“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Dec 30, 2013
Dear Amy: My wife is small-chested, but, to my eyes, not unnaturally so. She has expressed concerns that her small chest size might be related to our difficulties

in conceiving (but, to be fair, we are both in our 40s), and she is visibly bothered by displays of women with large breasts (which, as you know, are ubiquitous).

I want to tell her that she is normal, but I don't really have enough information to say that conclusively. I do tell her that she is attractive, and believe me, she is. People comment all the time about her beauty, and we have very strong sexual chemistry. I find her body, including her breasts, very attractive, and tell her so.

I do notice, though, that she doesn't do the things that many other women I have known do when it comes to body care. She doesn't shave her legs or under her arms. She doesn't get manicures, pedicures, massages, facials, you name it. I'd suggest those things to her, but I think she would just see it as criticism of her appearance (and she is already very sensitive).

What can I do to help my wife? Love Her

Dear Love: If your wife has a fairly constant preoccupation and dissatisfaction with her body, she might have something called body dysmorphic disorder. People with this become obsessed over a "flaw" that others may not notice. This can have a devastating impact on self-esteem and relationships.

You should lovingly reassure her that she is naturally beautiful and absolutely normal and that you love her just as she is. Many women don't pursue facials, manicures and spa treatments; this does not indicate that she is less feminine than women who do.

She should definitely follow up with her physician (about her fertility, but she should also ask about her breast size). She should also see a psychologist, so she can talk this through to find ways to cope with this preoccupation. If she desires augmentation surgery, this should be discussed thoroughly with her therapist and physician to deal with any underlying mental health issues. Surgery might change her cosmetically, but it would not necessarily heal what really ails her.

Dear Amy: I used to have the same problem with Christmas as "Tired of December Drama." There were too many relatives and friends to visit, too many presents and too many celebrations to attend.

All of this drama will be solved by life itself.

When my dad died years ago, I no longer had to deal with a stepmother whom I disliked (the feeling was mutual). Then my wonderful in-laws passed, leaving a hole in our hearts and a day open at Christmastime.

After Thanksgiving last year my mom died suddenly; we held a memorial service two days before Christmas because we knew so many of our friends would be in town for the holidays.

This Christmas we don't have to go to our parents' houses because they have been sold. There are new families living there now. Life is messy, frantic, complicated, tragic and, if you're lucky, filled to the brim with love. We have to take a deep breath, dig in and take lots of photos. I can guarantee, "Tired" will look at those photos in the future and think only of how lucky she was. Missing My Momma

Dear Missing: Life washes over us. Everything changes. Thank you for an eloquent summing up of what it's all about.

Dear Amy: I would like to thank "Widowed in Bethesda" for his honest and heartbreaking account of what it is really like when a spouse or partner dies. People who have been in your life for a very long time have a way of disappearing. In my experience, the busiest people were the ones who also made time for me.

Like Widowed, initially I wanted to be alone. I wasn't able to tell people what I needed. The most comfort I received was from people who worked to maintain the friendship, even though my life had changed dramatically. Been There

Dear Been There: There has been an outpouring of support to "Widowed"; I know his letter is helping other people.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#2 Dec 30, 2013
LW1: She is aware of how babies are made, right? Small boobies do not equate to non-functioning uterus.

LW2: This is the same method I'm using to get my promotion!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Dec 30, 2013
1 See, chicks got issues over her small rack, and the guy is supposed to bend over backwards to reassure her, but if the guy has paycheck issues, he's a loser. This double standard is what is dividing this country!

2 Yeah, people die and free up your holiday schedule...Aint life grand?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#4 Dec 30, 2013
1- Boob job. You had me until she quit shaving her legs and underarms. I'd be more concerned about THAT. That's natural birth control right there.

2- Well put.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#5 Dec 30, 2013
Lw1: tell chewbacca that she's got some other issues that are way bigger turn offs than small boobs.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#6 Dec 30, 2013
LW1: I find the practice of surgically altering normal, healthy breasts by implanting bags of saline or silicone under the skin unnecessary and ridiculous.(Reconstruction due to mastectomy is a different topic.) People don't even know what normal breasts look like any more. My understanding is that those implants do not last forever. I'd be willing to bet that LW's wife is average-sized as opposed to small based on his description of "not unnaturally so." LW, what you can do to help your wife is to tell her she is beautiful and that you love her just the way she is. Please do not encourage her to have an expensive and unnecessary surgical procedure for vanity's sake.
I agree with edog about the shaving of legs and underarms, but it doesn't seem to bother LW.

LW2: EEEEKK. Well there's a perspective for ya.
Blunt Advice

New York, NY

#7 Dec 30, 2013
AA Gorilla girl is 40 plus. She should have tried conceiving years ago. Those eggs have passed their peak.
RIP to 2 and 3 relatives.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#8 Dec 30, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
LW, what you can do to help your wife is to tell her she is beautiful and that you love her just the way she is.
He's tried all that. I see nothing wrong with body modification to make you feel more secure. I've known a couple women who've had breast implants and it's really boosted their confidence. Like surgically removing a large, hairy mole hanging off your face. Or the people who pierce every orifice or tattoo themselves.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#9 Dec 30, 2013
Blunt Advice wrote:
AA Gorilla girl is 40 plus. She should have tried conceiving years ago. Those eggs have passed their peak.
Not at all. 40 is the new 20!
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#10 Dec 30, 2013
1: Small boobs equate to conception? This lady is whack.
This sounds rude, but I don't know how someone with hairy legs and pits is always being told how beautiful she is.
And NO breast implants. UGH--the insecure issues will STILL be there. Se needs therapy--these things need to be worked through before marriage, IMO (as much as possible at least).
Cass

Claremont, CA

#11 Dec 30, 2013
squishymama wrote:
LW2: This is the same method I'm using to get my promotion!
What? Killing off the competition? ;-P

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#12 Dec 30, 2013
Cass wrote:
<quoted text>
What? Killing off the competition? ;-P
No, no. No active participation, but with a civil service gig, you know that pretty much the only way you're getting a promotion is if someone dies (or gets a promotion themselves).

It's cool, I plan on being here for the next 15+ years anyway.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#13 Dec 30, 2013
L1: the last thing that will help your wife is breast surgery, if she thinks breast size has anything to do with conception. Therapy.

L2: and what if that other Lw doesn't experience any of those deaths/losses/changes until very late in life? The your point doesn't really stick.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#14 Dec 30, 2013
LW1: If your wife really believes that her breast size is the cause of her problem to conceive, then she is APPALLINGLY ignorant. Helloooooo, LW's wife---maybe your AGE is the problem...(altho many women in their 40s are able conceive and bear a healthy child).
LW, it sounds like your wife has a boatload of emotional problems that require professional help. Good luck.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#15 Dec 31, 2013
LW1: If your wife believes that breast size has to do with ability to have kids, she is WAY too stupid to breed. Please contribute to society by NOT passing on the stupid gene.

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