Amy 10-22

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“Licensed to Ill”

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#21
Oct 22, 2013
 

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edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
You are so bass akwards. I say he IS being an adult and so NOT self absorbed by realizing he doesn't want the responsibility of fatherhood.
Maybe you should look up the definition of self-absorbed. You don’t seem to know what it means. This is all about him and what he wants:

“After we got married, we got two dogs that fulfill ***my*** needs.***I*** no longer want children.***I*** am content with our life.

***I feel*** that if I agree to have children ***I*** will be miserable and regretful for the rest of my life. On the other hand,***I am heartbroken*** that she is so upset over the matter.

To him, who cares if he married her under false pretenses? Who cares what she wants? He has golfing every weekend with the guys and following through on his word might cut into that and ruin his life!!!! Oh noes.

The guy is so full of shyte too. How does getting 2 dogs magically make you this anti-children? Maybe the dip shyte should of thought about whether he really wanted children before he married that woman.
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
We've seen letters where it was the woman who changed her mind. I don't recall you suggesting she quit being a dooosh and get knocked up anyway. Seriously, you need to listen to yourself.
While it is possible, I don't recall off hand any letter where the woman changed their mind after marriage. I think it's a pretty crappy thing to do. It’s a complete misrepresentation and grounds for annulment.

Having said that, even with women, the key to the issue is whether a person can love their child. If you will love the child and provide it with a happy home and promised your partner as a condition to marriage that you have children with them, I think you owe it to your partner to do so.

If you are not a big enough person to follow through on your word and would not be able to love the child and provide it with a happy home, then you should not, and your partner has every right to be absolutely furious with you and to leave you.

How many folks have had kids that they would not have chosen to have? I think most pregnancies are that way. Do you think Brian Urlacher wanted to have a child with that money grubbing h. 0? Do you think he takes it out on the kid? I doubt it. Most folks don’t do that.
Blunt Advice

Bayonne, NJ

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#22
Oct 22, 2013
 
1. I haven,t seen this mentioned but in about 5 to 10 years these dogs will be gone. Sometimes the best things in life are not planned. But if you have really decided you don't want kids, do your wife a favor and let her find someone who does.
2. You probably have some kind of a limp so whoever you date isn't looking for a perfect physique. Like the others said 2nd or 3rd date is good to bring it up.

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#23
Oct 22, 2013
 

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Sublime1 wrote:
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Maybe you should look up the definition of self-absorbed. You don’t seem to know what it means. This is all about him and what he wants:
Logic fail. He's concerned about being a good parent. He's thinking about this potential child. Complete opposite of someone who is "self absorbed."

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#24
Oct 22, 2013
 

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Sublime1 wrote:
How many folks have had kids that they would not have chosen to have? I think most pregnancies are that way. Do you think Brian Urlacher wanted to have a child with that money grubbing h. 0? Do you think he takes it out on the kid? I doubt it. Most folks don’t do that.
Again with this. This proves you just don't get it. This is completely off point. This isn't about someone stepping up to the plate once they realize they're gonna be a parent. This is about a conscious decision not to become one in the first place.

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#25
Oct 22, 2013
 

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Toj wrote:
If someone knows their 15 year old is sexually active, you don't wait until they show up prego. I smart parent would talk to them about birth control, make things available and do what they can.
Well first of all, if your 15 yr old is sexually active, you've already failed. But then the next thing you should do is make sure she doesn't see her boyfriend again then turn him into the authorities. If all you do is toss her some condoms and say be careful, you've failed again.

“Licensed to Ill”

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#26
Oct 22, 2013
 

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edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Logic fail. He's concerned about being a good parent. He's thinking about this potential child. Complete opposite of someone who is "self absorbed."
FAIL. He didn’t mention anything about being feeling he won't be a good parent. Has that been the case and he said he would not be a good dad and would be resentful and take it out on the kid and make it's life miserable, I'd be 100% on board with ya.

It’s more likely he’s afraid it will cut into his golf outings. His golf outings are more important than honoring a condition precedent to his marriage.

“Licensed to Ill”

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#27
Oct 22, 2013
 

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edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Again with this. This proves you just don't get it. This is completely off point. This isn't about someone stepping up to the plate once they realize they're gonna be a parent. This is about a conscious decision not to become one in the first place.
It's about stepping up to the plate and fulfilling a promise to your wife ... a promise that goes to the heart of your marriage. Sorry, the fact that he wants to golf every Saturday doesn't justify betraying the "love of one's life."

