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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Jan 17, 2013
DEAR ABBY: My grandmother is 75 years old and, unfortunately, very unpleasant to be around. She has made many hurtful remarks in the past, which have led some family members to shut her out of their lives.

I live in another state and don't see my grandmother very often. I call her once or twice a month. When I do, she's nothing but pleasant with me, but she's often angry and tearful about other members of the family.

She feels her children and grandchildren should respect her as the matriarch of the family and include her in all family get-togethers.(My family tells me they have stopped inviting her to many functions because she's such a troublemaker.)

I'm concerned about my grandmother and am beginning to think that my parents and siblings should overlook her unpleasant behavior and occasional snide remarks. At the very least they should include her in important family functions. I'd be interested in your opinion, so I can share it with my family.-- TROUBLED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR TROUBLED: Your grandmother appears to be reaping what she has sown. Verbal abuse often leaves scars on those at whom it is aimed, and no one can be blamed for wanting distance from a person who is deliberately hurtful.

Respect is something that has to be earned. Your parents and siblings "respect" your grandmother from a distance because they have learned it's the only safe way to do so.

Does this mean she should automatically be excluded from all family get-togethers? No. However, before she's invited to an important event, she should give assurances that she'll watch her mouth and be on her best behavior. Or else.

If this seems heavy-handed, so be it. It's no crime to protect oneself from someone else's mean-spiritedness.

DEAR ABBY: Please allow me to share a dating technique with your readers that has saved me a lot of relationship headaches. I call it "the 90-day rule."

Whenever I start dating someone, I try to see them at least once a week for 90 days. That way, if there are any character flaws, I find out within the first 90 days.

Among the flaws I've discovered: drug dealing and addiction, alcoholism, driving without a valid license and with illegal license tags, and lying about their occupation.

The idea is to avoid sexual intimacy during those first 90 days to keep your head clear. If you are intimate too soon, you'll find yourself making excuses for your partner. This technique has never failed me -- unless I made an exception.

May I suggest your readers try this 90-day rule? If they do, I promise they won't be disappointed because it takes time to get to know someone. Before you can love someone, you must learn who that person really is.-- CLEARHEADED IN CLEARWATER, FLA.

DEAR CLEARHEADED: Your 90-day rule makes a lot of sense. I have heard from many readers who went too far too fast because they felt they had made an instant emotional connection. I warn them that physical attraction should not be confused with love because what they're really describing is infatuation.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Jan 17, 2013
LW3 So you insist on this 90 day rule unless you make an exception? Not much of rule is it then you drunken slut?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#3 Jan 17, 2013
2- So it's a good idea to get to know someone before jumping in the sack with them? Imagine that. Thanks for the advice!

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#4 Jan 17, 2013
L1: Great. Another person who doesn't respect the fact that some people draw boundaries to insulate themselves from a mean, old, nasty relative.

You feel so bad for the old hag? YOU spend time with her.

L2: Um, no. Even if I'm sleeping with someone, I'm comfortable bailing when the weirdness starts to be apparent. Not all of us are ruled by our crotches.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#5 Jan 17, 2013
LW1: I like how you sit in judgement from afar. You have no idea what sh!t this lady pulls at family functions, so I'll repeat what Red said:

You feel so bad for the old hag? YOU spend time with her.

LW2: Married, don't care.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#6 Jan 17, 2013
LW1: What Abby said. Especially this:
"Respect is something that has to be earned."

LW2: I was far from a player in my dating days, but I can say for certain, there is no way I would spend 3 months waiting for the nookie. I'd have long since moved on.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Jan 17, 2013
LW1: If you want to be around a pain in the a$s, thatís your choice. Others are free to make different choices, however.

LW2: You sure know how to pick winners. I think I would want to get laid no later than date 5 or 6, if not a little bit sooner.

Like Angela, I'd also dump a chick (heh I made that sound like Angela would date chicks) like a hot potato if she starts acting strange, even if I was getting some sweet lovin'.
Sam I Am

Memphis, TN

#8 Jan 17, 2013
1. Look up the word "consequences." When you treat people poorly, they tend to not want you around, and that is absolutely o.k. The burden is on granny to win people back, not on others to continue to tolerate her bad behavior.

2. Sorry, but people who have "rules" for dating are dumb.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#9 Jan 17, 2013
Sam I Am wrote:
2. Sorry, but people who have "rules" for dating are dumb.
Are you being serious?

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#10 Jan 17, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
2- So it's a good idea to get to know someone before jumping in the sack with them? Imagine that. Thanks for the advice!
Amazing! I never would have thought of that.

Here's something I learned last weekend, and I'm sure you'll all laugh at me like my RL friends did: telling a guy you're not interested in dating/hooking up and that you're only at the sports bar to watch the playoffs causes him to react with a "challenge accepted" game plan.
Sam I Am

Memphis, TN

#11 Jan 17, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Are you being serious?
Yes.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#12 Jan 17, 2013
Sam I Am wrote:
<quoted text>
Yes.
So there should be no rules when it comes to dating? Anything goes?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#13 Jan 17, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Are you being serious?
I think her point is that its stupid to run your life by a set of RULES as oposed to guidelines. It leads to rubber stamping ever situation a certain way based on the RULES as opposed analyzing ech situation on its own merit.

Kinda like saying zero tolerance is stupid because it removes the need for teachers and administrators to analyze the situation. It leads to a kid getting suspended from school for making a gun with his fingers or bringing a toy gun on a keychain that he got from a gumball machine(yes, I've seen this happen). Hey, the RULE says no guns.
Sam I Am

Memphis, TN

#14 Jan 17, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
So there should be no rules when it comes to dating? Anything goes?
Tonka gets it. I can't say I'm surprised you don't.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#15 Jan 17, 2013
LW1: LW has no idea how granny is actually behaving because LW isn't there.
LW2: I agree with the CONCEPT, but 92 days? That's a long time.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#16 Jan 17, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>I think her point is that its stupid to run your life by a set of RULES as oposed to guidelines. It leads to rubber stamping ever situation a certain way based on the RULES as opposed analyzing ech situation on its own merit
Your argument is debating the difference between a rule and a guidline?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#17 Jan 17, 2013
Sam I Am wrote:
<quoted text>
Tonka gets it. I can't say I'm surprised you don't.
I don't think either of you gets it.
Sam I Am

Memphis, TN

#18 Jan 17, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't think either of you gets it.
What don't I get? My own statement?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#19 Jan 17, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't think either of you gets it.
As usual. edogg understand things while everyone else is confused.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#20 Jan 17, 2013
Sam I Am wrote:
<quoted text>
What don't I get? My own statement?
Rules are unacceptable but guidelines aren't. You don't get it.

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