abby 6-18-13
First Prev
of 2
Next Last

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Jun 18, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I have been with my fiance for four years. He is 32, I'm 23. He is Catholic and I am Jewish. When I met him, I wasn't particularly religious, but since planning a trip to Israel and after studying under a rabbi, I have become more religious.

I now keep kosher and try to be as close to Orthodox as I can. I eventually want an Orthodox Jewish home and for my children to be raised Jewish. But every time I try to discuss this with him, he nods his head and says in a sarcastic tone, "Uh-huh."

I don't think he understands how serious I am about becoming Orthodox, even though I live the lifestyle now. How can I ensure that he will live and raise our children in an Orthodox Jewish way before I walk down the aisle and it is too late?-- KEEPING KOSHER IN NEW YORK

DEAR KEEPING KOSHER: Your fiance is behaving as if he thinks you are going through a phase rather than making an actual commitment to becoming Orthodox Jewish. If he had any interest in raising his children in the Jewish faith, he would have shown it by asking questions and trying to learn more about what that would entail.

I won't mince words with you: The only guarantee I can offer that your children will be raised Orthodox Jewish would be for you to marry a man who feels similarly.

DEAR ABBY: My wife is the best thing that ever happened to me. After 34 years together -- 28 of them married -- she is still the love of my life. How can I express this to her?

I have done the usual things over the years: candy, flowers, presents. I give cards, but I am not a wordsmith. I love her so much I don't know if it is even possible to express it with words or gifts, but still I try.

Do you have any suggestions on how I can convey my love to this wonderful woman who I call my wife?-- SPEECHLESS IN OHIO

DEAR SPEECHLESS: You don't have to be a wordsmith to say "I love you" when she awakens in the morning and repeat it as she goes to sleep each night. Flowers, candy and presents are demonstrations of your love, but just as meaningful can be something as simple as holding her hand when you walk together and turning up the thermostat when she's chilly -- even if you aren't.

DEAR ABBY: May I vent about something? It really irritates me when people write to you and blame a bad childhood on how they turned out. I didn't have the best childhood. I was molested by my mom's second husband, was on my own at 15, and pregnant at 16 and again at 17.

I wasn't on welfare when I had my kids -- I have worked and supported them by myself from day one. Don't get me wrong: I'm not bragging. But I had a tough time growing up. Now, at 33, I have two beautiful daughters who turned out well. I also have a good job and a fiance who loves us all.

We are who we make ourselves become. It doesn't always have to turn into a tragedy. I get so tired of hearing about people who kill, people who are strung out on drugs, and people in general who blame everything on when they were kids and how bad they had it.-- DOING JUST FINE IN TEXAS

DEAR DOING JUST FINE: You are entitled to vent; that's what I'm here for. I commend you for your determination, resilience and resourcefulness in dealing with the challenges you faced while growing up, and for passing those traits on to your daughters.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Jun 18, 2013
1 Ha, this will be fun to watch. Huge age difference, huge religious difference, and huge vision of the future difference.

2 A Porsche would be nice.

3 Ditto that lady.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Darby, PA

#3 Jun 18, 2013
1- No surprise that Abby's go to answer is to dump the man.

Sounds like a phase to me too. Sometimes how you WANT to live your life and the way you actually end up doing so are rarely the same.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#4 Jun 18, 2013
LW1: Sorry, but if that's what you want, you'll have to marry someone else.

LW2: I stopped reading this insipid tripe.

LW3: Well, I'm sick of hearing people who insist because *they* did something, then *everyone* should be able to do the same something. We are not clones.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#5 Jun 18, 2013
L1: If you're actually serious about it, then yes, let the guy go. It *will* be an issue later on. A huge one.

L2: Write to Dear Abby. That'll show 'er.*eyeroll*

L3: What kind of job does a 17-year-old have that she can support 2 kids without welfare? Wait...don't answer that. I bet it involves a fake ID and a pole.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#6 Jun 18, 2013
L1: C'mon! The LW's religion is at the core of all her hopes and dreams. Get an Orthodox Jewish boy and dump this one. It's not his fault, but it just isn't going to work.

