Abby 4-24

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Since: Mar 09

United States

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#1
Apr 24, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: My son is a tall, strikingly handsome teenager, although somewhat shy. Our problem is that his looks attract the wrong kind of attention from aggressive girls, and it's getting worse every year.

He and his 14-year-old sister went out to eat after school yesterday, and when they returned it was obvious my son was upset and his sister was furious. She said a group of college girls at a table next to them were teasing and taunting my son with blatantly sexual propositions. They went so far as to touch him suggestively as they got up to leave.

I'm sure they got the physical response from him they wanted; he is only 17, after all. But he was clearly angry, embarrassed and ashamed. He said he felt trapped and didn't know what to do.

The sexual harassment of young men is often laughed off with a wink and a nudge, but it isn't funny. It can be as painful and damaging to men as to women. Furthermore, my son is a minor, and I suspect the college girls were adults, if the beer on the table was any indication.

I am trying to raise my son to respect women and to be a decent man, husband and father someday, but frankly, I'm at a loss as to how to help him handle this type of sexual aggressiveness from girls. Do you or any of your readers have any suggestions?-- SHOCKED MOM IN TENNESSEE

DEAR MOM: I can see why your son and daughter were upset. He was not only sexually harassed by those young women, but when they put their hands on him, he was assaulted. When the teasing escalated, he and his sister should have changed tables or left the restaurant.

If your son's father is in the picture, he should discuss the incident with your son. If that's not possible, another adult male should help him understand that his arousal was normal and nothing to be ashamed of. I am sure my male readers will also want to weigh in on your letter because what happened to your son was outrageous.

DEAR ABBY: I recently bought a used car for myself. It is exotic, and my wife and I really like it. She's upset with me, however, because I won't let her drive it unless I'm in the car. I bought it with the intent for us to enjoy it, but I am also concerned with keeping it in good shape.

Because my wife is unhappy, I am undecided about whether to keep the car and stick to my guns, or sell it and live life simply and unfettered. We share everything, but the car is one thing that needs careful attention. Can you give me some advice?-- DOESN'T WANT IT DENTED IN RANCHO CORDOVA, CALIF.

DEAR DOESN'T WANT IT DENTED: Let's be honest. On one hand, you say you bought the car for yourself, and on the other, you say you bought it for both of you to enjoy. You can't have it both ways, so which is it?

I think the time has come to confess to your wife that even though you said the car was for both of you, it's really your baby. Then make it up to her by buying her that special something she has always wished for.

Since: Jan 10

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#2
Apr 24, 2013
 

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L1: I've been reading similar complaints in this column for YEARS. Back when I was in HS, I remember letters from parents describing sexually explicit messages on the *family* answering machien, messages left by teen girls for the teen son in the family.

I have no solution. I think these girls are messed up. I was a sexually active teenager and NEVER behaved as these girls behave.

And if a group of college boys pawed at a 17y girl at the mall, someone would call the cops.

L2: Unless she's a lousy driver, and uless you keep your money separate and you bought it with your own money, you'e a crappy husband. Ahole. Maybe instead of selling it, learn toshare. Ahole.
animaniactoo

New York, NY

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#3
Apr 24, 2013
 

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LW1: Well you start by pointing out that A) these women are not representative of *all* women, and B) he does NOT have to get up and get another table, etc. unless it is what *he* wants to do,*or* there are no other options left. Like being more straightforward about telling them the attention is not wanted and to please stop. Now. And if that doesn't work, go grab the restaurant manager and complain about them.

This fade-away response Abby gave is exactly the kind of carp that is taught to and has prevented women from sticking up for themselves when warranted. There is a time when it is perfectly okay to stop being "nice" and "polite" and you should give your son permission to follow through on it.

LW2: So what you're really saying is you don't trust your wife's driving, right? Geez, I wonder why she would be bothered about that. The only solution I see in sight is to give her parity. Let her pick out a car she wants that will be her baby.

