First Prev
of 2
Next Last

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Mar 3, 2014
DEAR ABBY: Before my husband and I were married, I became pregnant with his baby. We decided together that we weren't ready for the responsibility and made the mutual decision to end the pregnancy early in the first trimester. We did marry eventually and had a baby girl a few years ago who is now in college.

My ex and I divorced many years ago because of his many affairs, including one with his best friend's wife. I have come to believe that my ex told our daughter about our decision out of spite because I told her about the affairs when she was old enough to understand since she may have a half-sister.

Should I ask my daughter about this or let it go? It was a very private decision, and I think he is a creep for hurting her by telling her.-- FURIOUS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR FURIOUS: Why do you think your ex spilled the beans to your daughter? Has she been behaving differently toward you? Why do you think she "may" have a half-sister? Are you sure it isn't more than one -- or a brother or two? The fact that you aborted a child before your daughter's birth has nothing to do with her. If you think there is something festering between you and your daughter, my advice is to clear the air before it gets worse.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together since August 2012 and have lived together since last summer. He is perfect in every way. He wakes me every morning with a smile and a kiss and pours me a cup of tea. He never goes anywhere without letting me know he thinks I'm beautiful and telling me how much he loves me.

He gets home before I do most nights, has a glass of wine and a hot bath waiting for me, and cooks dinner while I'm in the tub. He's amazing! The only problem is, I was with sooo many of the wrong men for years, I have forgotten how to spoil a man in return.

I want him to know how much I appreciate and love him, but I don't know how. I just want him to know he's the one I want to sit on the porch with one day, watching our grandchildren play. I don't want to lose him because he thinks I don't appreciate all he does. Please help.-- KNOWS A GOOD THING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR KNOWS: When your boyfriend does something for you, thank him for it. Tell him you love him and give him affection in abundance. Express how fortunate you feel to have him in your life. Look for things you can do that will make his life easier, and put forth an effort to reciprocate the many thoughtful things he does for you. Every man is different, but this would be a good start in getting your message across.

DEAR ABBY: Is it too late for me to go back to school and get a degree and pursue a career I would enjoy? I'm 53, married and the mother of two children, 19 and 23. I didn't finish college, and I don't know what to do with my life. The only jobs I have ever had were as a retail salesperson.

With one child just out of college, I am unsure if I could even afford to continue my education. Where would I go to find answers about returning to school at my age, choosing a major and finding the money to pay for it? Any advice would be appreciated.-- TOO OLD 4 NEW TRICKS?

DEAR TOO OLD?: Contact the nearest university or college and ask if it offers career counseling and aptitude testing to determine what you would need to complete your education and find a career you'd be suited for. Many schools offer this service. As to your being too late to do this at 53 -- it's never too late. People in their 90s have earned degrees and been enriched by it, and so can you.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#2 Mar 3, 2014
1- You had a baby girl a few years ago and she's now in college? She must be a genius

2- Ample bj's

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Mar 3, 2014
1 You sound like a very bitter pill. You gossip about your husband then whine when you think he did the same. Typical double standard, and I bet your daughter is just tired of hearing about it.

2 Ummmm, how about you reciprocate on your days off? Massage with a happy ending is one of my favorites.

3 Yes your too old, what would you do with all that book learning anyway. Just wasting your money.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#5 Mar 3, 2014
HA
edogxxx wrote:
1- You had a baby girl a few years ago and she's now in college? She must be a genius

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#6 Mar 3, 2014
!. I very much agree with Race. LW is a bitter pill. She took her revenge on her ex by discussing her ex's affairs and now that she too is being served the sauce in return she is acting wronged. Given this scenario I can think of several reasons why the daughter might have changed her attitude towards LW, none of them having to do with abortion.

Since she was pro choice, I will assume she raised her daughter the same way. There are lots of things kids don't know about parents especially their sex lives . Kids get grossed out by almost any indication that their parents ever had sex

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Mar 3, 2014
LW1: Yes, you obviously care so much about your daughter and her feelings Ö thatís why you spilled the beans on nasty details of your divorce.
I doubt your daughter wants to get in the middle of all this stuff. Let it go and leave her out of it.

