“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Dec 7, 2013
Dear Amy: I'm 40. My husband and I have three children: 14, 10 and 5. We live in a lovely suburban area with wonderful neighbors who have become close friends. We've been on family trips with these friends, done projects together, had parties, etc.

For some time, we've talked about making a dramatic movie together and finally got serious: We began discussing a script, making plans, assigning parts. I was cast as the lead. One of the neighbors has a country cabin, and we decided to film it there. Our idea was to make an action-adventure movie with some slapstick, just for family and friends.

We really had a lot of fun. My big scenes involved getting kidnapped, bound, gagged and eventually escaping. I was gagged with a kerchief and spent the first 20 minutes in a chair watched over by the "bad guys" until the big escape scene. I had to stand up and (with my legs tied and my hands bound behind me) hop through the cabin and across the lawn, where my husband "rescued" me. I enjoyed being the center of attention and showing off my agility.

We arranged to have a "premiere" with our kids (who weren't there during filming). I felt utterly humiliated listening to my children laugh as I hopped around on the screen. I hated having my kids see me that way. The kids loved it, and now they want to see it again and again. I sit there
bravely, but I am mortified. Instead of being an agile, clever heroine, I'm a hapless schnook. I can't undo this, but I'd like to recover some dignity. I know this is a strange problem, but do you have any suggestions?— Tied Up

Dear Tied Up: It takes a certain kind of bravery to let yourself be seen in an unflattering way, especially in this era where even younger children stage manage their public profile through flattering "selfies" and demanding the right to delete any photos/videos they deem insufficiently awesome.

My advice has been personally road-tested (I've tripped, slipped and fumbled my way through life, sometimes before large audiences).

You just have to own it. Even if you have to fake it, you take a deep bow and say (with a flourish), "Thank you. I'll be here all week." What a great lesson in humility, ego balance and social bravery for your kids.

Dear Amy: New neighbors recently moved in upstairs. They are a lovely young couple who do what young couples do.

However, their bedroom floor is my bedroom ceiling, with no insulation in between. I have been awakened several times by the noises above, but I don't know what to do! Usually I just go to a different room for a few minutes, but it's quite disruptive.

I've met them personally but would be too embarrassed to tell them what I can hear. I think a simple solution like an extra-thick rug could stop the worst of the noise. But how do I convey such a message? Should I put a note in their mailbox?— Earplugs Are Insufficient!

Dear Insufficient: This couple has no way of knowing how the noise in their apartment translates to the noise in your apartment — unless they also have an upstairs neighbor in need of a rug.

You should assume that they don't want to be heard. The kindest thing is to write a note saying, "I want you to know that there is no insulation between your bedroom floor and my bedroom ceiling, and I can hear you at night. Having a rug on your floor would definitely help."

They owe you a bottle of wine and an Ambien.

Dear Amy: "Feeling Betrayed" was trying to pressure his/her 17-year-old son into not being gay. When I read the letter, I wondered if it was even real, but, regardless, your answer was very real.

Amy, thank you so much for offering the best argument against "gay by choice" thinking I have ever read.— A Fan

Dear Fan: I have no way of verifying letters, but the position "Feeling Betrayed" conveyed is all too common. Readers from around the world have responded, and I thank you all.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#2 Dec 7, 2013
L1 did not go in the direction I thought it would.
I agree with Amy. Do the Pris Hilton thing: own up to it. Unfortunately it is now part of family lore and will live forever. Be a good sport.

L2 Or you could ask them to adjust the webcam so you can have visuals too.

L3 There are many many of us who wonder if the letters are real

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#3 Dec 7, 2013
1- Took you long enough to get to the point, but I don't get it. You did something you wanted to do, it was a success and the kids loved it. What is your problem again?

2- Do nothing, say nothing, deal. These are the nuances one can expect when you live in an apartment building. And nice of Amy to assume you're a pill-popping alcoholic.

