“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#21 Apr 24, 2013
I said the same thing.....
NO lamy! He said he bought HIMSELF the car for BOTH to enjoy. That means he enjoys driving it, and she enjoys being the passenger. His condition of only letting her drive when he is in the car is valid because its HIS car.

Is the guy supposed to let her use the chainsaw as well?
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Dude, I'm not justifying anything. I'm asking a hypothetical question. Everyone is calling him a selfish a-hole. So I gave a scenario. Would he still be a selfish a-hole if that were the case? A simple yes or no would suffice.
I asked another question. Are married people never again allowed to have any possession that is JUST FOR THEM and they are not a selfish A-hole for not sharing it. Is everything a man buys after he says "I Do" now fair game for his wife to use whenever she wants? Is everything a woman buys after she says "I Do" fair game for her husband to use whenever he wants?

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#22 Apr 24, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Dude, I'm not justifying anything. I'm asking a hypothetical question. Everyone is calling him a selfish a-hole. So I gave a scenario. Would he still be a selfish a-hole if that were the case? A simple yes or no would suffice.

I asked another question. Are married people never again allowed to have any possession that is JUST FOR THEM and they are not a selfish A-hole for not sharing it. Is everything a man buys after he says "I Do" now fair game for his wife to use whenever she wants? Is everything a woman buys after she says "I Do" fair game for her husband to use whenever he wants?
There is nothing in our house that I am not allowed to use, or vice versa. However, there are some things that I don't use because I know that my husband values them more than I do.

The same is true in my parents' house. My dad bought a Z06 a few years ago, after dreaming of owning a Corvette for as long as I can remember. My mom doesn't drive it because it is my dad's most cherished possession, but if she wanted/needed to then of course he would let her.

Relationships should be about respect and the LW is an a$$ because he shows his wife no respect in this situation. Also, I'm assuming that he spent joint money on the car. He doesn't get to unilaterally say "This is mine" if household money went into the car (as opposed to an inheritance in his name only).

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#23 Apr 24, 2013
ScarletandOlive wrote:
<quoted text>
There is nothing in our house that I am not allowed to use, or vice versa. However, there are some things that I don't use because I know that my husband values them more than I do.
The same is true in my parents' house. My dad bought a Z06 a few years ago, after dreaming of owning a Corvette for as long as I can remember. My mom doesn't drive it because it is my dad's most cherished possession, but if she wanted/needed to then of course he would let her.
Relationships should be about respect and the LW is an a$$ because he shows his wife no respect in this situation. Also, I'm assuming that he spent joint money on the car. He doesn't get to unilaterally say "This is mine" if household money went into the car (as opposed to an inheritance in his name only).
I moved on from the lw. The responses triggered the question I asked and I thought it was an intriguing question in general. I knew someone who had corvette. Let wife and HIS mom go shopping with it. Started to rain. The top was down. They put the top up while driving. As you may guess, thou gh they didn't, wind caught it and ripped it off. If I had any inclination that my wife might do something like that to my dream car, there would probably need to be a real good reason for me to let her use it. Of course I'm too poor to have a dream car.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#24 Apr 24, 2013
ScarletandOlive wrote:
<quoted text>
There is nothing in our house that I am not allowed to use, or vice versa. However, there are some things that I don't use because I know that my husband values them more than I do.
The same is true in my parents' house. My dad bought a Z06 a few years ago, after dreaming of owning a Corvette for as long as I can remember. My mom doesn't drive it because it is my dad's most cherished possession, but if she wanted/needed to then of course he would let her.
Relationships should be about respect and the LW is an a$$ because he shows his wife no respect in this situation. Also, I'm assuming that he spent joint money on the car. He doesn't get to unilaterally say "This is mine" if household money went into the car (as opposed to an inheritance in his name only).
Oh, and as far as your joint money assumption, every married couple does not automatically intermingle their finances. I do, but I know that many husbands and wives work out some sort of agreement on how to share their financial obligations, but still maintain seperate acounts and what each does with THEIR money is not the other's concern.
pde

Davis Junction, IL

#25 Apr 24, 2013
RACE wrote:
I said the same thing.....
Is the guy supposed to let her use the chainsaw as well?
<quoted text>
Umm, yes?

