Comments
1 - 11 of 11 Comments Last updated Sep 1, 2013

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 Sep 1, 2013
DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago, my oldest sister, "Olivia," loaned me $3,000 at a time when I was struggling to make ends meet. I promised to repay the loan at the end of the year. The time came and I wrote her a check for the full amount, but she didn't cash it. She said she didn't need the money and the loan was forgiven.

Fast-forward 20 years: While Olivia has remained financially stable, I am now in a better place financially because of an inheritance. After learning about this inheritance, Olivia asked me for the money back!

Because I can afford it, I plan on repaying her, but I can't get over her surprising request. Do you have any words of wisdom to help me make sense of this?-- UNSETTLED SIBLING

DEAR UNSETTLED: Your sister may have forgiven the loan all those years ago because she thought repaying her would have caused you financial stress. Now that she knows you're well able to give her the money, she would like to have it. You and I don't know why she's asking for it, but trust me, there is always a reason.

DEAR ABBY: I have been talking to "Ricky" for about two months. I'm 28 and he is 27. A couple of weeks ago we decided to date exclusively. This morning, Ricky found out that his ex is three months' pregnant with his child. I knew he was last intimate with her three months ago, but we were both kind of shocked.

I don't have kids and I prefer not to date men who do, let alone one who has a baby on the way. However, I do care about Ricky and could definitely see us together. After this bombshell, I'm not sure what I want to do. Any advice would be appreciated.-- THROWN FOR A LOOP IN PHILADELPHIA
DEAR THROWN FOR A LOOP: After this bombshell, the person who has some serious decisions to make is Ricky. Will this cause him to reunite with his ex-girlfriend? Is the baby really his child? If so, what will be his responsibility financially and morally? If he stays with you, do you want to help raise another woman's child?

Until you have a better idea of what lies ahead, my advice is to do nothing. You have known Ricky for only two months, and while you could see a future for the two of you, can you also see one that includes the three -- or four -- of you? I'm including the ex in the equation, because she'll be a part of it. Forever.

DEAR ABBY: I quit drinking three years ago. I realized I had a problem, addressed it, and I'm now sober. I never was a big drinker socially. I drank alone.

When I go out with friends for dinner, they usually rack up a large liquor bill, which is evenly split. Occasionally, I'll ask that the liquor portion of the bill be subtracted from my tab, but doing so makes me feel awkward.

I enjoy going out with these people, but I don't want to add another 20 to 25 percent to my tab. What's your advice for addressing this situation?-- SOBER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SOBER: Congratulations on your sobriety. A way to avoid being charged for the liquor your friends consume would be to quietly advise the server at the start of the dinner that you would like a separate check.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#2 Sep 1, 2013
L1: um, no. Se said the loan was forgiven. Remind her of that.

L2: you two have talked for two months but haven't dated? Just knock it off and move onto someone else.

L3: ask for separate checks when you order. If the restaurant doesn't allowit, then do what you have been doing. Te only people who should feel awkward are those who expect a non drinker to split the booze bill. That is just way ridiculous.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#3 Sep 1, 2013
Team Red.
Now I have to go to breakfast.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#4 Sep 1, 2013
1- I say go ahead and repay her, don't make drama.

2- Are you sure you're 28? Because you sound 14. You've been dating for two weeks. You just found out his ex is pregnant this morning. You'd prefer not to date a man with kids. There's your answer.

3- I don't drink anymore.

I don't drink any less, either!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#5 Sep 1, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L3: ask for separate checks when you order. If the restaurant doesn't allow it...
Are there restaurants that don't allow separate checks?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#6 Sep 1, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Are there restaurants that don't allow separate checks?
Yes
Cass

Claremont, CA

#7 Sep 1, 2013
LW1 - Repay her. Words of wisdom? Amy rarely has them. Making sense of it? Don't even try. It's bizarre.

LW2 - Team Red.

LW3 - Team Red again.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#8 Sep 1, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Are there restaurants that don't allow separate checks?
Yes. I've been to numerous restaurants that do not allow it. I also have had waitstaff waive that if we express annoyance.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#9 Sep 1, 2013
More than once, nick and I have gone out for dinner and we were given separate checks. Weird, because we obviously are a couple. You can tell that just from how we order our food.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#10 Sep 1, 2013
I know separate checks can mean a little more time/work for a waiter, but I wonder if another aspect of it is, having everything on one big check means one person isn't going to skip out on his bill, because others will have to cover sims portion if it is on their tab as well.

What is REALLY nice is when we go as a group and the automatic gratuity gets added, and the waiter points it out to us so we don't add a tip.

Even better: when we tell the waiter that if he waives the automatic 18%, and lets us tip on our own, he will come out ahead with a bigger tip. Haven't yet had a waiter refuse our request.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#11 Sep 1, 2013
1: What? Heck no. You repaid it back like you said; the loan is done. A 2-decade extortion is what this sounds like. Soooo blatantly rude.

2: Step back, seriously.....way too much baggage a-coming.

3: Hail's naw! Cheluzal would never pay for other people's alcohol, or dinner (unless I wanted to).
This splitting all 1/2 is junk, and I'm once again reminded how awesome all my peeps are: everything is separate checks--always. So much easier.

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