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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Nov 14, 2012
DEAR AMY: My partner's mother is a very unreasonable person. She is very hard on her daughter. No matter what my partner does, she is not supportive and always criticizes her.

Lately she has given us a lot of ultimatums. The first one was because we were planning to adopt two cats to be companions for our little dog. We were told that if we got the cats, she would not come over to the house for a visit.

For Thanksgiving we have invited friends to share the meal with us. My "mother-in-law" said that if we invited anybody for Thanksgiving, she would not come. Now the latest ultimatum is that if I invite any of my family over for dinner on Christmas, she will not come.

I know this has been hurting my partner. She wants her mother to be with us for Christmas. Now my partner's mother is telling me that I have to make a decision as to whether I see my family for Christmas or I see her.

My partner agrees that I should have my family for Christmas, but this is painful for her. How do I deal with this? What do I say to my mother-in-law? Help!-- Powerless Partner

DEAR PARTNER: Your partner's mother can lay down whatever ultimatums she likes, but you should know that this is a pathetic and mad grab for power and control. If you give in, the family terrorist wins.

You and your partner should do your best to run a peaceful, happy home with your pets, friends and family. I like the idea of continuing to invite your partner's mother to join you for holidays, etc., but she doesn't get to control the pet count or guest list. It's that simple.

This behavior is designed to divide and conquer. Don't let this happen. If you give in to one unreasonable demand, you will encourage her to demand more. You and your partner should stay on the same page. You should always be respectful and kind to her, while working hard to maintain your own sense of calm. She will have to adjust to this, and if you stay firm she might come around.

DEAR AMY: The man of my dreams asked me to marry him last night, and while I am so excited to get married to him, I was disappointed with the way he asked -- and especially with the ring. He asked me on the eve of my birthday in the living room. This is fine, but he knows I would have much rather received this proposal in a natural setting.

Money has been very tight, and sometimes we even struggle to find money for food. So I was not expecting a ring and couldn't believe it when he gave me one. However it is a very cheap ring, and while I love him very much and understand this is just a symbol, I would have preferred nothing to something chintzy.

I would have rather saved and gotten something nice later or just wear a modest wedding band. Now I have to wear something that I don't really like for the rest of my life. What should I do?-- Frustrated Fiancee

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Imagine how the man of your dreams might feel to learn that everything about his proposal was wrong. Please don't convey this to him.

You do get to talk about the ring, however. Do not refer to it as "chintzy," but do ask if you could return it to shop together for something inexpensive to take its place. You may find an inexpensive "estate" ring you both like. Otherwise, it is completely acceptable to be engaged without a ring and save for later.

DEAR AMY: "Confused" wrote to you, upset because her parents were making her come home before the end of her school dance. I think she should ask them to be chaperones. That way they could supervise and see for themselves what the fuss is about.-- Former Teen

DEAR FORMER: Having your parents chaperone a dance might put a teen in the seventh circle of hell, but it might also solve the problem she was having.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#2 Nov 14, 2012
1- How many times can you use the word "partner" in a letter? That's another word these gays are ruining for the rest of us. Police have "partners," lawyers have "partners," comedy duos have "partners," you shouldn't use partner to describe your SO. Come up with a new word, peeps.

But anyway, your "bulldykelover's" mother probably doesn't approve of her daughter's lifestyle and this is how it's manifesting, so what Amy said, don't let her dictate and control your actions.

3- Maybe the parents want a night to themselves. And even Cinderella had to be home before midnight.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#3 Nov 14, 2012
1 To hell with her and her demands. Never given in to an ultimatum! Did you ever think she hates the word "partner" as much as anyone who reads your letter?

2 Wow, he proposed to you in the wrong place AND gave you a cheap ring? This is an outrage... Do him a favor and take your ungrateful butt down the road. Pure nonsense.

3 Girl stuff don't care.
liner

Brooklyn, NY

#4 Nov 14, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
1- How many times can you use the word "partner" in a letter? That's another word these gays are ruining for the rest of us. Police have "partners," lawyers have "partners," comedy duos have "partners," you shouldn't use partner to describe your SO. Come up with a new word, peeps.
But anyway, your "bulldykelover's" mother probably doesn't approve of her daughter's lifestyle and this is how it's manifesting, so what Amy said, don't let her dictate and control your actions.
3- Maybe the parents want a night to themselves. And even Cinderella had to be home before midnight.
1: Right on Dog! My first thought was that the old lady ain't on board with this whole "partner" thing and ain't gonna be, not nohow.
2: Sweetie, if "the man of your dreams" had an ounce of brains, he would take this opportunity to run. Far. Fast. Never look back. Ever.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#5 Nov 14, 2012
lw1: Partner, partner, partner. Lemme guess. You're gay adn you PARTNER's mom is a homophobe and wants nothingto do with you or your gay friends. F her. There's nothing you can do to fix this.