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#28
Oct 22, 2013
 

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edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Well first of all, if your 15 yr old is sexually active, you've already failed. But then the next thing you should do is make sure she doesn't see her boyfriend again then turn him into the authorities. If all you do is toss her some condoms and say be careful, you've failed again.
Whether you failed before or not, you don't shrug and say "I failed". I'm not saying that's what you are saying, either. If her boyfriend is another 15 year old the authorities won't do anything. And no, you don't toss condoms at them. If it was my 15 year old she'd be on the pill or the depro shot and given condoms and there would be a lengthy talk about all the things I had been speaking to her about throughout her life. It would last for DAYS.:D

In the end, you can't chain them up in the house. You talk to them, give them tools and that's about all you can do.
Cass

Pomona, CA

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#29
Oct 22, 2013
 

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LW1 - Stupid advice. "Before you got your dogs, did you know how having them would affect you? Did you know how much you would grow to love them?" Really? I mean REALLY? Dogs are not kids. If it doesn't work out, you can re-home them or even dump them at a shelter. You can't do this with kids.

The amount of attention they require is also not the same as kids. Last I checked, it is not illegal to leave your dog at home when you go to work. Maybe it's lousy to leave it all alone to tear up your furniture and bark, but unless the neighbors complain about the barking, it's not illegal. I don't think leaving your newborn or toddler at home alone for 8-10 hours with a bowl of kibble and a bowl of water is treated the same.

LW3 - Maybe it is rude to cash the check from a donor before you thank them for it, but, as my MIL says, when the check is cashed, she knows it was received. The TYN can arrive later.

I've also cashed checks before sending thank you notes because I used the money to buy something, and then I could include in the TYN how much I am enjoying the thing that I bought.

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#30
Oct 22, 2013
 

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Sublime1 wrote:
It’s more likely he’s afraid it will cut into his golf outings. His golf outings are more important than honoring a condition precedent to his marriage.
Argument fail! If a kid will "make him miserable," it's not a good environment for a child to be in regardless.

And so effing what if he'd rather golf!? That's his right. I don't particularly want to be a parent because then I couldn't get drunk every night, hang out with my single friends on weekends, and come and go as I please and do whatever I want. I don't owe parenthood to anybody. ANYBODY!

So he changed his minds after five years of marriage. So what? He doesn't owe parenthood to anyone, either.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Seattle, WA

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#31
Oct 22, 2013
 
PEllen wrote:
If you are in your early 50's you remember gushing over the Beatles. Paul McCartney's second wife was an amputee. If it was good enough for Paul...
Most people in their early 50s (so let's say 50-55, half way through, 1958-1963) were a little too young to gush over the Beatles. Someone born in say 1960 would have only been like 10 when they broke up. Even though we spent the early evening of my first birthday watching the first ever Beatles tv debut on Ed Sullivan (Feb 9, 1964) I never gushed over them. That would have been my dad. Just sayin... ;-)

“Licensed to Ill”

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#32
Oct 22, 2013
 

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edogxxx wrote:
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Argument fail! If a kid will "make him miserable," it's not a good environment for a child to be in regardless.
You don’t know that. My BIL told my sister she was ruining his life when she got prego the last time. He survived.
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>And so effing what if he'd rather golf!? That's his right. I don't particularly want to be a parent because then I couldn't get drunk every night, hang out with my single friends on weekends, and come and go as I please and do whatever I want. I don't owe parenthood to anybody. ANYBODY!
So he changed his minds after five years of marriage. So what? He doesn't owe parenthood to anyone, either.
So what? It’s a total d’ move to marry someone under false pretenses, wait 5 years, and then spring this on them. The guy is a complete a$s.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#33
Oct 22, 2013
 

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Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
You don’t know that. My BIL told my sister she was ruining his life when she got prego the last time. He survived.
<quoted text>
So what? It’s a total d’ move to marry someone under false pretenses, wait 5 years, and then spring this on them. The guy is a complete a$s.
I think "false pretenses" and "coming to a realization" are two completely diffrent things. The first suggests that he lied or tricked her into believing something that was never true. The second indicates that he had a change of heart as time passed. That happens sometimes in life. If he recognizes he is not cut out (or just doesn't want) to be a dad, then in no way should he intentionally become one. And there are ways to prevent it from happening.

Most pregnancies that are "oops" are due to negligence. If he doesn't want to have kids, he can make it 99% sure that he won't. But I don't want to rehash THAT conversation again.

“Licensed to Ill”

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#34
Oct 22, 2013
 

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Stina2 wrote:
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I think "false pretenses" and "coming to a realization" are two completely diffrent things. The first suggests that he lied or tricked her into believing something that was never true. The second indicates that he had a change of heart as time passed. That happens sometimes in life.
I just don’t believe it’s likely he went from,“Yay, I totally want to have kids with you” to “Boo, under no circumstances do I want kids and if I have even one it will ruin my life.” And to the extent you do, you are still an effing doosh and your SO has the right to be pi$sed at you.
By the way the weasel writes his letter, I don’t really think he was ever too keen about having kids. He says “an unspoken promise” and “she got married with the understanding that children would be part of the equation.” He’s totally trying to distance himself from any culpability. He doesn’t say “we” got married with the understanding that children would be part of the equation, rather, he wants to make it out as if this was just a little misunderstanding by her. At the same time he says she’s rightfully upset.

