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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Nov 8, 2012
DEAR ABBY: As Veterans Day approaches, may I share a few guidelines that can be helpful when interacting with veterans or service members?

1. It is never OK to ask a veteran if he or she has killed someone or to joke about it. If we have, we can't even talk about it with our spouses, much less a stranger.

2. When you thank us for our service or pay for our meal, it is really appreciated. We also appreciate packages and notes.

3. Please don't tell us that wars are a waste of dollars or lives or were fought for oil. What we hear is that, in your opinion, our best friend died for nothing. We know many people disagree with war, but it's better to keep your opinions to yourself.

4. Many of us now have PTSD. If you see us acting anxious or moving away from crowds, turning our backs to the wall or fidgeting, simple kindness or a little distraction will be appreciated. Talk to us about something interesting and give us some breathing room.

5. Please remember that 15 percent of those who serve in the military are women, and some have been in combat. It's better to ask, "Are you a veteran?" rather than, "Was your husband a soldier?"

6. As with any person who has a disability, please do not stare at us. We can be sensitive about our scars or injuries and would prefer not to be asked to relive a difficult experience by being quizzed about what happened. Please also understand that war injuries today are very different than in the past and are often not visible. It is not OK to tell someone they "don't look disabled" or appear to need help.

Those of us with disabilities appreciate light conversation and assistance if we look like we are in need.

It was my pleasure to serve our country.-- AMANDA C., U.S. ARMY DISABLED VETERAN

DEAR AMANDA C.: Thank you for your service. And thank you, too, for your helpful suggestions, which are sure to be appreciated not only by civilians, but also by active and retired members of our military.

Readers, as the war in Afghanistan winds down, many thousands of service members are returning home and entering the job market. Please, if possible, honor their courage, dedication and sacrifice by doing your part and providing them with employment. Considering what they have done for us, it is the least we can do to show our appreciation.

DEAR ABBY: I'm afraid I'm an abusive girlfriend. When I get mad at my boyfriend, I yell at him and call him names. Sometimes I hit him. Even though he really makes me angry, I do love him.

I'm not crazy, but I don't know how to control myself. It's not like I'm threatening to kill him.

I don't want to go to counseling or group classes. I don't really hit him a lot. I yell more. I also have jealousy issues. What can I do?-- PROBLEM GIRLFRIEND

DEAR GIRLFRIEND: Your concern is justified, because you are an abusive girlfriend. While I applaud your growing self-awareness, it is very important that you understand the reasons you are behaving this way so you can stop. While you may not like the idea of counseling or group anger management classes, it would be much better if you went voluntarily rather than one day having them court-mandated.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#2 Nov 8, 2012
1- The veteran in me wants to tell this guy to blow his self-grandiosing out his @zz.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#3 Nov 8, 2012
L1: PSA. Most of this is common sense. While I wasn't all on board about the war, I do appreciate the sacrifices veterans make for all of us. I don't know anyone who doesn't.

L2: No. No. Think it over, LW. You just might be crazy and your bf should dump you.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#4 Nov 8, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
1- The veteran in me wants to tell this guy to blow his self-grandiosing out his @zz.
Hats off to the people who served, but, yes, the tone of the letter is peevish. I don't think this particular letter was well chosen for publication

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#5 Nov 8, 2012
LW2: "I don't want to go to counseling or group classes."
Put on your ruby slippers and click your heels 3 times. That the kind of solution you were hoping for?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#6 Nov 8, 2012
L1: WHo are these people who do such rude things? And you want packages or something? I think you need to get over yourself.

L2: You're an abusive person. You need therapy, whether you want to go or not. Your boyfriend should dump you.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#7 Nov 8, 2012
1 I thought the letter was good. Though I doubt that many people do the things listed, I got the impression the overall idea was to think and have a little consideration.

2 The future Mrs Edogxxx writes in.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#8 Nov 8, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1: WHo are these people who do such rude things?
Heh. My friend C's mom (60-something years old) asked our friend B (Iraq and Afghanistan vet) if he had killed anyone. C's husband J ripped her a new one right then and there. She won't be asking anyone else, unless she's completely daft.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#9 Nov 8, 2012
L2: Congrats! You've pinpointed the problem; now do something about it. If you were a dude, you'd be in jail by now. You also sound like you're 12.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#10 Nov 8, 2012
RACE wrote:
2 The future Mrs Edogxxx writes in.
Ha!
ChicagolandChica

Atlanta, GA

#11 Nov 8, 2012
Are there not veterans out there who see the war as unnecessary? I would never attack someone for being in the armed services -- it's not a job I could ever do. But we do have a volunteer force, they chose it, they were not forced into it. Maybe your best friend did die for nothing. Maybe you believe that too.

We should always be respectful, absolutely, but I don't see veterans as perfect people who should be kowtowed to at all times. I have more respect for firefighters, paramedics and police officers, to be honest.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#12 Nov 8, 2012
Why? They volunteer for their jobs just like vets, the only exception is the ridiculous retirement plans they have.
I respect this group less than any grunt who served.
ChicagolandChica wrote:
I have more respect for firefighters, paramedics and police officers, to be honest.
ChicagolandChica

Atlanta, GA

#13 Nov 8, 2012
RACE wrote:
Why? They volunteer for their jobs just like vets, the only exception is the ridiculous retirement plans they have.
I respect this group less than any grunt who served.
<quoted text>
Because they're generally in it for the long haul, and face more danger over the course of their careers.

YES, of course there are people in the Army/Navy/Marines/Air Force who get shot at or blown up or are in otherwise awful situations, but there are plenty who don't see any action, either, especially in peace time.

Firefighters get the most respect from me, actually, because they are deliberately running into a place that everyone else is running away from.
Sam I Am

Knoxville, TN

#14 Nov 8, 2012
1. Lighten up, Francis.

2. What kind of wuss is your bf that he sticks around? Wait, I bet you haven't thrown a chair at him yet. Never mind.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#15 Nov 8, 2012
LW1: OK, thanks for the advice; we'll do our best.

LW2: What Angela said.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#16 Nov 8, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
1- The veteran in me wants to tell this guy to blow his self-grandiosing out his @zz.
Wrong pronoun, dog.

The letter is signed "AMANDA C., U.S. ARMY DISABLED VETERAN"
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#17 Nov 8, 2012
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
Wrong pronoun, dog.
The letter is signed "AMANDA C., U.S. ARMY DISABLED VETERAN"
So THAT is teh probelm. He can't tell the boys from the girls. Ah Hah!
Sam I Am

Knoxville, TN

#18 Nov 8, 2012
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
So THAT is teh probelm. He can't tell the boys from the girls. Ah Hah!
That would complicate his homophobia somewhat, would it not?

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#19 Nov 8, 2012
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Hats off to the people who served, but, yes, the tone of the letter is peevish. I don't think this particular letter was well chosen for publication
I agree. And the letter's point #2 sounds like she (since it's Amanda, we decided it's a female LW, right?) is basically asking for strangers to pick up her check in restaurants. I'd gladly do that for a veteran on a given day but not after they basically told me I should.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#20 Nov 8, 2012
RACE wrote:
Why? They volunteer for their jobs just like vets, the only exception is the ridiculous retirement plans they have.
I respect this group less than any grunt who served.
<quoted text>
I agree.

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