“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#62 Aug 17, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
To me it's not about being a more productive member of society. It's his attitude that everyone should just support him in the hopes that he is the exception to the rule and makes it big time.
I would have never asked my parents to support me in my early 20s because I was pursuing my dreams of winning the lotto, which is essentially what he is trying to do. Hell more people win the lotto than ever make it big in a band.
All the guys I knew who were in bands, worked too or went to school. This guy thinks he's so f'ing talented that everyone should just provide for him.
You speak of him as if he's making demands of people.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#63 Aug 17, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>I don't know what the magic number is, but its certainly not early 20's.
This. AFAIC, the only ones that have a right to call him a loser or say he should get out and get a day job are the ones he's living with. We don't know what his deal with them is.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#64 Aug 17, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>(snipping to point)
This guy thinks he's so f'ing talented that everyone should just provide for him.
How the f do you know that? Did his parents write to you about it?
ALL we know is what the girlfriend wrote.
It is just as likely that mommy and daddy don't want their baby boy to fly the nest yet, and he's just making them happy while he pursues this.
When they write in complaining, THEN I'll go to the loser side, but I'm not there just because he's living at home and his girlfriend doesn't like the situation. She's free to find another boyfriend and quit her b!tching.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#65 Aug 17, 2012
NWmoon wrote:
<quoted text>This. AFAIC, the only ones that have a right to call him a loser or say he should get out and get a day job are the ones he's living with. We don't know what his deal with them is.
Ha! I know you're sincere and it's a great thought but I can't help laughing.

It's what we do on there -- pass judgment when we have no idea what the whole picture is or what their lives are really all about. Who does it hurt, though? Perhaps this way we get some of that judgmental mindset out so we don't sling it on the real people in our lives.:)

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#66 Aug 17, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
There are plenty of people whose company I enjoy and who I have fun with Ö I call them friends. I donít want to date a ďfriend.Ē Someone who I am dating should be more than just a FWB. To me every day spent dating someone who I see absolutely no future with is just a wasted day that I could be spending with someone who I will have a future with or maybe because Iím in a relationship and am not on the prowl I miss out on a woman who I would have a future with.
I also donít need a woman in my life to have fun. So, if one is going to be in my life, I want what I want and thatís not someone I see absolutely no future with. Itís just a big waste of time to me.
<quoted text>
You ask why? Because I donít want to date someone I see no future with. I donít think Iím in the minority, when it comes to this. Most folks break up when they see no future with each other.
<quoted text>
I didnít say marriage, as in I would be in a hurry to get to the alter, but I wouldnít waste time with someone who I knew I had no future with.
I also wouldnít want to risk possibly getting stuck in such a relationship. Say she gets knocked up, for example.
It also just wouldn't work, because I'm very independent (much more independent than my wife, for example). If I'm not into a woman, I'm not going to fake it and she's not going to be a huge priority in my life. That will show, and when it comes to women, that's a big problem.
<quoted text>
It doesnít matter what his age is because you said until his parents cut off the support, heís not a loser.
Yes, tonka, this is his big shot. Once he gets into the 9-5 grind his chances of making are going to plummet all the way from .00000000000000000000000000000 0000000000001% of a chance to making it big time to 0%.
I wouldnít call a drop from .00000000000000000000000000000 0000000000001% to 0% plummeting. Iíd call that pretty much the same odds.
We are just diametrically opposed on this and will never agree because we disagree on the the foundations.
You got married at 23. I never considered that nor would I advide my kids to ever get married so young. You seem to think that if you are in a relationship, you should be analyaing how you see it long term or else you are wasting your time. Again, I disagree. Early 20's, just out of college, I had zero interest in getting married any time soon. Did that mean I should not seek out female companionship? Hell no. You would look at a relationship like that as a waste of time simply because it was not being built upon. I look at it as time well spent. I guess in your mind, George Clooney's whole life has been a big waste of time since he's gone on record saying he has no intention of ever getting married. I don't have a problem with that. You obviously do.

Since: Mar 09

#67 Aug 17, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
To me it's not about being a more productive member of society. It's his attitude that everyone should just support him in the hopes that he is the exception to the rule and makes it big time.
My stipulation is that it's not "everyone" but just his family, if they're volunteering to do it.