[QUOTE who="Stina2"]<quo ted text>If he recognizes he is not cut out (or just doesn't want) to be a dad, then in no way should he intentionally become one. And there are ways to prevent it from happening.
Under no circumstances? Really? How about this:

What if she says she really wants a child, can’t imagine life without one, has been waiting all her life to have one, and even though she loves him, she tells him she will have to leave him AND between two bad outcomes … him losing the love of his life or having a child he would prefer not to have … he would rather give her a child than lose her, AND he knows he’s not the type to take it out on the child and feels he will be able to love the child and it will have a happy home?

:)

“Licensed to Ill”

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#35
Oct 22, 2013
 

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Opps. I messed up quotes:
Stina2 wrote:
<quoted text>
I think "false pretenses" and "coming to a realization" are two completely diffrent things. The first suggests that he lied or tricked her into believing something that was never true. The second indicates that he had a change of heart as time passed. That happens sometimes in life.

I just don’t believe it’s likely he went from,“Yay, I totally want to have kids with you” to “Boo, under no circumstances do I want kids and if I have even one it will ruin my life.” And to the extent he did, he is still an effing doosh and his SO has the right to be pi$sed at him.

By the way the weasel writes his letter, I don’t really think he was ever too keen about having kids. He says “an unspoken promise” and “she got married with the understanding that children would be part of the equation.” He’s totally trying to distance himself from any culpability. He doesn’t say “we” got married with the understanding that children would be part of the equation, rather, he wants to make it out as if this was just a little misunderstanding by her. At the same time he says she’s rightfully upset.
Stina2 wrote:
<quoted text>If he recognizes he is not cut out (or just doesn't want) to be a dad, then in no way should he intentionally become one. And there are ways to prevent it from happening.
Under no circumstances? Really? How about this:

What if she says she really wants a child, can’t imagine life without one, has been waiting all her life to have one, and even though she loves him, she tells him she will have to leave him AND between two bad outcomes … him losing the love of his life or having a child he would prefer not to have … he would rather give her a child than lose her, AND he knows he’s not the type to take it out on the child and feels he will be able to love the child and it will have a happy home?

:)

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#36
Oct 22, 2013
 

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Sublime1 wrote:
I just don’t believe it’s likely he went from,“Yay, I totally want to have kids with you” to “Boo, under no circumstances do I want kids and if I have even one it will ruin my life.”
I don't think it's that far-fetched at all. Goals and ambitions can change in five years. Maybe he WAS all about having kids five years ago, then the stress of work got to him, he realized the country is going to hell, our children are being saddled with our debt, cost of tuition and healthcare is skyrocketing.... He wised up and said eff it.
Sublime1 wrote:
And to the extent he did, he is still an effing doosh and his SO has the right to be pi$sed at him.
I agree she has every right to be pssed. I DON'T agree that he should "suck it up" and have a child anyway. THAT is my argument with you. I don't think he's a dooosh for deciding not to have a kid, and I DEFINITELY don't think he's being selfish. If anything, the WIFE is the selfish one, there's a chance her ultimatum could be "give me a kid or else."

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Des Plaines, IL

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#37
Oct 22, 2013
 
LW2 - let me preface this by saying i'm in a bit of a mood... can LW working up some comedy routine that involves stabbing herself in teh calf?/end snark/
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

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#38
Oct 22, 2013
 
1: Sorry but this is one major bait-and-switch. They discussed it and he reneged on the bad one. If he loves his dogs now, surely he will love his own seed, sheesh. I feel for the wife.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

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#39
Oct 22, 2013
 
OK, hope this link works: http://i.imgur.com/owOvGcU.jpg

For LW2, when life hands you lemons, make awesome Halloween costumes!
- Josh Sundquist, Paralympic Ski Racer

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#40
Oct 22, 2013
 
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>
Most people in their early 50s (so let's say 50-55, half way through, 1958-1963) were a little too young to gush over the Beatles. Someone born in say 1960 would have only been like 10 when they broke up. Even though we spent the early evening of my first birthday watching the first ever Beatles tv debut on Ed Sullivan (Feb 9, 1964) I never gushed over them. That would have been my dad. Just sayin... ;-)
Okay- Paul McCartney the guy from Wings. Same difference

(you have no idea how old your post has made me feel)

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