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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Dec 21, 2012
DEAR AMY: I've been married for several years, and we have two teenagers. My husband is generally easy to get along with but has one behavior that I can't seem to abide anymore. When we are with friends or family, he constantly corrects me when I'm speaking.

It's usually over something minor (example: "It wasn't four days ago; it was five") and happens during light conversation, not over serious matters. When I'm interrupted more than once in midsentence, I sometimes stop and defend my statement, which is unpleasant for everyone present.

I've asked him several times to stop this, but he just can't seem to control the urge. Oddly, when we are alone he doesn't do this. Now my younger son has started modeling this behavior and interrupts often to adjust my comments.

I have studied the pattern closely, and I'm not the problem. What on earth is going on, and how do I make it stop?-- Flustered

DEAR FLUSTERED: Let's start with the younger generation and work backward. When your son does this, stop him, hold up your hand and say, "No. It is rude to interrupt and correct me over an unimportant detail. If it is important, wait until I've finished my thought, and then you can have your say. It's a bad habit that I don't want you to develop."

You can probably influence your son to change. Your husband has a bad habit that all of your behavior so far has done nothing to affect. He may feel "onstage" when he is with other people and may be so eager to participate that he is stepping on your story.

Switch it up. Change the way you react to him. It is rude to have a mini-spat in front of other people, and so the next time you're interrupted, stop, be quiet and wait with a neutral attitude for the next thing to happen before you continue. In all likelihood, the next thing to happen will be your husband sputtering to a stop and then saying, "Anyway ... go ahead, honey." Rinse. Repeat.

DEAR AMY: Recently my mother was visiting for the weekend, and we ran into one of my neighbors, who had met my mother once before. As we were getting into my car, the neighbor waved and said, "Hi, mom!"

Later, in the car, my mother said she thought that it was very insincere to be called "mom" and that the neighbor should have remembered her name from the first meeting months ago.

My mother went on to say that "mom" is reserved for her children and spouses of her children. I totally disagreed and felt that the neighbor calling "Hi, mom" was somewhat a term of endearment and that it was better than not saying anything at all! Thoughts?-- Upset Offspring

DEAR OFFSPRING: I can understand not wanting to be addressed as "mom," but I also assume that if your mother had not been greeted at all she would still find your neighbor rude. And the idea that her name must be remembered after one meeting reveals an ego and insecurity combination I associate with divas and news anchors. And Russell Crowe.

I agree with you that in this context "Hi, mom" is a friendly, slightly awkward, neighborly greeting. You should have managed this in the moment by saying, "Bart, you remember my mother,'June'-- you two met last year."

Your mother is owed an apology. By you. You missed the opportunity to reintroduce her. Otherwise, she is making way too much of this.

DEAR AMY: I clean houses for a living, and I have always liked your recommendations for "tipping" during the holidays. Please advise people to be generous and give cash.

I have in the past received gifts that were used and many re-gifts. The extra cash that some leave is a lifesaver and allows me to get gifts for my own family. A bonus equal to one week's worth of pay is greatly appreciated.-- Trusted Housekeeper

DEAR HOUSEKEEPER: A tip equivalent to one week's pay is the standard in your profession. Emily Post has a great holiday tipping guide: emilypost.com .

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#2 Dec 21, 2012
LW2 - Hi, "Offspring's Mom"!

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 Dec 21, 2012
L3: I think you sound rather greedy.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#4 Dec 21, 2012
1 If you could just remember the damn story you would not need to be corrected so often.
Sieve head.

2 VAdame got it right.

3 I dont get a christmas bonus, why should you?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#5 Dec 21, 2012
1- Stop embellishing your stories.

2- "Hi, crabby ol btch!"

3- "A bonus equal to one week's worth of pay"?
Here's a tip for ya: FUKOFF!

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#6 Dec 21, 2012
LW1: Since talking about it in private seems to have gotten you no where, call both of them out for their rude behavior when they do it.

LW2: You all have way to much time on your hands to make a fuss about such things.

LW3: Here's a tip, go f' yourself.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Dec 21, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
Here's a tip for ya: FUKOFF!
Hey, that's what I said!
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#8 Dec 21, 2012
LW1: Good advice from Amy.

LW2: At least your neighbor attempted to greet your mother, even though she did not remember your name. In Hawaii, the neighbor would have said, "Hi Auntie", which is the standard, respectful greeting for an older woman.