I don't usually choose to use the power tools, but I grew up with a father who did home renovation and when needed, I can use any of the power tools we own. And trust me, if it's needed FOR ME to use the power tools, the husband better not get in the way.

Because it means that he's let something go long enough that I'm totally pissed off.(Or it's an emergency. All my recent usages of power tools have involved home emergencies.)

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#26 Apr 25, 2013
Your missing my point. Just because the chainsaw is there does not mean that the spouse can use it. Without knowing how to use it, it is a very dangerous thing, and it is irresponsible to let your spouse use it just because they have an implied right to.

pde wrote:
<quoted text>
Umm, yes?
I don't usually choose to use the power tools, but I grew up with a father who did home renovation and when needed, I can use any of the power tools we own. And trust me, if it's needed FOR ME to use the power tools, the husband better not get in the way.
Because it means that he's let something go long enough that I'm totally pissed off.(Or it's an emergency. All my recent usages of power tools have involved home emergencies.)

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#27 Apr 25, 2013
RACE wrote:
<quoted text>Your missing my point. Just because the chainsaw is there does not mean that the spouse can use it. Without knowing how to use it, it is a very dangerous thing, and it is irresponsible to let your spouse use it just because they have an implied right to.
Why do you assume that women don't know how to use chainsaws?

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#28 Apr 25, 2013
Please re-read, I took care to use the word spouse, not wife
ScarletandOlive wrote:
<quoted text>
Why do you assume that women don't know how to use chainsaws?

“Colorful Beyond Words”

Since: May 11

"True Love Never Ends "

#29 Apr 25, 2013
Use the Easy Button .....Sell the damn car and live a "simple and unfettered life."

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#30 Apr 25, 2013
RACE wrote:
<quoted text>Please re-read, I took care to use the word spouse, not wife
In your original post you said "her".

If someone doesn't know how to use a piece of equipment, they should not use it without some training. That goes for vehicles, power tools, appliances, whatever. However, I feel very strongly that I should know how to use everything in my house. My husband agrees, do anything that he buys he makes sure to show me how to use it or let me know where the instruction manual is.

In Tonka's example, the wife and mother were idiots. They also didn't know how to use the car, obviously. That was the problem, not that it didn't "belong" to them.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#31 Apr 25, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Dude, I'm not justifying anything. I'm asking a hypothetical question. Everyone is calling him a selfish a-hole. So I gave a scenario. Would he still be a selfish a-hole if that were the case? A simple yes or no would suffice.
I asked another question. Are married people never again allowed to have any possession that is JUST FOR THEM and they are not a selfish A-hole for not sharing it. Is everything a man buys after he says "I Do" now fair game for his wife to use whenever she wants? Is everything a woman buys after she says "I Do" fair game for her husband to use whenever he wants?
She can drive the car, but only if he's with her. So it's not a car she's incapable of driving. Also, he said he bought it for "US," he didn't say it was something only for HIM to enjoy. So the scenarios you're painting are invalid.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#32 Apr 25, 2013
RACE wrote:
Your missing my point. Just because the chainsaw is there does not mean that the spouse can use it. Without knowing how to use it, it is a very dangerous thing, and it is irresponsible to let your spouse use it just because they have an implied right to.
<quoted text>
We're talking about her being told she's not allowed to drive a car she's perfectly capable of driving. That would be like my husband telling me not to use the jigsaw I am perfectly capable of using for no other reason than it was a Christmas gift from his father and thus "it's his".