And I keep saying that *I* would not want to be involved with someone in this situation regardless, so as much fun as it would be to be in-laws with you and Bambi, I'll pass on being set up with your brother.
;)

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#68 Aug 17, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>We are just diametrically opposed on this and will never agree because we disagree on the the foundations.
You got married at 23. I never considered that nor would I advide my kids to ever get married so young. You seem to think that if you are in a relationship, you should be analyaing how you see it long term or else you are wasting your time. Again, I disagree. Early 20's, just out of college, I had zero interest in getting married any time soon. Did that mean I should not seek out female companionship? Hell no. You would look at a relationship like that as a waste of time simply because it was not being built upon. I look at it as time well spent. I guess in your mind, George Clooney's whole life has been a big waste of time since he's gone on record saying he has no intention of ever getting married. I don't have a problem with that. You obviously do.
Itís not about marriage. Itís about future. Iím not wasting my time with someone I have no future with.

I only got married at 23 because my wife has a medical condition and we werenít sure if she could have kids later (I would have preferred to wait until my 30s).

I donít have a problem with George Clooneyís whole life. I just could never be like that. I see women for more than just a temporary toy for me to fí before I move onto the next one. Some guys can do that. Some guys can tell girls all the things they want to hear, but none of it's true. I'm not like that. I emotionally connect.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#69 Aug 17, 2012
NWmoon wrote:
<quoted text>How the f do you know that? Did his parents write to you about it?
I know this because I actually read the letter:

"He defends himself by claiming that he writes all the songs in our band, and that we wouldn't get as much done if he had to get a job."

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#70 Aug 17, 2012
Yup!
1 we dont know the wealth of the parents, lets just say that they can afford to feed him and provide free rent. Even without getting a job to show maturity, he does not even contribute around the house. the LW says he is at her pad mostly and goes home to work on his music.
At the most the parents should give him 2yrs max to pursue his dream, after that a reality check is in order.

Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>We shall agree to disagree. If my parents were mega rich and were able to bestow upon me enough money that I'd never have to work, I'd be one happy camper. I have a job for ONE reason. I got bills to pay. I need money in this life. If I won the lotto coming out of college and had enough to sustain me the rest of my life, there would never be a W-2 in my name.
Of course, if I blew thru it all and then was unable to support myself, then I'd slide into loserdom.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#71 Aug 17, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
I know this because I actually read the letter:
"He defends himself by claiming that he writes all the songs in our band, and that we wouldn't get as much done if he had to get a job."
That is what she says, I haven't seen anything from his parents.
I don't care what she says, until the ones he is supposedly mooching off complain and call it that, afaic, it isn't.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#72 Aug 17, 2012
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Ha! I know you're sincere and it's a great thought but I can't help laughing.
It's what we do on there -- pass judgment when we have no idea what the whole picture is or what their lives are really all about. Who does it hurt, though? Perhaps this way we get some of that judgmental mindset out so we don't sling it on the real people in our lives.:)
Well, that is my opinion and my judgement on that particular situation.
In other news,
I judge you to be too lazy or stupid to know the word is "here" not there, and that it is "judgement" not judgment.
Boy that made me feel so much better, I probably won't kick the cats today!
end snark.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#73 Aug 17, 2012
RACE wrote:
Yup!
1 we dont know the wealth of the parents, lets just say that they can afford to feed him and provide free rent. Even without getting a job to show maturity, he does not even contribute around the house. the LW says he is at her pad mostly and goes home to work on his music.
At the most the parents should give him 2yrs max to pursue his dream, after that a reality check is in order.
<quoted text>
If you were 22, and you had some distant eccentric hermit of a relative die and he just happened to be filthy rich and left you $10 million after taxes, would you run out and get a job? Are the people that would not losers to you?

You're overly concerned with what he does or does not contribute. If his parents feel used, that would be one thing, but if they are happy to provide him a situation where he does not need to contribute, what's the problem?

(Speaking of dead relatives and big inheritances, I just read John Grisham's "The Testament", and that is the big story line. I thought it was a great book. Just read that he wrote it in the late 90's and optioned it to a movie producer in 2009. SO it could be made into a movie soon)

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#74 Aug 17, 2012
NWmoon wrote:
<quoted text>That is what she says, I haven't seen anything from his parents.
I don't care what she says, until the ones he is supposedly mooching off complain and call it that, afaic, it isn't.
Oh, so let's presume she is lying and make up our own facts because we haven't heard from every party. I can do that too:

It could be that he likes torturing animals too, and if we heard from his parents, they might possibly tell us this.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#75 Aug 17, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
Itís about future. Iím not wasting my time with someone I have no future with.
And that's where we differ. Every move I make does not have to be geared toward some goal in the future. If you play football or basketball in high school, is it a waste of time if there is no possibility of you getting a scholarship in said sport? With your line of thinking it is. You act like having a relationship based in the here and now is somehow disrespectful to the woman(referring to her as a plaything). But if she knows the score and is cool with it, no one is getting mistreated and both are happy in the now with no promises of the future.