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#4
Apr 24, 2013
 

Judged:

2

1- Where were all these sexually aggressive girls when I was a teenager?

2- You're an @zz.
animaniactoo

New York, NY

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#5
Apr 24, 2013
 
On the other hand, LW2, if your wife really is that bad a driver and that's your issue, then A) you should have a strong argument for never letting her drive *including* when you're in the car, or B) allowing her to drive it under the agreement that she takes full financial responsibility for all dents and dings that happen when she's driving.

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

United States

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#6
Apr 24, 2013
 
1. You have raised a wussy. Your son was "upset?" He should have been able to laugh it off or just roll with it or diffuse it or something otherthan getting "upset." If he really is "strikingly handsome" then he shouldn't be too far from having a decent level of confidence that woud allow him to handle such a situation. Methinks mommy is a bit smothering and daddy is a wimp.

2. You are a jackass. Not letting your grown-up wife drive the car? If I were her I'd tell you to take "let" and stick it up your butt. And I really hope she's not letting you "drive" her.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#7
Apr 24, 2013
 

Judged:

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1 Take your son to a hooker. Once he taps a chick a few times, he will be able to handle them.

2 NO lamy! He said he bought HIMSELF the car for BOTH to enjoy. That means he enjoys driving it, and she enjoys being the passenger. His condition of only letting her drive when he is in the car is valid because its HIS car.
pde

Schaumburg, IL

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#8
Apr 24, 2013
 
Lw3: let me tell you a story.

Yesterday, I and my husband were driving down a major roadway in our area. Suddenly there was a noisy "thunk" and our car actually shuttered.

Someone else had hit a (large) chunk of concrete, their tire and flung it, and it had thunked into the driver's side door. There is now a large dent.

Life sucks. Roadways suck. Things happen.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#9
Apr 24, 2013
 
LW1: You are raising a p’ momma’s boy, if he was angry, embarrassed, and ashamed. The fact that you are writing an advice columnist, when your son is just about 18, only confirms this.

He doesn’t have to accept advances, but I think he should be a little more comfortable in his own skin and around women, even if they are hitting on him. He should be cool about it and have fun with it. If anything, be a little flattered.

Your husband needs to do a better job mentoring him on how to handle women. Play it cool and laugh it off if you aren’t interested, but have the confidence to know you are in control of the situation and be nice, friendly, and charming. They love it. They will bother you even more, lmao. Having many options is a great thing when it comes to women, too.

LW2: Just buy her something she wants and call it even.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#10
Apr 24, 2013
 

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edogxxx wrote:
1- Where were all these sexually aggressive girls when I was a teenager?
Hiding from you, apparently.

I knew lots of sexually forward girls when I was a teen.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#11
Apr 24, 2013
 
Typical woman driver! If your husband had been driving he would have avoided it!(ducks and runs)
pde wrote:
Lw3: let me tell you a story.
Yesterday, I and my husband were driving down a major roadway in our area. Suddenly there was a noisy "thunk" and our car actually shuttered.
Someone else had hit a (large) chunk of concrete, their tire and flung it, and it had thunked into the driver's side door. There is now a large dent.
Life sucks. Roadways suck. Things happen.
pde

Schaumburg, IL

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#12
Apr 24, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
Typical woman driver! If your husband had been driving he would have avoided it!(ducks and runs)
<quoted text>
My husband was driving.

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

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#13
Apr 24, 2013
 
animaniactoo wrote:
LW1: Well you start by pointing out that A) these women are not representative of *all* women, and B) he does NOT have to get up and get another table, etc. unless it is what *he* wants to do,*or* there are no other options left. Like being more straightforward about telling them the attention is not wanted and to please stop. Now. And if that doesn't work, go grab the restaurant manager and complain about them.