LW2: Wow, do I feel like a slacker.

LW3: Community colleges have counselors who will talk to you about your options, the courses you will need to take, and financial aid options. From that you can figure out if it makes sense.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#8 Mar 3, 2014
LW1: So it's OK when you bring your daughter in on business that isn't really hers, but not when your ex does the same thing.

Talk to your daughter and apologize for putting her in the middle and then never do it again. You can't control what your ex says to her but you can make sure that you don't add any more fuel to the fire.

LW2: Am I the only one that thinks this guy is complete fiction?

LW3: What Abby said. It's never too late.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#9 Mar 3, 2014
squishymama wrote:
LW2: Am I the only one that thinks this guy is complete fiction?
I thought the same.

IME, when a guy dotes on a woman to an abnormal degree, it's not uncommon that he's doing something behind her back as well.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#10 Mar 3, 2014
Or maybe the guy is just a nice guy? Some still exist, ya know

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#11 Mar 3, 2014
edog, if one of your friends came to you saying that he did all this stuff for his girlfriend, you would tell him his man card has been revoked.

To me, this kind of stuff stinks of desperation. If he only did this on the weekends or when he knows she's had a bad day then I would go with he's just a nice guy. But that she's describing him as doing this every day just makes me wonder why he's trying so hard.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#12 Mar 3, 2014
LW1: I think we're all on the same page with this one. Yes, your ex was a skunk for cheating, particularly with his best friend's wife, but you shouldn't have told your daughter all of the gory details. That is none of her business and although he wasn't a good husband, you haven't indicated that he's a bad father. You need to see a counselor to rid yourself of the anger and bitterness and move on, as well as to build your communications skills so that you can establish a better relationship with your grown daughter. Work on yourself.

LW2: I'm with squishy. This is total fiction.

LW3: If you have the motivation to go back to school, I say go for it!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#13 Mar 3, 2014
squishymama wrote:
edog, if one of your friends came to you saying that he did all this stuff for his girlfriend, you would tell him his man card has been revoked.
To me, this kind of stuff stinks of desperation. If he only did this on the weekends or when he knows she's had a bad day then I would go with he's just a nice guy. But that she's describing him as doing this every day just makes me wonder why he's trying so hard.
I never said he wasn't a Sally for being so loving, but I think calling it "desperation" is a bit harsh. People are different, maybe this is how his father treated his mother, or maybe it isn't and he vowed to do better. Who's to say?

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#14 Mar 3, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I never said he wasn't a Sally for being so loving, but I think calling it "desperation" is a bit harsh. People are different, maybe this is how his father treated his mother, or maybe it isn't and he vowed to do better. Who's to say?
It's very extreme and unusual. Who is he to presume she is going to take a bath every day when she gets home? Who is he to presume she is drinking wine every night, right when she gets home? He wakes her every day with a kiss? Really? He just waits around for her to wake up, everyday ... and has tea waiting for her? He never goes anywhere without letting her know he thinks she's beautiful and telling her how much he loves her. It's pure b.s.

That guy doesn't exist and I don't think a lot of women would want a guy like that. I don't tell my wife when she is drinking or when she is taking a bath. She decides that.

It reminds me of this twilight zone episode:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Chaser_%28Th...
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#15 Mar 3, 2014
1: This lw grosses me out. I love abortion as birth control, btw...

2: I have high expectations for guys and even I think this sounds too much. Like the guy is placating her....ah, but won't marry her, watch.
Ride it out, sister. You'll be the forever girlfriend, I bet ya.
Or get knocked up. That seems to work to trap a man.
Ooooh, better yet: start talking marriage. Watch how quickly those baths dry up.

