“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Feb 2, 2014
DEAR ABBY: During the past three years, my husband and I managed to save about $45,000 for a down payment on the purchase of a new home.(We each put in about half.) Early last month, I asked my husband if he liked one house we had just seen, and he confessed that he had taken all the money we had saved and put it into a struggling business he has had for 12 years and which I helped him run on weekends.

I am devastated! It's not just the money, which was for our future. The plan was to purchase an affordable home and pay it off quickly. But he lied to me, strung me along and stole from me, because half of that money was mine. There is no chance he can repay it. My trust in him and our marriage is broken. What are your thoughts?-- CRUSHED IN PALM HARBOR, FLA.

DEAR CRUSHED: Because the basis of any successful partnership -- and that includes marriage -- is trust, I think you have some serious thinking to do. And if you decide to remain married to your husband, you should have access to all documents connected to both your finances in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I am blessed to have many friends who invite me to parties and gatherings. I met a guy at one of them and we had a nice conversation. A few days later he called me. He said he'd gotten my number from our mutual friend.(I had given her permission to give it out to people who had been at the party.)

We talked some more and kept talking and exchanging emails over the course of a couple of months. Because it wasn't every day or even every week, I thought we were just friends

At the next party he asked me out on a date -- a romantic date. This is a problem. I identify as an aromantic asexual. I do not feel the things he does. Having to explain my sexual orientation to people is embarrassing. Any advice on how to convey this without ruining the friendship we have developed?-- EMBARRASSED IN INDIANA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Try saying it this way: "I'm flattered, but it would be better if we remain just friends. I think you're terrific, but I am not a romantic or sexual person. It has nothing to do with you. It's just the way I am and always have been."

DEAR ABBY: I am a strong and independent 18-year-old girl. I have been with my boyfriend, "Cash," for four years and he has been an ever-present rock in my life. His 21st birthday is soon, and I'm afraid it may alter our relationship because of things he will be able to do, such as drinking. I want some form of commitment from him before his birthday, so I can be sure he's as serious about our relationship as I am.

Cash says he doesn't want to make a commitment now because he wants time to be young and stupid. I understand where he's coming from, but it seems like he's setting us up for disaster. Why can't we be young and stupid together? I'm not asking for marriage now, but a long engagement would prove his devotion to me. Isn't this a reasonable expectation? If it is, how do I tell him?-- WANTS SOME COMMITMENT IN NEBRASKA

DEAR WANTS: For a young woman who is strong and independent, you appear to be somewhat clingy and needy. Commitments such as the kind you're looking for must be made voluntarily, not as a result of arm-twisting. The harder you try to rope Cash in, the more confined he's going to feel, so my advice is to loosen up or you stand a good chance of driving him away.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#2 Feb 2, 2014
1. Run. Get a good divorce attorney and agood accountant who can track all his money. Then run.

2.Abby's take on it is correct although some guys might see that as a challenge.

3. My advice is to your BF. Run, but you already knew that.
tiredofit

Los Angeles, CA

#3 Feb 2, 2014
L3: She was 14 when she hooked up with him. How pathetic is that. It is my opinion that girls that young are usually stalkers from the beginning. They will not let the guy out of their sight.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#4 Feb 2, 2014
1- I'm no lawyer but I doubt you have much legal recourse. The investment is likely considered "marital assets," and as unfair as it may sound, can legally be spent by either party.

2- Aromantic asexual? I think Abby's advice was good.

3- Sound pretty clingy for a strong and independent 18 yr old.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#5 Feb 2, 2014
PEllen and tiredofit, I love your responses to these letters. I had some really long-winded response to them (as is usual for me), but you both said it all. I'd add one thing:

1: Put your money in a separate account and do what you can to get whatever other money you both have in a joint account and put it into a separate account in your name only. That can be done faster than getting an appointment with an attorney. At least you'll have a small amount of what he stole from you. As soon as he knows you're calling an attorney, he'd do the same thing. Just get there first.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#6 Feb 2, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
1- I'm no lawyer but I doubt you have much legal recourse. The investment is likely considered "marital assets," and as unfair as it may sound, can legally be spent by either party.
.
There is such a thing as dissipating marital assets and it can factor in when dividing up whatever is left.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#7 Feb 2, 2014
LW1: Your husband is not a good businessman. However, I am sure that he thought that by investing additional money into the business, he could make it successful. There are 2 problems apart from the breach of trust, which, I agree, is huge. The first problem is that your husband's focus is on his business and your focus is on becoming a homeowner. The second problem is that you were not keeping an eye on your joint account. That's on you. You have some work to do. You must decide if you can forgive your husband and move forward. I suggest that you sit down with a counselor and try to work it out. I can understand your hurt and anger, but after the dust settles, sit down calmly and rationally and try to understand his point of view. If you decide to stay, separate your finances. You need to open a separate bank account for yourself. Put your savings there. Open a joint household account and use that to pay bills. Tell your husband that you will take care of the household bills. Have your husband open a bank account for his business and if he chooses, one for savings/personal. Good luck.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#8 Feb 2, 2014
LW3: "DEAR ABBY: I am a strong and independent 18-year-old girl."

ROTFLMAO. Yeah right, LW. Everything in your letter indicates you are pathetic and clinging. I hope your boyfriend runs from you, far and fast.

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