This fade-away response Abby gave is exactly the kind of carp that is taught to and has prevented women from sticking up for themselves when warranted. There is a time when it is perfectly okay to stop being "nice" and "polite" and you should give your son permission to follow through on it.

LW2: So what you're really saying is you don't trust your wife's driving, right? Geez, I wonder why she would be bothered about that. The only solution I see in sight is to give her parity. Let her pick out a car she wants that will be her baby.
I love these answers!

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#14
Apr 24, 2013
 
Sublime1 wrote:
I knew lots of sexually forward girls when I was a teen.
Of course. Women have been all over you since you were a toddler and they haven't stopped since.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#15
Apr 24, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Of course. Women have been all over you since you were a toddler and they haven't stopped since.
Naw, since like 2nd grade. That's when I stared having girlfriends, but that was puppy love. Things didn't start to get more sexual until junior high ... by high school most girls weren't shy about what they wanted.

I wouldn't say all over me, either. I'd just say I've always had options.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#16
Apr 24, 2013
 
L1: I'm with Ani.

L2: Control freak, selfish bass tard.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#17
Apr 24, 2013
 
When I had just turned 16, I had an 18 or 19 year old girl jog a few miles over to my house, show up out of the blue, and ask me to take them for ice cream, edog. My mom did not like that (she thought she was too old for me) and she made a few comments to me about it, but she didn't try to control me. I'm pretty sure I told her to mind her own business too.

She had tried to hook up with me at a party a few weeks or months before that. I had condoms in hand. THEN, I got cokc blocked by my one bro. I really didn't care, because I wasn't too into the girl.

While I didn't care, my other bro got pi$sed at the one who was cokc blocking me and started calling him a d'. They ended up getting in a huge fight outside my buddies house ... throwing fists.

Our good mutual friend John was also pi$sed at my bro for cokc blocking me (they all wanted me to get laid)... lite a brick of fire crackers and threw them down by them as they were rolling around on the grass to get them to stop ... they had little burns on their face from the fire crackers and their ears were ringing, lol. Needless to say a lot of alcohol was involved...

The party was pretty much over by the time the cops showed up because the neighbors called.

Every weekend of high school was kind of like that for me (not fights between my brothers, every weekend, tho ... sometimes ... more often with others)... parties ... girls.

I had my close buds during the school day who were in my grade, but I went out with my bros and their friends mostly every weekend ... I was hanging out with 18 and 19 year olds when I was 15 every weekend and guys over 21 by the time I was 17.

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#18
Apr 24, 2013
 
Re: lw2

After one gets married, is one required to share equally everything forever and ever? Can a married person never again get something that is just for him/her without being called a selfish a-hole?

For argument's sake, what if this dude's car is stick and wife can't drive stick? Does he have to risk her f'n the car up while learning on his hobby car?

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#19
Apr 24, 2013
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
For argument's sake, what if this dude's car is stick and wife can't drive stick? Does he have to risk her f'n the car up while learning on his hobby car?
He never mentioned any of that nor mentioned she was a bad driver. The vibe I got from him was a "this is my ball and you can't play with it unless I'm with you" attitude. That's why he's a controlling @zz. Justify his behavior all you want but you're only putting yourself in his camp.

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#20
Apr 24, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
He never mentioned any of that nor mentioned she was a bad driver. The vibe I got from him was a "this is my ball and you can't play with it unless I'm with you" attitude. That's why he's a controlling @zz. Justify his behavior all you want but you're only putting yourself in his camp.
Dude, I'm not justifying anything. I'm asking a hypothetical question. Everyone is calling him a selfish a-hole. So I gave a scenario. Would he still be a selfish a-hole if that were the case? A simple yes or no would suffice.

I asked another question. Are married people never again allowed to have any possession that is JUST FOR THEM and they are not a selfish A-hole for not sharing it. Is everything a man buys after he says "I Do" now fair game for his wife to use whenever she wants? Is everything a woman buys after she says "I Do" fair game for her husband to use whenever he wants?

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