“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Jan 4, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I met a guy I think is perfect for me on a dating website. We have gone on several dates and they have been great. He respects my morals and even has some of his own, which isn't easy to find.

The problem: He says I am exactly what he has been looking for except for one thing. I look like his mother. He says he really likes me and would like to keep dating to see if he can get past this issue. I like him very much. Is there something I can do, short of plastic surgery?-- DEAD RINGER IN ARIZONA

DEAR DEAD RINGER: Before changing anything, you need to explore more closely what he's saying. Ask to meet his mother, then judge for yourself how strong the resemblance is. It's possible the similarity is less physical and more about your personality or mannerisms.

You should not alter your image to please anyone but yourself. Keep in mind that many men do marry women who resemble their mothers in some way -- whether it's conscious or not -- and the marriages are often successful.

DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced many years ago, and ever since, I have lived with my mother and visit Dad on his days off from work. Mom cheated on Dad, and the man she cheated with lives with us.

I don't have a good relationship with her boyfriend. We don't have much in common, and when he drinks, he gets angry for no reason and takes it out on me or Mom, and it puts the whole household in an awkward position, sometimes lasting for days. When he's sober, he can be fun to be around.

I have talked with my mom about this. She promises she'll talk to him and things are going to change, but they never do. She doesn't want to break up with him because she can't afford to pay the mortgage on her own. I have thought about moving in with my dad, but I don't want to upset her. What do I do?-- WANTS TO MOVE IN WITH DAD

DEAR WANTS: Your mother hasn't asserted herself with her boyfriend because she's financially dependent on him. She's afraid if she insists he do something about his drinking, he will leave her.

The affair and the boyfriend were her choice, not yours. If you want to move in with your father to avoid being around a verbally abusive drunk -- and your father is willing -- that's what you should do. You should not have to tolerate abuse in order not to "upset" your mother. It's OK to take care of yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 32-year-old woman. My boyfriend of 11 years passed away almost three years ago. I loved him very much and miss him every day. Some well-meaning friends and family members have suggested a dating site.

Abby, when does someone know if it's time to move on? I haven't been on a date in 13 years. I'm scared of putting myself out there again and getting hurt. Any advice would be great.-- SCARED IN OREGON

DEAR SCARED: If the only reason you haven't reached out before is fear of rejection, then it's time to move on. Ask your friends and family to help you write a profile, and then consider what happens next as an "adventure."

While there are no guarantees you'll immediately find a relationship like the one you had, you might find someone who is compatible. And if you don't, you could still make some friends. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#2 Jan 4, 2014
1- Go with it, have him call you mommy and tell him he's a good little momma's boy

2- Talk to dad

3- You had a "boyfriend" for 11 years??! Sugardaddy . com
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#3 Jan 4, 2014
LW2 needs to check what age (s)he needs to be in the state where LW2 lives to choose the parent (s)he wants to live with. Is it fourteen, sixteen, etc.?

LW3's friends are giving Oregon an insenstive reputation. She needs time to grieve.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#4 Jan 4, 2014
L1 That's his issue. Knowing the basis for it may enlighten you but it won't help him.

Push coming to shove, so to speak, will be when you go to bed with him. If he can perform, everything is fine. If he asks for his blankie, you are in trouble

L2. If you are under 18 there is a child custody order and child support to be considered. Your mom may not want to lose the income stream.

If you are over 18, just move. Otherwise you are just repeating your mom's behavior.

L3. Three years sounds a bit long to wait before even tentatively socializing. I'd suggest grief counseling before going on a dating site.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#5 Jan 4, 2014
PEllen wrote:
L3. Three years sounds a bit long to wait before even tentatively socializing.
Not at all. They've been together for 11 years. Should she have started hitting on his friends at the funeral?
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#6 Jan 4, 2014
LW1: What Abby said. Do you actually look like his mother, or do you remind him of his mother? They say you shouldn't change to please a man, but IMHO it couldn't hurt to try a small hair and makeup change. I read somewhere that a lot of men marry women like their mothers, so I don't know why this is a big issue for him.(If I were you, I'd be curious as heck and itching to meet his mother.)

LW2: If I were you, I would pack my bags yesterday, assuming that it's OK with your dad. This is a horrible relationship dynamic for you to be exposed to. Then again, I don't know who your dad is seeing...

LW3: Dating sites? Tried that, hated it! Go out and meet some new people.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#7 Jan 4, 2014
Kuuipo wrote:
(If I were you, I'd be curious as heck and itching to meet his mother.)
And when she does, she'll discover the boyfriend she's been banging is actually her long lost brother!
Julie

Chicago, IL

#8 Jan 4, 2014
LW2: Your mother is putting her own selfish needs above your needs. That makes her a lousy parent. If your father is willing and you really want to, by all means move in with him.

Stop being so concerned about your mother's feelings--she obviously doesn't give a flying F about yours. Good luck.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#9 Jan 4, 2014
L2: Move in with your dad. If you're 12 or older, you may be old enough to get to choose.

L3: "I'm scared of putting myself out there again and getting hurt." That's dating. That's life. It doesn't hurt for long. It doesn't even have to hurt a lot. Men put themselves out there by doing the asking all the time. I would suggest therapy since you seem to have been stuck for the last couple of years.

Nick said that he doesn't think he'll be ready to date for a couple of years, but I think he might surprise himself.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#10 Jan 4, 2014
LW1: She loks like his mom when she was younger. Now his mom is big as a house.

LW2: Get the hell out if you are able

LW3 : Put an ad on craigslist. Quality catches await.

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