L2: How syrupy can you get, Abby?

L3: I worked when I was 17. Didn't have 2 kids (thank god) but I did pay rent, car and everything else and no help from anyone. It's doable as long as you graduated from HS and you have some brains.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#7 Jun 18, 2013
Team Squishy.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#8 Jun 18, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
L1: If you're actually serious about it, then yes, let the guy go. It *will* be an issue later on. A huge one.
L2: Write to Dear Abby. That'll show 'er.*eyeroll*
L3: What kind of job does a 17-year-old have that she can support 2 kids without welfare? Wait...don't answer that. I bet it involves a fake ID and a pole.
All of this.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#9 Jun 18, 2013
LW1: You’ve changed. You can’t ensure anything. Find a new guy who is more compatible with your views.

I’m surprised he hasn’t dumped you already. There is no way in hell I would sign onto living that kind of lifestyle.

LW2: You could probably show her how much you love her by shutting up about it. You are annoying about it.

LW3: It’s societies fault they are wusses … just ask them.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#10 Jun 18, 2013
L1: This is a huge issue. A huge potential problem. If he had any interest in Judaism, he'd let you know. He doesn't. End this relationship. I can see a Reform Jew, and maybe a Conservative Jew, being married to a Catholic, but ORthodox? No way will that ever work.

Besides, you were 19 and he was 28 when you too got together. that's just ... not very appropriate or wise, IMO.

You've changed. It's time to find someone who shares your religious beliefs and your desire to keep a kosher home.

L2: barf. You are trying way too hard to prove something, I don't know what.

L3: When the bar is set low, "doing fine" is rather subjective. You don't seem "Fine": You seem like a judgmental know-it-all twat.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#11 Jun 18, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
I’m surprised he hasn’t dumped you already. There is no way in hell I would sign onto living that kind of lifestyle.
Right? Nick would NOT give up bacon cheeseburgers for me. Ever.

He would choose a life of cheese and no sex over a life of sex and no cheese.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#12 Jun 18, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
There is no way in hell I would sign onto living that kind of lifestyle.
No. Mostly because bacon. And lobster.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#13 Jun 18, 2013
House Hunters had an episode with...I don't know if they were Orthodox Jews, but they kept kosher and seemed very conservative. Pain in the azz as far as finding a big enough kitchen. You basically need two of everything so your dairy and meat don't mix. Or whatever it is.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#14 Jun 18, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
House Hunters had an episode with...I don't know if they were Orthodox Jews, but they kept kosher and seemed very conservative. Pain in the azz as far as finding a big enough kitchen. You basically need two of everything so your dairy and meat don't mix. Or whatever it is.
Yup. Separate sets of plates, utensils, two ovens, two sets of sinks, two dishwashers.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#15 Jun 18, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
House Hunters had an episode with...I don't know if they were Orthodox Jews, but they kept kosher and seemed very conservative. Pain in the azz as far as finding a big enough kitchen. You basically need two of everything so your dairy and meat don't mix. Or whatever it is.
It was either Love It or List It or the Property Brothers -- one of those -- they had to find a kosher couple two kitchens in one. 2 ovens, 2 fridges, etc. Crazy. They really meant kosher! Different sides of the kitchen for dairy, etc.

I probably watch way too much HGTV.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#16 Jun 18, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
It was either Love It or List It or the Property Brothers -- one of those -- they had to find a kosher couple two kitchens in one. 2 ovens, 2 fridges, etc. Crazy. They really meant kosher! Different sides of the kitchen for dairy, etc.
I probably watch way too much HGTV.
It's okay. You're in good company. Yeah, maybe it was one of those shows, and not House Hunters.

