“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Apr 26, 2014
DEAR ABBY: My father passed away recently. Flowers and plants were sent to the funeral home. After the funeral mass, the flowers were sent to the cemetery for the gravesite services. Afterward, I was asked to go to the funeral home to pick them up.

When I arrived, I saw my sister-in-law taking the plant her employer had sent into her car. She said it was her plant. The next day, my other sister-in-law went to my mother's house to retrieve the plant her company had sent.

Abby, I have never heard of this. I thought that because the flowers and plants had been sent to my mother, it should be up to her to decide whether or not she wants to distribute them. After all, she's the one suffering the greatest loss. What is the proper procedure for plants to be distributed after a funeral?-- CHRISTINE IN MISSOURI

DEAR CHRISTINE: The plants should be shared. Your mother is not the only person who is grieving. Your sisters-in-law are married to the sons of the deceased, so they should have the plants their employers sent to the funeral.

When there are more flowers and plants than the family can enjoy, people often have them delivered to nursing homes or homes for the elderly or disabled, where they can lend a burst of color and good cheer.

P.S. Thank-yous to the senders should be sent by your sisters-in-law for the plants they took.

DEAR ABBY: It seems strange to write to you, but I'd like to share this story about how small acts of kindness can multiply.

On a dark, miserable afternoon, I was out grocery shopping. The woman in line in front of me had two small children and two full carts of groceries. When all her bags were loaded, she began frantically searching in her purse for her car keys. When she couldn't find them, she realized that, in her haste, she had locked them inside her car. I asked if I could drive her home to get a spare key and she agreed.

I helped her into her house with her bags of groceries, then drove them all back to the store for her car. "How can I ever thank you?" she asked. My reply was, "No thanks are needed; just pass it on."

Two weeks later, I was at a party when a couple walked into the living room and the woman excitedly said, "There she is!" It was the woman from the market. She rushed over and proceeded to tell everyone how we met.

Then she said she'd had her chance to "pass it on." I asked what she told the person who had thanked her, and she said, "I said what you did,'No thanks are needed -- pass it on!'"

Small kindnesses bring big rewards. If anyone has been the recipient of an act of kindness, remember to pass it on. It's the Golden Rule.

Thanks, Dear Abby -- you "pass on" kindness with each column you write.-- LIVING THE GOLDEN RULE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR LIVING THE GOLDEN RULE: I am a firm believer in passing it on and have long shared that philosophy with friends. However, regardless of how long you preach, the best sermon is a good example.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#2 Apr 26, 2014
1- If you say so

2- Oh, puke snot

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 Apr 26, 2014
Christine in Missouri keeps track of every little thing. I bet she knows exactly how many times she has had her SIL's to dinner and how many times they have reciprocated. Excel spreadsheets would have been in her wedding registry if she were young enough.

Please note she does not mention what her mother has to say about any of this or how LW knew precisely which plant came from which source.

Taking a cue from Boundary Painter, Christine should stay in Missouri

L2 Filler and probably exaggerated too. How often does a person with 2 small kids get in the car of random stranger much less encounter them at a party 2 weeks later?
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#4 Apr 26, 2014
1: I resented the funeral home TELLING us that they were sending all the flowers sent for my mom's funeral to a specific nursing home. I suspect they have some kind of contract with the nursing home. Perhaps there's more than one and they pick them on a rotating schedule. Perhaps they only meant the flowers left behind but I didn't take their statement that way. I told them they could do what they wanted with what's left but I was telling family members to pick out an arrangement or two to take home with them if they wanted. Because it was winter, they couldn't bury my mom until spring. But I took a favorite arrangement to my dad's grave and "told" him about mom's death and that she'd once again be by his side come spring. I also took an arrangement from both my m-i-l's and f-i-l's funerals. It wasn't just for the flowers; it was my way of keeping them close for a few more days. I've told my family that when I die, I want people to take most of the flowers home with them but that close family members get first choice. Anything left over can go to the nursing homes or wherever else they choose. If the flowers are for MY funeral, I get to choose where they end up - and I chose. ;-)
boundary painter

Waco, TX

#5 Apr 26, 2014
LW1 is okay.

LW2 looks like improvable fiction. A few revisions might ad a little more reality to this story.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#6 Apr 26, 2014
Pippa wrote:
1: I resented the funeral home TELLING us that they were sending all the flowers sent for my mom's funeral to a specific nursing home.
They can't do that! You paid for those flowers. I'd have told them off too

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#7 Apr 26, 2014
LW1- how many plants/flowers does your mother need? As long as there were some for your mother (if she wanted them), then I don't see the problem here.

Sounds like you are grieving and taking it out on your SILs. Find a personal way to honor your father and try. It to be judgmental of others.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#8 Apr 26, 2014
Pippa wrote:
Because it was winter, they couldn't bury my mom until spring.
Holy.Hail.
This must be my native Floridian coming out but I never even imagined that would be an option. It makes sense, but never thought about it until I read this. Wow...

We designated the grave flowers for bro and they took the rest to the church for the meal.
We asked everyone close to choose one to take.

I don't mind LW's sis's taking, but their "this is mine"*snatch* approach sounds a bit callous in writing.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#9 Apr 26, 2014
cheluzal wrote:
Holy.Hail.
This must be my native Floridian coming out but I never even imagined that would be an option. It makes sense, but never thought about it until I read this. Wow...
The caskets are lined up or stacked behind the mortuary. It's normally a party spot for teenagers, they like to have sex on top of the caskets. Next time you're up north during the wintertime, you should check it out
Julie

Chicago, IL

#10 Apr 27, 2014
Pippa wrote:
1:...Because it was winter, they couldn't bury my mom until spring."
Gee, Pippa, I've always suspected you're living in 1812. Thanks for confirming it.<eye roll>

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