“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Jan 3, 2014
DEAR AMY: I went on a date with a girl who has a boyfriend. She initiated the date.

She clearly has problems in her relationship but lives with her boyfriend and is afraid to end it. He is a trust fund baby with a big house and he parties pretty hard. That being said, I have no issue with him.

The girl constantly hits on me and sends me text messages late at night. When I asked her if she was still in love with him she said yes but she routinely expresses her desire to get out of the relationship.

We live in a small town where everyone knows everyone's business. The girl's boyfriend knows she is interested in me, which leads to awkward moments at the one bar where everyone congregates on Saturdays.

My mind tells me to leave her alone and give her a stern line encouraging her to either dump him and we can live happily ever after or to forget about a romance with me.

But my instincts tell me otherwise. She is beautiful. She is smart and a little bit crazy, which I like. I also live in a small place where action is hard to come by.

What do you propose?-- Small Town Guy

DEAR GUY: If you want this girl to finally leave her boyfriend, do this: For the next month, stop returning her texts and if she shows up at your door give her your best small town smile and politely turn her away. Be the coolest possible version of you -- the Clive Owen version.

This will drive her crazy. She will force a confrontation with you, during which you should say, "I'm not anyone's second choice. Once you know what you want, let me know. Until then, I think you should go home to your boyfriend."

Bam. After that, the only thing you'll have to worry about is how to get rid of this kettle of crazy once she has landed on your doorstep. Because while hookups might be a glancing bit of fun, crazy feels like forever.

DEAR AMY: My daughter is 22. She is a full-time college student at a university about 2 1/2 hours away from home. I've told her before that she needs to get a job to help with expenses. She says she understands, but doesn't seem to be aggressive at getting a job. She's sensitive, and I want to be firm with her about this without her becoming upset. Any advice?-- Frustrated Parent

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your fear about upsetting your daughter over a common sense solution to a common problem will keep both of you exactly where you currently are -- paralyzed. So go ahead and be brave enough to upset her -- and then face it and parent her through it.

Say, "Tell me what you are doing to find work, honey." If she has never worked before, you may have to mentor her though the hustle required to find part-time employment.

Along with this, you will have to be frank with her about the family finances. And then you will have to give her a rock-solid non-negotiable about what you can (and won't) pay for moving forward.

Being willing to deliver tough news along with a loving commitment to getting through it is the best way to accompany her across the threshold into adulthood. If you do this successfully, your daughter will learn that she has the moxie to weather challenging times and her world won't fall apart when she encounters a tough patch.

DEAR AMY: A gentleman wrote to you saying his lady friend is perfect in so many ways but it drives him crazy that she rests her forearm alongside the plate while she eats.

If I love someone, I cannot for the life of me understand why it would matter even the slightest bit where she rests her arm while she eats. Table manners are all good and fine, but unless she's spitting food out on the table or intentionally blowing her Zinfandel out her nostril, I can't imagine why her table manners would affect how I feel about her.-- Mike

DEAR MIKE: Well said. Thank you.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#2 Jan 3, 2014
1- I say hit that sht, and stop going to the bar every Saturday

2- I dunno, man. She should be focused on school, work can get in the way. I was in college under Bush's economy, so I had a job back home that I went to over summer breaks, Christmas breaks, spring breaks, and so forth. And I only had to pay for my car, and beer. The rest of the time I lived off credit cards. Somehow I managed. But I understand things are different now. If she's 22, I hope she's graduating soon. Bear it out for a while.

3- If I'm remembering correctly, and I may not be, the arm on the table wasn't the only issue. I was taught to keep elbows off the table. A forearm wouldn't be a problem. Table manners become an issue when you're out with others, or have company. I feel manners are important. Dating a woman without table manners would be a problem for me.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 Jan 3, 2014
1. If she cheats on him she will cheat on you.

Amy's advice is good, but watch out. Crazy will claim you attacked her. Crazy doesn't like being rejected and publicly humiliated.

2.Kids model behavior they have seen much better than listening to orders. Installing a work ethic should have started a long time ago.

Moms who describe their kids as sensitive and use that as an excuse have coddled them.Sensitive people work.

Breaking this pattern will be hard for you. Coaching her will help. Mom talking about mom's job search will help more

3. Being in love does not cause blindness; being married does not cause blinders to grow. Small irritations grow over the years to major aggravations. So, yeah, if the original LW thought it was a big enough deal to write to a columnist, its a big deal

Claremont, CA

#4 Jan 3, 2014
LW1 - Quit dating this girl. She is not going to dump her rich boyfriend. He is her magic wallet with cash reappearing any time she needs it. She is also a cheater and a liar.

LW2 - Tell her she has an X amount a month for support, and if that doesn't cover her expenses, she needs to find other sources of income. Then stick to your guns on the financial support of your ADULT daughter.

LW3 - If a forearm (not the elbow) resting against the table is bad manners, does the original LW expect the woman to eat with her elbows sticking up to the sides and her forearms up in the air? I think it would be rather awkward.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#5 Jan 3, 2014
Did amy say BAM?

Agree with the intern on all 3.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#6 Jan 3, 2014
L1: "She is smart and a little bit crazy, which I like. ". Of COIRSE you do.

The best, smartest thing you can do is get the hell out of that one-saloon town and don't look back. Why is Amy even indulging this notion of going after this girl?

L2: but then when will she find time to party?

L3: you silly fool with your common sense ways!

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#7 Jan 3, 2014
LW1: "My mind tells me to leave her alone and give her a stern line encouraging her to either dump him and we can live happily ever after or to forget about a romance with me."

She may dump him, but you will not live happily ever after. Crazy don't work like that.

"But my instincts tell me otherwise. She is beautiful. She is smart and a little bit crazy, which I like. I also live in a small place where action is hard to come by."

Thinking with the little head is going to get you in a whole lotta trouble. But I'm pretty sure you won't listen to anybody else's advice, so have fun while it lasts!

LW2: I got nuthin'. This is kind of expectation that a person should know going into college, not almost graduating from it.

LW3: It's way more impressive when someone blows a grape out of their nostril, but I guess zinfandel will have to do.
Blunt Advice

South Orange, NJ

#8 Jan 3, 2014
1. Move to a big city...The further away the better.
2. I went to college with princesses like that. What she really needs is a rich husband
3. Does that work with Jack Daniels?

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