LW3: Good luck with that.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#9 Dec 21, 2012
VAdame wrote:
LW2 - Hi, "Offspring's Mom"!
Actually, it should be "Hello, Mrs. Offspring's Mom!" in your best Eddie Haskell voice.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#10 Dec 21, 2012
L3: In addition to amusing me, you guys are making me feel better. I now live in a building that has a security guard/front desk person (I'm still not sure what they prefer to be called) on duty 24/7. There are four of them. I've seen gifts piled on the desk over the last few days and I assume the residents are giving them, but since I just moved in 5 minutes ago, I figured I'd wait until next year.

Since: Oct 09

Wagner, SD

#11 Dec 21, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
1- Stop embellishing your stories
Why am I not surprised to see your by-now unfounded knee-jerk slamming of the wife? If a woman did this to you, you'd immediately start lecturing her about not being rude and "knowing your place." The husband is being very rude, and it would be rude if it were the other way around, if the wife did it. Since he only does it in front of others, he's being a rude show-off. And the kid needs to be stopped from doing it pronto, asap.

Since: Oct 09

Wagner, SD

#12 Dec 21, 2012
LW1: This is basically a control issue,a way of letting the spouse and everyone else know just "who's boss" and that what the other spouse is saying isn't as important, that what the correcting spouse has to say and think is more important. This is especially obvious since he only does it in public, he's "showing off" who's boss and who's in control.

I know because my mother did this to my stepfather all the time. The poor man couldn't say a word on the telephone or with friends or family without her constant interruptions. And it wasn't just for "correcting" facts, it was interjecting her own viewpoint over his, as if his didn't matter. She would also hang over him on the phone and verbally correct him while he was on the dam phone, even if she didn't know the person he was talking to. She did the same thing to me, constantly listening in on my calls and correcting/interrupting, doing the same thing with family and friends. She was always so worried aobut what other thought about what we said and did that it was ridiculous. It was control, plain and simple.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#13 Dec 21, 2012
LW1: Amy must be on vacation already. Good advice from her intern.

LW2: I get the feeling she'd have complained if the neighbor had said nothing. Bet she finds lots of other little nit-picky things to be offended about too.

LW3: I see your point about having the cash for gift for your kids, but as a parent you should know that you get what you get, and you don't get upset. Makes you sound greedy.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#14 Dec 21, 2012
Judge Janie wrote:
<quoted text>
Why am I not surprised to see your by-now unfounded knee-jerk slamming of the wife? If a woman did this to you, you'd immediately start lecturing her about not being rude and "knowing your place." The husband is being very rude
If she's interrupted more than once mid-sentence, she should probably learn to be a better story teller. And her husband probably wouldn't be so rude if his wife didn't cheat on him with the paper boy, which is probably the real underlying issue.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#15 Dec 21, 2012
j_m_w wrote:
L3: In addition to amusing me, you guys are making me feel better. I now live in a building that has a security guard/front desk person (I'm still not sure what they prefer to be called) on duty 24/7. There are four of them. I've seen gifts piled on the desk over the last few days and I assume the residents are giving them, but since I just moved in 5 minutes ago, I figured I'd wait until next year.
Four security guards on duty 24/7? You probably should have moved to a safer neighborhood.
Sam I Am

Cedar Grove, TN

#16 Dec 21, 2012
1. My dad actually did this for a bit, and my mother, brother and I all decided to, when he did it, look at him and ask "Was that important enough to interrupt me?" It made for a few uncomfortable moments, but it's not like what he was doing was lost on other people, and it got him to stop.

2. Neighbor's a bit rude, mom's a bit uptight.

3. If you want to be able to afford gifts for your family, get a better job or set some money aside throughout the year. I get a bonus as part of my employment program. If I didn't I wouldn't go around begging for one.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#17 Dec 21, 2012
Sam I Am wrote:
3. If you want to be able to afford gifts for your family, get a better job or set some money aside throughout the year. I get a bonus as part of my employment program. If I didn't I wouldn't go around begging for one.
Exactly. It's great to give a bonus, great to get one, but you can't count on it.
pde

Davis Junction, IL

#18 Dec 21, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Four security guards on duty 24/7? You probably should have moved to a safer neighborhood.
It's fairly common in Chicago. Having worked in multifamily/condo real estate during my teens, it's more likely the nicer buildings in the safer neighborhoods which have the 24/7 doormen/security guards.

Security theater at its best.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#19 Dec 21, 2012
Personally, I don't think I would be comfortable living in such a high-security fortress. Am I going home or to a prison? Invite a friend over to watch the game and he has to pass through a security check-point? No thanks.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#20 Dec 21, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Four security guards on duty 24/7? You probably should have moved to a safer neighborhood.
Not all at the same time. They rotate shifts.

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