“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Jul 31, 2014
DEAR AMY: My new daughter is almost 4 months old, and I feel as though my in-laws don't love her as much as they do her male cousin, who is 2.

They take the boy for sleepovers and are always buying him toys but don't do these things for my daughter.

When everyone is together, not nearly as much attention is focused on my baby, compared with her little cousin. They are Middle Eastern, so I know it's common for them to place higher value on boys as opposed to girls, but I always thought that this wouldn't be the case in my situation.

This breaks my heart. Our baby is young now, but once she is older, then she will definitely be aware of the favoritism, which I won't be able to tolerate. Am I overreacting?

My husband says it's because she is so young right now and that they will be showing her the same love once she's older.-- Upset Mom

DEAR MOM: You are overreacting, but it is understandable. Your in-laws have had two years to get to know their grandson, and if he is their first grandchild, they may have a powerful attachment to him. You should assume that as your daughter grows, she will coo, smile and toddle her way into their hearts too.

What you must not do is to continue to project your hurt feelings onto your young daughter. If this favoritism continues, your insecurity and anger about it will only highlight the imbalance for your child.

Good grandparents, like good parents, learn that they have ample room in their hearts for all of the children in their lives. They may not love each child in the exact same way, but they love them individually and abundantly.

Give your in-laws opportunities to hold and enjoy her. See if they want to have her with them for two or three hours one afternoon while you run an errand or two. This will give them a chance to get to know her gradually.

DEAR AMY: My one true love and I met 12 years ago.

I was divorced and at the time he was separated from his wife.

We hit it off like fireworks. I didn't know that he was also seeing someone else at the time.

After my four months of bliss with him, his ex-wife decided she wanted to make another go of it for their kids' sake. I told him I didn't want to stand in his way.

It didn't last long and the marriage broke up again.

He then told me a few weeks later that he was back with the girl he was with before he dated me. They got married.

They have two small kids (ages 7 and 3). Recently he's been texting me and emailing, saying he misses and loves me.

He has told me his wife only loves his bank account.

I am single and my heart still aches for him. But I'm worried how it will turn out. Help me, Amy!-- Hopeless & Confused

DEAR HOPELESS: This guy has a terrible track record. Simply put, he cannot be alone, and rather than work on his own issues, he bounces between women.

You seem to be his "go-to" bounce.

He now has two sets of children with two different wives.

If you choose to be with him, know that you will also be embroiled with his other wives and kids. It is a heavy lift to be involved with someone who cannot stay married and cannot be alone. Play this out, but don't marry him, unless you want to be his next ex-wife.

DEAR AMY: "Linda from Michigan" wrote about a loud phone yakker in a coffee shop.

My husband, one of the most courteous people I've ever met, had an ingenious solution. When someone next to him in a quiet corner of a bookstore (no less!) began talking loudly on a cellphone, he simply started reading aloud at the same volume from the medical text he was perusing.

That worked pretty quickly! I recommend it.-- Sophronia in Cambridge, Mass.

DEAR SOPHRONIA: Some bookstores have prohibitions on cellphone use. I like your husband's reaction.

United States

#2 Jul 31, 2014
Hark! An entire column without one gay letter. But all lw's are stupid

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 Jul 31, 2014
1. A 4 month old eats poops and sleeps and cries. It does not even sit up on its own . It smiles but does not have much of a distinctive personality yet.

A2 year old walks talks and is its own person. They have enough substance to be interested in things and interesting. They actively interact with people.

LW is grossly overreacting, adding the cultural issue on top of her own insecurity complex.

Amy gave a good answer.

2 LW i does not even have the status of a booty call or FWB. If this is her one true love, she is an idiot


“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#4 Jul 31, 2014
1 Girl stuff, don't care,
2 Stupid Girl stuff, don't care.
3 I would be careful doing that. I was in a store once and this woman was screaming and swearing into her phone, when a few people asked her to either quite down or take it outside, she got all belligerent and started threatening them. Some folks are just clueless.

Bothell, WA

#5 Jul 31, 2014
Lw1: your child is 4 months old. At 4 months old, most parents I know are still sorting through all the piles of stuff received from various well-wishers gift-wise and being happy that most people have stopped for now, and have no desire to send their infant on overnights.

Lw2: what you have here, is called a player. He doesn't even like you too much because he's just keeping you available. If you married him, he would be complaining in the ear of another sympathetic woman about you in a few years.


“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#6 Jul 31, 2014
L1: Yep, Amy is right. Also, they may think they're doing her a favor b/c babies take up a lot of the mother's time and the LW then gets a break from having both a baby and a toddler to take care of.

L2: C'mon! Can the LW be this stupid? Amy is right on this one also.

L3: People can be rude and thoughless.


“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#7 Jul 31, 2014

Hancock, NY

#8 Jul 31, 2014
1: This woman has problems - not with her in-laws but herself. Her daughter is only 4 months old yet she thinks she should have a sleep over with her grandparents? She has so little comprehension about the needs of an infant that I wonder whether the grandparents should take custody. Duh!

2: What was Amy thinking when she wrote this: "Play this out, but don't marry him, unless you want to be his next ex-wife." No No No!!!! She should have said the lw should run for her life as far as she can from this guy and then head to a shrink to find out why she's put her life on hold for 12 years since she first met him. The man is a complete loser and will only waste more years of her life. She needs to get therapy and then start doing something to meet other people - in that order.

3: Ha! Be louder than the annoying noise maker. Out do him and he'll leave. ;-)

Marina, CA

#9 Jul 31, 2014
LW1: You are seriously overreacting. And why would you want your 4-month old to have sleepovers?

LW2: Fireworks guy is a big-time player. He'll be like my ex-uncle who has 7 ex-wives. And Amy got this one totally wrong. There is only one thing to do and that is to break it off completely. He's trouble. And he had his chance to choose you once, and he didn't. You are the lucky one.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
News Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 3 min sonicfilter 1,383,724
News BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 12 min Rogue Scholar 05 214,557
News Lansing teens face felony charges in fight (Sep '08) 56 min Milton 168
News Ultra Foods in Crestwood offers array of prepar... (Jun '12) 1 hr Milton 25
A Muslim woman asks the wrong person a question. 1 hr bozo 4
News Once slow-moving threat, global warming speeds ... (Dec '08) 1 hr tina anne 59,532
News Leaders pleading for peace in Chicago after wav... 2 hr Go Blue Forever 1
Topix Chitown Regulars (Aug '09) 17 hr Sublime1 102,044
More from around the web

Personal Finance

Chicago Mortgages