If there are specific rules for a specific car like "don't up the top up while moving," it takes a few seconds to convey those specific rules to another adult.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#33 Apr 25, 2013
WRONG!! go back to the letter he bought the car for HIMSELF and for BOTH of them to enjoy. Seems pretty clear to me its his car, and he wants her to be the arm candy in the passenger seat.
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
She can drive the car, but only if he's with her. So it's not a car she's incapable of driving. Also, he said he bought it for "US," he didn't say it was something only for HIM to enjoy. So the scenarios you're painting are invalid.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#34 Apr 25, 2013
The potential of damage happening to a jigsaw is not comparable to the potential for damage happening to a car. The whole point of the guy's trepidation is not that she will ding the car, but the simple fact that the car will indeed get dinged! When that happens, he is gonna be pissed, but at least if he is there he cant be mad at his wife about it.

I know, your gonna say that he should not get mad at his wife anyway whether he is there or not, and that may be true, but the fact is the guy will be. He knows it, so to prevent it, he insists of being with the car. May be a D*ky way to do it, but at least he is owning up to it.

pde wrote:
<quoted text>
We're talking about her being told she's not allowed to drive a car she's perfectly capable of driving. That would be like my husband telling me not to use the jigsaw I am perfectly capable of using for no other reason than it was a Christmas gift from his father and thus "it's his".
If there are specific rules for a specific car like "don't up the top up while moving," it takes a few seconds to convey those specific rules to another adult.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#35 Apr 25, 2013
RACE wrote:
WRONG!! go back to the letter he bought the car for HIMSELF and for BOTH of them to enjoy. Seems pretty clear to me its his car, and he wants her to be the arm candy in the passenger seat.
<quoted text>
WRONG!!! How is she supposed to enjoy a car she's not allowed to even drive? Well, unless she's on her husband's leash and he has to babysit her, that is?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#36 Apr 25, 2013
If he used marital money to buy his car, he could have said to his wife before buying the car, "I'd like to have a rule that you can drive it ONLY when I'm with you."

I'm guessing she would have rescinded her agreemetn to buying the car.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#37 Apr 25, 2013
RACE wrote:
The potential of damage happening to a jigsaw is not comparable to the potential for damage happening to a car. The whole point of the guy's trepidation is not that she will ding the car, but the simple fact that the car will indeed get dinged! When that happens, he is gonna be pissed, but at least if he is there he cant be mad at his wife about it.
I know, your gonna say that he should not get mad at his wife anyway whether he is there or not, and that may be true, but the fact is the guy will be. He knows it, so to prevent it, he insists of being with the car. May be a D*ky way to do it, but at least he is owning up to it.
<quoted text>
So, if he's going to be that way, he should be buying her her own personal exotic car to own and drive herself.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#38 Apr 25, 2013
RACE wrote:
WRONG!! go back to the letter he bought the car for HIMSELF and for BOTH of them to enjoy. Seems pretty clear to me its his car, and he wants her to be the arm candy in the passenger seat.
<quoted text>
How is being arm candy in the passenger's seat enjoying the car?

I don't really enjoy being a passenger all that much. I enjoy driving.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#39 Apr 25, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
If he used marital money to buy his car, he could have said to his wife before buying the car, "I'd like to have a rule that you can drive it ONLY when I'm with you."
I'm guessing she would have rescinded her agreemetn to buying the car.
If my husband has a mid-life crisis and goes out to buy himself a sporty car, I shall also go out and buy myself a sporty car. That seems like the best solution to all this.

(Well, except that my husband would probably never go out and buy himself a sporty car. He drives a 15 year old beater, even though we could replace it with a nice car using cash if we wanted.)

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#40 Apr 25, 2013
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
If my husband has a mid-life crisis and goes out to buy himself a sporty car, I shall also go out and buy myself a sporty car. That seems like the best solution to all this.
(Well, except that my husband would probably never go out and buy himself a sporty car. He drives a 15 year old beater, even though we could replace it with a nice car using cash if we wanted.)
Good solutio/compromise!:)

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