Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#22 Aug 16, 2012
LW should tell him she's going to quit her job so she can focus on her music, and ask if she can move in with him at his parents'.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#23 Aug 16, 2012
Mimi Seattle wrote:
3: It wasn't a MIL, just my entire certifiably bat-shit crazy family I chose to live 1000+ miles away from most of my life. You just can't fix them and the only way to get any peace of mind is to NOT be intimately involved with them on a day to day basis. <shrug>
One more thing we have in common. It worked, too.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#24 Aug 16, 2012
Hey cutie! welcome back.
I am using netflix to watch every star trek episode..Ever!
done with ds9, and next generation. Now on voyager, will finish with the original series, then probably go forward again.
Pixx wrote:
<quoted text>
Yeah, I agree with this. He lives with her almost all the time, but doesn't contribute at all. She's worried that he's just going to end up using her and expecting her to do everything for him the rest of his life while he putters around being an "artist". Seems like a legit concern to me.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#25 Aug 16, 2012
LW1 - don't have much more to add...

LW2 - yes, this seems like the definition of insanity - you've witnessed behavior that doesn't work, so you try it yourself. great strategy.

LW3 - i dunno, my hubby wishes he were further away from his mother...

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#26 Aug 16, 2012
Pixx wrote:
<quoted text>
Yeah, I agree with this. He lives with her almost all the time, but doesn't contribute at all. She's worried that he's just going to end up using her and expecting her to do everything for him the rest of his life while he putters around being an "artist". Seems like a legit concern to me.
Hiya, Pixx. Nice to see you.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#27 Aug 16, 2012
I keep getting some gateway error (It's annoying) when posting. Sorry for the double post.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#28 Aug 16, 2012
Me too. Why doesn't someone fix the dam gate?
Sublime1 wrote:
I keep getting some gateway error (It's annoying) when posting. Sorry for the double post.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#29 Aug 16, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
How do you figure that? Maybe she doesn’t want to waste years in a relationship with some guy who has no ambition. Also, this notion that she’s only in her 20s and should be okay dating some loser because she’s in her 20s makes no sense to me.
Did someone steal your topix password and post as you this morning?
First, MY OPINION is that early 20's is too young to be looking to settle down. That's why their age is pertinent to me. You may feel differently. Second, I don't classify him as loser with no ambition. He does have ambition. To make it in the music business. Right now, his parents are willing to cover his living expenses. To me, that makes him FORTUNATE/LUCKY, not a loser. His parents are not going to do that forever, so he's wise to take advantage of it while he can since he is not making a living on his music. Once the parental well dries up, THEN we'll see if he's a loser. If he still refuses to get a job then, then my opinion will change. I see zero shame in living off of mom and dad in your early 20's(as long as they re cool with it) unless you've got no long term plan. He does. His music.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#30 Aug 16, 2012
squishymama wrote:
Geez, no pressure PEllen!
LW1: Unless he's won a McArthur Genius Grant, he needs to support himself in some way. Right now, he's doing that by living at home. Until his parents get sick of that, you should be happy he's not mooching off you more than the utilities he's using while he's at your place.
And you do realize that he does not want this situation to change. He's getting free rent at his parent's house and free pussy at your house and all the free time in the world to write music. Of course he's gonna get pissed at you trying to rock the boat. <humming... don't rock the boat baby. Our love is like a ship on the ocean, sailing with a cargo full of love and devotion>
Bottom line advice: do NOT let him move in with you until he realizes that unless writing songs is paying the bills, he will have to get a j-o-b.
This. All of it.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#31 Aug 16, 2012
Toj wrote:
L1: He could at least work at a music store or giving private lessons -- whatever. Run from this guy. There is so many jobs related to the music business. I'm not saying they pay much but at least he could be making something connected to his passion.
But he has no incentive to. His lives for free with his parents and they cover his food. Why get a job if he does not need it and it will distract him from his music?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#32 Aug 16, 2012
Pixx wrote:
<quoted text>
Yeah, I agree with this. He lives with her almost all the time, but doesn't contribute at all.
If he was working and had a place of his own would she still have this concern about him not contributing? No. Cause he'd have his own bills to pay. She'd just be happy with the time he was spendig with her.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#33 Aug 16, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>First, MY OPINION is that early 20's is too young to be looking to settle down. That's why their age is pertinent to me. You may feel differently. Second, I don't classify him as loser with no ambition. He does have ambition. To make it in the music business. Right now, his parents are willing to cover his living expenses. To me, that makes him FORTUNATE/LUCKY, not a loser. His parents are not going to do that forever, so he's wise to take advantage of it while he can since he is not making a living on his music. Once the parental well dries up, THEN we'll see if he's a loser. If he still refuses to get a job then, then my opinion will change. I see zero shame in living off of mom and dad in your early 20's(as long as they re cool with it) unless you've got no long term plan. He does. His music.
If you're in your 20s, have no job, no education, living with your parents, hoping to make it big someday as a famous rock-star, you're a LOSER.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#34 Aug 16, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>First, MY OPINION is that early 20's is too young to be looking to settle down. That's why their age is pertinent to me. You may feel differently.
Having been married at the age of 23, I do feel differently, and maybe she does.

