes in Kumbaya land as long as it brings you comfort and no one knows, right?

I never said one can't have an emotional attachment to a blanket, but to have to take it everywhere with you is not healthy.

The last stage of a healthy grieving process is acceptance. "At some point, you will be able to integrate what has happened, and all the feelings and reactions attached to it, into your ďlife-story,Ē allowing it to take its appropriate place alongside other significant experiences. This does not usually mean that you're ďdoneĒ with this loss, and can move on as if it never happened. It simply means that it no longer dominates the mental and emotional landscape so much."

She's never reached acceptance.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#38
Oct 12, 2012
 

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Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
We are not talking about a ring that is intended to be worn as jewelry. We are talking about a blanket that she carries in her purse. Blankets arenít intended to be carried around in purses. If she wanted to use the blanket at home and it brought her comfort, Iíd have no problems with it, and I don't think anyone else would, either.
What if she had her mummified momís body encased in glass in her attic and went to visit it alone? Would you say if it brings her comfort and no one sees it, where is the problem? Iíd say thatís highly abnormal and the sign of someone who has issues.
This is captain obvious territory.
yes. You're right. Carrying a small baby size blanket concealed privately in your purse is almost identical to carrying a mummified corpse around. Thanks for clearing things up.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#39
Oct 12, 2012
 

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And I fail to see whether or not other folks can see it or not makes it any less weird. Also why stop at blankets.

If it comforts me to drink milk out of the same baby bottle my deceased mom used to feed me out of in the privacy of my own home, does the fact that I do so privately make it any less strange? Would my wife and friends be wrong to think that is odd and unhealthy?

It's really about dealing with loss in a healthy way. Healthy mature adults don't need to carry around a blanket in their purse or drink out of a baby bottle.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#40
Oct 12, 2012
 
L1: You should feel guilty -- harlot!

L2: So there seems to be a lot of people who disagree with her carrying it around. I agree that the purse could get stolen and she'd lose it forever. What I wonder is, if it was a necklace her mother gave her that she never took off, no one would think that's weird. I don't think this is weird, to want comfort from a mother she never got to know as an adult. But if I was her I would have it professionally cleaned and framed and put it up on my bedroom wall. Maybe put a picture of her mom in the frame along with it or next to it or something.

L3: The letter says she goes through it. I think she's opening things. Had an experience with a MIL like this. Putting everything away won't stop someone like this, she'll just look all over the house when the DIL isn't home. I'd mess her mind big time. Leave planted mail out that would either disturb her or give her something to talk about where everyone knows it isn't true so she looks like she's nuts. I'd have to know her to get more specific. But play with this woman's mind.

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