I guess my problem with the way you are portraying this, it feels like you think you're doing her a favor by breaking it off since you see no future, when in fact she might be fine with that. You're really breaking it off cause YOU want to seek someone else out with whom you have a future.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#76 Aug 17, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
Oh, so let's presume she is lying and make up our own facts because we haven't heard from every party. I can do that too:
It could be that he likes torturing animals too, and if we heard from his parents, they might possibly tell us this.
I'll play that game. His parents shell out a lot of money in his teen years on music lessons and are pressuring him to make a career in the music business so they don't feel like that money was wasted. His dad is a failed musician and is trying to live vicariously thru his son. His son has offered to get a job and his dad tells him, not necessary. He needs to bring a return on dad's investment. Here's $40 walkin round cash.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#77 Aug 17, 2012
NWmoon wrote:
<quoted text>Well, that is my opinion and my judgement on that particular situation.
In other news,
I judge you to be too lazy or stupid to know the word is "here" not there, and that it is "judgement" not judgment.
Boy that made me feel so much better, I probably won't kick the cats today!
end snark.
Glad I helped the cats out.

Of course, everyone has an opinion. You judge me lazy or stupid and then correct me. Yes, there was an extra "t" on that word "here". I was not wrong about judgment. If you feel the need to correct someone, be sure you're correct yourself.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#78 Aug 17, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>And that's where we differ. Every move I make does not have to be geared toward some goal in the future. If you play football or basketball in high school, is it a waste of time if there is no possibility of you getting a scholarship in said sport? With your line of thinking it is. You act like having a relationship based in the here and now is somehow disrespectful to the woman(referring to her as a plaything). But if she knows the score and is cool with it, no one is getting mistreated and both are happy in the now with no promises of the future.
Thatís fine if folks want to do that. I donít want to do that. I see it as a waste of time. I donít need a woman to have fun and I donít need to keep a woman who I have no future with. Iíd rather move on and try a different flavor.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>I guess my problem with the way you are portraying this, it feels like you think you're doing her a favor by breaking it off since you see no future, when in fact she might be fine with that.
I donít feel like Iím doing her a favor. I feel Iím doing whatís right.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>You're really breaking it off cause YOU want to seek someone else out with whom you have a future.
Thatís part of it. If I see no future with a woman, Iím going to be looking for another woman. Iíd rather end it with the woman I see no future with before I do that.

She may say sheís okay dating me even though we have no future, but I know women. As soon as I start dating a new one and tell her she wonít be seeing anymore because of this, Iím going to be the bad guy and sheís going to be upset. Iíd rather just end it and move on with my life without dealing with such complications.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#79 Aug 17, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
Oh, so let's presume she is lying and make up our own facts because we haven't heard from every party. I can do that too:
It could be that he likes torturing animals too, and if we heard from his parents, they might possibly tell us this.
I didn't say she was lying, I said we're only getting HER opinion on the situation. She sees it her way, his parents likely see it differently since there is no mention of his folks pushing him to get his own place.
Hey, maybe they just don't like the girl and figure that him having free room and board will keep him from marrying someone they don't care for or approve of.
I am not making anything up about the situation, just saying that all we have is one side, and any supposition that he's a loser based on what a dissatisfied girlfriend says is just that. We don't know WHY his parents let him stay, just that they do.
And with all her whining, if she's not saying "his parents want him out but he won't get a job", then I think it's unlikely that they want him out.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#80 Aug 17, 2012
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Glad I helped the cats out.
Of course, everyone has an opinion. You judge me lazy or stupid and then correct me. Yes, there was an extra "t" on that word "here". I was not wrong about judgment. If you feel the need to correct someone, be sure you're correct yourself.
Hey, you felt the need to laugh at me for my POV.
Sorry, but my spell check says your spelling was wrong. I admit I didn't consider that it is another acceptable spelling. It is not the way I spell it, and mine is just as acceptable. So we are both correct on the spelling of judgement.
The whole spelling thing was snark, if I were a serious spelling nazi I'd be forever doing it. I am not.
PEllen
#81 Aug 17, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>If you were 22, and you had some distant eccentric hermit of a relative die and he just happened to be filthy rich and left you $10 million after taxes, would you run out and get a job? Are the people that would not losers to you?
You're overly concerned with what he does or does not contribute. If his parents feel used, that would be one thing, but if they are happy to provide him a situation where he does not need to contribute, what's the problem?
(Speaking of dead relatives and big inheritances, I just read John Grisham's "The Testament", and that is the big story line. I thought it was a great book. Just read that he wrote it in the late 90's and optioned it to a movie producer in 2009. SO it could be made into a movie soon)
Is that the one where teh lawyer winds up in teh Amazon convincing someone to agree to proceed and tehn phones back via satellite phone from a canoe or something?

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