Our newest favorite to make fun of is Flea Market Flip. Two teams of two have to go to a flea market and upcycle three things to sell. Whoever makes the most profit wins $5K.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#17 Jun 18, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Right? Nick would NOT give up bacon cheeseburgers for me. Ever.
He would choose a life of cheese and no sex over a life of sex and no cheese.
To me, even if she didn't expect me to live that way and I could eat and do what I wanted, but she wanted herself to live that way and our children to be raised that way, I couldn't do it. It's just too much involvement in and the structuring of one's lifestyle around something I find to be a waste of time. It would be like someone wanting to marry me and structure our daily lives around fairies and magic.

Someone who is casually religious or someone who even goes to church regularly, it would be easy to make that work, but my impression of Orthodox Judaism is that it is an overarching theme to one's life and controls many aspects of it and includes many aspects that are peculiar to that particular branch of Judaism and not general cultural norms, which most religious teachings are, i.e. be kind to others, charity, and stuff like that.

Even with a casually religious person or someone who goes to church regularly, I would probably not be agreeable to our children being indoctrinated into organized religion and I certainly would not bite my tongue about my own views on religion at an age appropriate time.

I still haven't had such a talk with my boys about why I'm agnostic or that I even am, but at some point I will share my views with them, and would ask that a religious spouse show me the same courtesy of not exposing them to it and indoctrinating them into something I don't believe in, i.e. organized religious concepts of god.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#18 Jun 18, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
It's okay. You're in good company. Yeah, maybe it was one of those shows, and not House Hunters.
Our newest favorite to make fun of is Flea Market Flip. Two teams of two have to go to a flea market and upcycle three things to sell. Whoever makes the most profit wins $5K.
I've seen that a coule of times. Sometimes they take a perfectly good antique piece that only needs a bit of restoring, turn it into something hideous but then also manage to sell it.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#19 Jun 18, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
I've seen that a coule of times. Sometimes they take a perfectly good antique piece that only needs a bit of restoring, turn it into something hideous but then also manage to sell it.
Yeah, that's why we make fun of it. I've seen a few cool pieces, but mostly it's crap at the end. Plus, they get a workshop and people to help them. If these people do that for fun, they should have to do it unassisted and in their own garages.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#20 Jun 18, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
To me, even if she didn't expect me to live that way and I could eat and do what I wanted, but she wanted herself to live that way and our children to be raised that way, I couldn't do it. It's just too much involvement in and the structuring of one's lifestyle around something I find to be a waste of time. It would be like someone wanting to marry me and structure our daily lives around fairies and magic.
Someone who is casually religious or someone who even goes to church regularly, it would be easy to make that work, but my impression of Orthodox Judaism is that it is an overarching theme to one's life and controls many aspects of it and includes many aspects that are peculiar to that particular branch of Judaism and not general cultural norms, which most religious teachings are, i.e. be kind to others, charity, and stuff like that.
Even with a casually religious person or someone who goes to church regularly, I would probably not be agreeable to our children being indoctrinated into organized religion and I certainly would not bite my tongue about my own views on religion at an age appropriate time.
I still haven't had such a talk with my boys about why I'm agnostic or that I even am, but at some point I will share my views with them, and would ask that a religious spouse show me the same courtesy of not exposing them to it and indoctrinating them into something I don't believe in, i.e. organized religious concepts of god.
I agree. There's compromise, and then there's massive things like being a religious fundie, no matter what religion.

We've tried to impart to my SIL's fiance that her vegetarianism may not be a bother to him *now*, but it's not going to get any less annoying over time if she remains vegetarian and he doesn't. As far as I know, she won't even touch meat (giggity), much less cook it.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker
First Prev
of 2
Next Last

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
News Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 5 min Joy 1,497,303
News Israeli troops begin Gaza pullout as Hamas decl... (Jan '09) 19 min Ize Found 71,376
Obama's a mooslim traitor! 33 min Ushie Bobo 1
Topix Chitown Regulars (Aug '09) 50 min CrunchyBacon 104,989
News BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 1 hr Jacques in Ottawa 237,334
Comedy , theatre or rush street? 1 hr Cgeh 1
{keep A word drop A word} (Oct '11) 1 hr SweLL GirL 10,339

Chicago Jobs

More from around the web

Personal Finance

Chicago Mortgages