LW2: Go on craigslist and find someone into bdsm. Does not matter if its a man or woman. You just need someone to give you a good beating. You wanted the proposal in a more natural setting? WTF does that mean? You're not naturally sitting in your living room regularly? Oh. By "natural", you meant completely fabricated, contrived, and a big production. Why didn't you just say that?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#6 Nov 14, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
1- How many times can you use the word "partner" in a letter? That's another word these gays are ruining for the rest of us. Police have "partners," lawyers have "partners," comedy duos have "partners," you shouldn't use partner to describe your SO. Come up with a new word, peeps.
They're been trying to use husband or wife, but peeps like you are trying to stop that too.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#7 Nov 14, 2012
L1: I actually like Amy's answer.

L2: Do your "dream guy" a favor and dump him so he can be with someone who deserves and appreciates him.

L3: That's the worst idea ever.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#8 Nov 14, 2012
1 If you cant be straight, you could at least be accommodating.

2 Oh, you sound like a real prize. bet you will be disappointed in the house you live in, the children you bear and the job he has too.

3 JMW said it.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#9 Nov 14, 2012
L1: Geez, just put a contract out on that horrible woman and end your partner's self-induced misery.

L2: You GD frickin' whiny glass cry baby. Please, go tell him right now that you aren't happy with how he proposed so he can take his ring back and find someone normal and mature. If you refuse to do this, at least shut up about the proposal for the rest of your life, grow up, and learn to stop basing your romantic expectations on what you've read in gothic romance novels. And you don't have enough money for food but you wanted a nicer ring? You. Are. An. Idiot. I would tell your man to run as fast as he can away from you and your general vicinity.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#10 Nov 14, 2012
Nothing for me to add. The group has all bases covered

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#11 Nov 14, 2012
L2: You are a horrible, horrible woman. Please go drown yourself, post haste.

L3: Well, that LW is clearly someone who was in a coma from ages 10-20. Dumbest answer ever.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#12 Nov 14, 2012
PEllen wrote:
Nothing for me to add. The group has all bases covered
No kidding.
Sam I Am

Knoxville, TN

#13 Nov 14, 2012
1. First off, who wants this lady around? Second, you are gay, so I assume you have unfortunately dealt with a not insignificant amount of backlash in your life. Use what you have learned here. Your "MIL" does this because the behavior has been rewarded in the past. Your partner needs to have the strength to tell her mother that she is going to end up ultimating (yes, fake word, shut up) her way out of her daughter's life. Your partner needs to make clear she is going to live her life, and if her mother wants to be a part of it, it is up to her.

2. Do your man a favor and say no. Then go play in traffic. On a busy, icy, dark road.

3. Just grind up some Tylenol PMs and put them in their dinner before you go.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#14 Nov 14, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
1- How many times can you use the word "partner" in a letter? That's another word these gays are ruining for the rest of us. Police have "partners," lawyers have "partners," comedy duos have "partners," you shouldn't use partner to describe your SO. Come up with a new word, peeps.
But anyway, your "bulldykelover's" mother probably doesn't approve of her daughter's lifestyle and this is how it's manifesting, so what Amy said, don't let her dictate and control your actions.
And the word "gay" used to mean happy and carefree.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#15 Nov 14, 2012
LW2: I always say if you really love someone, you'll marry him in your blue jeans. But I don't know anyone who has actually done this!

LW reads spoiled and immature, but I do get her point about the ring. I've always felt that it's best for a woman to pick out her own ring because she's the one who will be wearing it.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#16 Nov 14, 2012
Kuuipo wrote:
LW reads spoiled and immature, but I do get her point about the ring. I've always felt that it's best for a woman to pick out her own ring because she's the one who will be wearing it.
That was J's thinking, too. Drove me a little nuts, because I think he could have done just fine picking one out on his own. But I like the finished product.
Sam I Am

Cedar Grove, TN

#17 Nov 14, 2012
Kuuipo wrote:
LW2: I always say if you really love someone, you'll marry him in your blue jeans. But I don't know anyone who has actually done this!
LW reads spoiled and immature, but I do get her point about the ring. I've always felt that it's best for a woman to pick out her own ring because she's the one who will be wearing it.
I disagree. The engagement ring is a symbol of the man's feelings for and commitment to the woman. I want my guy to pick it out.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#18 Nov 14, 2012
I'll bet you get the prettiest beer tab in the whole 6 pack!
Sam I Am wrote:
<quoted text>
I disagree. The engagement ring is a symbol of the man's feelings for and commitment to the woman. I want my guy to pick it out.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#19 Nov 14, 2012
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
And the word "gay" used to mean happy and carefree.
Exactly! And "santorum" was just a guys name!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#20 Nov 14, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>They're been trying to use husband or wife, but peeps like you are trying to stop that too.
Yes, that's "our" term, they need to find their own.

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