“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Jul 21, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I am a young woman hoping to find "The One." But I have come to realize that I'm not the normal female. I don't get manicures or go shopping.(I hate shopping!) When I meet a guy, he likes that I'm "me," but if we get serious, then I'm either "too independent," "too outspoken" or "not girly enough."

I don't want to change myself or pretend to be someone I'm not. One minute they like that I'm independent and can fend for myself; the next they don't like that I don't depend on them to pay bills, etc.

Why is it always a double standard? Men like strong women until they are with one. Then they can't handle it. Maybe I'm too much for the men where I live. Is it possible for me to find someone?-- INDEPENDENT FEMALE IN LOUISIANA

DEAR INDEPENDENT FEMALE: Welcome to the wonderful world of dating. While some may think of dating as a popularity contest, it's really more like sifting for a gold nugget. It takes a lot of people years to strike gold -- and it's the same with dating. Is it possible to find someone? Absolutely! But it takes time, stamina and a sense of humor to survive the process.

DEAR ABBY: I had a baby girl a month ago and I live with my in-laws. My husband isn't here right now because of his job.

They are great and very helpful, but I never have any private time with my daughter. Every time she cries, my sisters-in-law pick her up. When she wants to sleep, they always take her away from me to put her to sleep. Even when I breastfeed, they are always in the room with me.

I can't seem to tell them no or ask them to get out of the room. I mean, they are very helpful, and they are leaving in a month for another country, so I understand they want to be with her as much as they can. However, I would still like some time alone with my daughter. Advice?-- NEW AT THIS IN HOUSTON

DEAR NEW AT THIS: As a mother, it's up to you to assert yourself and do what is right for your baby. Find the courage to tell your in-laws that you are grateful for their assistance but want privacy when you nurse the baby. It is important that your daughter bond with you, and if your sisters-in-law are always tending to her needs, it may be more difficult for you when they leave. I'm sure your pediatrician would back you up.

DEAR ABBY: Would it be OK for an 80-year-old man to take a 50-year-old woman to supper? We often talk together at church.-- LOU IN WISCONSIN

DEAR LOU: Only if she says yes.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#2 Jul 21, 2014
1- trust me, honey, men want strong independent women. Last thing we need is some whiney, clingy, freeloader sucking us dry. Maybe you're just a btch?

2- what are you complaining about? You've got free babysitting service, go out and party all night

Monterey, CA

#3 Jul 21, 2014
LW1: I am also an independent woman and find it puzzling that some men go for the women who can't take care of themselves and then complain that all women want is their money. But I am a big fan of dressing girly, and my best suggestion is to suck it up and get your wardrobe together. A friend of mine had another friend who loves shopping help her out. She is now in a serious relationship. Yes, I know this sounds shallow, but it works. Try it!

LW2: They are leaving in a month. This problem will solve itself. Hang tough.

LW3: Sweet! Go for it.


“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#4 Jul 21, 2014
L1: Ran into this. Independent women do threaten some men. They call them betches to cover the fact that those type of women know their own mind and don't need anyone to direct. Those type of women want someone to share their life with. Maybe it's the type of place where you're meeting these men.

L2: I'm with Kuuipo. Normally I would assert myself but they're going to be gone in a month so just deal. There's light at the end of the tunnel.

L3: I'm with Abby -- if she says yes there's nothing at all wrong with it. Personally, i could not date an 80 year old guy. I don't care how much money you have.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#5 Jul 21, 2014
LW1: Move.

LW2: Are they moving or going on vacation? If they aren't ALL going away and staying away, MOVE.

LW3: Bust a move.

Hancock, NY

#6 Jul 21, 2014
1: I'm no expert on this but I'm thinking men like the idea of an independent woman because they don't want to think that someone is going to be dependent on them or only wants them as a meal ticket. When it comes down to it, they also want to feel strong and manly. A strong woman makes them nervous; perhaps they feel they have to compete in some way. They can't feel "manly" - big and strong - with a woman who doesn't NEED them for support or to make decisions. Men want a woman who will let them make all the decisions so they can feel manly. But they can't have it both ways unfortunately. So fear of being less capable than the strong woman wins out and they leave for the clinging whiny female who can't make decisions or know how to make and keep to a budget. It takes a strong, confident man to be man enough for a strong independent woman. I'm sure there are some out there; so keep looking.

2: I'm shocked that the in-laws were allowed to invade your privacy while breast feeding. I know things are better in many ways since I was breastfeeding my kids and felt I had to go somewhere private and not feed my kids in front of other people. But I still think that others should give a breast feeding mom privacy until she indicates she feels ok about their presence. I'm not saying a woman shouldn't breast feed in front of others but she should be allowed her privacy if she wants it. The in-laws should have offered her that right from the start. She may be living in their home but that's on her husband as much as on her. I can't imagine telling a d-i-l that she has to breast-feed in front of everyone in the family; it should be her decision. There is definitely something wrong with this family. Perhaps they are from a different culture where that is normal behavior but obviously the lw isn't happy about it. She needs to speak up or simply pick up the baby, go to her bedroom, and shut the door - right in her in-law's face if necessary.

But as others have pointed out, she does not have long to stay there. That's the bright spot.

3: Ok, 80 is only 15 years older than I am. I'm not sure whether I would have "dated" an 80 year old when I was 50 but if I was single, I might have agreed to go out as just friends if the guy was interesting to talk to. I am going to bring up the downside for anyone considering actually "dating" a person 30 years their senior. One might easily suspect the 80 year old is looking for someone to take care of him in his old age. That isn't always the case but it's a strong possibility.

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