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1 - 11 of 11 Comments Last updated Jul 30, 2013

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

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#1
Jul 30, 2013
 
Dear Amy: Recently, my brother was hospitalized for a serious mental health issue.

My sister is an avid social media user. She was all over her social media accounts, sharing the details, which were very unpleasant. She "tagged" his name in posts.

I felt she violated his privacy and told her so. She says she is bringing attention to an important mental health issue. My feeling is that should be my brother's choice and he is currently in no shape to make a choice. We're at an impasse and wonder about your thoughts.-- Private Sister

Dear Sister: This is not debatable. Your sister is violating your brother's privacy and may well be damaging his recovery by betraying him.

Tagging him on posts invites others (including strangers) to weigh in, and some may choose to do so in ways that are not supportive or helpful and may in fact compromise his recovery now or reputation later.

Furthermore, it doesn't sound as if your brother is in a position to clarify, educate or even make a statement on his own behalf.

Most readers are aware of the HIPAA statute, which protects confidential medical information. I contacted Abner Weintraub, a HIPAA expert and consultant in Orlando, Fla., to see if this violates the statute.

He responded: "One of the primary purposes of HIPAA is to protect confidential medical data. But HIPAA only applies to a narrow category and unless the person disclosing this medical information is a medical provider or agency regulated by HIPAA, the statute does not apply. Private citizens are not regulated by this law."

Common decency, however, should regulate our behavior. This crosses the line.

Dear Amy: Fifteen years ago my wife fell in love with a married man.

We went to see a marriage counselor but it didn't make any difference. Our kids were quite young at the time and instead of getting a divorce, I decided to stay in the marriage. My kids were involved in religious activities and sports teams, which they would've missed out on because my wife isn't religious or into sports.

I don't believe my wife is in love with the other man anymore, but she's not in love with me either. She doesn't really like doing anything with me (like going to a movie or out to dinner, etc.), and if we do go out with one of the kids, she treats me like a third wheel.

Our youngest daughter recently graduated from high school, and now I'm considering getting a divorce.

I love my wife but don't want to live the rest of my life like this. I know I'm going to have to talk to my kids about the divorce but what would do you recommend I tell my kids -- other than that I love them very much?-- Sad Dad

Dear Dad: Now that your youngest has graduated from high school, you can expect the dynamic with your wife to change, for better or worse. Before giving up on your marriage, however, I hope you will try counseling again.

Do not discuss divorce with your children unless you are definite about it and have chosen to separate. Your children have noticed the dynamic between their parents through time. They will see that you have been marginalized over the years (and they have occasionally pushed you to the margins, too).

You needn't have martyred yourself for your children's activities -- and don't present yourself as a victim. All you need to say is, "Your mother and I have not been happy together for a long time. We love you very much, but our own relationship isn't working out."

Dear Amy: I loved your quote to the woman who wanted to dance ("She who dances most wins").

I keep a book filled with interesting quotes that I vainly drop into conversations now and then, and you're in it.

If your career ever goes to pot and you wind up living on the streets in an old refrigerator box, you'll have the comfort of knowing that you've gone down in posterity.-- A Fan

Dear Fan: My place in your personal quote Hall of Fame would be cold comfort from a refrigerator box, but I appreciate the sentiment, and thank you for quoting.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#3
Jul 30, 2013
 

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1 Beat your sister with a clue bat. Wait a day, then do it again. If necessary get FB involved.

2 Gawd, I felt my nutz shrivel up just reading your letter! Your wife treats you like dirt and amy tells you to try counseling...AGAIN! Go find whatever box your wife stashed your balls in, grab them and go.

Oh, and are you sure the kids are even yours?