3- Some people ARE gay by choice. Just sayin. I'm assuming the original LW was widowed or divorced? No father in the picture? Coincidence? Maybe.
pde

Davis Junction, IL

#4 Dec 7, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
3- Some people ARE gay by choice. Just sayin. I'm assuming the original LW was widowed or divorced? No father in the picture? Coincidence? Maybe.
The people who can be "gay by choice" are those who have the ability to feel sexual attraction to either males or females.

And really, what that does is widen the field of whom they can fall in love with. If you think that people have 100% control over who they fall in love with, that probably means you've never actually been in love.
Cass

Claremont, CA

#5 Dec 7, 2013
LW1 - Huh? You did a slap-stick home-made movie, and now you are embarrassed that you kids see and enjoy it? Yep, grin and bear it, and maybe own up to the fact that you feel embarrassed.

LW2 - Did Amy just recommend an addictive prescription drug designed to help people fall asleep, but not necessarily stay asleep? And did she advise mixing it with alcohol, which can increase negative side effects of Ambien? If it was a joke, it was not a funny one.

LW3 - I recommend "Better Angel" by Richard Meeker.
liner

Patchogue, NY

#6 Dec 7, 2013
L1: So, you like to be bound and gagged while being filmed. And then let's show it to the kiddies? This just doesn't sound like a little Mickey Rooney Let's Put on a Show deal to me.
I'm thinking ick.
L2: Tape it. And send them a copy.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#7 Dec 7, 2013
LW1: Team Amy, she nailed this one. This is absolutely the best way to handle the situation.

LW2: Earplugs. Stuff them in when you are awakened and go back to sleep. If you have a 2 bedroom apt., you can change rooms. Or go into the living room and crash out on the couch.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#8 Dec 7, 2013
Cass wrote:
LW2 - Did Amy just recommend an addictive prescription drug designed to help people fall asleep, but not necessarily stay asleep? And did she advise mixing it with alcohol, which can increase negative side effects of Ambien? If it was a joke, it was not a funny one.
Did you just say jokes about drugs and booze are not funny? You sound like lots of fun. We can tell knock knock jokes.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#9 Dec 8, 2013
1 You tube it, it it's really that funny you will get paid. It will take some of the sting out of it.

2 do some boot knocking of your own. You will sleep better.

3 battleship gray.
Cass

Claremont, CA

#10 Dec 8, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Did you just say jokes about drugs and booze are not funny? You sound like lots of fun. We can tell knock knock jokes.
Well, addiction was a problem in my bio family. I don't find jokes about addiction funny. Knock knock jokes? My kids tell them. They are both under the age of 10. Sometimes, the jokes are clever and funny. Sometimes.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#11 Dec 8, 2013
Cass wrote:
<quoted text>
Well, addiction was a problem in my bio family. I don't find jokes about addiction funny. Knock knock jokes? My kids tell them. They are both under the age of 10. Sometimes, the jokes are clever and funny. Sometimes.
While it is unfortunate that you have had to deal with this in your personal life, I think its silly to expect everyone telling a joke to worry about whether or not there might be someone in the "audience" that might not find it funny because of their personal experience. Aside from children's jokes, every topic is going to have some percentage of people that will be offended or have some sort of problem. To me, if more people laugh than not, then carry on.

Do you ever watch/listen to ANY stand up comedy? I just can't imagine you sitting thru a whole set without finding something to be bothered by.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#12 Dec 9, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>While it is unfortunate that you have had to deal with this in your personal life, I think its silly to expect everyone telling a joke to worry about whether or not there might be someone in the "audience" that might not find it funny because of their personal experience. Aside from children's jokes, every topic is going to have some percentage of people that will be offended or have some sort of problem. To me, if more people laugh than not, then carry on.
Do you ever watch/listen to ANY stand up comedy? I just can't imagine you sitting thru a whole set without finding something to be bothered by.
Not only that, but a couple of drinks and/or an Ambien does not cause addiction and has nothing to do with addiction. And Ambien isn't addictive.

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