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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Oct 12, 2012
DEAR ABBY: Two men have left their wives for me. The relationship I had with the first one ended very badly (his choice). The second started shortly thereafter, and I am still with him.

When the first man found out, he tried to resume seeing me and became verbally abusive and harassed me when I wouldn't. He hasn't returned to his wife and has tried twice to commit suicide.

Both of these men are now divorced, and their ex-wives and children are understandably bitter. Even though they made the decision to leave without me asking them to -- or even being aware that they were going to -- I feel guilty having a hand in ending two marriages.

I'm sure the last thing either the wives or the children would want from me is an apology or any contact at all. What else can I do to come to terms with and accept what happened?-- THE OTHER WOMAN

DEAR OTHER WOMAN: You appear to be carrying a large burden of guilt. And that's a good thing. There is nothing you can do to make amends to the families you have helped ruin because you can't change the past. All you can do is vow that in the future you won't fool around with any more married men. And then stick to it.

DEAR ABBY: When I was 9, my mother knitted me a small blanket, about the size of a baby's. I lost her to cancer a year later, when I was 10. Since then, I have carried it with me everywhere.

I am 26 now and married. I still have the blanket and carry it with me in my purse. Recently, I mentioned it to my husband and some friends. They were not supportive like I thought they would be. They made fun of me and called me "immature."

I got defensive and told them it was a reminder of my mother. My husband said I should keep a picture of her instead and throw the blanket away.

Abby, now I feel insecure and childish. Is a security blanket normal for someone my age, or should I just listen to my friends?-- MRS. LINUS IN TEXAS

DEAR MRS. LINUS: Your question is not as unusual as you may think. It has appeared in my column before.

Considering the story behind the blanket, I understand why you are so attached to it. Lack of maturity has nothing to do with this. The connection to the mother you lost at such a tender age has everything to do with it.

Your husband and friends appear to have hides of "pure Corinthian leather." Do whatever makes you comfortable and do not apologize for it.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law goes through my mail and any items on my desk at home. She used to do it in secret and would stop when she got caught. Now she does it in front of me, but never when my husband is around.

I don't care why she's doing it; I just want her to stop. How do I relay that to her without offending her?-- FRUSTRATED SOMEWHERE IN THE USA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Because you can't bring yourself to tell your mother-in-law plainly that what she's doing is rude and nosy, when you know she's coming over, put your papers out of sight.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#2 Oct 12, 2012
2
Part of growing up is separating from your parents even if they have died.Its not that you have a cherished relic from your mom, its that 15 years later you keep a blanket- not a small item- in your purse. Put the blanket in one of those wedding dress conservation bags and keep it at home, although not on your pillow. Find something smaller to remind you of mom. It won't diminish her memory if you leave the nest metaphorically speaking.

3. If you have no spine to talk to your nosy MIL you have some options.
Move as much as possible on line and password protect your email
Get a PO Box and then get a box with a lock on it for your desk.
Take an envelope, plant a gotcha note to your MIL and leave it under some other things so she would know you know she has been snooping
Sign up for something so you get junk mail from shocking sources.

So many ways to have fun with this

L1 needs to realize that the First Lover was emotionally unstable across the board- for choosing to cheat, for leaving LW and then wanting her back when she found someone else, for being harassing and abusive and for attempting suicide

It is not the question that was asked, but I am going to guess that LW is commitment phobic and that why she gets involved with married men and is then dismayed when they leave their wives.
Once is passion, twice is a pattern

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 Oct 12, 2012
L1: I think you should show up at their doors with an apology and a plate of cookies. That'll fix everything.

L2: I think it's weird that at your age, you're essentially carrying a pacifier around with you. You need to find another way to comfort yourself. Therapy will give you those tools.

L3: Put them in a lockable drawer or box and don't let her see where you keep the key. What a biotch!

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#4 Oct 12, 2012
L3: Alternative: Plant some especially juicy letters for her to find.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#5 Oct 12, 2012
LW1: "What else can I do to come to terms with and accept what happened?"
You knew exactly what you were doing when you got involved. You justified it in your head that it was ok for them to cheat with you, but feel guilty because their marriages ended? You're twisted. Its all fruit from the same tree. Your tree. You want absolution? Go see a priest. You damn sure won't get it from the families.

LW2: Your husband and friends should go pound sand. The only reason I would recommend not carrying it with you everywhere is because it is so valuable to you. If your purse gets lost or stolen, bye bye blanket.

LW3: "How do I relay that to her without offending her?"
Who gives a shit if she is offended? Use your words.

That being said, where is this desk of stuff she is going thru? If its in a home office that she has no business being in, close the f'n door. If its in a common area, the question is, what do you mean by "going thru"? Is she picking stuff up and reading it or is she just looking at stuff laying out in the open but not actually touching it. If that's the case, how bout you clean the damn desk up. Plain sight is on you, not her.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#6 Oct 12, 2012
LW3 - Put her on some juicy mailing lists so she is more interested in her own mail than yours.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Oct 12, 2012
LW1: I wouldnít contact their ex-wives or children. You kind of just have to accept and try to learn from it. Whatís done is done. Guilt is the price you pay.