3: Ask someone in the field, not a stranger online, moron. I hate stupid, whiney lw's.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#16 Mar 3, 2014
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
It's very extreme and unusual. Who is he to presume she is going to take a bath every day when she gets home? Who is he to presume she is drinking wine every night, right when she gets home? He wakes her every day with a kiss? Really? He just waits around for her to wake up, everyday ... and has tea waiting for her? He never goes anywhere without letting her know he thinks she's beautiful and telling her how much he loves her. It's pure b.s.
That guy doesn't exist and I don't think a lot of women would want a guy like that. I don't tell my wife when she is drinking or when she is taking a bath. She decides that.
It reminds me of this twilight zone episode:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Chaser_%28Th...
She might be embellishing a little, because she's been with "sooo many bad men over the years," so she's painting him in a brighter light, but I don't think she's outright lying. It's not so far fetched to wake up and give your woman a kiss. I used to do that when my girlfriend and I were living together. Then grab her some already brewed coffee if she was ready to get up

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#17 Mar 3, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
She might be embellishing a little, because she's been with "sooo many bad men over the years," so she's painting him in a brighter light, but I don't think she's outright lying. It's not so far fetched to wake up and give your woman a kiss. I used to do that when my girlfriend and I were living together. Then grab her some already brewed coffee if she was ready to get up
A little? More like a whole lot. It's probably a 12 year old girl with an over active imagination writing Abby.

It's not just that he gives her a kiss in the morning, which is pretty normal. It's the totality of the circumstances. It's completely overboard.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#18 Mar 3, 2014
They have been living together for some time, so its not unreasonable to assume the guy knows her schedule.
He knows she like a glass of wine and a bath after a hard day of construction work. Its how she unwinds, so he is happy to draw a bath and have a glass waiting.

And he wakes up earlier and makes the tea for both of them, it costs nothing to boil 2 cups of water instead of 1.

Oh, and remember she said that she wasted her time with so many bad dudes? Well, what if she has the bad habit of mentioning that and the guy is just trying to reassure her.
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
It's very extreme and unusual. Who is he to presume she is going to take a bath every day when she gets home? Who is he to presume she is drinking wine every night, right when she gets home? He wakes her every day with a kiss? Really? He just waits around for her to wake up, everyday ... and has tea waiting for her? He never goes anywhere without letting her know he thinks she's beautiful and telling her how much he loves her. It's pure b.s.
That guy doesn't exist and I don't think a lot of women would want a guy like that. I don't tell my wife when she is drinking or when she is taking a bath. She decides that.
It reminds me of this twilight zone episode:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Chaser_%28Th...
Cass

Pomona, CA

#19 Mar 3, 2014
LW1 - You need a therapist. Your fury seems to be directed at nothing at particular and a lot of things that are messed up in your life. You don't even know a lot of those things for a fact, and you are furious at them. It's pointless and frustrating to imagine things and then get furious at them. Find somebody to deal with your anger and possible depression. Btw, pointless fury is often a sign of depression, albeit not many recognize it as such.

LW2 - Are you sure this guy is real? Methinks, you are imagining him.

LW3 - You are never too old to go to college.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#20 Mar 3, 2014
"My ex and I divorced many years ago..."

LW1 is holding a grudge, is ticked her daughter has a relationship with her father and seems to be pulling a Mia Farrow.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#21 Mar 3, 2014
RACE wrote:
They have been living together for some time, so its not unreasonable to assume the guy knows her schedule.
He knows she like a glass of wine and a bath after a hard day of construction work. Its how she unwinds, so he is happy to draw a bath and have a glass waiting.
And he wakes up earlier and makes the tea for both of them, it costs nothing to boil 2 cups of water instead of 1.
Oh, and remember she said that she wasted her time with so many bad dudes? Well, what if she has the bad habit of mentioning that and the guy is just trying to reassure her.
Well put, my son. Everyone's saying how unreal this man must be but they're not taking into account how insecure the LW might be and dude trying to reaffirm her that there are nice guys out there and she deserves one.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker
First Prev
of 2
Next Last

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
News BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 4 min Dr Guru 192,296
News Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 5 min THE LONE WORKER 1,251,731
News Once slow-moving threat, global warming speeds ... (Dec '08) 1 hr OzRitz 53,989
Topix Chitown Regulars (Aug '09) 3 hr Sublime1 99,902
{keep A word drop A word} (Oct '11) 10 hr RACE 6,144
Word (Dec '08) 10 hr RACE 5,325
Dear Abby July 3, 2015 10 hr RACE 5
More from around the web

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

Personal Finance

Chicago Mortgages