Personally, I could have never had such an attitude with women at that age. An attitude along the lines of “whatever, we are just dating and I’m having a good time, but I can’t see me ever marrying this girl, but I’m gonna keep dating her anyway” would of seemed dumb and a waste of time to me. It also would seem to me that if I did not see a future with a woman, that the best thing I could do for her was to break up with her and let her find someone else who cares for her as much as she cares for me, as hard as breaking up may be.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Second, I don't classify him as loser with no ambition. He does have ambition. To make it in the music business. Right now, his parents are willing to cover his living expenses. To me, that makes him FORTUNATE/LUCKY, not a loser. His parents are not going to do that forever, so he's wise to take advantage of it while he can since he is not making a living on his music. Once the parental well dries up, THEN we'll see if he's a loser.
Huh? He only becomes a loser if the well dries up?

So if he’s 35 and still living in his parents basement and still pursuing his music business that isn’t making any money, he’s not a loser because the parental well hasn’t dried up? Sorry, Tonka, a 35 year old living with his parents and no job is a loser.

Your rules taken to their logical conclusion lead to extreme results, which demonstrate that your rules must be faulty.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#35 Aug 16, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> But he has no incentive to. His lives for free with his parents and they cover his food. Why get a job if he does not need it and it will distract him from his music?
Oh, please! Gag me.

It's okay. We'll just disagree about this one.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#36 Aug 16, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
If you're in your 20s, have no job, no education, living with your parents, hoping to make it big someday as a famous rock-star, you're a LOSER.
I bet if the guy was living in his folks basement, hoped to get rich by winning the lotto, and spent any money he got his hands on on buying lotto tickets, that Tonka would say, "he's not a loser with no ambition. His ambition is to win the lotto! I only wish I had a daughter of age to set him up with!"
Julie
#37 Aug 16, 2012
LW1: "Before you write him off as a complete deadbeat, he is an extremely talented musician, and the primary reason he lives at home is so that he can spend pretty much all his time on his creative pursuits."
ROFLMAO. Geez, honey, you are STOOPID. He leeches off his parents, he leeches off you and contributes *nothing.* This immature loser will continue to contribute *nothing* as long as you all enable him.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#38 Aug 16, 2012
Tonka, at this stage he is not a productive member of society.
And if he's so gifted, he would by now be teaching and could easily have his own paying students. All the great composers had students. And for many of them that is exactly who they wrote for.
Their music is not only a guide for how to play, but to compose too.
I minored in music in college, and at the time my best instructor Mike, who I studied with for over two years was charging upwards of $35 dollars/half hour.
But I use my music for recreation and haven't made a dime performing.
I'm still going to do that youtube channel someday. I'll let you know when I get my camera.....

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#39 Aug 16, 2012
I'm with Tonka. Kid's not *necessarily* a loser. Time will tell.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#40 Aug 16, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
Personally, I could have never had such an attitude with women at that age. An attitude along the lines of “whatever, we are just dating and I’m having a good time, but I can’t see me ever marrying this girl, but I’m gonna keep dating her anyway” would of seemed dumb and a waste of time to me.
Why? Is there some deorective that tells you every relationship should have marriage as the goal and if that's not on your radar, then end it? Dating is supposed to be fun. What happened to dating cause you simply enjoy someone's company or you have fund together?
Sublime1 wrote:
It also would seem to me that if I did not see a future with a woman, that the best thing I could do for her was to break up with her and let her find someone else who cares for her as much as she cares for me, as hard as breaking up may be.
Why? She's a big girl. As long as you are straight with her that you have no aspirations to get married, at least not any time soon, wy make the decision for her? If you are having fun being with her but are not looking to get married, what makes you think she does not have the same view. If she does, then you would have broken up for no good reason. How bout you let the other person decide if she's fine with status quo?

This idea that any relationaship time not spent building towards marriage is a waste is ludicrous.
Sublime1 wrote:
Huh? He only becomes a loser if the well dries up?
So if he’s 35 and still living in his parents basement and still pursuing his music business that isn’t making any money, he’s not a loser because the parental well hasn’t dried up?
But he's not 35. He's early 20's. Probably fresh out of college. Has not started dow a career path. THIS is the best time for him to take his shot. Once he gets into that 9-5 grind, his chances of making it are going to plummet. His folks are giving him an opportunity.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#41 Aug 16, 2012
Pearl Jam just celebrated their 20th anniversary last year. Whether they are your cup of tea or not, you cannot deny that they have had a very successful run and a huge following (and are still going). Cameron Crowe made The documentary movie PJ 20 chronicling the early pre-PJ days and how the band formed leading into telling the tale from the last 20 years.

In the movie, Soundgarden lead singer Chris Cornell told a story about how he ws looking for room mate. Someone suggested he call up(future Pearl Jam guistarist) Stone Gossard. Stone turned down the offer as he was living with his parents and content with his living situation. the ead singer of Stone's band ended up romming with Cornell. You guys would have looked at him and considered him a loser. But he looked at it as an opportunity and parlayed that into a 20+ year career as a guitarist and songwriter.

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