LW2: I think that is odd, but I see no reason for your husband to be so unsupportive. It would have been an opportunity for him to help you work past it and maybe get to the point where you donít have to carry it around everywhere.

I still have a baby blanket that my godmother crocheted for me. My kids use it and think itís cool that it was my blanket.

LW3: Quit being a pansy and tell her she is not welcome to go through your stuff.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#8 Oct 12, 2012
1 Your just bummed that now this guy is with you ALL the time.

2 Tell everyone to go ef themselves. I still have the blanked that my parents had on their bed. Its a magic blanket. I use it whenever I get sick to help me heal.

3 Wow, so many ways to be a doormat.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Bronx, NY

#9 Oct 12, 2012
3- Turn her in to the FBI. Opening someone else's mail is a federal offense.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#10 Oct 12, 2012
L1: Winner winner, chicken dinner. Bake a nice pie and show up on their doorsteps. I'm sure you'll be welcomed with open arms and all your sins will be washed away. AH HAVE BEEN REDEEMED!*eye roll*

L2: I don't think it's that weird, but I can't believe you haven't had a purse stolen ever or at least consider it a risk. Either you live in a low crime area or you have that thing surgically sewn in to your shoulder.

L3: You could have a lot of fun with this. Fake postive AIDS tests, paternity tests, bankrupcy (sp?) papers, etc. You get it.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#11 Oct 12, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
3- Turn her in to the FBI. Opening someone else's mail is a federal offense.
Doesn't say she opens the mail.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#12 Oct 12, 2012
L1: If you sincerely want to express regret, send them each a snail mail letter. They have the option to read it or not, and you've extended the olive branch so you'll feel better. Now... stop dating married guys!

L2: I do think this is abnormal and unhealthy.*Keeping* the blanket isn't the issue,*constantly carrying it around* is the issue. You need to learn how to move on, it sounds like you're stuck in one particular stage of grief.

L3: Write her a note that says "quit reading my mail, you nosy busybody!" and mail it to yourself.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#13 Oct 12, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Doesn't say she opens the mail.
Oh, right... then stick that note among the stuff she goes through.
Sam I Am

Palatine, IL

#14 Oct 12, 2012
1. In honor of Dave, I will not say what I am thinking.

2. I think carrying that blanket everywhere is emotionally unhealthy.

3. Tell her she is not welcome in your home if she cannot respect your privacy.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#15 Oct 12, 2012
LW1: What Tonka said.

LW2: Your purse must be very big.

I think your husband is mean for not supporting you. I mean, he doesn't have to love the idea, but making fun of you in front of friends is dooshy.

LW3: I like PEllen's idea, but I'm thinking of something more like the dye packs for a bank robbery.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#16 Oct 12, 2012
To all the folks who have a problem with the blanket lady, the woman is 26 years old and no one noticed it until she recently mentioned it. She's not walking around like Linus. She said its a small baby blanket. Probably folded and rolled up to the size of a big lady's wallet. If her husband died and she wore his ring on a ncklace, I don't think anyone would have anything to say about it being unhealthy for her. The blanket is just not a typical keepsake to walk around with, but it serves the same purpose aas the ring.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#17 Oct 12, 2012
squishymama wrote:
LW3: I like PEllen's idea, but I'm thinking of something more like the dye packs for a bank robbery.
Ooh, I like. Then make her paint over or replace everything of yours that gets damaged.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Bronx, NY

#18 Oct 12, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Doesn't say she opens the mail.
Then I don't see the problem.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Bronx, NY

#19 Oct 12, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
To all the folks who have a problem with the blanket lady, the woman is 26 years old and no one noticed it until she recently mentioned it. She's not walking around like Linus. She said its a small baby blanket. Probably folded and rolled up to the size of a big lady's wallet. If her husband died and she wore his ring on a ncklace, I don't think anyone would have anything to say about it being unhealthy for her. The blanket is just not a typical keepsake to walk around with, but it serves the same purpose aas the ring.
Not sure if the lady has a problem or not, but I can see a difference between wearing a ring on a necklace versus carrying around a baby blanket, even if it's in your purse. That just seems like the type of thing that should be kept somewhere at home. Seems odd the woman can't leave home without her blankie.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#20 Oct 12, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
To all the folks who have a problem with the blanket lady, the woman is 26 years old and no one noticed it until she recently mentioned it. She's not walking around like Linus. She said its a small baby blanket. Probably folded and rolled up to the size of a big lady's wallet. If her husband died and she wore his ring on a ncklace, I don't think anyone would have anything to say about it being unhealthy for her. The blanket is just not a typical keepsake to walk around with, but it serves the same purpose aas the ring.
She calls it a security blanket. If she wanted to keep it just as a keepsake she would keep it at home.

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