3 Here's a quite for you....FOAD! Put that in your little book.
elpresador

Lincolnshire, IL

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#4
Jul 30, 2013
 
2. Act like a coward, get treated like a coward.

Since: Jan 10

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#5
Jul 30, 2013
 
L1: You have two options here. Plan 1: Go to your sister's house, turn on her computer, log in, get to her FB page, then delete all those obnoxious posts. Plan B: Log into your own FB account and post something horribly embarrassing about your sister. Maybe go into detail about how much time she spends tweezing nipple and chin hairs. Teach that freakin' idiot a lesson. I loathe this sister.

L2: I think Amy gave a decent answer. Don't share the details of your marriage OR its breakdown with your children, even if they are adults.

L3: Wow. You are one heck of a sucker. Amy sucks.

Since: Aug 08

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#6
Jul 30, 2013
 

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LW1: Your sister is completely clueless. I hope your brother goes postal on her when he gets out.

LW2: Just tell them you arenít in love any more with each other. Less said the better, in terms of the details.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

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#7
Jul 30, 2013
 
LW2 - you should have left years ago... just because she isn't into sports and reliious activities doesn't mean that you couldn't have picked up the slack and taken care of that for hte familiy. just keep it civil in front of the kids no matter how much you're seething on the inside. and i w0ouldn't be surprised if one of the older kids says "WTF took you so long?"

LW3 - well, isn't THAT special... <said in Church Lady voice>

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#8
Jul 30, 2013
 

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L1 Probably the only person who can complain to FB is your brother, but if this is as much a breach as you describe, you might try contacting them. I don't use it much but at least the photo tagging can be removed I know- but by the person tagged.

FWIW your sister is game playing something called Ain't It Awful where she gets sympathy and attention for your brother's misfortune or her implied problems with being a person close to and ostensibly affected by your brother's misfortune. It gets her attention rather than being a generalized education behavior.

She sucks. Call her on it. If you can contact your brother's doctors, let them know. Your bro' should be told, but as he is in bad shape, let his docs decide how to handle that.

And may I repeat
Your sister sucks big time. Feel free to tell I said so.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#9
Jul 30, 2013
 

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Sublime1 wrote:
LW1: Your sister is completely clueless. I hope your brother goes postal on her when he gets out.
Given that he was hospitalized for a serious mental health issue, the suggestion that he go postal could occur literally ( as in people who go into post offices and shoot up the place) or something equivalent. Be careful the demons you summon.

Since: Jan 10

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#10
Jul 30, 2013
 

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PEllen wrote:
L1 Probably the only person who can complain to FB is your brother, but if this is as much a breach as you describe, you might try contacting them. I don't use it much but at least the photo tagging can be removed I know- but by the person tagged.
FWIW your sister is game playing something called Ain't It Awful where she gets sympathy and attention for your brother's misfortune or her implied problems with being a person close to and ostensibly affected by your brother's misfortune. It gets her attention rather than being a generalized education behavior.
She sucks. Call her on it. If you can contact your brother's doctors, let them know. Your bro' should be told, but as he is in bad shape, let his docs decide how to handle that.
And may I repeat
Your sister sucks big time. Feel free to tell I said so.
Yeah, she is making it all about her b/c she wants the attention. It's sick. Good post.

Since: Aug 08

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#11
Jul 30, 2013
 
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Given that he was hospitalized for a serious mental health issue, the suggestion that he go postal could occur literally ( as in people who go into post offices and shoot up the place) or something equivalent. Be careful the demons you summon.
She kind of deserves bad things to happen to her. It's really a terrible thing to do.

She could have mental issues too, tho. It should be pretty self evident that you don't do that sort of stuff on facebook ... not even to your worse enemy.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#12
Jul 30, 2013
 
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
She kind of deserves bad things to happen to her. It's really a terrible thing to do.
She could have mental issues too, tho. It should be pretty self evident that you don't do that sort of stuff on facebook ... not even to your worse enemy.
I don't know enough about the distinction between psychiatric, psychological and character issues. Whatever bro's problem is, the sister has a personality that wants to attract attention to herself when it is someone else is getting it. Poor me, poor me, poor me, my brother is nuts sound like a character defect rather than mental illness.

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